All of Me

by Vi Carter

  So why did he seem so familiar to me?

  I still couldn’t get the image of the retreating boy from my mind. But I did figure out it was how he walked that triggered it for me. Heel to toe, and some steps still on his toes. I used to make fun of him, and he never got mad. I shook away the memory. Lots of people walked like that, it didn’t mean anything.

  Mr. Garcia didn’t stay long, and I never got to meet his son. I didn’t care, my mind was still on the boy.

  The snap of the shutter brought me back to here and now. Ashley bent at the waist and looked up at me.

  “Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked for the tenth time.

  “Yes. I’m just tired,” I answered. The night was slowly crawling in, throwing a dusting of darkness across everything. The shadows looked like bottomless pits, and I shivered while shuffling my hands deeper into my red jacket.

  A girl’s laughter drew my attention to the group who hung out beside a new pickup truck. As I turned so did the girl.

  Alex, Ashley’s cousin.

  Her laughter died, and she pulled the guy closer to her. He didn’t seem to notice the motion as he continued to talk to Lucas and Sam.

  Oh God, his voice…

  Deeper now, but I knew that voice. The hairs rose on the back of my neck as I continued to stare at his broad back. I tried to hear his words, but I couldn’t from this distance. Alex still watched me, but right now I didn’t care. She clung to him, touching him, claiming him.

  He started to turn, and I held my breath as inch by inch his face came into view.

  I couldn’t breathe.

  My mind couldn’t accept what I was seeing. His face, a face I had looked at every day. One that I loved seeing. One that I feared I would never see again. Yet here he was against all the odds, his features the same, but stronger and manly. He was beautiful.

  My bag slipped off my shoulder, and I couldn’t stop it as it hit the ground. This couldn’t be real. His jaw was stronger; his dark eyes were deeper, his lips, fuller. He was so much bigger. But it was him.

  I had always known that when he grew up, he would be something amazing to look at. I was right.

  My heart tried to burst from my chest as he laughed, and his dimples appeared. My stomach twisted as his laughter froze and paleness seeped into his tanned skin. His chest stilled.

  He recognized me.

  He detangled Alex from him and slowly started walking towards me. I had changed so much, but he knew me. He remembered me.

  And now he stood before me, his nostrils flaring like he was struggling to breathe.

  “Layla?”

  The only thing I could do was stare at him. He didn’t move a muscle. His eyes searched my face, taking me in, as I was taking him in.

  “Do you know who I am?” His question snapped me out of my frozen state. My eyes burned.

  “Jared.” His name tumbled from my lips, and his chest rose and fell quickly.

  “It’s really you.” He was apparently as stunned as I was, and then I was in his arms. His chin rested on the top of my head. I didn’t move as my heart threatened to leap out of my throat.

  “Layla,” he whispered my name, and I wrapped my arms around him, leaning into him. Smelling him. This was Jared. Squeezing my eyes shut, I let myself really accept that I was in Jared's arms. Arms that were defined and muscular, arms that hugged me tightly.

  “It’s really you.” He repeated it, his voice rough and thick. I nodded into his chest. Awareness started to seep in. We weren’t alone. But this was Jared, and he was real. He was here.

  This boy who protected me and saved me. My stomach twisted again, and my hands tightened on him.

  It took a few more moments before he leaned back, one hand sliding to my waist, still keeping me close.

  “This… I have dreamt of this.” His voice was low, as he looked down at me. His brown eyes flecked with gold stared at me; he was really looking at me. My throat burned from hearing his words. He hadn’t forgotten me. My hand rose to his chest, and I was surprised at how solid it was. He wasn’t thirteen anymore. I needed to make sure he was real. His heart beat rapidly under my fingers.

  “Say something, Layla. Please.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  “Hi.” I sounded so breathless, but my one word had a smile spreading across his face, transforming him. I tracked it, the dimples, the lighting of his eyes, and a flash of white teeth.

  “Hi.” He said back, still smiling, and I smiled back.

  “You’re all grown up.” More distance grew between us. This time he let my waist go, but his hand circling my arm as if he were afraid I would disappear if he let go of me.

  “You’re bigger,” I said, and he dipped his head before looking back up at me with a grin. The confidence in his smile was still there. My stomach dipped.

  He was beautiful.

  My throat ached again; his heart still beat rapidly under my fingers. I was staring at my hand now, knowing I should remove it. So why couldn’t I?

  “I missed you so much.” It was a whisper. The stillness of his chest told me he heard me. His large hand touched my jawline, and my eyes snapped to him. His eyes had darkened, and I wasn’t sure if he was angry at my words. When we were younger, I knew exactly what he was thinking, but right now, the unknown was scaring me.

  His hand traveled down to my neck, his thumb flicking back and forth, his touch burned into me. I swallowed.

  “You have no idea…” his words trailed off as he looked at me, his eyes haunted.

  “Jared?” I dropped my hand from his chest, but he didn’t let my arm go. It felt like I had just woken up as I looked up and noticed Alex. Her lips were pursed, and her eyes were snapping to where Jared still touched me. Her eyebrows rose with a question. Lucas and Sam stood behind her, both curious.

  “Your bag.” I looked at Ashley who stood holding my bag. I turned, and Jared finally let me go. Taking my bag from her, she glanced between Jared and me. Heat started to burn my cheeks.

  “I tried to find you,” Jared said this, and my attention snapped back to him. He still stared at me, with a thousand memories. He rubbed his jaw as the tension with our group grew. Looking back at me, he shook his head to clear it. Once again, I wasn’t sure whether he was mad.

  Alex was mad and getting madder by the second. My damp palms felt itchy.

  “Are you going to introduce us?” Alex’s words were clipped, but once again Jared stared at me.

  “This is Layla,” he said, and my lips twitched.

  “Your foster sister?” The word ‘sister’ burst my bubble and Jared hesitated only for a second before looking at Alex and answering her. “Yeah, the one I told you about.”

  Heat encased my chest. She knew about me.

  “I hate that name, Layla.”

  Her words on the first day of work rang out now. Did she hate me because he spent his childhood protecting me? I didn’t blame her.

  I held him back so much when we were younger, and now I was back again. A weakness entered my knees. I needed to leave.

  I dipped my head, not able to keep his stare much longer.

  “I better go. Carl and Evelyn will be worried.” Pulling the strap of my bag up, I glanced at Jared. His jaw was tight, his eyes narrowed.

  “Five years. It’s been five years wondering. Worrying. And you can’t give me five minutes?” His angry outburst seemed to surprise Alex as much as me. Her eyes widened, and I found myself taking a step back.

  “I’m sorry I made you worry.” I turned away. Racing to my car, my hand searched my bag for my keys, and when they landed on the cold steel, I yanked them out.

  “You're running away from me?” He was right there. I stopped to take a calming breath before turning to him. His hands were jammed in his jeans pocket, and I could see the thirteen-year-old Jared now. He was worried.

  “No, I’m not running. But Carl and Evelyn will worry. I’m sorry, I just…” I looked behind him at everyone who watched us. “I caused you enough tr
ouble, I don’t…”

  He cut me off, his arms tightening on my shoulders as he dipped his head low, so we were eye level. My stomach churned.

  “Don’t ever say that again. You were the only good thing for me while I was in a very dark place.” He let me go and looked away, his jaw clenched. A muscle working away.

  “Give me your number.” I did, and his fingers quickly moved across the screen. When he had typed my number in, he looked up, with a grin growing across his face.

  “You're you, but you’re not.” His eyes flickered over my face, and I heated, with a smile spread over my face.

  “You too, Jared.” He dug his hands into his pockets again.

  “Carl and Evelyn. Are they good to you?” A thickness had entered his voice again.

  “The best.” My throat burned. I had so many questions.

  “Jared?” Alex called, and he looked at her over his shoulder before looking back at me.

  “I’m happy for you, Layla.” I nodded now, afraid I was going to cry.

  “I’ll text you so we can meet up,” he said, taking a step back. I nodded again and swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. I was right beside my car, but I didn’t move. Neither did he, even as Alex called his name again. But she didn’t approach.

  “Jared…” I swallowed again. “Are you happy?” I asked.

  And he smiled. Genuinely smiled, while taking a step towards me. My heart pounded. “I am now.” He said.

  I swallowed and nodded at him. My hands shook as I tried to get my key in the door. Strong, tanned hands covered my small white ones, and my heart leaped.

  “Let me.” I released my keys to Jared as he opened the door. I climbed in and gripped the steering wheel, and his large frame bent so he could look in at me.

  “I’ll see you soon.” His words were said like a promise. He slid the keys into the ignition, and I glanced at him.

  “Okay,” I whispered as I stared at the windshield. He closed the door, and I glanced at him. My stomach twisted as he watched me. He nodded at me, and I turned the key. Pulling away from him was the second hardest thing I had ever done in my life. The first was losing him the first time.

  You can cry now, I told myself, but no tears came. Instead, laughter bubbled up my throat and passed my lips.

  “Wow,” I shouted. “Wow,” I spoke lower this time. My throat burned, my eyes stung. “Wow,” I whispered.

  The ringing of my phone cut off the tears that threatened to pour. I rummaged in my handbag while focusing on the road.

  “Hello," I answered.

  “I was worried about you.” Evelyn’s voice was a wake-up call.

  “Yeah, sorry, I got caught up in work,” I answered while hitting my indicator for the next left-hand turn.

  “Sorry, I should have called," I added.

  “That’s okay sweetheart. You’re on your way now?”

  “Yeah. I’ll be home in ten minutes.” Evelyn said her goodbyes and I threw the phone down on the passenger seat.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Pulling up into the drive made me question if I had really just seen Jared. Being held by Jared. I didn’t linger in the car; I was already late.

  Opening the front door with my key, I called out a hello and got two in response from the kitchen. My chest tightened. Should I tell them? Something in me said not to. I removed my red coat and hung it on the white free standing coat rack that had only been delivered last week. It finished off the hallways nicely. Oak floors and beige walls, while the small hall table and now the coat rack where white French furniture. The walls were decorated with so many photos of us. From the zoo to just random days at the house. Evelyn seemed to capture every moment.

  Evelyn stood at the island making a sandwich. “Take a seat, I’m making you a sandwich.” She pointed the knife at my usual spot in the kitchen. I took a seat, letting my bag slip off my shoulder and onto the arm of the chair.

  Carl joined me, giving me a cup of tea. Sugar and milk already sat on the table.

  “How was work?” Carl asked while stirring his tea. His freshly shaven face had a gleam to it. I thought the beard suited him better, and so did Evelyn, but neither of us ever said it to him. He thought he looked younger, which he did, but a beard just suited him more.

  I sugared and milked my own tea, giving myself a moment.

  “Good. We were busy. I had to stay late,” I said, as Evelyn slid the plate across to me, before sitting herself down with a steaming mug in her hand.

  I took a bite, and while I chewed, I decided what to tell them. They didn’t seem to like Jared, and right now my emotions were all over the place. I needed to assess them and be more stable before I spoke of him. I couldn’t bear them being negative towards him, and I also didn’t want to disappoint either of them.

  “I meet the owner today,” I volunteered up. It was always a good tactic if I didn’t want them to ask questions.

  Evelyn raised an eyebrow. “Well, is he nice?”

  “Yeah, he’s really nice.” I found myself smiling, thinking about his odd attire.

  “Are you working tomorrow?” Carl asked.

  “Could we move it to Monday? I have a lot going on tomorrow.” Evelyn said, and I looked between them.

  Carl offering up an explanation. “I wanted us to do a family day.”

  My phone buzzed in my bag. My heart jumped. But I told it to calm down. After taking a few bites of my sandwich, I looked up to find Evelyn staring at me, a smile on her face. “Aren’t you going to check that?” she asked.

  When I didn’t, she continued. “It might be Kieran?” Heat scorched my cheeks, and I actually groaned while glancing at Carl. Yep, he was going to have the talk.

  Getting the phone out of my bag, my stomach tightened. I had a message from an unknown number.

  See you tom J

  J. Jared. He was going to see me tomorrow. A slow smile grew on my face even as it burned.

  “Kieran?” The hope in Evelyn’s voice had me looking up. I glanced again at Carl. Tiny lines formed around his eyes as he smiled. “It’s okay, Layla. You’re a young woman now.” He patted my hand, and I wanted to crawl under the table for so many reasons. They both waited for my answer. I looked down at the message again, the J burning into my brain. I closed my phone.

  “Yeah, it’s Kieran.” I had never seen Evelyn so excited. She covered her mouth with her hand as she continued to smile. Carl gave my hand one final pat before getting up.

  “Just… Evelyn will have a chat with you.” And there it was. The same chat about the birds and the bees. I didn’t look at Carl. He sounded as embarrassed as I felt.

  “Going to catch up on some football,” he said. He wasn’t very smooth.

  “Okay, love.” Evelyn removed her hand as she looked at him leaving. Her nod to him told me he was mouthing something. I turned just as the door clicked.

  Picking up the second half of my sandwich was to give my hands something to do. I had no appetite now. The feeling of betraying Jared caused a thickness in my throat.

  “It’s okay, Layla.”

  My head shot up at Evelyn’s words. Did she know I was lying? Was I that obvious? I could feel the blood drain from my face. “What?” I asked, finding it hard to keep her gaze.

  Her eyebrows furrowed. “I’m not going to have the ‘talk.’” The fact that I hadn’t been caught had me releasing the sandwich back onto the plate, and I forced a smile. “Oh. Thank God.”

  “You look really pale,” Evelyn observed me carefully.

  “I'm always pale, Evelyn,” I said with the lamest laugh ever. My hands hugged the mug.

  Evelyn nodded, the tension leaving her shoulders, and she smiled, the crinkles around her eyes appearing. “When do we get to meet Kieran?” I must have paled more because Evelyn laughed.

  “I’m joking,” she said while standing and taking her mug to the sink before coming back to me.

  “We’ll see how it goes?” I said, and she nodded before looking down at my half-e
aten sandwich. “Are you finished?”

  “Yeah, thanks.” I passed her the mug before taking my phone off the table. “I’m going to take a hot shower and maybe have an early night.”

  “Okay sweetheart,” Evelyn spoke from the sink. A part of me wanted to walk across the kitchen and hug her, but I didn’t want to alarm her either. Slipping out of the kitchen, I had my foot on the bottom step of the stairs, my bag slung over my shoulder, and my hands gripped my phone when I realized I should say goodnight to Carl.

  Pushing open the door to the den, Carl looked up at me, his dark eyes held mine for a brief moment before he quickly returned to the TV.

  “Just wanted to say goodnight,” I told him. He looked relieved as if I might be here to ask questions that would make both of us uncomfortable.

  “Well. Goodnight.” He opened his arms, and I walked over to where he sat, bending at the waist to hug him. Closing my eyes, I relaxed, and a lump formed in my throat.

  “Night Carl,” I said before leaving the hug. I didn’t want to start bawling all over him.

  Finally, in the safety of my room, I sat on my bed and opened the message again.

  See you tom J

  My fingers traced the J. Jared, I’d found him. Tears burned my eyes, but they didn’t fall. I wanted to say so much to Jared, but words sometimes weren’t my friend. They got lodged in my throat and afterward I would kick myself for not saying something.

  I’m sorry I typed, then deleted it.

  Thank you for always saving me. I deleted it.

  I’m only here because of you. I deleted that also and finally settled on:

  Looking forward to it. L

  Once I sent it, I saved his number. Something told me to save it as Kieran, but Evelyn and Carl never looked at my phone. Secondly, lying to them wasn’t right. I would leave it for a few more days then tell them it all went south with Kieran, then tell them about Jared. My stiff shoulders relaxed, and I started to feel less guilty about lying to them.