I was genuinely shocked, even though the reality of the situation was unquestionable. It all made sense. It all tied together. You don’t want to think your dog ate the neighbor’s chicken, but it’s hard to be skeptical when he comes home with a mouthful of feathers.
(Yes, that’s the kind of insane crap that goes through your mind when you find out your dad’s been cheating on your mom.)
I turned to Noel, expecting a similar reaction. I didn’t get it.
Noel’s face was white. I can honestly say I’ve never seen her so taken aback. Her hands were over her mouth like she was praying. Praying to be anywhere at that moment but here.
No one was saying anything. It was the most uncomfortable silence of my life. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. My dad had always been my buddy. How could he do this? Why?
Noel took a deep breath. When she spoke, she didn’t sound like my sister. She sounded like a prosecutor.
“Did you catch him in the act?” Noel asked, biting off each syllable viciously. “Did you hire a private investigator?”
“No and no,” Mom said. “In that regard your father was honorable. He admitted to it.”
Finally I found a few words. “He admitted to it because he was sorry? And he said he’d never do it again?”
Mom stood up and brushed herself off. “Girls, I didn’t even ask if you wanted anything. Hailey? You just got home; are you hungry? Tea?”
“Tea?!” Noel and I exclaimed.
“Just tell us the rest,” I said.
“I’m not avoiding,” Mom said. “I really just thought you might be hungry.”
“Hungry?” Noel leapt from her seat. She started pacing around the room. Her hands were shaking, her face still pale. “Jesus, Mom. Jesus.”
“Noel, that’s not—” Mom began.
My sister hit her with a death glare that ended the sentence. It wasn’t fair. Our mom wasn’t at fault here, but I was too upset—and too afraid of Noel the Terminator—to say anything.
My mom sat back down. Noel didn’t. She leaned against the doorway, arms crossed over her chest. She wasn’t even looking at Mom. Her eyes were darting around like a million things were going on behind them.
Mom stared at the floor. “I just thought … you might be hungry…”
We’d been through this before, pretty much whenever Mom needed to talk about anything serious—when one of our cats got sick and would need to be put down, when a planned dream vacation fell through because my dad’s company didn’t give out vacation bonuses that year, stuff like that. I think Mom thinks she’s softening the blow by stretching these things out, but in reality it’s the most torturous type of torture in the torture textbook.
Noel stood. “Mom: What’s. The. Deal?”
“Yeah, Mom,” I echoed. “What’s going on? Dad cheated. Got it. What else?”
Mom sat up a little straighter. “Yes. Well … your father met someone, and he seems to be … quite fond of her.”
This I couldn’t quite wrap my head around. “I’m sorry, what?”
“He loves her,” Mom clarified, the words catching on their way out. She cleared her throat.
“Who is she?” Noel asked.
“I don’t understand,” I said. “When did this happen? Things were okay between you and Dad before we moved, right?”
“I thought so,” my mom said. “I mean, look—your father and I have been married for nineteen years. Relationships ebb and flow. But we had a pretty solid run.”
“Until he effing screwed another woman,” I said. “Oh, dear me, I’m sorry. I mean ebbed.”
I expected Mom to jump on me over that—forget about fucked, even effed isn’t the sort of thing she liked hearing in her home, much less from her daughter—but she didn’t even react. Even Noel, who was more freaked out than I’d ever seen her, looked at me with her mouth hanging open, as if I were suddenly dressed like Nicki Minaj.
“It’s bad,” Mom said, her eyes reddening. She dabbed at them with a Kleenex. “But it’s not the end of the world.”
“Are you divorcing him?” Noel asked.
“We’re talking about it,” Mom answered.
There my stomach went again. A veritable Cirque du Soleil taking place in my stomach.
“Are you moving back to Westchester?” Noel asked.
“We’re discussing that too.”
“So that’s what I walked in on,” I said.
Noel spun to face me so fast I could actually feel the breeze. “You knew about this?”
I rocked on my heels. “No,” I said. “Just—they were arguing, it was weird. I asked Mom but she didn’t—”
“You should have called or emailed,” Noel said. “If you thought something—”
“Noel, but I emailed you about a bunch of stuff—”
“Not about this!” she exclaimed.
“But a bunch of stuff, important stuff, and you blew it off like it was nothing! ‘Oh, don’t worry about it, Hailey! High school’s no big deal, Hailey! You’re tough, Hailey!’ Whatever! We’ve barely talked since you left. You dropped off the face of the earth. Maybe if I could get in touch with my one and only sister more than every other leap year, this would have come up!”
“Hailey, you have no idea how busy I am!” Noel shouted. She was shaking with indignation. “College is nothing like high school. I don’t have time for stories about who sat next to who at lunch or why your friend ‘liked’ a photo on Facebook of a girl you both supposedly hate.”
“Girls!” my mom yelled. That’s something she almost never does, and it startled us both. (Being startled was becoming a regular occurrence today, unfortunately.)
Mom continued, “I know you’re upset, but stop taking it out on each other. Noel, Hailey didn’t know anything about this. And, Hailey, freshman year at college can be very challenging.”
Noel and I glared at each other. This wasn’t finished. What was especially annoying was that Noel was being such a bitch to me and she didn’t even know about my reading (and employing the lessons in) her journal. Then again, as soon as I thought of that, I felt guilty. I needed to tell her about that before the guilt consumed me. And with this revelation about my parents, I couldn’t handle any more stress.
Meanwhile, Mom was still going on about how Noel and I needed to be strong and be there for each other through this tough time, and blah blah blah. I’m sure she meant well by going into peacemaker mode, but it also seemed like she relished the opportunity to talk about anything other than our horny, steaming asshole of a father.
“I can’t believe he’d cheat on you,” I said. I had just been thinking how pretty she is. Not was, but is. How could he do this?
“Men are dogs,” Noel said.
“Not all men,” my mom corrected.
“Any guy I’ve ever known who was in a relationship—given the right circumstance and a guarantee that his girlfriend wouldn’t find out—would cheat.”
“I’ll take Depressing Life Lessons for a hundred, Alex,” I muttered.
“Girls, I wanted you both here because I want you to be there for each other.”
I looked at my mom. “Are you sure you’re not sick? That sounds like something a sick person says: ‘I want you to be there for your sister.’ A person says that because she knows she’s dying.”
My mom laughed. God, I love her laugh. “I’m not dying!” she said. “Stop being so morbid.”
“Swear?” I said.
“Yes, Hailey, I swear.”
I looked at her like I was trying to see if she was lying. I moved my head around, being almost silly, eyeballing her from all angles. Finally I decided I was satisfied. Though heartbroken.
Noel growled, “If anyone should be dying, it should be Dad. Maybe we can make that happen.”
“Noel!” Mom said.
“Aren’t you pissed off?” Noel asked. “How long has this been going on? Has this happened before? Is she the first?”
“Yes, Noel, I’m pissed off,” M
om said. “But I have other things to worry about than that, like you two. I’m not going to get into all those details. That’s between me and him. I know you’re upset, but he’s your father and no matter what happens between us, he’s your father and you’re going to respect him.”
“You can’t demand respect,” I said, echoing something I’d heard somewhere. “It has to be earned.”
“Where did he meet her?” Noel asked. “Did he know her before you moved? Did you move because of her?”
“Ugh,” I said. “I feel sick.”
Mom just sighed and forged ahead: “Your father is going to want to take you both to dinner tomorrow night. He’ll tell you everything he wants to tell you. I just wanted you to be prepared, and I wanted to talk to you first.”
“You mean he’s not coming home?” I asked.
“Why should he?” Noel scoffed.
“No,” my mom clarified. “He’s not coming home right now.”
“Where’s he staying?” I asked. “With his whore?”
“Hailey,” my mother said, looking right in my eyes. “You have every right to be angry. But you will speak with a civil tongue in this home, is that understood? And you will not use that term with me or your father. Not now, not ever. Got it?”
“But—”
“Got it?”
Chastened, I tried another approach: “Do you know her? Have you seen her?”
“I’ve seen her from a distance,” Mom said. “Once. Because I was curious. She’s very pretty.”
“Is she young?” Noel asked.
“She may be a little younger than me, but she’s not, you know … inappropriately young,” Mom said.
“Yes, far be it from him to do something inappropriate,” Noel said.
Mom gave her a sideways glance. “Girls, this is tough on everyone. I know it’s a lot to process. I know it’s incredibly upsetting. But this is the situation. I hope you know this in no way reflects on either of you. We both love you more than anything in the world. This is in no way your fault and we’re going to try to work this out as amicably as possible.”
“Great,” I said, not even trying to hide the sarcasm. It was like she was dictating from Divorce for Dummies: How to Talk to Your Kids. “This is not your fault.” “We both love you.” “You did nothing wrong.” Gag me.
“What a dick,” Noel said.
“Noel, that’s the last one,” Mom said. “I’m not kidding.”
Noel rolled her eyes but stayed silent.
“I’m sorry he did this, Mom,” I said.
“I’m sorry, too, baby,” Mom replied. “But we’ll get through it.”
She stood, dabbed her eyes again, and forced a smile. “Now who wants to pig out? Because I, for one, could use some empty calories.”
“No,” Noel said. “I just want to lie down.”
“Noel, sweetie,” my mom said, “you need to eat. Come—”
“NO!” Noel shouted, and my mom and I both jumped back. Noel was shaking. Even she sounded shocked by her own voice. Her face had gone from pale to beet red. I understood that she was upset—we all were—but I never expected her to handle something like this so badly.
“Noel?” I said. “What is it? Look, I know this sucks, but—”
“Yeah, Hailey, it sucks. It sucks. It sucks when you come here, here to this house I don’t even know. I don’t have a home anymore. I thought at least I had a family here, but so much for that. I’m going upstairs in a house I don’t know in a city I don’t know to try to rest on a bed I don’t know, and I’d love to talk to my dad about it, but he’s off boning all the Real Trophy Wives of Beverly Hills or whatever!”
This most certainly wasn’t the calm, collected character of How to Be a Hater. I started to wonder whether that person even existed.
“I know this is weird and hard and all,” I began, “but it’s going to be okay.”
“It won’t, Hailey. Think of all the shit you’re going through times ten. I told you I was sorry you were having a tough time and I meant it, but you don’t know. It’s not okay … nothing is okay … nothing…”
And then she was crying and shaking. I stood back, stunned. Mom stepped forward and took Noel in her arms, and Noel collapsed into her embrace.
I walked outside to leave them alone for a bit. I worried about Noel—I guess college wasn’t everything, or maybe anything, like I thought it was—but I was having enough trouble trying to process how my dad had screwed over the family. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got.
When I came back in, they were talking, an economy-size box of Kleenex getting one hell of a workout, tissues being extracted every couple of seconds.
It looked like Noel had calmed down somewhat, thank goodness. Both of their faces were red from crying, but they were just talking, even smiling a little.
I wasn’t sure how to break the silence. “Um … so about those empty calories?”
Noel turned and grinned. It was a beautiful sight.
“Jeez, Hailey,” Noel said. “So much for that diet, huh? All it takes is your parents to break up and your face is right back in the trough!”
We all laughed heartily over that, and it felt great.
“So you’re in?” I asked.
Noel sighed. “Yeah. I’m due for a ‘cheat day’ anyway. But I’m not going whole-hog. We can’t have all the Harper girls getting fat. One of us needs to stay foxy.”
I rolled my eyes. Mom pulled out menus for takeout while I opened up cabinets to find the most gluttonous snacks possible.
We were going to try to have fun and, if only for a brief high-calorie carb-carnival, forget the devastating truth—that our family as we’d known it would never be the same again.
* * *
Dinner the next night was worse than I’d imagined—and I’d imagined a lot of grim possibilities. But nothing could have possibly prepared me for what would come out of our dad’s mouth somewhere midway through the meal I was already having a hard time getting down.
We were at a sushi restaurant called Sushi Roku because there are so few things Noel will eat—not that I was complaining, I love sushi—and this place seemed extra nice. It’s definitely not Cheesecake Factory. (Which, for the record, I also love. The menu is practically a novel. Or a short story at the very least. A short story about delicious, fairly priced, oversize food. Yum.)
Neither Noel nor I were being particularly warm as my father tried to tell us that people “grow apart.” (But my parents hadn’t, I thought.) Worse, he hit us with “Sometimes it just happens.” (Sure, if you add a sh to it. Because this was the height of shittiness.)
I wanted to show solidarity for my mom by not even eating, but the food was just too good. There had been so much emotional trauma over the past forty-eight hours: the prank that blew up in my face; the fight with Chris (we still hadn’t talked since); the fight with Anya (see Chris); and the tiny little revelation that my dad not only had been screwing another woman, but it looked like this was going to end my parents’ marriage. And, let’s be honest, I’ve always had a hearty appetite. Basically, every minute of my life is a countdown to when I’ll eat next. The way I feel when a waiter brings my food is probably similar to the excitement of a dude on Maury who just got told he’s not the father. And it turns out that emotional trauma starts off making you not want to eat at all, and then suddenly, you’re famished and devouring plate after plate of sushi and praying you don’t get mercury poisoning from eating more raw fish than a hammerhead shark does in a month.
So I found myself with a mouthful of tuna roll, which was much easier to swallow than the ugly truth our dad was somehow trying to make us accept.
Noel and I were mostly handling it by eating our words, because we both knew if we spoke freely it would get ugly fast. Maybe we were too easy on him, because he had the gall to say a bunch of nice things about this nasty skank he’d hooked up with to destroy our world.
“Look, I know this is hard, but I think when you get to kno
w Crystal, you’ll see that she’s really a wonderful woman,” Dad told us. “And, Hailey, she has a daughter your age.”
What? I’m supposed to be happy? Welcome this new “sister” into the family? I don’t think so.
“Congratulations to her,” I said, reaching my breaking point. “So, Dad, let me get this right: In addition to being a home-wrecker, she also scared away her first husband? Or were they even married? Or was he married to someone else at the time? That sounds like par for the course.”
“Hailey!” my dad said in a shushing voice, looking around. We were in a corner booth that provided some privacy, but it wasn’t like we had the place to ourselves.
Dad leaned in. “There is no call for that kind of talk,” he said. “I know you’re upset, but we all just need to be adult about this.”
“Well, she’s not an adult, Dad,” Noel said, “so maybe you should understand that this is a tough time to go through something like this. And maybe you should have thought about that before you planned to hook up with this ‘Crystal’ woman.”
“I didn’t ‘plan on’ anything, Noel,” he said. “This just … happened. I know it’s tough on everyone and I’m sorry about that, but I’m with Crystal now, and I think if you gave her a chance—”
“A chance?” Noel exclaimed. “Why? What do you want us to say? We’re so happy that you’ve been cheating on Mom and found someone you like enough to ruin our family for?”
Exactly! You go, sister!
“I’m telling you because this is how it is,” he said. “This is how it’s going to be. I’m sorry that it upsets you, and maybe you can’t understand now, but maybe later you will. The heart works in mysterious ways.”
“Gag me,” I said, this time out loud, wanting to stab him with a chopstick. I wish they made sharper chopsticks.
Dad exhaled deeply. “Hailey, I only brought up her daughter because she’s your age.”
And because you’re an idiot. A cheating, lying, cheating, cheating cheater.
“Yeah?” I said, wanting to push him, wanting him to feel the rage I felt. “Don’t care. She can be sixteen or sixty. She’s still the daughter of the slut you cheated on Mom with.”
“Hailey!” my dad said, grunting, trying to calm himself. “That’s enough of that. You can be as angry at me as you want, but you will not use words like that about Crystal, are we clear?”
Confessions of a Hater Page 26
