He shifted his weight a little, pushing deep, quickening his pace, and Sienna’s leg wrapped around his ass.
“Oh God,” she said in a breathy voice.
“Is this good, Sienna? You fucking feel amazing,” he whispered along her neck.
“More than good,” she said, and then moaned again. He pushed deeper.
Her foot dug into his ass as he kept sliding in and out of her. His hand traveled south, spending a little time on the side of her breast, finally landing in between them, where they were joined. Feeling himself going in and out of her only ratcheted his desire, if that was even possible. His finger found her most sensitive spot and swirled around it, leaving her panting and breathless.
With one more swift pass and press of his finger, Sienna came. She came hard and the vibrations of her clenching his dick traveled all the way up his spine, causing him to release right with her. He stayed deep, allowing her waves to subside, letting her milk him for everything he had.
After begrudgingly pulling out and removing the condom, Carson settled right beside Sienna, one leg lightly resting over hers while he smoothed her hair behind her ear. They were silent.
Carson could feel her uncertainty surfacing, her anxiety over what just happened. He didn’t know what to say to make it go away. This was uncharted territory for him. He did good times, drinks, and sex. He had no idea how to comfort and reassure in bed.
So he said, “You all right?” when what he really wanted to ask was if it was good for her. He wanted to take away her fears and tell her that he quite possibly wanted to do this for a long time. But he didn’t.
First, he had no idea where those thoughts were coming from, and second, he had no idea how make those words come out of his mouth.
“Yes, I’m fine,” she replied. “Thank you for being gentle with me. It was clear you knew how new this type of thing was to me. I’m kind of embarrassed, but it was so decadent.” She hid her head in the pillow.
“Don’t be.” He lingered with his fingers in her blonde locks and allowed her to hide, desperately trying to figure out how to wrap this whole thing up, despite wanting to pull her tight against him and stay there for days.
He had to leave before he was stuck. Not just physically stuck, but mentally.
Cocksucker.
Then she let him off the hook. Pulling her face out of the pillow, she looked at him with softened yet unsure eyes and said, “I’ve never had anyone sleep over, and I don’t feel comfortable with it. Let’s say good night. I’m going to shower and go to bed.”
That was it. She dismissed him. His stripper—who was anything but experienced when it came to intimacy, which he liked a lot—was asking him to leave after sex.
He didn’t even have to try to slip out. She gave him an easy out, and although it was what he thought he wanted, Carson suddenly realized he really didn’t fucking like that. Not one damn bit.
“I understand,” he answered nonetheless, and slowly moved to get up.
Not being able to control what happened next, he asked, “Can we see each other tomorrow? I know you work, but a late lunch or coffee?” Somehow, he didn’t want to ask for a nightcap and have this just be about sex.
“I have to help a little early at the club tomorrow. We have a VIP party coming in, and I have to make sure the girls are all set. Perhaps a quick coffee, but honestly, I don’t want this to be about guilt over what just happened. I’m a big girl.”
Carson tilted his head to the side, trying to understand and make sense of where this sudden change in personality was coming from. “That’s not what this is about. I’d like to get together, have coffee, talk. I could pick you up around three and then drop you off at the club, so you wouldn’t have to take the town car.”
Shit, I’m eager to spend time with her and prove her wrong.
“Okay,” was all she said in response.
He wasn’t going to argue. As he finished putting on his pants and shirt, he said, “It’s a plan,” then leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her lips. He tasted like her, smelled like the two of them, and he was leaving when all he wanted to do was stay.
Fuck, what’s wrong with me? Go!
Sienna got up and wrapped herself in a robe, then walked him to the door. With weariness in her eyes, she said good-bye, then locked the door behind him.
AFTER SAYING good night to Carson, Sienna wasn’t in the mood for her usual nightly bath. She didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts bubbling in her head. Despite desperately wanting to keep his scent all over her body and hair, she showered like she said she was going to when he left. As the water poured down from the rain head, she could only think one thought: My first time with a man who actually cared about pleasing me, and I ask him to go.
She had no other choice but to ask him to leave; she was going to drown in emotion if she didn’t. It was one thing to be made love to gently for the first time at twenty-eight years old, it was another to sleep next to the man involved and keep her emotions at bay.
It would be undeniably impossible to keep her feelings wrapped up nice and neat if he stayed, lingered in her bed, whispering sweet nothings and false promises, and then fell asleep next to her. This was the same reason why Sienna begrudgingly washed their mixed scents off her in a hot shower and slipped into a fresh robe. She needed fewer reminders of all that she wanted in life, yet couldn’t begin to allow herself to have. All that was Carson.
She couldn’t bring herself to change her sheets, so when she climbed back into bed, it smelled like Carson and her orgasm intermingled with his. She couldn’t help but to breathe deeply everywhere she could. She wrapped herself tight around her pillows, sheets, and blanket, chasing her drug of choice, inhaling deeply of every last scent of Carson and the two of them together from her bed.
Then she cried. She cried for her first orgasm while making love to a man and how beautiful it was. She shed tears for the only time she was with a man who took his time with her, wanted to make her feel good and loved, even though she knew that wasn’t what this was about.
She called what happened making love because she couldn’t bring herself to call it fucking. Sienna wasn’t sure whether Carson thought it was fucking, but she couldn’t tarnish her memories. In her mind, she wanted to put what just happened on a pedestal and leave it there forever.
Yet another reason why Carson had to leave. If he stayed, she risked not being able to remember this special night, and she wanted desperately to memorize it. She needed to save it, bank it away for a cold and lonely night.
What made her cry even harder was the thought of living a life devoid of love, romance, and spending her days with someone to hold her. She might never have any of that, but she had this night. A night where she felt everything there was to feel at its greatest heights. A night where she felt safe and warm, adored, and satiated in the best way.
This evening also stood as a reminder of what she was missing, what she had to give up when she ran from all she ever knew. More tears began to flow for the partner, the forever someone, that she would never call her own.
As her sobs began to lessen, Sienna forced herself not to think about what she had to live without, and concentrated on how she was going to stay alive. She would keep this delicious memory with her, but she had to run again. Having to leave the small little cocoon she’d created for herself in Vegas with a few friends, a career, money, and a house was almost enough to break her, but she loved life too much. She also adored her new family, and with this crazy Sam guy chasing her around, she couldn’t risk any of them getting hurt. Who knew what Sam Charles was really up to?
The idea of saying good-bye to Asher, Petal, and Mike made her cry the biggest and hardest tears. Did she owe them the truth? Could they take it? Would they want to make it right with Elon and expose her?
Finally exhausted, Sienna cried herself to sleep.
Friday
WHEN SIENNA woke up the next day puffy-eyed, she wanted someone to talk to. She didn’t
want to lie there by herself and cry some more. She really only had two choices, Asher or Petal. After interrupting Asher and Natalie earlier in the week, she chose Petal.
Within a half hour of her text, Petal let herself into Sienna’s place and crawled into bed with her, holding a mug of warm chamomile tea.
How had their roles become reversed? Sienna was supposed to be the one mentoring Petal, yet she was so inexperienced in relationships, she had to turn to someone younger for comfort.
Petal smoothed Sienna’s hair, and all that did was make her think of Carson’s soft touch, the way he caressed her hair behind her ear the night before, and how she’d washed his smell off her whole body and shampooed it out of her hair.
Soon Sienna was crying again, and Petal kept repeating, “Shh, don’t cry.” After a few minutes of letting her tears run their course, Petal asked, “What happened, Sie? Did someone hurt you?”
Oh God, Sienna thought to herself. She couldn’t deal with anyone thinking Carson hurt her. She straightened up and firmly said, “No, nobody hurt me.”
Then she sighed and fell back into the pillows. “Actually, the opposite. This someone, Carson, made me feel so good, and I’ve never had that before, ever. Isn’t that so sad?”
Once she started opening up, she couldn’t stop. After wrapping herself back in her Carson-scented comforter, she said, “He treated me so delicately, and took his time making me feel things I never felt before. Like never, Petal. It felt like he cared for me, more than just the stripper he was smitten with. I never had any of that in my life. Then I asked him to leave. I didn’t want him to stay. I was so scared of getting even more attached in one night, if that’s possible. Is that normal? Ugh, I know it’s not. I’m not normal. I’m a sex symbol who doesn’t know how to spend a night with a man.”
Petal listened. Somehow she knew Sienna needed a friend to hear her out, which was probably why she approached Petal instead of Asher. Being a man, Asher would have tried to fix everything, and she just needed to talk, cry, and talk some more. After an hour of quietly listening to Sienna unburden herself about the night before, Petal encouraged her to take a bubble bath with some cold compresses on her eyes.
After helping her get settled, Petal stayed in the bathroom with Sienna. With her eyes covered with cold cucumber slices and her body submerged in bubbles, it made Petal’s next statement a lot easier for Sienna to digest.
“I know you didn’t come from an easy life to Vegas, Sienna, and if you don’t want to go into details, well, I get that, too. But how is it that you, someone so kind and giving, was never given anything good? Why is this the first time you felt something decent from a man? There’s something wrong in and of itself with that. You not only deserve good, you should have better than good. Do you understand?” With her eyes fixed on Sienna, her friend waited for an answer.
“I understand what you mean,” Sienna murmured from the tub, “and I know that I should allow myself to have the sweet part of life, but I just can’t. A long time ago, I had the worst of the worst. I don’t want to talk about it. Even though I want it all right now, I can’t have it. My life is a whole lot of wants that aren’t possible, my past won’t allow it. That’s all I can say.”
Petal sighed. “Look, we all come from checkered pasts, Sie. Like I said, I’m not going to pressure you. I’d never do that. Just know that you more so than anyone, it’s only fair you get a good life. You take care of all of us at the club. You need to give in to yourself one day and go after what you deserve.”
Sienna looked away. “Petal, I love you, and one day I want to explain it all to you, but right now, this is all whatever this is can be with Carson, a memory of the best night of my life. We’re going to have coffee this afternoon, and then he’ll go back on assignment wherever he should be. And that’s it.” She released a long sigh that almost sounded like a whimper, then closed her eyes before sinking further into the bubbles.
“I’m not going to argue with you,” Petal said softly, “and I’ll support you in all your choices, whether I think they’re crazy or not. I love you, too, and one day, I hope you’ll confide in me so we can figure out how to make sure you get it all.” She brought her hand to Sienna’s forehead and pushed a few loose hairs back before placing a single kiss on her forehead. Then, to give Sienna some space, she was sure, she moved to the makeup table and started looking through Sienna’s lip glosses.
With that, Sienna knew she had to change the subject to something less invasive than her past. She could only hold it in for so long, and the way her emotions were going up and down and around like a roller coaster, she was close to breaking down and spilling everything. She needed to move on to safer territory.
She opened her eyes and reached for a towel, then slipped out of the tub and dried off. While she dressed in loungewear, she said, “Thanks, love. I’m feeling better after talking with you, and the bath. Now tell me all about the bachelor party coming in tonight. How many men? Rooms? Which girls are working the party?”
She laughed about how much money Petal said she expected to make that night. Her “little sis” shot right back with reminding Sienna to eat, get dressed pretty, and be ready for coffee.
Petal didn’t wait for Sienna to come back with any arguments. She left Sienna to her thoughts after mentioning the coffee date.
AT PRECISELY three o’clock, Sienna heard a knock on her door and knew it was Carson. Steeling against flinging herself into his arms, she smoothed the front of her midnight-blue cashmere sweater, making sure it lay flat against her skinny jeans, brushed a lock of hair from her face, since it was down and set in light waves, and opened the door. Carson looked his normal casual, masculine self, dressed in a gray thermal pullover pushed up to his elbows, worn-in jeans, heavy boots, his black hair mussed up, and his little dimple in his cheek.
Under other circumstances, they would look like the perfect yuppie couple heading out on a brisk Vegas winter day. Sienna wanted to run her finger along Carson’s ear where his hair was slightly turning gray and curling up, obviously still wet and fresh from a shower. She was dying to reach up and kiss him intimately and whisper hello in his ear, something she always dreamed about doing when her husband came home, but they weren’t the idyllic yuppie pair. They were a stripper and her fan from out of town.
Instead, she clasped her hands behind her back, and said hi sheepishly.
“Hi to you. How was your morning?” He moved confidently through the door.
“Good. Relaxing, actually.” She wasn’t going to tell him about her meltdown.
“Nice. I kind of hoped you were going to say you counted the minutes until you saw me again,” he teased. “Are you ready to go, or do you need some time?” He then stepped in to brush a kiss across her lips.
A lump formed in her throat over the night before and asking him to leave. Did he not mind at all?
“I’m ready, let me grab my tote. Oh, wait, I have to text Mike and tell him I don’t need a ride to the club tonight.”
Carson waited for Sienna. When she was ready to leave, he held the door for her to leave her house and walked her to the car with his hand on the small of her back. Even with it being the third time he did this, she was already burning with desire by the time she got in the passenger seat. She wondered how she had ever walked without his hand there.
When they started down the driveway, Carson asked if she might like to go to the bakery and coffee place inside the new hotel on the Strip, or back to Canyon Coffee.
“You mentioned you never get to venture to the Strip for fun stuff, so I thought it would be a change of pace,” he said as he glanced at her, selling her on the idea with an ear-to-ear grin.
Considering this dating thing was all new to her, she’d never been on a date to the Strip. She had a ball cap in her tote and she was wearing her giant white sunglasses, so why the hell not?
“That works, as long as you don’t mind me putting on my hat.”
“I only mind because I love looki
ng at you with your hair flowing all around, but I guess it will have to do,” Carson said jokingly.
It was entirely too comfortable between the two of them. She thought she’d feel awkward after the night before, but with one look and a single smile, Carson had put her completely at ease. Even the elephant in the car—their night spent apart when it could have been spent together—had now dissipated into thin air.
Most women would think this was great, but not Sienna. This being so at ease with Carson was bad, really bad, because with her defenses down, she was going to get attached and run the risk of slipping up with her story. She had already revealed far too much to Petal earlier today.
As much as she tried to rein herself in, she couldn’t. She was too happy and enjoying herself for the first time in her entire life. Was this what happened when you had an orgasm? Did everything else stop mattering and all worries fell into the abyss?
The pair made small talk on their way to the Strip. Sienna pointed out a few hotels and fun facts as they drove to the new mega hotel/casino. As they pulled up front, Sienna put on her cap and pulled it low before she got out of the car when the valet opened up the door.
“Sienna Flower! Welcome to the Palace on the Strip,” the parking attendant said in what was meant to be a whisper, but came out much louder. So much for the disguise.
A manager who had been chatting with guests nearby looked up in fear when he realized the young valet’s mistake and came over to apologize. Unfortunately, the valet had already caused a stir with the local paparazzi camped out at the hotel, and a few of them ran over to Sienna, bombarding her with questions about the club, her private life, and what brought her to the Palace.
This is what an orgasm gets me.
Sienna felt Carson’s hand on her back again and heard him saying, “Move along. Miss Flower is out on a personal errand. She’s not taking questions.” His firm tone combined with his imposing six-foot-plus frame convinced them to move away. Carson continued to escort Sienna into the hotel as if he were one of the bouncers from the club.
Electrified Page 19
