by Cary Hart
“I know I don’t have to, but I want to.” He reaches over, taking my hand into his. He rubs tiny circles with his thumb, thinking. “But, I am afraid this comes with a warning as well.”
I have a feeling I know what he’s going to say, so I plead, “Aiden, don’t say it.”
“Niki, I can’t give you what you deserve. What I do, who I am…it’s complicated. My life, if mingled with yours, would just bring you pain that I’m not willing to project onto you. So, please, understand that when I’m a little cold, or I turn the other way, it’s not because of you. It’s me, fighting an internal battle with the man I am and the man I’ve become.”
“Aiden.” I place my other hand over his. “I’m not a delicate flower. Your world…I think you would be shocked at how I could fit in. I don’t always desire soft and slow. Sometimes, hard and fast is the only way you can get through life, and if that is all you can give, then I’m willing to take it.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“Mr. Alexander, we’re here,” the driver announces over the intercom.
He quickly removes his hand from mine, and we wait for the driver to come around. “This night is for you, no matter what happens, no matter my reactions. Just know, I planned it for you.”
“Hey!” I tug on his suit jacket while he is sliding out of the car. “Where are we?”
“How does ‘Wicked, The Musical on Broadway’ sound to you?”
Clapping and bouncing up and down in my seat, I start singing. “Kiss me goodbye, I’m defying gravity. And you can’t pull me down. Nooooo.”
“Come on, Niki; we have a musical to see.” He winks, holding out his hand.
I thought I was a walking, talking contradiction, but this man confuses the hell out of me.
Niki
Home sweet home! I leave my bags at the front door and head straight for the shower. There is something about traveling that makes you feel grimy and blah…even if it’s on a multi-million-dollar private jet.
Standing in the shower, I let the water hit me, relishing in the heat pounding on my muscles, working the tension that took possession of my body on the flight home. The flight was long and hard.
That’s what she said. I smile to myself.
You would have thought with the epic night Aiden planned for me that things would be easier, but the truth is, the weight of it all is taking a toll on both of us. Something is going on that has a hold of him, tugging on the strings, keeping him from giving in to his needs.
“Hey, kid. Welcome home.” Gavin busts through the bathroom door, hopping up on the sink, scaring the shit out of me.
“Shit, Gav. Boundaries!” I open the curtain, and peek through. “How did you know I was back already?”
“I didn’t. I thought I would come by, turn down the air and stock your fridge. Speaking of which, the ice cream needs to be put up.”
“The coffee kind with the chocolate-covered beans in it?”
“Yep, so hurry up and get dressed so you can tell me all about New York.” He comes over, reaches his hand in the shower to turn it off and hands me a towel.
“Hey!” I protest, not too upset, though, since the water was already starting to turn warm.
“Missed you, kid.” Gavin winks and is out the door before I can even tell him how much I missed him, too.
Getting out, I dry off and put on the tank top and boy shorts I had planned on wearing when no one was here, but now, I’m wondering if I should put on something else.
What’s changed?
I’ve worn this plenty of times, but suddenly, being around Gavin feels different. He is with Kara, and I’m with…well, I’m not sure what I’m doing, but something is going on. Shrugging it off, I try to not overthink, just going with what we have always done.
Walking into the kitchen, still drying off my hair, I’m brought to a stand-still with the sight before me.
Gavin is on the couch with one leg on the seat, arms stretched along the back, the blanket pulled back, inviting. Pizza and chilled beer sit on the coffee table while the Netflix remote sits on my seat, tempting me to fall into the routine we are used to.
Biting on my bottom lip, a worry habit that I have been doing more often than I should, I debate what I should do.
Gavin…he is a part of me. I need him one way or another, and right now, this is us.
Dropping the towel, wet hair flying everywhere, I take off running, leaping over the table and colliding with Gavin, flipping us and the couch over.
“Oh shit!” Gavin hollers. “I take it you’ve missed me, too?”
“Something like that.”
We get up, pick up the couch and set it back into place. Then, we get into position, Gavin laid out and me curled into him. Our cuddle couch time.
It’s my couch time!
“Dude…I have a bone to pick with you.” I twist around, smacking his chest. “Cuddle couch is our thing. Why did you have to go and find a replacement?” I turn back, not wanting to see the truth. Hearing is one thing, but seeing a true reaction sometimes is harder than the actual truth. It’s amazing how we can broadcast our feelings with one simple look.
“Well, that isn’t exactly what happened.” He reaches over and grabs the pizza box, handing it to me, opens a couple beers and sets them on the end table. “I missed you, plain and simple. I guess when I was training her, we were talking about our favorite things, and I may have mentioned cuddle couch time. So, one night, when we were hanging out, she shouted it out, thinking it was my thing and not mine and yours.”
“Well, it sucks.” I open the box and see it’s my favorite, everything but anchovies. “Do you like her?”
“Do you like your boss?” he counters.
“Are we doing this during cuddle couch?” I hold my hands up, praying, mouthing, “No.”
“I think right now is the best time to clear the air.” He stretches his neck around to gauge my reaction.
“Gavin,” I plead.
Picking me up under my arms, he adjusts me so that I’m sitting on his lap, his arm around me, and the comfort of his security never leaving.
“Niki, something is going on with you. If I wouldn’t have come by, would you have even told me you were home?” He studies my face, searching for the truth.
“Gav…it’s not like I didn’t want you here. I just…I needed a while to think. Things have been so overwhelming lately.”
“It doesn’t have to be.” His words hit home.
Interesting. He’s right. It doesn’t have to be. We talk to each other about everything. It’s almost scary how familiar we are with one another, but this…for some reason, it’s off limits. Well, for me.
“It doesn’t seem right talking to you about Aiden.”
“Seriously?” He seems more hurt than pissed. “We have never had a problem before.”
“This is different.” I try to find the words without upsetting him further. “Aiden’s different. There is something about him that I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about.”
“Holy shit! You’re serious.” He pushes me off his lap, gets up, and starts pacing. “After everything we have been through. After all the couch confessionals and late night phone calls, you are telling me that he’s different. So different that you can’t even talk to me about him.” His hands grip at his hair. “Maybe you should ask yourself why before you explore this further.” He heads for the door, opening then shutting it.
“Gavin, I don’t know what to say, but I do know I don’t want you to leave.” I run toward him, blocking him from trying to leave again.
“Why? Why don’t you want me to leave? Can you answer that?” He leans in, hand braced above my head, his body tensing.
“I missed you.” I look up at his six-foot-plus frame, trying to find the words I need to make him understand.
Closing his eyes, he takes a deep breath, calming himself down. “I missed you, too.” His voice sounds defeated as he drops both hands to my shoulders, “Just, talk to
me. I don’t care what it is or who it’s about, but closing yourself off from the world isn’t an option.” He grabs my hand, leading me back to the couch. “Promise me. Whatever it is, whatever is bothering you, you won’t try to figure it out alone.”
“Gavin?” I pull him back to me. Wrapping my arms around his thick, muscular torso, I hold on tight, the tears starting to fall.
“Shhhh!” His body blankets mine. “It’s going to be okay.” His voice is soft, comforting.
“No, it’s not...I think I’m falling for him.”
Gavin
“I think I’m falling for him.” Those six words, each one of them is like a single stab wound to the heart. I’m slowly bleeding out while we lie on the couch, and she fills me in on her New York adventures.
She doesn’t want my advice, thank God, but hearing most of the details almost drives me to my death.
Now, after two years of nurturing our relationship, one man and his empire threaten to destroy it all.
Niki
It’s been two days since I confessed my feelings to Gavin. I thought it would make me feel better, knowing I had someone to talk to, but it actually had the opposite effect. The way he reacted…I just…it hurt.
Our friendship took a hard right that day, and I’m the reason for it all. I tried to stop it; I tried to tell him I couldn’t talk about it, but I was between a rock and hard place. If I didn’t tell him, he would have left angry…but by telling him, he left crushed.
Last night, he told me Kara invited us to go out, but somehow, I highly doubt she wanted me to tag along. So, I declined and encouraged him to go out and explore his feelings. After all, isn’t that what I’m doing? Right?
So, why does it bother me that it’s almost noon on a Sunday, and I still haven’t heard from him?
Jealousy? It could be, but before I call him and do something stupid, I quickly dial Aubrey.
“’Sup skank! Miss me?” I don’t wait for her greeting.
“Niki! You’re on speaker, and I have the girls with me.”
“Oh, I’m sure they weren’t even paying attention,” I try to reassure her.
“Andie, that’s Niki, my mommy’s best friend. She says really bad words, but Mommy says she prays about it at night, and God will forgive her as long as she is sorry,” I hear Reece say in the background.
“My daddy says bad words sometimes too. I made him a word jar…and he has to put money in it, but he said when it gets full, I can do whatever I want with it. Isn’t that cool? I hope he says them forever…I’ll be rich, Reeses…RICH!” Andie, Drew’s daughter, chimes in.
“Yeah, they didn’t hear a thing,” Aubrey says sarcastically. “Hey, Niki, I have to go. The girls are trying to help us pack a lunch for Sunday at the park.”
“That’s fine. I don’t leave for another few days; I’ll make sure to check in before I go.”
“Yes! We will get together and have lunch, or you can come over and help me paint?” She chuckles. “You know, in case you get bored.”
“Sure. Talk to you soon.”
“Bye, love.” I hang up the phone and throw it down on the table.
Now what?
Grabbing a magazine off the table, I head for the patio to get a little fresh air while catching up with the celebrity gossip.
Right outside of my apartment is a white Lexus with dark tinted windows, just sitting on the side of the road. It’s not uncommon for vehicles to be parked along this stretch, but a part of me is waiting for the door to fly open and Aiden to appear.
Instead, Monica, one of the mothers from the school, gets out with her son Tucker, who has on a Cub Scout uniform. Waving from the balcony to get their attention, I call them over.
Running inside I grab my phone and head out. “Hi there, Tucker! What are you doing today?”
“Hi, Miss Niki! I didn’t know you live here. Mom said we were going to Aunt Cee Cee’s to sell popcorn, but then came out here.” He grabs on to his mom’s hand, looking up. “Are we going to sell popcorn here too?”
Tucking a piece of blonde hair behind her ear, she laughs nervously. “Now Tucker, Mommy explained that I had to run some errands first.”
“I know Mom. Can I ask Miss Niki to buy some popcorn? I know she loves it; she has some for a snack when we go out for recess.”
Monica looks me up and down, landing on my face to gauge my reaction. But if looks could kill, I would be dead. “Sure, Tucker. I’m sure Miss Niki would love to purchase a tin.”
Grabbing the paper out of his mom’s hands, he walks up to me, handing me the pen and paper. “Would you, Miss Niki? Buy some popcorn, please…if I sell one hundred tins, I get to go on a trip.” He sticks out his lip, giving me his best pout.
“Sure, Tucker. You know me…popcorn is one of my favorite snacks during the school year.”
“Hmm!” Monica grunts.
I look up. “Excuse me?” I ask, to make sure I heard her right, but her face is plastered with a fake smile, ignoring my question.
Maybe I turned Tucker’s card one too many times.
“Let’s go inside so I can write you a check.”
“In your apartment? That’s so cool! I’ve never been in an apartment before. Mom says it’s kind of like a hotel, but you stay for longer than a vacation.” Tucker follows me in with Monica trailing behind him.
This kid is one of the best students I have ever had. So adorable and charming. He must get it from his dad since his mom seems like she has a bottle of chardonnay stuck up her ass.
“Your mom is correct. It’s kinda like that, but I get to stay for as long as I want without having to worry about all the yucky chores.” I tickle his belly, listening to his sweet giggle. “You know, like mowing the lawn, cleaning the windows…” I stick my tongue out, making a face.
“Mommy says that’s what daddies are for, but I don’t have one. Aunt Cee Cee helps us with that stuff.”
“Tucker! I have told you about telling our personal business to strangers.” She feigns shock.
“Mom, Miss Niki is my teacher, not a stranger.” His face fills with worry.
“Hey, Tucker, let’s get this ordered, shall we? What kind of popcorn should I get? Hmmmm…” I tap the pen to my chin.
“Get the one that has the four flavors. You will love that. Sometimes, when mom lets me, I’ll mix the cheese and brown sweet one.” Tucker looks up to his mom and asks, “What kind is that again?”
“Caramel popcorn.” She busies herself on her phone. Holding it up, I’m assuming, taking a selfie.
Lord…can’t she put her phone down for one minute?
Rolling my eyes, I fill out the form and start to write out the check. “Tucker, I think you make a fantastic salesman. I’m going to order five of the large popcorn tins.” I rip the check out and hand it to him with the form. “How does that sound?”
“Mom!” His eyes go wide, and he runs over to her. “Miss Niki ordered FIVE of them!”
“Well, I guess you better thank her then. Go on, Tucker. Tell your teacher thank you.” She gives him a little push.
Running back over, he wraps his tiny arms around me, tackling me to the ground. “Miss Niki, you are my favoritest teacher EVER!”
Laughing at his cuteness, I stand up with him in my arms, giving him one last squeeze before I set him down.
“Come on, Tucker.” She looks down at her diamond-studded watch. “We’re running behind, and you know how Aunt Cee Cee likes to spend time with you.”
“Yes, Mom.” He reaches up to hold her hand. “I like spending time with her, too.”
As they walk toward the door to leave, Monica stops in her tracks. “Wow! Is that a Bulgari original?” She looks at me over her shoulder.
“Excuse me?”
“The bracelet over there?” She looks over to the table at the serpenti diamond wrap Aiden bought me.
“Yes, it was a gift.”
“Thought so.” She opens the door to leave, tugging Tucker behind her.
“
Bye, Miss Niki! See you in…” He starts to count on his hands, then gives up. “A lot of days.”
“Yes! I look forward to it, Tucker.”
Closing the door behind them, I hunt down my phone so I can call Gavin. He’s not going to believe this.
I dial his number, and it starts to ring but is quickly sent to voicemail. Then I get a text from him.
Are you kidding me?
Gavin: Kara is still over. Call you later?
Me: Still?
Gavin: Yeah. Talk soon.
Just great! My only two friends, and neither of them can talk, and they wonder why I never bother them with my issues.
Heading to my bedroom, I contemplate going for a run to clear my head but instead, flop across my bed and settle down for a mid-afternoon nap.
I wake to a pounding on my door and someone shouting my name. “Niki! Answer your goddamn door!”
Springing up out of bed, I pull open my nightstand and grab my Taser gun. I quietly feel my way through the apartment — apparently I slept through the afternoon and into the night. It’s dark, and I’m afraid to flip on the lights and draw attention.
“Niki! I know you are in there. Open up!”
“Aiden?” I rush to the door and swing it open, forgetting the chain is still connected causing it to swing back and hit Aiden as he tries to come through the door.
“Son of a bitch,” he curses.
“Oh, shit! I’m sorry.” I close the door and unlatch the chain.
Aiden swings the door open and walks right in. “We have to go!”
“What are you doing here?” I’m in shock that Aiden is standing in my apartment and not in Dallas where he was supposed to be for the weekend.
“Now!”
“Calm down. What’s going on, and what happened to Dallas?” I reach for the light switch and flip it on.
“I had to leave. Something came out, and we need to leave for L.A. tonight.” He looks around my apartment, for what I don’t know.
“I thought I had a few more days?”
Ignoring me, he heads down the hall. “Where are your suitcases? We don’t have time for you to fuck around.”
