by Vi Carter
Jared deflated immediately. “He had it coming.”
“Get out of my car,” I said, causing his head to snap up to me. Concern tightened the corners of his lips, and he rubbed his face.
“Jesus. I’m sorry, Layla.” His voice sounded normal, the anger gone, and I found myself sitting back, my muscles relaxing.
“What’s going on Jared? This isn’t you. You’re not violent.” He didn’t look at me but stared out the window.
“I hate that he hurt you.”
My stomach tightened. “I hate that you hurt him.”
His head whipped around, a muscle tightening in his jaw. Before he could jump to a stupid conclusion, I spoke. “It’s making you into something you’re not,” I said.
He snorted with anger. “You have no idea.” Snakes curled in my stomach at his words. The silence that followed was deafening.
“Did you make Alex lie about the two of you sleeping together?” His whole body went rigid, and the color drained from his face. Dread at his reaction filled me. Was he gay? Girls always liked him, and he always pushed them away. My heart started to crumble. He was breathing heavy, not answering. My throat tightened. I turned the key, and the engine came alive.
I squeezed my eyes tightly against the burn. He still wasn’t speaking, even as I started to drive home. Rain spat against my window, and I flicked on the wipers.
“What are you hiding?” I finally said it out loud and could feel the full extent of his stare on me. But I couldn’t glance at him, and fear had me pushing the accelerator more. I was going to lose him.
“Nothing.” His one word had tears running down my face.
Everything.
We reached my house quicker than I expected. Pulling up, I turned off the engine, but I still didn’t look at Jared. I clung to the steering wheel as my heart bounced around in my chest.
“You’re lying.” My words had him jumping out of the car. Jared never ran, Jared never hid from me, but now he was going to run. I climbed out and ignored the rain that was falling.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I screamed, and he froze.
“What aren’t you telling me?” I demanded again. Jared stood still, breathing heavily in the rain. Something about his stance reminded me of a cornered animal.
“Tonight, I felt like I didn’t even know you.”
Rain started to fall heavier; each drop felt full and cold as I waited for Jared to answer.
“You know me.”
I was shaking my head as he spoke. “Not all of you. Not that person tonight. You were so angry. Jesus. Chester’s face.” I turned away.
“Bert hurt me too.” The whispered words had me turning back and moving closer to Jared, who stared at the ground, his fists clenched. I stopped moving when he looked up at me. I have often heard the phrase that there was a storm brewing in someone’s eyes, but I had never really understood the meaning until right now, looking at Jared. His irides grew, consuming his brown eyes, turning them darker. Anger flashed, then a sparkling of gold splashed across them. The brown lightened until all the color was gone, and only sadness, hurt and pain were left. Some part of me that I didn’t know existed knew he had been hurt in a way no one should ever be hurt.
My eyes burned as I stared at Jared. Swallowing, I swiped at droplets of rain on my cheek. Now Jared’s dark hair was even darker with the rain.
“Like he hurt me?” I asked. The tension that entered Jared’s frame was at snapping point.
His jaw clenched as he worked a muscle in his jaw. He spoke with his jaw clenched, having to force each word out. “No, not like he hurt you, Layla.” I nodded, not sure why I was nodding. He looked away again, his shoulders slumping, crumbling, and I took another step towards him. I was terrified of what he might say but terrified that he wouldn’t say anything, either.
The rain fell with more weight, and the volume soaked both of us, but Jared didn’t notice, he was stuck in his own turmoil. I took a final step and stood in front of him.
“Jared.” His head snapped up: his eyes were haunted by whatever memory he was having. Something told me not to touch him, and I listened to the voice.
“Nobody knew.” Jared’s spoke with furrowed brows. “I made sure no one knew.”
I was nodding again, swallowing my own fear. My stomach was twisting and diving since we had gotten out of the car. From the moment he had paused on my lawn, I felt the dread of the moment drip down my spine. I shivered now, not only from the rain but also from the look on Jared’s face. The pain inside me was like nothing I had ever known.
“What did he do?” I asked, but Alex’s taunting words of him not having sex had my heart plummeting.
He didn’t answer me. “Did he touch you?” I whispered wanting him to tell me I was crazy. That I was wrong. But he nodded, not looking at me.
The ground shifted under my feet, and Jared reached out, grabbing me around the waist, stopping me from hitting the ground. Pain roared through me, blocking out sound briefly before it came crashing back.
“Now you know all of me,” he said with an emptiness in his voice, more frightening than anything I had ever heard before. My mind raced with so many questions. Like why didn’t he tell someone? How long had it been going on? Oh God, how far did it go?
I wanted to bawl-cry for him, for Jared. I wanted to kill Bert. I hated him before, but now, thinking of what he had done to Jared… The things I wanted to do to him before now seemed like nothing. Knowing what I knew now, I wanted him to suffer. I felt sickened. My heart pounded at the injustice. But I knew Jared. Right now, looking at him, he needed me.
He still held me, his grip solid, and I reached up taking his face in my hands. “I love you, Jared Garcia. All. Of. You.” My lips touched his cold and stiff ones, but after a moment, he kissed me back. The pain of knowing he was hurt felt so real. Like I wanted a morphine drip to stop the pain. How must he feel?
“What’s going on?” Evelyn’s voice had me looking around through the curtain of rain. She stood on the porch, her brows pulled down in confusion. I twined my fingers with Jared, but he pulled against me.
“What are you doing?” he asked, and I stopped tugging.
“Please, trust me?” I asked, and he nodded. I kissed him softly on the lips before resuming our walk towards the house. Evelyn moved back in.
“How long have you been standing out there? You’re soaked.” She looked from me to Jared. When I glanced at him, he looked so haunted and dazed.
“I lost my purse. We were looking for it.” I told Evelyn forcing a smile. Her eyes told me she wasn’t buying what I was saying.
“I’m going to grab some towels,” I said this with wide eyes, indicating for her to follow me.
“I’ll just be a second,” I told Jared, who now stuffed his hands into his jeans pockets as water dripped off him. I went upstairs and could hear Evelyn’s footsteps behind me. The minute I reached the linen closet, I got out several towels before turning to Evelyn.
“I need you to let Jared stay the night.” She was already shaking her head like I knew she would. My vision blurred, and I blinked it back into focus.
“I know this seems bizarre, but please, just one night. You have my word, nothing will happen. But I can’t send him home.” Tears fell, and Evelyn moved closer. “Did his father do something?” Her face paled, and I choked on a sob. I didn’t want him to wait any longer. “Please Evelyn. I’ll explain tomorrow.”
I could see the conflict in her eyes. “Door stays open. He sleeps on the floor.” Her sentence was said as she went against her instincts to not allow a boy to sleep in my room. I raced past her and down the stairs where Jared still stood. Handing him the towel seemed to snap him out of it.
“I think I should go home.” Some emotion had entered his voice now. But I was shaking my head.
“I need you.” As I said this, I allowed the pain I was feeling to enter my voice. It worked like I knew it would and I didn’t feel guilty. He needed to have someone tonight.
He started to dry himself. Evelyn came downstairs once we had most of the water mopped up.
“I left blankets and fresh clothes on the bed for you, Jared.” He rubbed the back of his neck, looking like he wanted to run. “Thank you.” He didn’t meet Evelyn’s eye, but I mouthed ‘thank you’ as Jared gathered up the towels. She didn’t look happy, but I would worry about it tomorrow.
CHAPTER THIRTY
Once we were in my room, I took Carl’s t-shirt and sweatpants and handed them to Jared. They would fit: Jared was as tall as Carl. I showed him the bathroom off my bedroom, in case he wanted a shower. He closed the door silently, and once the water came on, I let myself cry. But once it stopped, I got up and scrubbed my face while getting into dry clothes. My yoga pants and a vest top were my standard bed attire. I towel-dried my hair and brushed it out as Jared came back into the bedroom, dressed in Carl’s clothes. His eyes were red from crying, but he looked more alive now.
“What did you tell Evelyn?” This was the first time he looked at me and held my stare.
“Just that I needed you tonight. But there were terms,” I told him as I opened the door. “Door stays open, and you sleep on the floor.”
He nodded in agreement, a small smile on his face.
I put three double blankets on the floor as a mattress and threw two pillows to him for his head. “Get in,” I told him, as he stood near the door with his hands in his tracksuit pockets. He seemed to be considering it, and my heart pounded. I didn’t want him to be alone tonight.
“Please,” I whispered, and his brows furrowed but I won. He lay down on the bed I made for him. I sat beside him while pulling the blankets up to his knees.
“I remember the first time I told Evelyn about what happened to me. It was the most terrifying thing ever. When she came back the next day, I wanted her to leave. I wanted to take my words back because by saying it, it became real.” I touched Jared’s face. “But it healed a part of me. It was a small part. It was a start.” Jared’s eyes glistened, and a silent tear ran down the side of his face, and I died a little inside but remained still.
“I won’t run from you, Layla. I was afraid you might run from me.” His honest words stabbed at me and my eyes burned.
“I love you. I’m here for the good and bad. Always.” I kissed him gently on the lips before lying down beside him. I lay on the outside of the blankets. But Jared looked unsettled as he glanced at the door. “What about Evelyn?” he questioned, and I smiled up at him. “She never specified where I was to sleep,” I told him, and he gave a quick short laugh that made my heart swell.
“You are a very bad influence, Layla.” I snorted and rolled on my side, so I could face him.
Deep circles darkened under his haunted eyes, and I rubbed his cheek, letting my hand run into his hair. The exhaustion had his eyelashes touching his cheeks. I caressed his hair until his breathing even out, and I knew he was asleep.
***
I barely slept, and every time Jared moved, I woke up, afraid he would leave. But he slept the whole night through. His breathing wasn’t as even now, telling me he was waking up. I pulled my arms tight against my body, and he stared at me. A smile spread across his face, his arm reaching out until he captured me around the waist. A small squeal escaped my lips as he pulled me to him. His head buried into my neck.
“I could smell you,” he said, his warm breath causing goose bumps to break out along my skin. It wasn’t the reception I had expected, but for just this moment I would not complain. His nibbles on my neck had me choking a laugh, his own deep laughter filled my stomach with butterflies.
“Good morning.” Brown eyes still half closed with sleep stared at me, as a lazy smile still hung from lips he now licked.
“Good morning.” I leaned in and kissed him, his eyes widening before closing as he deepened the kiss.
“Great to see you awake.”
Evelyn’s voice had me jumping up as she pushed the door open all the way. My face burned with embarrassment. Her eyes went to my made bed and then to the double bed on the floor. Jared sat up, running his hand through his hair, looking like something off a commercial.
“Morning,” Jared said, but my voice was stuck.
“Breakfast is ready.” Evelyn left the room, and I sank to my knees beside Jared.
“Shit. I hate disappointing her.”
“Why would she be disappointed?” Jared twined our fingers together. I was beginning to think he wasn’t aware of what he was doing. He just constantly needed to be touching me. I wasn’t complaining, but it was distracting.
“My bed hasn’t been slept in,” I said.
“I’m sorry.” Jared looked away, the regret in his face so evident. “I’ll fix it,” he said, but I shook my head.
“We’ll be fine. It’s not your fault. But we need to talk about last night.” Jared released my hand now, running his hand through his hair.
“Not now. I need to eat first.” He stood, not looking at me. I knew it was sensitive, but I didn’t want it ignored.
Jared started to fold the blankets, and in silence, I helped him. I watched him, but he made sure our eyes never connected. I didn’t push.
Breakfast was strained. Evelyn chatted, but it was simple and to the point. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say to her, but I knew I needed to make it right.
“I better get going. I have to go to work.” Jared’s plate was still full. He had spent most the time pushing the food around his plate. My plate was pretty full, too. I walked him to the door.
“You can take my car.” His was still at the party; he didn’t hesitate to take my keys. His other hand was already on the door handle.
“Jared, we need to chat later,” I said, and he kissed me quickly on the cheek, mumbled a “yeah” and left.
I stood for a while staring at the closed door. My throat burned when I started to allow what he had told me to sink in. My mind raced through every memory I had last night, every moment, looking for signs and the sad thing was, they were there. I covered the sob that forced its way up my throat. Bert had hit all of us, except Jared and Nelson. My heart started to pound. Was that why Nelson killed himself? My eyes burned, and my vision wavered.
“Layla.” I squeezed my eyes shut against Evelyn’s voice. She was behind me, distraught and confused, and yet I didn’t know what to tell her.
I tried to push down my emotions. My face was still wet as I turned to Evelyn. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked softly her head tilted to the side.
I pulled down the sleeves of my top over my fingers. “Yes. But I can’t.” She nodded.
“Did something happen between you and Jared?” I wiped my nose with my sleeve.
“No. Just something happened to him.” My lip and voice trembled.
“Something you can’t tell me,” Evelyn said.
“Not right now, but I couldn’t leave him last night.” My voice cracked, and then I was Evelyn’s arms. Her hand rubbed my hair like she had done for years. “I love him,” I said.
“I know you do, sweetheart.”
“I’m scared.” This time Evelyn made me face her.
“Of what?” As Evelyn searched my face, her concern wasn’t coming from my therapist, but from my mother.
“Of losing him again.” Tears fell fast and hard. This time I couldn’t control them. Evelyn pulled me back into her arms.
“That boy loves you. He’s not going anywhere.” I stopped talking after that because that wasn’t what I meant. Evelyn, being the amazing mother she was, didn’t question me any further.
I tidied up the blankets and took a shower before getting my phone to text Jared, but I already had a message from him. My heart beat fast as I opened. My stomach felt sick with worry. What if he pushed me away?
I didn’t go to work. Just needed some space. Can I pick you up in an hour?
“Okay. Okay.” I was nodding as I spoke out loud and wrote back just one okay. This was a good sign. I got dressed in a long skirt, fl
ip flops, and a tank top. The day was already heating up. Tying my hair up, I went downstairs. Evelyn was out in the backyard, on our swing chair. The sliding door was open, and I stepped out. Smoke billowed around her, and the smell of cigarettes burned my nose. I had never seen Evelyn or Carl smoke; the minute Evelyn saw me, she dropped her hand along her side, trying to hide the cigarette, but smoke still floated upwards.
“Since when do you smoke?” I asked, sitting beside her. She lifted the cigarette as if she had never seen it before, and I raised an eyebrow.
“Just sometimes,” she said quickly, before inhaling again. It was such a strange thing to see her do.
“What times call for a cigarette?” I asked, hating that I had worried her enough to smoke.
“Nothing for you to worry about.” Her smile didn’t reach her eyes.
“I know you see me as a kid. But I’m here for you, too.” I told her.
Her eyes sparkled. “I don’t see you as a kid, Layla.” She rubbed my face with her free hand. “You are a young woman, and I just hope I did enough.” Her brows pulled together. “That I made the right decisions along the way.”
“Evelyn, you’re the best mother ever,” I told her, and her tears fell, but she wiped them away quickly, before inhaling her cigarette. Something told me she was building herself up.
“The day of the court case when we found out that Nelson died. I did some digging,” she said, before throwing the cigarette on the ground. My stomach hollowed out. Beads of sweat broke out on my forehead.
“Ronnie came forward with information against Bert.” Evelyn looked at me, and my heart pounded in my ears. I was holding Evelyn’s arm, I hadn’t realized I had moved.
“He had abused Nelson.” My lip trembled as I watched tears fall from Evelyn’s eyes. “I had been your therapist for five years, and I don’t know how I missed this.” And there it was: all her fear, all her guilt pouring out. All of it unnecessary. She looked crushed as she glanced up at me. “I’m so sorry.”
I was shaking my head, still holding onto her. “I wasn’t… he didn’t hurt me like that.” Pain clawed its way up my throat as I thought of Jared. A part of me felt worse because it was Jared who had been hurt. My mind was conjuring up horrific scenes, and the worse part was, most likely, they were all real. I pressed my hand to my chest, trying to push the pain down.
