“Sometimes it feels like the mountains are falling into the sea.” Sam stood. “Pull it together, Henry. You were put here for a reason and this may well be it.”
I found my feet moving toward something that should never be. I prayed I’d wake up before I reached the door to the dining hall where the kids were eating dinner.
The children watched me trudge through the dining hall. They knew something was wrong.
Janice and Rosa were holding each other and crying in the kitchen when I came in. I cleared my throat, but could still only manage a whisper. “Karalyn, Abeline, Sofí, and Gracia. And César, Carlos and Rio.”
“Dear God, Karalyn?” Janice whispered. I nodded and she patted my shoulder. “I’ll start packing the girls’ things. I think you’re the best person to explain the situation to them. I’m so sorry, Henry, but it should come from you.”
Gathering the last reserve of wits I had, I turned away and joined the kids.
“Everyone, get close,” I said. “Move in. I don’t want to have to talk loudly.”
Chairs were pushed aside as kids, propelled by a fair amount of fear, formed a tight semicircle around me.
“Remember when we mentioned Programa Amor to you a few days ago?” I waited to see recognition in their eyes before I moved on. “Looks like it’s going to start sooner than we thought for Quiet Waters.”
The kids complained and whispered, craning their necks to see out the windows.
“There are some people outside from the Ministry of Family,” I said. “They’ve found homes for you. Real homes. Real families. These will be safe places. Some of you will get to move tonight.” I reached out to touch one or two of the little faces looking back at me. “There’s nothing to be afraid of because we’re going to make sure you have everything you need.”
I steeled myself to call out names. “If you hear your name, you can go to your room,” I said, my voice shaking with emotion that was barely in check. “Janice and Rosa will help you pack your things and get ready.”
Most of the kids whose names were called moved obediently toward the dorms. Abeline’s almost silent cry was more than I could bear. I reached for her shoulder to try to comfort her, but I couldn’t meet her eyes. “Now, Abeline, you know everything is going to be okay. We’ll check on you as often as we can.”
“I won’t go,” she said. “I’m staying here. They can’t make me go.”
“Sweetheart, Quiet Waters won’t be here much longer.”
Abeline backed tightly against the wall, shaking her head quickly and murmuring in Spanish. Enormous tears rolled down her cheeks. “I want to be with César. He wants to marry me when we’re old enough.”
About that time, Raf, César, and Carmelo pushed to the front of the group. All adolescent invincibility. They knew the score immediately. All three looked at me, awaiting instructions.
“What do you want us to do?” Carmelo, the biggest of the lot spoke in clipped Spanish and waited for my marching orders. I could see the bloodlust in their eyes. These kids were ready to fight for this place, for each other. The knowledge of that reality zinged a path up my spine.
I couldn’t tell them how this really went down. More committees than we could wrap our minds around had made these decisions. Money changed hands and alliances were formed. And we weren’t a part of it. Not even a bit player. We were nothing more than lint that had tangled these kids up for a while, lint that could be blown away with one focused breath.
“I need you guys to help me.” I met the eyes of these boys who felt compelled to protect their home. “We can make it easier if we don’t show fear. If you can’t help me with that, you need to go back to your rooms. And, César, you need to pack.”
For a few heartbeats, I stood, frozen in place, watching the kids disperse. All but one. Because she would be mine to pack, mine to prepare. Karalyn had always been mine, since the day I’d arrived. I took her hand and we walked to her room in the girls’ dorm. She looked so tiny as she slid her bag from under her bunk.
I sat on her bed and smiled at her, knowing what the little girl needed more than anything was for the man she trusted most to tell her she would be okay.
“I’m so happy for you, honey,” I said. “Your new family has everything ready for you. And I still owe you that American baby doll for your birthday. February seventh?”
Sometimes, when you think you won’t survive the next hour, God sneaks up on you. Not only did I feel his breath on my face right at that moment, but I think Karalyn felt it, too. She reached up a hand to touch my cheek, right where that merciful warmth had just touched me. Then, just as I’d done a hundred times before, I took the hair band she held up to me, and pulled her dark hair into a ponytail, tugging on it when I finished.
I returned the sweet smile she gave me. “You look really pretty. They’re going to fall in love with you, you know? I’m already jealous.”
We cleared out her drawer of the clothes and toys she’d collected at Quiet Waters. Her little pile of material belongings fit into one Mickey Mouse duffel bag. The spiritual and emotional gifts she’d collected here wouldn’t fit into a hundred duffel bags. Luckily, Karalyn had a spirit roughly the size of an ocean to hold these treasures.
A thought occurred to me as I watched this little girl pack. “Karalyn,” I whispered, not sure of my own voice. “I want you to learn a new word before you go. Emmanuel. Can you say it?”
“Emmanuel,” she parroted back, and smiled.
“It means ‘God with us,’ honey. You say that to yourself when you feel scared, okay?” I kneeled down so I could hug her. “You remember you can live anywhere, anywhere at all, and God will be with you. He’s holding your hand.”
Then I turned back to the awful mess of this night. While I’d worried over Karalyn, Sam had packed up César, Carlos, and Rio. We all met in the courtyard. Every kid had joined us and the weight of the moment crashed down on our shoulders.
We formed an impromptu circle, just so we could look at each other and memorize faces. We hardly noticed the waiting officials. We hardly noticed anything but our little family whose ties weren’t loosening at all. In fact, this impending separation only seemed to be binding us together with a double overhand knot, hard to untie and unfailing.
Sam patted me on the back once, forcefully, reminding me to be the leader here.
“You’d better word a prayer now, son,” he said. “And make it a good one. We need it.”
“Everybody gather around. Get close.” My voice cracked and eased around the massive lump in my throat. I motioned with my arms in a circle around me, wanting the kids to surround me.
The first kid to hit his knees was Raf, surprising us all for a second. But within fifteen seconds, every child in the group had dropped down, in that time-honored pose of a soul poured out. I was the last to kneel and, when my knees hit that dusty ground, something happened within me. I was shored up. The solid ground made my world stop spinning.
In this moment of profound weakness, I felt profoundly strong. We joined all the faithful who’d come before and all the faithful who would follow, those who knew without a doubt that we were all strangers on this earth and we would understand it all one day. Not right now, but one day.
It didn’t even matter what words I prayed over these kids because God was listening to the murmurings of our hearts. Nothing else mattered. Not language, not status, not circumstance.
Only after those vans drove away did I realize the Christmas gifts I had for the kids were stashed in my room, still in bags.
I’d be delivering those gifts. I’d find the kids no matter what it took. I’d rent a Santa suit and show up on Christmas morning at each and every door. Let them try to stop me.
TWENTY-THREE
meg
“This will make your boobs look bigger and, let’s be honest, you need a little help in that department. You should think about a push-up bra for daily wear.”
Tennyson had moved so deeply into her walk-in
closet, in the back corner where the discarded formal dresses lived, that I only saw the movement of swishy fabric and her arms reaching for hangers.
She briefly held up a black bustier and threw it over her shoulder toward me. She murmured mostly to herself about each dress. “Too trashy…wrong color…too eighth-grade…too ‘I want to remain a virgin for eternity’.”
“Tennyson, why do you have so many formal dresses? You’re the queen of graphic tees.”
She paused in her efforts and her head dipped backwards so she could see me. “My mom has a shopping problem. I thought I’d told you that before.”
“Her problem is with Size 4 formals?”
“Her problem is with pretty. She thinks I’ll need all these dresses in college. Like I would ever in a billion years pledge a sorority.” She held a sequined dress up to her body. “I’ll pack a few of these to be ironic, though. I can wear them to truck stops at night with mascara running down my cheeks.”
I laughed at the mental image. “You know, I haven’t said whether I’m even going to this stupid dance.”
“You’re going,” she said. “And oh my gosh you’re wearing this.” She dislodged her body from the clingy silk dresses and yanked one free. “It’s perfect for your coloring and your body. Quinn will lose his ever-loving mind.”
I scowled at her. “I don’t want Quinn to lose anything. If I go.” But as soon as I saw the dress, I knew I was going. I’d never had a dress like this. I’d dreamed of a dress like this. Of course, I was hanging on Henry’s arm in the dream, but….
I could easily justify going with Quinn in order to get that dress on my body. It was long and simple in a soft copper color. The neckline had tiny beads in a swirly pattern.
“First, put on the bustier.” Tennyson yanked my t-shirt over my head. Once she had me pushed in and up, she slipped the dress over my head and it fell into place on my shoulders like the dress fairies had made it just for me.
Tennyson gasped a little and reached out to trace the neckline, which was, arguably the most perfect neckline ever created. “It’s like dress alchemy,” she whispered. “Your green eyes will make men faint.”
I stood at her full-length mirror and looked at myself while Tennyson snapped pictures with her phone. Distracted by the vision of me, I didn’t notice she was also texting pictures until it was too late.
“Who did you just text?”
“Your Central American lover.” She turned around and hugged herself, running her hands all over her neck and back…that thing junior high boys do to pretend they’re making out with someone.
My brain, which had just been drowning in happy endorphins, screamed. “No! Tennyson you didn’t.”
“Why wouldn’t you want him to see you in this? He’ll be on the next plane home.” She looked at me like she didn’t recognize me.
“I do want him to see me in this. I want HIM to see me in this. In person. Not Quinn. And I haven’t said anything to Henry yet about the stupid dance!”
“Quit calling it a stupid dance,” she said. “Look, Henry cannot deny you the simple pleasure of a senior year dance in a kick-butt dress. He would want you to have this and, since he can’t take you, he’ll graciously let you go with a friend. It’s not prom for God’s sake. It’s one of the minor dances!” She shrugged like the deal was done. “And Thanet will be your chaperone. I’ve known Henry all my life and I know he would want this for you.”
I sighed and thought about it. Maybe she was right. But he’d texted me in the middle of the night that seven of their kids had been driven away in unmarked vans, including Karalyn, who’d been Henry’s favorite all along.
He’d had to stand in his courtyard and watch strangers take the children that were his responsibility.
His text said he was too tired to talk. Too sad and angry and stressed to form rational thoughts. He said if we Skyped he was afraid I’d see his face and worry. So he wanted me to give him a few days to process things. I, the one person who could usually comfort him, was denied access.
Now, on his cell phone, a picture of me in a sparkly party dress waited for him. A picture that said, “I really don’t care about the hell you’re going through because I like the way my collarbone looks in this dress and I have actual cleavage to stare at. Cleavage great enough to cast its own shadow.”
“You should have asked first, Tennyson. That was not what Henry needed right now.” I started trying to peel the dress off myself, but I could tell my rush would rip the seams. So I closed my eyes, raised my arms, and waited for her to pull it over my head.
As soon as I was mostly bare, my phone began to ring from deep within my bag. I glared at Tennyson and she mouthed, “I’m sorry,” before disappearing into her closet to hang up the dress.
I dove for my phone. “Hi, Henry.” I tried to sound as casual as possible.
“Hi,” he said. “Where are you?”
“Tennyson’s bedroom.”
He must have been holding the phone with his shoulder because I could hear him banging on things in the background. “Yeah,” he said. “She just sent me a picture of you looking gorgeous in some fancy dress.”
“She’s got a closet full of formals. We’re just goofing off.”
The noise stopped and all I heard was Henry breathing. “See, that’s where I’m confused. Because I got a call from Thanet earlier this morning about some crazy plan he’s hatched to get a date to the winter formal.”
“What did he tell you?”
“Something about the new kid and my girlfriend.”
I sighed and smacked my forehead with my hand. “I haven’t said I’m going yet. Quinn asked me—as a friend—so Abby would go with Thanet. It means a lot to Thanet and that’s the only reason I was thinking about it.” I waited to see if he’d say anything, but he was quiet. “I wanted to talk to you about it, but you told me not to call.”
“Tell me this, Meg. If I hadn’t told you not to call, what did you expect me to say?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered.
“When were you going to tell me how much you’ve been hanging around with this guy?” he said.
“I haven’t been…what do you mean?” I wanted to be sure I understood what Henry was implying before I answered. Tennyson came out of her closet and leaned against the door to close it. She tiptoed over to sit on her bed next to me. She nodded earnestly at everything I said and strained to hear Henry’s responses.
Henry whispered something to someone in the background, then closed a door. “Thanet said you guys are together all the time, but everything is cool because Quinn only wants to be friends.”
“We’re not together all the time,” I argued. “Some. We’ve been together some. And we’ve talked about it. He knows there’s nothing there. He does only want to be friends.”
“And what do you want?”
I almost choked. “How could you even ask me that, Henry?”
He sighed. “Because I’m thousands of miles away. Because I Skyped into your living room late one night and there’s a dude sitting next to you in the dark. Because Thanet tells me things. And Tennyson sent me a picture of you in a dress that looks like lingerie.”
“It’s not that bad,” I said.
“I didn’t say it was bad, Meg. It’s about a million miles from bad.” His voice was breaking with exasperation. “Things are crazy here and I’m questioning everything.”
“Don’t question me.” I could feel my pulse racing and I knew we were saying words I never thought we’d say to each other. “I love you. I guess I just feel a little sorry for myself because I’m missing out on senior things. I’ve never been to a dance, Henry. I’m not interested in Quinn and he’s not interested in me.”
Henry snorted. “You’re so full of it, Meg. He’s interested.”
“Tell me about last night.” My segue needed work and Henry scoffed at my attempt to change the subject.
“I don’t think I can talk about it yet,” he said. “It’s too soon. It
was a nightmare.”
“You can’t even talk to me about it?”
He didn’t respond.
“What’s next for Quiet Waters?”
He swallowed loudly enough for me to hear it. “Next is…at any moment day or night, those vans could roll in and take the rest of the kids. And there is nothing I can do about it.”
“But they left you with addresses for the kids, right?”
“Are you kidding?” he said. “They left us with nothing. They’re afraid if we know where the kids are we’ll come in with our own vans and take them back. Which is sort of a valid concern.”
“You’ll never see them again?” I said, truly understanding for the first time what last night meant. “You’ll never know if they’re okay?”
“Meg, this is what I’m dealing with. I’m the guy who has to sit back and let it happen. The alternative is I come out with guns blazing and I’m thrown into a Nicaraguan prison. I’d never see you again.”
I waited and thought about the images I’d seen of Central American prisons. “Don’t do anything illegal,” I said. “I saw Kate in town yesterday. She said John’s going back without her.”
“He’ll be here any minute. He’s too late to do anything, though.”
“She said they’re trying to adopt Aidia.”
“That’s a long shot,” he said.
“Henry, you don’t even sound like yourself,” I said. “You’re never cynical like this.”
“Which is why I wanted to wait a while before we talked.” His frustration made his voice sound tight.
We were both quiet for a minute. I could feel Tennyson’s gaze on the back of my head. I needed privacy. I needed Henry to be Henry so things would be okay. I rose from the bed and closed myself in Tennyson’s closet, in the back, under the skirts of the formals, in the dark. Where everything smelled faintly of leather and feet and citrus body spray.
“Henry,” I whispered. “Henry.”
I think he was crying, panting a little to regain control. I pictured him pinching his eyes closed tightly to stop his tears. The image undid me. I couldn’t believe I’d had this ridiculously shallow day worrying about formal wear when he’d been blaming himself for all that had gone wrong.
Perfect Glass (A Young Adult Novel (sequel to Glass Girl)) Page 16
