After gulping in a breath that she seemed to force all the way to the bottom of her soul, she went on, “It would be stupid to try. And I also know that I can’t keep giving and giving to a man when I have to watch everything I say. A man who will expect me to stay in bed in the middle of the night while he goes to his office, pours a whiskey and mourns. I’m simply not that strong. Nor am I strong enough to keep coming out here and pretending, hoping, wishing, dreaming that one day we can enjoy watching the sunset by the river.”
She took a few steps toward him and stopped in front of him. Then she reached up and tenderly traced his cheekbone before dropping her hand to her side. “I’ll tell you this from the heart. I am sorry, more sorry than you can know, that I reopened the wound.”
He grabbed her wrist as she tried to walk past him. She stopped and looked at him for a moment, her beautifully sculpted eyebrows drawn together. When he gazed into her tear-filled eyes, he couldn’t see the flecks in them. He opened his mouth, but he had nothing to say. Not a single fucking word, not even a nasty one.
“You warned me,” she said. “You were always honest.”
He let her go.
A few minutes later, he heard her boots on the stairs. He told himself to go after her, but he couldn’t force himself to move. Letting her go out to her car and drive away in the dark was assholeish, even for him. But he still didn’t move.
The back door slammed. Obviously confused, Loopy cocked her head and whimpered. “It’s okay, girl,” he soothed. Lied.
The muted sound of a car engine reached him. He went to a window and stared. Because it was dark, he could see her lights for miles. She exited the main gate, handled the bump gate like a pro then continued driving. What was he hoping? That she’d stop? Turn around? Come back? Be satisfied with the scraps of affection and the lack of emotion that he was offering?
Sofia was right. She deserved better.
Once her tail lights disappeared, he went to his study. That, too, was ironic in its predictability.
Loopy walked past, to the kitchen, maybe to the back door?
He poured himself a double of Julien’s finest and sat in the chair, feet propped on the windowsill.
There was a temptation, burning and urgent, to down the whiskey in a single gulp. But striving for a semblance of humanity, he took only a small sip. At first, anyway.
Sofia had said she was sorry she’d reopened the wound. But she needn’t have apologized for that. It had never been closed in the first place. And now he had another to go on top of it.
Until he’d met Sofia, he’d never made the mistake of falling in love with a woman. He’d constructed his life carefully to avoid spending extended time with anyone, but with her determination, her sexiness, the way she’d tried to create a home in the short time she’d been at the Running Wind—from the flowers on the table to the sun tea he still hadn’t dumped—she’d worked her way inside his heart.
He’d be taking bets on which one of them had been stupider.
Civility failed him, and he downed the rest of the drink.
Loopy was still sleeping near the back door when Cade went into the kitchen right before dawn.
* * * *
Someone kicking the bottom of his booted foot jolted him awake.
“Rise and shine,” Nathan said.
“What in the actual fuck?” Cade struggled to sit up and adjusted his hat, squinting against the glare of the late-June sun.
“If Connor were here, I’d let him take the first swing,” Nathan continued, adding an annoying cheerful smile.
“That’s brotherly love for you.”
“I take it you forgot I was coming?”
“What?” Cade shook his head and instantly regretted it. “What day is it?”
“Saturday. You missed the family meeting, didn’t respond to calls. Told your foreman, Ed, that you were taking some time off. So I thought I’d still come down and keep you company. Maybe play some horseshoes.”
He scrubbed a hand down his face, feeling stubble. “Horseshoes.” He had no recollection of falling asleep outside. Probably hadn’t been sleep, he realized. More like a stupor, if the empty bottle of very expensive whiskey was anything to judge by.
“Shower,” Nathan said. “I’ll make breakfast.”
“I’ll pass.”
“Actually, no you won’t. You’ll rejoin the land of the living. Coffee is the reward.”
Since the scrawny Nathan probably could take him right now, Cade opted for a shower. That would at least put him on equal footing for the upcoming discussion. “How long are you staying?”
“Couple weeks.”
He accepted Nathan’s generous hand up. “Weeks.”
“Depends.” He shrugged. “Maybe longer. Audit the books. Inventory the house.”
“The fuck?”
“Act like you need a babysitter, I’ll fucking give you one.”
He’d never seen this side of his youngest brother.
“You scared the hell out of Erin and Aunt Kathryn. Connor was making his usual lame excuses for your behavior. That’s enough. Grandfather is right, you can put both of your hands up your ass and pull your head out. Or you can give up your seat on the board.”
“The Colonel said that?”
“I might have improvised,” Nathan said.
“Improvised?”
“A bit.”
“A bit?”
“He’d have said it if he’d have thought it.”
“So what did he say?”
“That you need to step into your responsibilities or get them taken away. Accused Connor of enabling you. So Erin and Aunt Kathryn were beside themselves with worry. Connor took a tongue-lashing that belonged to you, the Colonel is pissed, we were thinking of calling your mother, we talked to your foreman, and here I am. You had a hell of a Friday, big brother. Wouldn’t Dad be proud?”
If Nathan had physically punched him, Cade couldn’t have felt the blow more keenly.
Many times in his life, he’d been a dick. But this week, first with Sofia then with his family, he’d risen to previously uncharted heights.
“Yeah.” Cade went inside and was relieved to see Loopy sleeping contentedly near her food bowl. At least she had a few chunks of dry food in there and water in her dish. Thank God he hadn’t been completely derelict in his responsibilities.
Loopy yawned and stood, stretching her paws before following him.
He brushed his teeth then got in the shower and allowed the hot spray to punish him. Eventually the steam managed to lift the fog that coated his brain. He tried to piece together the events of the last couple of days.
Sofia had left late Wednesday. He’d stayed up half the night brooding, worrying about where she’d spent the night. He’d phoned her, texted her to check on her, but she’d ignored him. He’d wondered if she had gone back to her mom’s house. If so, no doubt Mrs. McBride thought he was a schmuck—rightfully so. Then he’d thought that maybe she’d gotten a hotel. In Waltham? Or Corpus? He’d offered a quick prayer that she hadn’t driven all the way back to Houston. It would have been two in the morning before she’d arrived.
Why the hell had he let pride stand in the way? He should have stopped her, insisted she stay.
He’d been frustrated and hung-over at work on Thursday. He’d called her again when he’d taken a lunch break, but she’d sent him straight to voicemail. By then, he had been getting worried. She’d refused all his calls. So he’d called the Houston division of Encore. He’d been told that Ms. McBride was at work but was unable to take phone calls.
Momentary relief had washed through him. But it had been quickly followed by a flash of annoyance. It would have cost her nothing to send a text message to ease his worry. From there, regret had threatened to drag him into its familiar pit.
Cade had kept himself busy with the ranch books on Thursday evening, managing, for a while, to outrun the demons. He’d been planning to drive to Houston on Friday morning, ridiculously early
, if for no other reason than he had a vehicle and could drive to see Sofia afterward. And he was curious to know why Erin had gone ahead and signed the contract, and intrigued to know what others had thought of her decision.
But he’d gone to bed too late and he’d had so much booze that he’d slept through his alarm. He’d tried calling Sofia repeatedly and heard her professional voicemail more times than he could count. At some point, he’d spiked his phone onto the ground.
After that, things became fuzzy.
As Nathan had said, their dad would have had no reason to be proud. That burned his craw as bad as anything.
He shut off the water and got out, wrapped a towel around his waist then shaved. Once he was dressed like a civilized human being, he joined Nathan in the kitchen.
A full pot of manna sat on the counter, and Nathan was wearing the Texas apron. He looked ridiculous.
“I fucked up.”
“Again,” Nathan said, still with that annoyingly chipper note in his voice.
Cade poured himself a cup of coffee.
“I looked at the calendar,” Nathan said. “Wasn’t the anniversary.”
The reminder that he’d pulled a bender before was embarrassing. “No. It wasn’t.”
“There’s usually a reason.” Nathan piled an entire pan of scrambled eggs onto a plate.
“Whose henhouse did you raid? I didn’t know there were enough chickens in the county to lay this many eggs.”
“You need the protein.”
He squeezed his eyes shut.
Nathan had already put a platter of bacon on the kitchen island. And, thoughtfully, a couple of aspirin and a glass of orange juice.
Cade hauled his ass up onto one of the bar stools and reluctantly accepted some food. When the first bite stayed down, he tried another.
Nathan refilled both their mugs before joining him.
“So you can answer the question without me repeating it, or I can ask it incessantly. Your choice.”
“Too much to hope you’ll go away?”
“Five hour drive before dawn on a Saturday morning after an eventful Friday night? Yeah. It’s too much to ask.”
They ate in silence.
After his second cup of coffee, Cade cracked. “Sofia McBride.”
Nathan put down his fork. “A woman? Wait, our caterer?”
“Event planner, but yeah.”
“The woman from Connor’s reception? You’ve been seeing her? How? When? Start at the beginning.”
He left out selected pieces, probably, in reality, the pieces that mattered the most. Her responsiveness, the way she gave him more than he’d ever expected or deserved.
Cade ended the story with his ending harsh words and the way he’d let her go.
“That’s a bitch,” Nathan said.
To his credit, he offered no advice, and Cade guessed that none was forthcoming.
“What do you want to do?”
“Turn back the clock.”
“We all do.”
Nathan made Cade clean the kitchen while he sat out back with the dog and more coffee.
Cade figured that was fair.
Twenty minutes later, the aspirin had started to kick in and he went outside. The sun was still a bit much, and he was grateful for the hat that allowed him to block its rays.
“Your phone, I believe,” Nathan said, pointing to bits of metal and glass that were on top of the table. “I’m still finding pieces.”
He winced. Mostly because he’d lost the pictures of sweet Sofia in her glorious bondage. And he was probably enough of an ass that he’d never get to see her arched for him again.
“Talk to me about the expansion ideas,” Nathan said, cutting into his glum thoughts.
For the next hour he discussed ideas, including some of Sofia’s, such as the one for the gazebo by the river.
“Women like that shit,” Nathan said. “Wedding pictures, anniversary pictures, engagement pictures, family photos, senior portraits.”
“How the hell do you know about that?”
“Have a friend who’s a photographer. Always looking for great places to shoot.”
Then he mentioned the Koozies.
“We have some with the Donovan Worldwide logo on them.”
“Even you know what it is?”
“Anyone who drinks beer knows what one is.”
He frowned.
“Get all this down on a spreadsheet, let’s crunch the numbers. Based on the success we’ve had in section one, I wouldn’t say no right away. Since the Running Wind is closer to a town and access is easier, Sofia could be right that this is a good place for events as well as outdoor activities.”
“What do you think about opening the house to tours?”
“Why anyone would want to visit a mausoleum is beyond me.”
He’d taken exception to Sofia calling it that.
“I meant it when I said burn it down. Well, after we make sure the insurance is solid.”
Cade looked at Nathan. “You seriously have no attraction to this place?”
“Hell no.”
“No animosity toward me for living here?”
Nathan exhaled. “I’m going to sock you one myself.”
“I’m being serious.”
Nathan tipped back his own cowboy hat and seared Cade with his intense green eyes. “So am I. If had been up to me, we’d have sold the house. The land isn’t in our blood like it is yours. We’re grateful it matters to you.”
He was dumbstruck.
“Dad loved Stormy. No one can change that. And when she refused to marry him and vanished, he married my mother. My mother, and I bet yours, loved him. Who wouldn’t? From what I remember, from what I was told, he was outgoing, fun, reckless, in and out of trouble, even jail.”
Cade put down the mug he’d been about ready to drink from.
“He wasn’t perfect, Cade. Even if you want to think he was. He wasn’t. Not ever. Story goes that he was out at the Running Wind on college break. Truth is, he was banished. He’d knocked up a woman somewhere in Europe.”
Cade felt his shoulders collapse under the burden. “We have…”
“No. She miscarried. He loved women, Cade. Even when he was married to my mom, he was picked up for a DUI. The Colonel got him off. But left the hooker to fend for herself.”
“The what?”
“You didn’t hear those stories. You were insulated out here. He was a decent man, most times. And there was the Donovan image to uphold. But he had lapses. And man, he rode his motorcycle too damn fast. He was lucky he didn’t die on that.”
It was as if the man he’d built up, adored, had never existed.
“I’ve come to terms with it. He loved us. All. In his own way. We all read the coroner’s report. It was an accident. A fucked-up, wished-it-had-never-happened accident. If you want to carry the burden, so be it.” He shrugged fatalistically. “Can’t say how I’d feel in your shoes. But no one blames you. Not me, not the Colonel, not my mother.”
“I got the ranch out of it.”
“And? Jesus Christ, we’ve all got more than we can spend in a lifetime.”
“I wasn’t entitled to it.”
“So if there’d been someone else, that kid in Europe, maybe, we should shove him aside, deny him his due?”
“God no.”
“Then why you?”
* * * *
After they went to town for a new phone and to grab some groceries, he and Nathan played poker, fished, rode the range, reviewed financial statements. They stayed up late Saturday night talking over a beer.
For the first time he felt as if he had family. And he acknowledged that was because—until now—he’d kept them away.
He wasn’t sure what the hell to do with the realization, but he slept well that night, for the first time since Sofia had been in his bed last Wednesday.
“You’re a hell of a babysitter,” he told Nathan late Sunday evening as his younger brother tossed his gear in the bac
k of his pickup truck.
“I’ll tell you this, the Donovans need your contribution. The Colonel isn’t as healthy as he wants us all to believe. See you at the next family meeting?”
After Nathan pulled away, he called his mother and asked if he could see her. Maybe it was time to ask questions, look at facts. And maybe it was time for him to put two hands up his ass and see if he could pull out his head.
Chapter Fifteen
“Men blow.” Zoe threw herself down on Sofia’s couch.
Since it was ten o’clock and Sofia was already in her robe and planning to head to bed, the knock on the door had caught her by surprise
For a moment, her heart had stopped, and she’d thought that maybe Cade had tracked her down. Then she’d chided herself for being ridiculous.
For a couple of days after she’d left the ranch, he had tried to contact her, but she’d heard nothing since. She told herself it was better that way. But she wasn’t having a lot of luck convincing herself.
After locking the door, she sat in a chair across from Zoe. “What happened?”
“I caught Todd with another woman.”
“Oh, honey. I’m sorry. Wine? Coffee? Chocolate?”
“Ice cream.”
“You got it.” Sofia had a pint of super-premium vanilla bean in the back of the freezer, just for times like these. She’d managed to avoid opening it, but it hadn’t been easy.
Figuring that no bowl would be necessary, she carried the carton and a spoon to Zoe.
Between bites, she spilled out the whole story. Todd had taken her to the nightclub for their first real date. She’d gone to the ladies’ room to freshen her lipstick, and when she’d returned, he’d been practicing his vampire moves on a voluptuous blonde.
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