The run down bikers’ place hadn’t changed a bit. The stale smell of beer and cigarettes caught in his throat as he walked in. The sensory overload triggered a rush of memories.
Leaning back against a wooden pillar, Tore watched his friends laughing and joking. They were well into their third or fourth beer by now, but he was the designated driver so he was still nursing his first.
Looking around, ninety percent of the place was underage. The joint would be empty if the barman checked everyone’s fake ID.
At last Felix walked away from the pool table.
About time too!
As usual Felix was wiping the floor with him. Even though Tore had broke, Felix had hogged the table since then. Tore groaned as the cue ball came to a halt hard up against the corner pocket, surrounded by three others. His ball didn’t have a chance in hell, of going in anywhere; even if he could squeak the cue ball past the black and Felix’s last stripe without touching them.
He sighed. It wasn’t even worth taking the shot.
As predicted, Tore was unable to pocket his solid. He stepped back to allow Felix to get to the table. Felix cleaned up.
“You know, I don’t know why I still play with you Felix. I’ve not won a game in a month!”
Felix grinned.
Annike snuggled into Tore’s side. She wrapped her slender arm around his waist and yawned. He kissed her forehead, “You tired?” She nodded. It was close to midnight. The rest of the guys had plenty of time to drink as much as they wanted; it was time to go.
Tore rattled the keys to the truck. The others downed their beers and gathered their things. He handed the last couple of inches of his beer to Felix. He gulped it back in one. Annike held Tore’s hand tight as they walked through the bar. She was nervous of the humans that were there. Felix wrapped his arm around Nea, and they headed out to the truck.
It was strange how certain smells could do that. It was like an old song transporting the mind back in time. They’d spent a lot of nights together; the four of them had been so close. It was funny how things worked out. He sighed, realizing that the last time they were all here was about a week before he’d left the clan.
Tore sniffed at his clothes. The Scent Killer he’d sprayed on himself seemed to be doing its job. Even he couldn’t pick up his own scent. Back at the Lodge, they went through gallons of the stuff. The white tailed deer had hyper-sensitive noses. They were more gifted than Lycans in that respect. That stuff was the only way they could get any of their patrons close enough to kill one. The spray would give him plenty of cover. Between that and the cigarette smoke, no one from the commune would be able to detect him.
Tore glanced at his watch. It was coming up on eleven, too late for anyone to show now. He was about to drain his beer and give up when the door flew open and five guys stumbled in. Even though it was too dark to see their faces, there was no hiding the fact they were from the clan. Their physiques alone were conspicuous. Tall, lean, and athletic with broad shoulders and obvious muscles straining against their T-shirts. They swaggered in, confident, their demeanor predatory. As they leaned against the bar, the draft from the open door blew familiar scents to Tore.
Jackpot! What a stroke of luck. Felix and Henrik were amongst the group. They moved across the bar and racked up balls at the scruffy pool table.
Now to get one of them on their own, he thought.
Felix was the first to break away from the group. He left his beer on the table and wandered over to the bathroom. Tore followed, keeping out of sight. Just as he knew what they were when they walked in, one look in his direction would tell them what he was too. Waiting outside the bathroom, tucked a little way down the hall and hidden by shadows, he checked out escape options.
The bathroom door opened. “Felix?”
The Lycan froze but didn’t turn. After a moment Felix started to walk away.
“I need you to hear me out. It’s about Nea.”
Felix turned and strode the few steps back to Tor; his face dark, eyes glowering. He clenched his fists at his sides. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t rip your damn throat out?” he growled.
Stepping back, Tore forced his shoulders to relax. He could feel his wolf wary, ready to appear if necessary. “I know how you must feel.” His words did nothing to calm Felix, he was seconds away from shifting. “Do you think I’d be this stupid, coming back if it wasn’t important?” Tore asked.
Felix’s hand wrapped around Tore’s neck and pushed him up tight against the wall. Tore struggled to pull his friend’s fingers from his throat. Felix thrust his face into Tore’s and bared his elongating fangs. He was taller than Tore and there was no doubt he would deploy his wolf. Tore held back, his own logic kicking in. They were friends and, as far as he knew, Felix had always avoided fights at the clan.
Felix’s aggression ran deep, his hatred fueled by years of grief and hurt. They had shared their childhood and passed through transition together. But now Tore’s best friend wanted to kill him. Tore’s wolf instincts were desperate to fight back, but his human half didn’t want to hurt Felix. Just as he thought he’d have to shift, Felix let go and stepped back.
He lowered his head. His eyes were black, not with anger but with something else. “Why? Why’d you take her? You had Annike, why’d you take my Nea?” The grief behind Felix’s eyes was raw.
Tore put his hand around the back of Felix’s head. “I didn’t, Felix. She left with me, I didn’t take her from you. She’s always been yours.”
Felix didn’t pull back. He shook his head in disbelief. “Don’t lie to me, Tore. Isak told me...”
“You shouldn’t believe everything my father tells you, Felix. Did he tell you that he gave Annike to Erik?” Confusion flicked across Felix’s eyes. He had no idea
“I had no choice but to leave. Annike wouldn’t stay without me. The morning we ran, Nea saw us. She’d had some trouble, persuaded me to let her come with us. She never loved me, Felix.” His hand rubbed his face. “I’ve never touched her. Just kept her safe for you. I came back here because Nea can’t bear being away from you any longer.”
Felix stepped away and leaned against the wall. His fangs retracted as he locked down his wolf.
“Why did she leave without telling me?” Felix questioned, bewilderment in his eyes.
“It’s Nea’s story, she needs to be the one to tell you. She’s here. Let me take you to her. Please let her explain.” Felix looked like he might walk away any minute. “She’s risked everything to speak to you.”
Felix pushed his hands through his hair. It was obvious this was opening old wounds. He surprised Tore when he nodded his consent.
A few minutes later, they climbed into Tore’s rental. Five minutes after that, Tore stopped at a public telephone.
“Nea, I found Felix, he’s with me now. I’ll meet you where we arranged, okay?”
Back in the car, Felix looked nervous.
“We’re gonna meet Nea just out of town. I don’t wanna take you to where we’re staying until I know how this works out. I’ve got to protect Annike and my sons, Felix.”
Felix nodded.
It took ten minutes to reach the parking lot of the popular walking trail. After parking and checking the air for Lycan scents, Tore set off on foot. Felix trailed behind him, looking right and left. He was as nervous as Tore, fearing someone might have followed them.
They waited fifteen minutes, before Nea appeared. She stopped a hundred feet away. In the moonlight she looked paler than usual, her eyes ringed with dark circles. She’d lost more weight than Tore had realized.
“Felix.” Tore nodded to where she was standing. Felix took a deep breath as he turned to face the woman who’d walked away from him, four years ago.
11
As Felix locked eyes on Nea’s tiny form, his knees buckled and his heart stopped beating.
She was as beautiful as ever.
Seconds turned to minutes and still his heartbeat didn’t resume its functi
on. Paralysis may have held him in place but inside, Felix’s emotions roiled. He never thought he’d see Nea again. A couple of years ago, he decided he never wanted to. But now that she was here, his resolve crumbled to dust.
Why had he agreed to do this?
Felix hadn’t been prepared for what would happen. Hadn’t anticipated how those old wounds would be ripped open. Hurt, self-doubt, anger, self-loathing, all oozed from those lacerations. He stared at her in silence, fearing if he spoke to her he’d emotionally bleed to death.
As his breath left his lungs, fear over came him. Felix had to get out of there. But even though the pain of seeing her was unbearable, he remained rooted to the spot. He was unable to move away, despite the ache that tightened around his heart and threatened to squeeze the life from him.
Why had he come? He thought it would help put Nea behind him once and for all. He’d thought that after all this time, he would see her and feel nothing. But, like a recovering alcoholic catching sight of a bottle of whiskey, one look was all it took.
Damn it!
After she’d left, it took years before Felix could get through a day without thinking of her. He’d spent months replaying their last meeting, in his head. Over and over, he had analyzed each word spoken and evaluated each gesture in an attempt to find an answer as to why she had gone. Now he feared the whole self-flagellation would start up again.
Walk away, Felix. Turn around and walk. Go back to your life and away from her.
But he didn’t.
He couldn’t.
Instead, he remained transfixed. How different she looked. Nea was thinner, tired… sad.
Was Tore right? Had she pined for him?
Felix shook his head as he tried to gain control of his emotions. No, he couldn’t let this happen. He had his medical studies to finish. He didn’t need this distraction. There was no sane reason to let Nea step back into his life. Yet, as he looked into her deep brown eyes, he was unable to obey his head. His heart was speaking louder and it begged him to stay and hear what she said.
Don’t listen to your heart, Felix. She broke it once, she will do it again. Walk away while you still can.
The breeze wafted her scent to his nostrils. The sweet nighttime jasmine made him gasp. He groaned, now his senses were conspiring against him. His mind ran amok as he imagined holding her in his arms with his nose pressed against her neck. As if to torment him further, she brushed her hair away from her face and her intoxicating fragrance tumbled towards him once again.
Another growl rumbled deep within his chest as he watched her tuck thick, dark strands of hair behind her ear. He closed his eyes. Memories of sliding his fingers through it filled his head. Felix felt a ghost of it lying across his skin; felt the silkiness in his hands as if it was only yesterday. Her hair soft, so…
His eyes flew open.
Get a grip, Felix. End this.
Nea fidgeted with the hem of her dress. Her eyes pleaded with Felix, begging him to listen. She ran her tongue across her lips as if she was preparing to speak. As her lips parted, Felix looked away. He focused on the shadows on the ground; as he tried to find his strength.
This was over. For heaven’s sake, this had to be done.
Nea closed her lips without saying anything. Her eyes filled with tears as she saw the expression on his face. Felix had a sudden desire to hurt her, like she’d hurt him. He opened his mouth. Cruel words crowded the tip of his tongue.
As his eyes met hers, he saw it before she could hide it from him. The words he’d wanted to fling at her, stuck in his throat. Then he knew, whatever else had happened during those past four years, Nea still loved him.
And he still loved her.
Walking away was not an option. Felix had to try again. His legs regained some of their strength as they took him towards her. Nea’s eyes sparkled with tears as she haltingly stepped closer to him.
They met somewhere in the middle. Who knew which one of them took the most steps. In truth, Felix didn’t care what journey either of them had undertaken. Both were bitter and arduous. As their bodies collided, Felix pulled her into his embrace. Nea wrapped her long slender arms around his neck and he buried his face in her hair. Felix felt drunk on her scent as he inhaled the jasmine and honey,
***
Tore hung back at the car, watching closely as his friends sat in silence. He could sense how hurt Felix was, and Tore hoped the hurt didn’t turn to hatred.
As the silence grew oppressive, Nea began, “I hoped you would see me, prayed that you would allow me to explain.”
“Nea, I…” Felix was desperate for her explanation but he cringed at the thought of knowing.
“There is no easy way to tell you my story. I have no excuse for what happened…” She looked away.
Felix’s heart pounded against his chest. “I can forgive.”
She looked at him and took his hand. Electricity sparked through him. He wanted to tell her to stop, to keep this secret away from him.
She took a deep breath. “It would make me happy if you could, but what I have to tell you is unforgivable. All I can hope is that you will listen and that knowing what happened will help you move on. I know you’ll hate me and I’ll understand.” She took a deep breath, “I’m sorry, I’m being so selfish but I had to come…” Her eyes held a small glint of hope, but a shadow of despair clouded them.
She wiped her stray tears. “It wasn’t planned, Felix. I never set out to hurt you. Every second since it happened, I’ve been consumed by regret.”
Felix’s hand slipped from hers. His body stiffened as he braced for the impact of her words. That glint of hope in her eyes had vanished, and slowly he realized what she was about to say. Of course there was only one reason for her to leave. She’d left for someone else.
“Who was it?” Bile rushed into his throat.
Was it Tore? Did his friend lie to him?
Tore stiffened, as he smelled the anger surge through Felix.
Nea saw Felix look at Tore, anticipated what he was thinking. She grabbed his arm. “No, it wasn’t him. He had nothing to do with this. Tore and Annike helped me when I got pregnant.”
Felix turned back to her, his fangs elongating, his claws sliding from his fingertips when he heard her confession.
Nea pleaded with him, “It wasn’t Tore, please believe me. I can’t tell you who — just that I was stupid. Naive… Drunk. He took advantage of me.” She stopped speaking, shook her head. “No, there is no excuse. I betrayed you, Felix.” She reached out to him but stopped when she saw he was losing his self-control. She knew he was battling to contain his wolf. Nea knew it was over. She turned her back on him and walked away.
From across the parking lot Tore saw Felix’s internal struggle. Fearing that Nea’s leaving would trigger Felix’s shift he started towards them. “Nea” he screamed. “Keep still.”
She froze. Glancing back at Felix, she hung her head, “Release him, Felix. Let your wolf do it’s worse. It is what I deserve. I’m tired of this guilt within me, tired of living this half-life. If we can’t be together, I don’t want to live.”
Hearing her words, Felix’s human side regained control. His claws retracted, the wolf disappeared from his eyes, his fangs slid into his gums, and he fell to his knees. There was no way he could hurt her. Even after what she’d told him, his love for her was too strong.
Nea knelt besides him and slid her arms around his waist. When she rested her head on his chest his hands crept to her back. Despite her betrayal, the broken heart she had caused, the cowardice she’d shown when she ran instead of facing him. Despite everything, Felix still loved her.
“I love you, Nea.”
She lifted her eyes to his and through her tears said, “Felix, I love you so much. Over all these years, I never stopped, not for one minute.”
By the time Felix walked her back to an overanxious Tore, they were both drained of emotion.
“I appreciate that you risked everything to bring her
back to me. If it’s okay, I’d like to meet Nea again tomorrow. Can we meet here?”
Tore pulled Nea into his arms. He nodded to Felix and walked her back to the car. After he helped her in, he returned to shake Felix’s hand. “Thanks for giving her a chance.”
Felix pulled Tore to him. “Thank you for bringing her back to me.”
Tore patted his friend on the back. “You understand, you have to keep this quiet. Until we figure something out, I can’t risk the clan knowing we’re here.”
Felix stood back. “They won’t hear anything from me. But keep a low profile. The clan frequents the town, more than they used to. You need to stay out of sight. Isak and Erik aren’t ready for a family reunion.”
***
Each night, the three met at the same place by the river. Felix and Nea talked about the past and what they hoped for the future. They wanted a life together, but how could they make it work? Felix knew it was impossible for Nea to return to the clan. But could he give up everything to be with her?
“Living away from the commune is great, Liam has this fantastic place. He runs a hunting Lodge. He’d give you a job, no problem. His wife is human but she knows all about us.” Tore explained
“Don’t you feel isolated? Being away from our own kind? Having to stay hidden?”
“No, it’s private there. Liam has plenty of land. We hunt in our wolf forms when we want, can be who we are. Björn and Otto don’t live far, they come by sometimes. It’s the best of both worlds.”
Tore enjoyed living amongst humans. He’d adapted well, liked the freedom, and he’d found a place where he was happy. It had only been a few years, but they’d established a small clan. Felix joining them was a viable option.
***
The Wolf You Feed Arc Page 8
