“Thank you,” she finally said as they turned onto the highway.
“For what?”
She let her shoulders drop. There was no need for tension when she was with Carlos. “For caring.”
“Well, I’m going to say this, and then I’m going to hate myself for it, but I would have been there for the past four weeks had it been up to me.”
“Kathy?” She should have known. Carlos never would have just drifted away from her.
“Yeah, Kathy.” He signaled to change lanes, checked the mirrors, and then glided into the center lane and picked up speed. “She found she had a new emotion. Jealousy. She hates herself for it, but it’s understandable.”
“I’ve kinda put a damper on her perfect wedding.”
He shook his head. “No, she’s still having the time of her life putting it together.”
Madeline twisted her fingers together. Carlos’s eyes shifted to her and she set her hands flat on her lap. She knew he was waiting for her to process her thoughts. There was a time they could have a conversation without words. Though she didn’t think they’d strayed too far from that. Madeline turned to watch him. “She came by the other day and saw me.”
He made another lane change. “She told me.”
“Did you know she was going to do that?” she asked, straightening her fingers and trying to relax.
“No. She told me she had a meeting. I had no idea.”
Madeline nodded. She wanted to hate the woman, but it was just impossible to do.
Carlos shifted a quick glance her way. “You are going to come to the wedding, aren’t you?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t think it would be right.”
He shook his head. “I’d like you to be there.” He reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze.
How could she tell him she wasn’t sure if she could do it? She couldn’t stand the thought of him marrying someone else. Watching him say I do to someone else just might literally break her heart. But then again she deserved it. Karma was a bitch.
Madeline checked into the hospital. She was in a room having her vitals taken by six o’clock.
The sun was rising outside her window. She’d never paid much attention to little details like sunrises or sunsets until she got sick. Now it was a habit to watch the sun come up just to make sure it did.
Carlos walked back into her room. “Okay, they say you’ll be going in about eight o’clock.” He packed up the few items she’d taken out of her small suitcase and zipped it up.
“Okay.”
He moved to her side and took her hand. “I’ll be here.”
“Thank you, Carlos. Thank you for everything.”
“My pleasure, honey. Hey, I also found something in the hallway. I thought you might like it.” He moved to the door.
She sat up straighter. He still called her by the pet names he’d called her when they were married. Oh, how she wished it didn’t make her heart rate kick up when he slipped them into conversation. “Really? What?”
The moment he opened the door, Madeline gasped and covered her mouth with her hands. One by one his family walked through the door.
“You weren’t going to sneak in this time.” Curtis crossed to her took her hand.
Alan and Emily walked to her side next. Emily kissed her on the cheek and whispered to her in German. Madeline didn’t know what it was she said, but she knew it was a prayer.
“I can’t believe they wouldn’t let you wear your hair.” Arianna moved to her side. “I hear you’re a knockout in the red one.”
“It’s my favorite,” she said, smiling up at her.
Regan pushed through the rest of them and hugged her tight. “I hate that they wouldn’t let me bring Tyler in for you to see him. Zach said he’d e-mail a picture when he got him up and dressed. So you’ll be able to virtually see him when you wake up.”
“You’re going to be here when I wake up?” Her voice cracked from the tears that stung her throat.
“We all are,” Regan promised, and all heads nodded.
They all stayed in her room until it was time for her to head to surgery. That kept her calm, but when the nurse told them they’d have to leave, Madeline’s heartbeat kicked up and her palms grew damp.
Only Carlos stayed behind and walked next to her as they pushed her down the hall on her bed.
He held her hand, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. “You’re going to do great.” He leaned in close to her.
“I can’t believe your whole family is here.” She’d always belonged more to the Kellers than she did to her own family. Her mother had called the day before to say good luck, but her sisters hadn’t said a word.
“You’re family. You will always be a part of our family.”
There was no reason to hold back the tears that were induced by his sentiment. “Thank you.”
When they reached the door to the operating room, Carlos lifted her hand to his lips and brushed them with a kiss. “I’ll be here when you’re done.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers and laid a warm, soft kiss on her mouth.
Madeline took his hand and gave it a squeeze. Love and compassion for the man at her side swirled inside her. She had to say what was in her heart. “Hey,” she said looking up into his dark eyes. “I love you,” she said, figuring she had nothing to lose.
As they pushed her through the door, she closed her eyes so she couldn’t see his reaction.
Carlos felt like he’d swallowed a box of old-fashioned chalkboard erasers. He couldn’t get her words out of his mind. During the first hour of her surgery, his family kept giving him sorrowful looks. He mustn’t be containing his emotions very well.
She’d meant them as a term of endearment. Of course she loved him. They were friends and he was taking care of her. They’d loved each other since they were fifteen. They just hadn’t been able to function as a married couple.
That had to be the part he kept in his head. They couldn’t be married. It hadn’t worked out. Things were just too hard for them to be married. But they could always love each other as friends.
He pressed his hands to his face. What had been the breaking point? Who had said it was over? He didn’t know. But for years he’d lived with the fact that Madeline was Matt’s wife. He’d searched for a woman he could love with all his heart, other than Madeline. He’d finally found that woman in Kathy.
What had Madeline really meant when she said she loved him?
Without a word, he walked out of the waiting room, but Arianna was hot on his heels. By the time he sat down in the small chapel, she sat right next to him.
They were silent for a long time. He’d expected some kind of lecture, but she didn’t say anything.
He stared at the cross that hung from the ceiling in front of the stained-glass window. “She told me she loves me.”
Arianna nodded. “Did you ever doubt that?”
“I must have doubted it five years ago.”
She took her brother’s hand. “You are so supportive of her. She’s always going to love you for that.”
“I should have been more supportive when she was my wife. I was so focused on finishing school and going on in my career, I think I forgot what was important. God, she worked two jobs, took care of the kids, and supported everything I did. What did I do? I kept going to school and was mostly unemployed.”
“But you can’t blame yourself. That was what you both agreed on.”
“Yeah, and somewhere I lost that, and Matt picked it up. He took care of her. I didn’t do that. I didn’t give her the chance to enjoy her children or participate in school events. I didn’t take care of her.”
“You’re doing it now.”
“Now, when it’s too late.”
Arianna shook her head. “Why is it too late?”
He turned his head toward her and rolled his eyes. “I’m getting married in four weeks. All she ever wanted me to do was
move on. I finally did.”
“The dress is gorgeous, by the way,” she added, nudging him and smiling. “But there are still four weeks for you to really process what you’re feeling.”
“I’m just having wedding jitters.” He patted his sister’s hand and breathed in her calm to settle his nervous stomach. “I’m also just worried about someone I care deeply about.”
“I’ll always be around if you need someone to talk to.” She gave his hand a squeeze. “Even when I’m in New York, I’m always around.”
“Thanks.”
“By the way, I’m staying with Maddie for the next few days, and while Zach is out of town, Regan and Tyler will be staying with her.”
He smiled. “You guys have this all figured out?”
“She’s part of our family. We all care for her. We always have and we always will.” She settled her eyes on his. “Kathy is even making dinners for her for the next week and freezing them. No one is leaving her behind.”
“I don’t think she knew how lucky she was.”
“Too bad. We should have all been here for the first surgery.”
Anger still swarmed inside him when he thought about the phone call he’d received from Curtis that morning. “Yes, we should have.”
He was right next to her when the pain in her chest forced her to open her eyes. This time she’d expected him to be there and would have been disappointed had he not been.
“Hi,” she said weakly as she gritted her teeth against the pain in her chest.
“Hi.” He kissed the fingers of the hand he held in his. “How are you feeling?”
“Like shit.” She tried to laugh, but it hurt.
“They’re planning on keeping you at least overnight until they’re sure the grafted areas are okay and so is your reconstruction.”
She tried to look down, but she was too stiff. Her chest was covered in bandages and cold compresses. Again, tubes darted from the bandages for drainage.
Madeline let her head sink into the pillows. “Did I tell you I was going on vacation?”
“Yes, the last time you decided to have surgery.”
“No, no.” She smiled and turned her head to him. “I decided that when this is all over I’m taking a vacation. I’m going somewhere warm where there’s a beach and water and margaritas.”
His eyebrows drew together. She knew he wasn’t comfortable with her traveling, but she knew she had to get away. But he forced a smile. “I think that sounds wonderful.”
“Me too.” She closed her eyes and sighed. “I’m tired of working so hard and never playing. Besides, after all of this, I think I deserve it.”
“Oh, honey, you deserved it a long time ago. I really should have done those things for you.” There were those sweet words again. How could she let him marry someone else when he called her honey and sat by her side in the hospital?
“Well, things are different now, aren’t they?”
“Yeah, they are.”
She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to look into his. “I may need to have the kids back for a few weeks. They say I’m going to be unable to lift my arms for a while.”
“My family already has that planned out.”
She opened her eyes and shifted them to see him
He smiled. “Arianna is spending a few nights with you when they release you, and then next week when Zach goes out of town Regan and Tyler are coming to stay.”
Her heart swelled with the love she had for his family. “Oh, that is so wonderful.”
“And,” he said as he kissed her fingers again, “Kathy is making meals for you. She’s freezing them so you’ll be able to prepare them easily.”
Her eyes watered. “I don’t deserve that.”
“No one deserves it more.”
She sucked in a deep breath and swallowed back the fear that was boiling in her belly. She needed to address the last thing she’d said to him before she went into surgery. “I want to say I’m sorry for what I said earlier.”
“Don’t you dare apologize for that.”
“I’m just very emotional and very appreciative of everything you’ve done for me.”
A nurse entered the room to take her vitals. “I’m going to check her bandages and tubes. If you don’t mind stepping out for a few minutes.”
Carlos nodded. “I’ll go let everyone know you’re doing well and give the kids a call.”
“Thank you, Carlos, again. For everything.”
He gave her a smile as he left the room.
Madeline rested her head against the pillow as the nurse pulled back her gown. The cold air hit her sharply just as the emotion had when Carlos had enlisted his family to be there for her. She closed her eyes as the nurse checked the drainage tubes. It would be nice if, just like the reconstruction to her chest, her relationship with Carlos could be mended. But they’d severed that that relationship as much as the surgeons had when they removed the cancer from her body.
She’d been given a second chance at life, and even if she couldn’t have a second chance with Carlos, she could still have those little moments between them.
Madeline’s freezer was full of food. Her house was full of flowers and cards. And Arianna brought her a cup of tea every hour to keep her warm.
“Thank you,” she said with her teeth chattering.
“Are you sure you don’t want to take the cold packs off?”
“It just feels so much better with them on. I’d rather be cold.” She tried to lift the half-filled mug to her lips, but every slight movement caused pain. She took a little sip, and set it down in her lap. “I can’t wait until this is all done.”
“Do you think it was worth it?”
“Asking me that now isn’t fair.” She chuckled and winced from the pain. “When I see myself in a real bra or a low-cut shirt, I’ll have a better answer for you. Right now, no. It wasn’t worth it.”
Arianna nodded. “Carlos said you want to go on vacation when you’re done with it all.”
“Yes. Somewhere warm. I guess that’ll be the real time to ask me that question. If I look good in a bathing suit, then yes, it will have been worth it.”
“You know. I was thinking of doing that very same thing as soon as my next production is over. I have a tiny little nest egg that would hold me over.”
“Oh, yeah? Where were you thinking?”
“Cancun.”
“Oh, that sounds nice.” The very thought warmed her. She’d never been out of the country. In fact, the only travels she’d ever had were on her honeymoon with Carlos, for which they drove to New Orleans; and they’d gone with Matt to see Arianna in New York when she debuted on Broadway; and they took a trip to Las Vegas. She thought it was time she experienced something more than work, motherhood, and breast cancer survivor.
Arianna lifted her mug to her lips and watched her over the top of it. “I was thinking maybe we could plan to go together.”
“Oh, that would be fun.”
“I think so too.” Arianna sipped and lowered her drink. “I went that one time with, oh what was his name?” She tapped her finger to her lips as she processed the thought.
“Gavin.”
“Oh, my gosh. How do you remember that?”
“Because it was just about the time we got married. Carlos didn’t like him at all.”
Arianna laughed. “You know what, I didn’t like him either. But he was paying my way to Mexico.” She kicked her feet up on the coffee table and leaned her head back on the chair. “Did I ever tell you he asked me to marry him?”
“He did?” Madeline laughed and then winced again from the pain. She readjusted, hoping to ease the discomfort.
“Yeah. I don’t think he was serious though. At least I didn’t when I snorted wine through my nose when he asked.”
“Was he mad?”
“Oh, hell yeah. I never saw him again.”
Madeline moved the cold compresses and sipped her tea, which was already tepid. “Are you seeing anyone no
w?”
“Me? Nah. I just don’t have time. No one in New York does it for me.”
Arianna always was more of a country boy sort of girl. Madeline was sure she didn’t find too many Southern boys in New York. “That’s too bad.”
Arianna shrugged and tossed her hair over her shoulders. “No big deal. Some of us just aren’t made for marriage.”
“Yeah, I guess we’re not,” Madeline agreed, feeling let down that she’d struck out twice.
“Zach has already told me I have a date to the wedding. Do you know John Forrester?”
“John? Yeah, I think I’ve met him. Foreman for Zach’s company, right?”
“Yeah. Carlos used to work under him when Regan started with his company.”
“That’s right,” she shifted on the couch and Arianna stood to adjust her pillows. “Well, Zach has decided that would keep us both out of trouble.”
“How considerate.”
“Sure. He’s twenty years older than I am, and I guess he’s been though a nasty divorce. Sounds like a beautiful night.”
“You’ll make the most of it.”
“You bet your ass I will. Of course, I get the elder divorcé and my brother gets the French heiress.”
“Simone is coming to the wedding?”
“Only because she’ll be in town. Her father’s company is building some monstrosity in Louisiana, and of course they’re going to use Zach’s company. She’s doing most of the footwork on it. I think it just keeps her from spending Daddy’s money on lavish un-necessities.”
“I can’t even imagine.” There hadn’t been anything in Madeline’s life that hadn’t been of complete necessity in years. That too was going to change.
Three days with Arianna at the house had been more like a slumber party. By the time Regan arrived, there were dishes piled in the sink and newspapers strung all over the kitchen table.
A Second Chance Page 13
