She didn’t want to tell him that his taking care of her had put her at such ease, and now he was all she thought about. She didn’t want to tell him that when she drifted to sleep each night, she dreamed of him. How could she tell him she loved him as much at that moment as she had when she was fifteen? Only when she was fifteen, there was hope. Now there was just emptiness. She’d never have him again as her husband. She’d walked away from that, and now Kathy had it. They’d always be parents and share their family, but he was marrying Kathy—and it broke her heart.
How was she supposed to tell him that? Instead, awkward silence took over the phone call.
Carlos let out a deep breath. “I just wish you’d change your mind. That’s all.”
“I only want the best for you, Carlos. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” That much was true. She’d hoped when they’d committed to each other that nothing could break them down so badly that one of them would walk away. Now they both had.
“I know.” His voice dropped off. “You’re one of my very best friends. I can’t imagine not having your blessing on that day.”
“You have my blessing.”
“And I’m thankful for that.” He let out a weak cough, and she knew it was strained with tears. “I’ll see you when you drop off the kids.”
“Okay, oh, did you hear that Zach has a new intern?”
“Of course I did. Ed’s excited and it’ll be good training for him. Maybe it’ll help him get some scholarships, and if he’s got potential, Zach can let us know.”
She felt better ending the call on a lighter note. “Well, I’d better get to bed. I’ll see you in a few days.”
“Night, Maddie.”
She lay down across her bed and fingered the circle of gold that still hung around her neck, between her new breasts.
“Let go, Maddie,” she told herself as she moved Carlos’s ring back and forth on the chain. “Let go.”
As if Madeline’s phone conversation the night before with Carlos wasn’t unsettling enough, Matt called the next day.
He cleared his throat. “I just wanted to see how you were feeling.”
“Really? How nice of you to check in on me five months later. Did you wonder if I was terminal yet?”
“Madeline…”
“Madeline, what? I’m so sorry that I was an ass to you? That I didn’t stick around and see you though your ordeal? That I…” She sucked in a breath and then bit down hard on her lip to stop herself from talking. “Matt, why did you call?”
“I wanted to see how you were.” His voice shook. Her enjoyment of the sound made her feel small.
“I’m fine. I’ve done four months of chemo. I’ve lost twenty pounds. I lost all my hair. For four months, I didn’t have any breasts, but now I have a nice new set. They’re incomplete, but look nice under my shirt. And I have a scar on my stomach where they took the grafting. Other than that, they got all the cancer during surgery. I’m feeling better. My eyebrows have grown in fully, and my hair is coming along nicely.”
There was almost a bubble of excitement when she rambled it all off to him. She’d been through a lot in five months. The rest of her life should be a piece of cake.
“And you, Matt? How are you and your new wife?”
“We’re fine,” he said, and again his voice shook with nerves. Madeline couldn’t help but feel a little pleased that he was uncomfortable, just as she’d been when he told her he’d moved on. “The baby was born last week. A little baby boy.”
At the mention of his son, guilt hit Madeline for being so nasty, and she sat back in her chair and let her shoulders fall. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll bet he’s handsome.”
“Oh, yeah. Of course. Eight and a half pounds. He’ll be a linebacker,” he said on a nervous laugh. “Anyway, I just wanted to see that you were doing well and wish you the best on your continued good health.”
“Thank you. Good luck with your son.” She paused and then added, “And your new wife.”
Her hands shook as she hung up the phone. Rattling off all of her successes over the past few months should have made her happy. Instead she felt empty. Each of the two men she’d vowed to love till death do them part had vowed the same in return and now had moved on. How could she not take that personally?
Armed with her passport and her printed airline tickets, Madeline loaded up her luggage and the kids and headed toward their father’s house.
Eduardo sat in the passenger seat, his arms tightly crossed over his chest. “I don’t see why you don’t just go next weekend when Dad and Kathy are home. It’s silly that he wants you there and you won’t come,” Eduardo continued his assault on her as she drove. This would be the fourth time they’d argued about her timing, but she wasn’t cracking. “You’ve been at every family event together for the past five years. I don’t see why his wedding would be any different.”
“It just is.”
“Well, it’s silly.”
“When you’re my age and your ex-wife gets married, we’ll have this talk.” Her words were getting sharper, and she knew he’d noticed. However, it didn’t stop him.
“You’re friends, Mom. Above all else you’ve always been friends.”
“And after this weekend we will still be friends.” She tried to smile, but it actually hurt.
He was silent until she pulled into the driveway.
They all piled out of the car and grabbed their suitcases. Christian kissed his mother on the cheek. “Have fun.”
“I will, baby. Thank you. Be good for Auntie Arianna.”
“We will,” he said, smiling.
“I know you will. Keep her in line, will ya?”
“That’s more like it.” He shook his head and walked toward the house.
Clara wrapped her arms around her mother, and Madeline held her tight.
“I’m going to miss you, Mommy.”
“I know. I’ll be home in a week. And I’ll have a tan and I’ll feel so much better, baby.”
Clara looked up at her. The apples of her cheeks were pink, and her eyes were soft. “Will you send us a postcard?”
“You bet I will. I’ll bring you home something very special. I promise.”
Clara nodded and hugged her mother one more time before running up the back stairs and into the house.
Madeline turned around and saw Eduardo lingering at the trunk, slowing pulling his backpack out. He slammed down the door and stood there.
She let out a breath and walked to him. “I’m sorry this is upsetting you. I need to do this.”
“I just think it’s dumb.”
“Ed.” She laid her hand on his shoulder. “I can’t watch him marry someone else.”
“Why? You did it.”
“You’re right. I did.” Embarrassment and anger stirred inside of her. She’d done just that, she’d moved on right away, and it had never felt right. There was only one thing she could say to her son. She had to come clean on why she wouldn’t be there. “Ed, you have to understand. I can’t even tell you anymore why your father and I got divorced. I don’t remember. It just happened. Everything just got so hard, and we didn’t handle it too well. Matt and I grew closer, and when he asked me to marry him, I said yes. I never loved him like I loved your father.”
“Well, the two of you should have worked harder.”
“Be that as it may, we didn’t.”
“He was miserable while you were married to Matt.”
“I know. I’ve been told.” Guilt stirred in with the embarrassment and anger, and nausea was washing over her.
“Well, you should at least support him.”
“I do support him.” She knew she had been the one to push him right into Kathy’s waiting and wanting arms. Had she not opened her big mouth, perhaps he wouldn’t be getting married tomorrow. There was nothing she could do about it now.
She lifted her hand to Eduardo’s cheek. He was old enough to understand. “Ed,
I love him. I want him happy. Kathy makes him happy.”
“Mom…”
“No, don’t say anything else. I can’t watch the man I love marry someone else.” She shook her head, trying to ward off the tears that stung her eyes. “I need you to support me on this. I need you to understand.”
She knew he wouldn’t accept it, but he wouldn’t say anything to Carlos and Kathy either.
He gave her a quick hug. “Have fun.” He turned from her and headed into the house.
She’d hoped to make a clean exit without having to see anyone, but when she looked back at the door that Eduardo had just walked through, Kathy stood there smiling.
“I’m sorry you won’t be staying for the wedding.”
Madeline tried to keep her shoulders down and look less tense than she felt. “Timing was just right for the trip. My boss gave me some extra vacation. I certainly think I deserve it.”
“Oh, yes, you do,” Kathy said, walking down the back steps toward her.
Suddenly the ring she was wearing around her neck felt heavy. She hoped it was tucked under the edge of her shirt. Damn, she’d meant to take it off.
Madeline cleared her throat. “Everything is set? Last-minute jitters?”
“Like crazy,” Kathy admitted and let out a quick breath and put her hand on her chest. “I don’t think I’ve ever been so nervous in all of my life.”
“You’ll be fine.” Madeline’s legs were becoming weak beneath her and she clenched her hands at her side to keep Kathy from seeing them shake. “You’re getting a wonderful husband.”
“Thank you. That means the world coming from you.” Kathy turned and looked toward the house. “Why don’t you come in.”
“Oh, no. That’s not necessary. I have to get to the airport,” she said, but Carlos walked down the back steps toward them.
“Did she have any luck convincing you to stay for the wedding?” he asked Madeline, lacing his arm around Kathy’s waist.
“No.” As painful as it was to watch him put his arm around Kathy, she was sure her heart would actually burst if she stayed for the wedding. “I leave in four hours. Sun, sand, and water await me.”
Kathy’s sister opened the back door. “Kathy, you have a phone call,” she shouted from the back door, waving the cordless phone in her hand.
“Have a great time,” Kathy said, smiling, then she ran up the steps toward the house and disappeared inside.
“Well. I’d better be going.” She turned back toward the car and lifted the handle.
Carlos touched her arm. “Please reconsider.”
She could feel the tears stinging her eyes. She wouldn’t shed them. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t.
“I have to go.”
“I want you here.” His voice was quiet. “You’re very important to me.”
“Carlos, I was important to you.” She watched him wince and she hated that he was hurt by her refusal to attend his wedding, but she couldn’t help it. This wasn’t the place for her. “I will always be part of your life because I am the mother of your children. But I can’t watch you get married.”
He closed his eyes and let out a breath. He took a step closer to her, still holding her arm, and opened his eyes. His dark eyes peered into hers, and in them she saw panic, just as she’d seen when she told him she was pregnant the first time. Once she’d have kissed it away, but he wasn’t hers anymore.
Carlos looked at the door and then back at her. “Am I doing the right thing?”
“Why are you asking me?”
“Because I need to know it’s really over between you and me. Marrying someone else makes that very final.”
Madeline swallowed hard. “Yes. It’s the right thing.” She looked at her bag in the seat and thought of the money she’d spent on the airline tickets. She considered what awaited her if she did go, and what was in store if she didn’t. “I have to go. Get married to Kathy tomorrow. Be happy, Carlos. Be happy.”
She moved in to kiss him on the cheek, but he turned just slightly and their lips met. As her mouth lingered on his, the moment felt longer than it really could have been. Carlos moved away first, and her heart broke in two.
As quickly as she could she opened the door and slid behind the wheel.
“Be careful,” he said, shutting the door, creating a barrier between them.
Madeline backed out of the driveway and headed toward the airport, never looking back. Tears steamed from her eyes and her sobs shook her whole body. She’d given him away, again. This time it was forever.
Alone, Kathy sat staring at herself in that dammed mirror in Regan’s spare bedroom on her wedding day.
The house was already too full of people, and her dress, so lovely and elegant, constricted her. The rental company had arrived at nine and set up the chairs for the ceremony and the tent and tables for the reception. The caterers arrived at ten, and the florist was finishing the arrangements on the altar and on the tables.
Heidi, Kathy’s hair stylist, had driven out for the wedding. She had just finished Kathy’s niece’s hair and left the room to fix herself up for the wedding.
Her hair was perfect, her veil the one she’d always wanted, and the dress… oh the dress. She sighed. She couldn’t imagine anything more beautiful. Everything about the day was going to be picture perfect.
The tiny bubble that had started as nerves and stirred into fear began to rise in her chest and settled in her throat as if to strangle her. Everything was perfect, and yet she wasn’t happy.
The image of Madeline and Carlos in the driveway the morning earlier had etched its way into her head and had kept her awake all night. She’d watched him kiss his ex-wife. Nothing had ever hurt so badly. It was innocent enough, she tried to convince herself. They’d been married and they remained close friends. She’d had this information going into the relationship, and nothing had changed.
Madeline was a decent person. She’d fought a battle that Kathy hoped she herself never would have to face, and she’d won. A vacation in Mexico was well deserved. And Kathy thought the timing was wonderful.
Oh, she’d have welcomed her at the wedding, and Madeline wouldn’t have been obtrusive. She’d have been decent enough to sit in the back, blend with the crowd, and exit almost unseen. Never would she have ruined Carlos’s wedding or Kathy’s perfect day. Genuinely, she was just that nice.
It should have been a comfort that Madeline had left the country, but it wasn’t.
She’d seen Carlos’s face when Madeline had driven away.
He was crushed.
He was still in love with his ex-wife.
That strangling fear pushed tears to the surface, and she swallowed them back. He was here, wasn’t he? He’d shown up at his sister’s house and changed into the tuxedo they had rented. The photographer was with him taking pictures of him and his children, his sisters, and his parents. Regan had given her the update just moments before she’d gone to feed her son, put on her dress, and meet her brother for those very pictures.
Kathy knew she was foolish to be upset. But was it right to be dressed in the dress she’d picked or to actually walk down the aisle? Would he love her like he’d loved Madeline? Was she fooling herself into thinking that her stress was about the wedding?
A tap at the door kept her from processing the question.
Regan opened the door, and she and Arianna walked in dressed in their royal-blue dresses. Regan held a flute of champagne, and Arianna one in each hand.
“We thought you could use this.” Arianna handed Kathy a glass.
“Thank you.”
“To the future Mrs. Keller.” She lifted her glass, and her sister did the same.
Kathy stared blankly at them both and then raised her glass, clinking it against theirs. In a mere hour she would be Mrs. Carlos Keller.
She sipped the champagne, but it was bitter on her tongue and burned her stomach as it landed there like a weight.
Madeline stood before the mirror in her hot
el room. The bathing suit Arianna had lent her fit perfectly, and she couldn’t take her eyes off her chest. The swells of her breasts were beautiful, and she wanted to weep. She’d been afraid to believe she’d see them again.
Her hair was growing back in, but it stood straight up, only about an inch tall. The wigs she’d brought would be a must. Then again, maybe she’d opt for a colorful scarf under a large-brimmed hat.
A giddy bubble erupted in her stomach. She was about to walk out of her hotel room and sun herself on the warm beach. She’d never done that. The worries and cares that she’d carried on her shoulders for the past year already began to drip away.
Madeline wrapped her head in a bright orange scarf and situated the large, floppy hat on her head. Just for fun, she added a dangling pair of earrings and picked up her oversized sunglasses. She was a sight, she thought. And if she just picked up that book on the bed, her towel, and ordered herself a big, fruity cocktail, perhaps she’d forget that at that very moment, the man she loved was marrying someone else.
Carlos paced the floor in Zach’s office. The bow tie around his neck was choking him.
Zach crossed the room, stopping in front of the liquor cabinet in the corner. He took down three glasses and poured each with two fingers of brandy. He handed one to Curtis and another to Carlos. He picked up his own and held it high.
“To you, my brother. May you be forever happy.”
“Ditto,” Curtis added.
They all drank down the brandy, and Carlos let it sizzle in his throat. He’d seen family members from both sides filter through the house. His sisters and Kathy’s sisters had run back and forth in their blue dresses. Her niece was dressed to match the women, and her nephew looked dapper in his mini tuxedo. But his tuxedo was uncomfortable and confining, and the bow tie was strangling him.
He’d been married; that wasn’t making him nervous. He loved Kathy, he was quite certain of it. But what had him on edge was the fact that he couldn’t make himself care about the wedding, which was only moments away. All he could think about was Madeline and wonder if she’d landed in Mexico and if she was okay.
A Second Chance Page 16
