by Amy Cross
“Apparently not well enough,” she replies. “For example, I understand that last week you were all talking about the Devil placing his hand on girls' shoulders, and now apparently ghosts are the hot topic. I wonder where you girls get the energy for such inventions, and why you can't just see the truth. I suppose it's possible that you're willfully misinterpreting things, but ignorance could be a factor too. This is the problem with undisciplined minds.”
“Abigail said she felt the Devil's hand on her shoulder,” I reply.
“And which shoulder was it?” she asks, turning to me. “Her left, I assume?”
“Well...” Pausing, I realize that she's correct. “What does that matter?”
“It matters because the girl died of a heart attack,” she continues, taking a sip from her glass. “She probably felt some pains in her left arm, too, before it happened.” She sighs. “Ivy, the sensation of being tapped on the left shoulder is all too common among those who have heart problems. You girls have simply taken that simple fact and extrapolated a whole set of wild ideas, and now you, Ivy Jones, are perpetuating the drama that Miss Cartwright began. I want you to promise me that you'll stop.”
“But Susan -”
“Susan Edwards has been driven silly by your foolishness,” she replies, “as has Beryl Simpkins. I'm quite sure the girls believe they saw a ghost, but that's the problem with such things, they always seem so real. We're women, Miss Jones, and we do rather have a tendency toward hysteria if we're not careful.”
“Speak for yourself,” I mutter.
“What was that?”
“Nothing, M'am. Sorry, M'am. I just... Can't you try to see it from our point of view? Please, Mrs. Kilmartin, can't you try to understand that maybe, just maybe, some of the others really have seen Abigail's ghost?””
“Oh do grow up a little,” she continues. “If not for your own sake, Ivy, then for the sake of the other girls. They obviously listen to you a great deal, you seem to be a leader whether you like it or not. We want to avoid unpleasantness, not encourage it, do you understand? Hysteria can spread like wildfire in a dormitory, and if we're not careful we'll soon have all the girls hallucinating the appearance of spirits. Is that what you want?”
“No, but -”
“Then help me put an end to it,” she says firmly. “It's nonsense, all of it. Please, Ivy, I'm appealing to the side of you that can take a little responsibility for your actions. Ghosts aren't real and there's no hand on anyone's shoulder. Surely you can see that now?”
“Can I go now?” I ask, realizing that she's never going to be any help.
She sighs.
“I don't want to be late to class,” I add, as I feel a sense of bitterness rising through my chest. “I'm sure Mr. Kane has a lot to teach us about God and virtue. He's the expert, after all.”
“Ivy -”
“I'm serious,” I continue. “Why do we pray to God, anyway? Why don't we skip the middle-man and just pray to Jeremiah Kane? He's obviously so perfect in every -”
Suddenly she slaps me hard in the face. I take a step back, shocked by the pain on my cheek.
“You should know better than to speak that way about your betters,” she says firmly. “Now get out of here before I see fit to punish you further!”
I open my mouth to ask her if she really believes in Kane's approach, but finally I turn and hurry out of the room, desperate to ensure that she doesn't see the tears in my eyes.
III
“And that,” Kane explains to the other girls as I slip into the classroom, “is why girls such as Miss O'Neill will spend the rest of eternity burning in the pits of hell. There can be no salvation, no redemption, for those who take the cowardly way out of life.”
Flinching as I hear his words, I make my way toward my desk.
“Nice of you to join us, Miss Jones,” Kane continues. “We're discussing the value of life, and the punishment that awaits those who sin in the eyes of God. Open your Bible to where we left off last time.”
Slumping into my seat, I open the book as Kane walks back toward his desk. As I do so, I see that Harriet has raised her right hand.
“Yes, Miss Williams?” Kane says with a faint smile.
“Are all suicides cowardly?” she asks. “Or... Was Sissy more cowardly than most?”
“Even as we speak,” he explains, “Miss O'Neill is suffering the never-ending torment of damnation. I can assure you all that by now she will absolutely have seen the error of her ways, but do you think that will matter? Do you think that if she repents, she will somehow be spared?”
“No,” a few of the girls reply, and I feel a shudder pass through my chest as I realize that they've all fallen obediently into line with this monster's teachings.
“Of course she won't be spared,” Kane continues, his voice filled with a renewed sense of confidence and satisfaction. “This brief time here on Earth is our only chance to prove the mettle of our souls.” He bangs his fist against Sissy's empty desk as he walks past, as if to emphasize his point. “It is while we are faced with the temptations of the flesh that we must show the Lord our value. He is watching each and every one of us at this very moment, and he sees your swollen bellies for what they are.” He pauses for a moment. “What does he think when he looks at your bodies, girls? Can anyone enlighten the class?”
“He sees us for the sinners that we are,” Catherine replies.
“Excellent,” Kane tells her. “Yes, that is exactly right. You cannot hide from God's judgment.”
“We're not sinners,” I whisper under my breath.
“Sshh!” Beryl hisses.
“We're not,” I continue, turning to her.
“Now the Bible has many things to say on this subject,” Kane continues. “I want you all to turn to the next page, where we shall read a very powerful parable about the pleasures of the flesh, and about how those pleasures can tempt even the most virtuous of us into a life of sin and corruption. Virtue is to be valued precisely because it must be attained in the face of great temptation, girls.” Again he bangs his fist, this time on Abigail's bare desk. “The Bible shall be our guide!”
“This isn't the Bible,” I whisper, sickened by the rustling of pages as all the other girls do as they're instructed.
“Quiet!” Beryl tells me.
“Someone will have to read the passage out loud,” Kane announces, “for the benefit of the class. Do I have any volunteers?”
“This isn't the Bible,” I say again, a little more loudly this time, as the other girls all raise their hands.
“Who shall I pick?” Kane asks, smiling at me as he takes a step forward. He must have heard me. “Miss Jones, you have a rather lovely reading voice. Would you be so kind as to read from the first verse to the eleventh? And remember to enunciate clearly, so that we can all hear your words on this crisp winter morning.” He waits for me to respond, but I simply stare at him. “Miss Jones,” he continues, “have you turned to the next page of your Bible?”
“This isn't the Bible,” I say for a third time.
“Turn to the next page.”
“This isn't the Bible.”
“Miss Jones -”
Getting to my feet, I pick up the book and throw it at him as hard as I can manage, hitting him square in the chest. “This isn't the Bible!” I shout, pushing my desk out of the way and taking a step forward.
For a moment, the room descends into absolute silence. The only sound in my ears is my own heart, pounding with fear. At the same time, I can't bear to sit still and listen to his lies for a moment longer. I feel as if I'd be betraying Sissy, and Abigail too, if I submit to another moment of this madness.
“Ivy,” Mary hisses, tugging on my sleeve, “for God's sake, sit down!”
“You all know it,” I stammer, looking around at the sea of their horrified faces. Grabbing the Bible from Maud's desk, I hold it up. “He calls it the Bible, and it says the word Bible in letters on the front, but every single one of us knows that th
is book he makes us read from is not the Bible! It's some abomination that he wrote himself, and then he stitched every one of them together himself and gave them out to us!”
“Ivy,” Catherine whispers, “please, don't do this!”
“The real Bible starts with the book of Genesis,” I continue, opening the book to its first page. “Not Mr. Kane's Bible, though. His Bible is different.”
“Ivy -”
“The world was formed by God in seven days,” I read out loud, starting at the very beginning, “but on the seventh day he looked upon his work and saw that it was already vile, filled with serpents and demons! He saw that the shame and evil of man was already rampant, and that sin had already been born in every heart!” I take a deep breath. “And so it was, that God decreed these sinners could not be saved, and henceforth it was recognized by all men that there is no such thing as absolution, that a sin once committed is carved into the soul of the transgressor in such a way as to never be lifted. Only those who live a life without any form of sin at all shall be called into the kingdom upon their deaths. The rest will rot in hell!”
A little breathless now, I close the book and hold it up again, while turning to look at the other girls all around me.
“You know this is rubbish!” I tell them. “This isn't the real Bible, it's just the mad, rabid scrawl of a lunatic who wants to impose his hate-filled world view on the rest of us. The real Bible has been banned from this school and we're all expected to just accept this impostor. I don't even know if the real Bible is real at all, it might be made up too, but this one? The one he makes us read? This is a lie that he wrote himself!” I wait for one of them to speak up with me, to admit that I'm right, but they're just staring at me with ashen faces. “We've talked about it!” I continue, starting to feel a little desperate. “Only once or twice, in hushed tones, too scared to speak up in case we get into trouble, but we all read the real Bible before we came to this place! Come on, every single one of you agrees with me!”
I take a step back, my heart pounding as I wait for them to stand up and be counted. Just one would be enough, so that I'm not alone.
“You know,” I stammer. “You all know, so why are you just sitting there like idiots? Why are you letting this madman fill your heads with his rubbish? Are you so cowed and scared, you'd rather sit in this classroom and listen to him rather than speaking the truth?”
Again I wait, but not one of them seems willing to join me. In fact, most of them are staring down at the books on their desks as if they're scared to even meet my gaze.
“It's all lies!” I shout, hurrying along the aisle and shoving book after book onto the floor. When I get to Catherine, she snatches hers and tries to hold onto it, but I rip it from her hands and throw it to the ground before turning to look over at Kane. He's sitting calmly at his desk, watching me as if he doesn't care about a word I've said, as if maybe he's even glad that I'm doing this. “Congratulations,” I tell him, “you've managed to scare a bunch of pregnant girls into keeping their mouths shut. If you ask me, though, the only sinner in this room is you, Jeremiah Kane.”
I swallow hard. The anger in my chest is still swirling, still pushing me onward even though I know I'm inviting all manner of punishment. As I stare at Kane, however, I know I can't just sit quietly in his class ever again. I can't take another moment of his lies and cruelty.
“You're the coward,” I continue, with tears in my eyes, “not Sissy. You've got her blood on your hands, and Abigail's too. You're nothing but a screwed-up, bitter, resentful old man who hides away in this school because little girls are the only people he can bully!”
I wait.
It's coming.
Any moment now, he'll erupt and scream at me to leave the room, and then my punishment will begin, but I don't care. Trembling with rage, I start making my way toward him, kicking the tossed so-called Bibles out of the way as I go.
“Did you have fun killing Abigail?” I ask him. “We all know you did it, even if we can't prove it. We saw her coming back from her private sessions with you, looking paler and more damaged with each night that passed. She even confided in a few of us, right at the end, but she held back from telling us the worst. One morning I saw her in the bathroom, though, and I caught sight of her back. The flesh was all twisted and torn, it was one of the most horrible things I could ever imagine, and when I asked her what had happened she whispered one word to me.” I step closer. “Kane. That's the word. And then she ran from me, crying, and then less than twenty-four hours later she was dead.” Taking the Bible from his desk now, I tear it down the spine and then toss the two halves aside. “You're an evil, murderous monster,” I tell him, “and only fear... Only fear and...”
My voice trails off as I realize that he should have reacted by now. He's always so quick to punish us for any minor infraction, to shout at us for so much as getting a question wrong in class, but this time he seems willing to let me say whatever I want.
“You might as well have tied that rope around Sissy's neck, too,” I tell him. “She killed herself because of this place.”
Taking a deep breath, I turn and look at the other girls. Most of them are still looking down at their desks, but a couple of them glance at me nervously. Realizing that they're never going to stand up here with me, I turn back to face Kane.
“Are you quite finished?” he asks with an amused tone.
“For now,” I reply darkly.
“Then kindly take your seat,” he continues, “and I shall continue with today's lesson.”
“Are you serious?” I ask. My heart is pounding faster than ever now, and I feel as if I' about to explode with anger. “Did you hear what I just said? I called out every word of your lies and cruelty!”
“I heard you,” he says calmly. “Everyone in this room heard you, Miss Jones. Now if you're done, perhaps you'd be so good as to sit down at your desk. Or do you have anything more to get off your chest?”
“I...” Still waiting for him to punish me, I finally take a step back. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do now, but finally I turn and make my way to my desk. Even though the idea of sitting here for a moment longer fills me with dread, I feel as if I have to see what he does next so, cautiously, I take my seat. Of all the things I imagined might happen if I shouted at him, this was definitely not one of them.
At the front of the room, Kane gets to his feet and walks around the desk. Before he can say another word, one of the girls reaches down and picks up her Bible, placing it back on her desk, and then slowly the rest of them do the same all around me, until only mine is left on the floor. I sit completely still, infuriated by the fact that no-one else in this room is going to stand up against Kane, and then finally I watch as he walks toward me. I tense myself, waiting to be struck, but he simply reaches down and picks up my Bible, placing it on my desk and then taking a step back. It's as if the man can't be angered at all.
“I must remind you, Miss Jones,” he says with a faint smile, “that you're to come to my office at 5pm this afternoon for extra instruction. We arranged it earlier, if you recall.”
Before I can even think of something to say, he turns and walks back to his desk. Picking up his Bible, he sets it onto a nearby bookshelf before taking another copy.
“I want you all to turn to page ninety-one,” he announces calmly. “For the rest of today's lesson, I intend to discuss the parable of Martin and his encounters in the field. We shall be paying particular attention to what the parable tells us about avarice, and about the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman.”
As everyone starts searching for the right page, I glance over at Beryl and then at Susan, and finally I make brief eye contact with Catherine. She stares at me for a moment as if I'm some kind of leper, someone to be shunned, and then she looks down at her Bible. Still, in that brief glance, I could see nothing but scorn and disapproval in her eyes, as if she and all the other girls are on Kane's side now.
The room is absolutely
quiet as everyone waits for today's lesson to resume.
***
Several hours later, after normal classes for the day are over, I make my way to Kane's office and wait outside. I should run, or hide, or just get away from the school altogether, but something about his demeanor following my outburst struck me as highly unusual. Besides, where would I run to? Even if I made it to safety in my lumbering pregnant condition, I'd just be hauled back here. Despite my fears and reservations, then, I reach out and knock on the door. I can take anything he throws at me.
“Come in, Miss Jones,” he calls out from inside the room. “I've been waiting for you.”
Part Eight
DOCTOR JAMES RATCLIFFE
I
“What in heaven's name are you doing?” Mrs. Kilmartin asks, clearly shocked as she stands in the doorway and watches me shoving my clothes into a suitcase. “Doctor Ratcliffe, what is the meaning of this?”
“I can't do it any longer,” I mutter, hurrying to the wardrobe and grabbing the last of my shirts. “Maybe you can, but I'm at the end of my tether and -”
Before I can finish, Ivy Jones briefly cries out again in the distance. For the past ten minutes, her voice has been sporadically ringing out from Kane's office.
“Listen to that!” I hiss. “What that man is doing to her up there amounts to torture!”
“He's disciplining her!”
“He's whipping her!”
“He -” She pauses, and it's clear that she knows I'm right.
“It's wrong,” I continue. “As a Christian or just as a human being, you have to see that.”
“How else should the girls be punished when they exhibit such awful behavior?” she asks as I finish filling my suitcase and start to fasten it shut. “Ivy Jones has been fomenting the bad atmosphere in this school for the past week, she picked up right where Abigail Cartwright left off, and her outburst today against Mr. Kane was simply unacceptable. He has to punish her, for her sake and for the sake of order in the entire school!”
