Dad took the letter from Mum, folded it and stuck it behind the clock on the dresser. ‘Maybe something’s happened to her cat,’ said Dad. ‘And she’s seen you talking to it and, oh I don’t know, thought you might have had something to do with it. Who knows what goes on in her mind. Look, don’t worry, Lal. Whatever it is she thinks you’ve done or haven’t done, we’ll deal with it on Friday. I know what these old timers can be like sometimes. They get an idea into their head about someone and there’s nothing you can do to dissuade them. Maybe some other lad has been messing around and upset her. Whatever, we’ll put it straight.’
He meant to be reassuring, but Lal looked worried. Clearly I wasn’t the only one in our neighbourhood who’d been spooked by Mrs Finkelstein in the past. As I watched him sweat, I wondered if, like me with my mad dream, there was something that he was keeping to himself.
Chapter 5
Candice
News about Candice was all around school by break time on Monday. Candice had told her mate, Jade Wilcocks, who had told Mary O’Connor, who had told Mo Harrison, who told Izzie, who told Nesta and TJ, who told me.
‘Apparently she’s ten weeks gone already,’ said Izzie, as we made our way to the cloakroom.
‘Oh God, poor thing,’ I said.‘I wonder what she’s going to do.’
We didn’t have to wait long to find out as she was huddled in the corner of the cloakroom surrounded by her mates. Her eyes were the colour of her hair, red, as she looked like she’d been crying.
Nesta went straight over to her and gave her a hug. ‘Hey, Candice.You OK?’
Candice shook her head and looked at the floor. ‘I suppose you’ve heard the news?’
Nesta, TJ, Izzie and I nodded.
‘Is there anything we can do?’ asked Izzie.
Candice sighed. ‘Wave a magic wand and turn back time a few months.’
‘What are you going to do?’ asked Nesta.
‘Nesta!’ I said as Candice began to sob. Nesta was never one for subtle questioning.
‘I don’t know,’ she sighed. ‘I don’t know. What would you do?’
‘Well, do your parents know? What do they think?’ asked Nesta.
‘No,’ wailed Candice. ‘I haven’t told them yet. I mean, what do you say? I got a B in English and oh . . . by the way, I’m having a baby.’
‘Yeah. Tough call,’ said Nesta, ‘but you’re going to have to tell them sometime.’
‘Not necessarily,’ said Mary O’Connor. ‘She could always . . . you know . . .’
‘Have an abortion, you mean?’ asked Nesta.
‘That’s what I’d do,’ said Mo. ‘That way no one need ever know about it.’
At this, Candice broke down and started crying properly. ‘How can I decide something like that? How can I? I don’t know if I could do it. Oh God, my life is over. What am I going to do? I can’t have a baby. I’m only fifteen. I can’t believe this is happening. I want to go to college. How am I going to do that with a baby? I won’t even be able to get a job.’
‘I guess it’s a bit late for the Morning-After Pill,’ said Izzie.
‘Yeah, like ten weeks too late,’ groaned Candice. ‘You have to take it within seventy-two hours after . . . you know . . .’
‘That’s what I’d have done,’ said Mary. ‘I’d have been straight down the birth control clinic and got that pill in time.’
‘You could have the baby adopted,’ said Jade Wilcocks, ‘then you could go to college.’
Candice sniffed. ‘But I’d still have to give birth. And it would hurt! And everyone would know and say things about me behind my back. Do you think abortion is bad?’
‘God, I don’t know,’ I said. ‘I mean, people have them all the time . . . for all sort of reasons.’
‘And who can say what’s bad or not?’ said Izzie. ‘I mean, people use all sorts of birth control. If you’re going to be really philosophical, you could say that that prevents a baby even having a chance. I don’t know. It’s a real biggie. I wish God had e-mail sometimes and we could ask him about this sort of thing.’
‘My parents are totally against it,’ said Mo, ‘but I think that it is an option. I mean, if you’re not ready to have a baby and you have no support system set up to look after it, why not? Babies cost money and if you’re not able to look after it and you don’t really want it, then that’s not very kind to the baby, is it? So why have it?’
‘Does Elliot know?’ asked Izzie.
Candice sighed. ‘Yes, he knows.’
She looked so sad, drained. I felt really sorry for her. This wasn’t the Candice we all knew, always up for a laugh, life and soul of any party.
‘But how did it happen?’ asked Nesta.
‘Duh. We had sex, dummy.’
‘Yeah, but didn’t you use anything?’ Nesta persisted.
Candice nodded. ‘Yes. Yes we did. But safe sex isn’t always so safe. I think that maybe he didn’t put it on in time. I don’t know. I don’t really know how it happened. We thought we were being so careful. We were careful. I bet you all think I’m totally stupid.’
‘No way,’ said TJ. ‘I was a surprise baby. And my parents are both doctors. You’d think if anyone knew all about contraception, it would be them. These things happen.’
‘Yeah,’ said Izzie. ‘It could happen to anyone.’
‘Not if you don’t have sex,’ said Candice. ‘Now I wish I hadn’t.’
‘Was it the first time?’ asked TJ.
‘No. We’d done it before a couple of times. I don’t know what went wrong this time.’
‘What does Elliot say?’ asked TJ.
Candice leaned over the sink and looked at her face in the mirror. She began to dab her eyes with cold water. ‘God, I look a state.’ She turned to look at TJ. ‘Elliot says it’s up to me. It’s my decision. He says he’ll stand by me whatever I decide, but I don’t know if I want to be with him for the rest of my life. But what’s the option – be a single mum? I don’t know if I could do that either. It’s not something you really think about when you’re only dating. But what if I do decide to have it and we stay together? How long is he going to hang around? He’s only sixteen. If I have the baby, I’ll have ruined his life as well. How are we going to pay for it? I don’t know. Oh God, I just don’t know.’ Her eyes started to well up with tears again.
‘It might not be so bad,’ said Nesta, reaching out and taking Candice’s hand. ‘Hey, come on. Your parents might be brilliant about it. They might help out and it might turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you.’
‘You don’t know my dad,’ wailed Candice. ‘He’ll kill Elliot. He’ll kill me.’
Nesta squeezed her hand. ‘No, he won’t. Course he won’t. Come on, worst thing he can do is ground you.’ She attempted a smile and Candice tried to smile back but couldn’t hold it.
Poor, poor Candice, I thought, as I watched her sobbing into the sink. I’d hate to be in her shoes. For me, having babies had only been a dream. For Candice, it was a reality.
Chapter 6
Role Playing
On Thursday night I had a date withTony.Not a going-out date, I was going over to his parents’ flat and we had planned to watch a DVD and chill out.He knew that I was gutted about not being able to go to Italy with the others, so he said he’d get the movie called A Room With a View. Some of it is set in Florence and he said he wanted to get it for me so that I wouldn’t miss out altogether. I’d been looking forward to it all week but, by the time Thursday came round, I felt sombre. Preoccupied. I kept thinking about Candice crying at school on Monday.What would I do if I were in her shoes? Probably like her, I’d cry a lot. But then what? Being pregnant wasn’t something that went away because you didn’t want it to be happening.Candice was going to have to deal with it.And make a decision.
It was lovely to see Tony and to snuggle down in his arms to watch the movie. Nesta had gone out to see a musical in the West End with her parents so we knew we’d be alone for a fe
w hours. All I wanted to do was cuddle up and forget the world, so I hoped he wasn’t going to try anything. I wasn’t in the mood.
Tony, on the other hand, was in the mood and seemed more interested in snogging than watching the film. When it had finished, he put on Nesta’s chill-out compilation and came to sit next to me on the sofa. He put his arm round me and gave me a long smoochy kiss. A few moments later, one of his hands strayed round to my front. I pushed him away. He carried on kissing me, then tried again. Again I pushed him away.
After a few more tries, he pulled away and sat up. ‘OK, so what’s up, Luce?’
‘I’m sorry, Tony, I just not in the right frame of mind . . .’ I said.
He faked shock horror. ‘Not in the right frame of mind to make out with me? Hhmmm. Must be losing my touch. Here let me try a more subtle approach.’
He threw me back on the sofa, then dived on top of me, nuzzling into my neck and tickling my waist. ‘Not in ze mood huh? Ve have vays of getting you in ze mood.’
I laughed and reached back, grabbed a cushion and hit him over the head. ‘And ve have vays of fighting back.’
He sat up, raised an eyebrow and grinned wickedly at me. ‘Hhhmm. So you vant to fight do you?’
I stood up, armed with my cushion. ‘Try me,’ I said. I was pretty good with a cushion. I’d had years of training with my two brothers. ‘Choose your weapon.’
Tony grabbed a cushion and we went into a great cushion-bashing fight. After a few minutes, he lay back on the sofa and gasped. ‘OK, OK. You win. I surrender. I am your slave. I am at your mercy.’
He pulled me on top of him and began to kiss me again. The pillow fight had dispersed the black cloud that had been hovering over me all week and reminded me of why I liked Tony such a lot. He could always make me laugh so, this time, I responded. Once again, after a few moments, he started with the wandering hands. I let him do it for a while and tried to relax, but I couldn’t get the image of Candice out of my mind so, after a while, I pushed him off.
‘Oh Lucy,’ he moaned as he sat up. ‘What is it with you? Usually you like us being together like this.’
‘I know,’ I said. ‘I’m just not in the mood tonight.’
Tony sighed. ‘So when are you going to be? There’s nothing wrong with it. We’ve been going together for ages and you know I hold back a lot as it is.’
I sighed. Just what I didn’t want to talk about.
Tony sat up for a moment, then looked at me searchingly. ‘I need to know what’s going on, Luce. You know I want to sleep with you. How long are you going to make me wait?’
I sat in silence for a while, wondering what to say to make it right. ‘Don’t know,’ I said finally.
‘Don’t know. What’s that supposed to mean?’
I felt confused. One part of me wanted to give in to him, another part felt like running away. ‘Don’t know.’
‘Come on, Luce, be reasonable.’ He leaned over to me and snuggled in. ‘Give me a break.’ Then he sniffed and began to talk in an American accent. ‘I’m just a poor lost boy who needs some tender loving care, mam. I’ve been on the road for many a year now and I’m tired, I’m cold and I’m lonely. What I need is the love of a good woman to restore my faith in mankind.’
We both started to laugh.
‘That is a crapola American accent,’ I said.
He sat back and grinned up at me. ‘Good game though, huh? I saw it on one of those late night sex programmes on TV. They said that in some relationships, it helps to role-play sometimes.’
I rolled my eyes back at him in way of an answer. Tony was always watching stuff like that and reading ‘How to be a better lover’-type books. It made me laugh, as he studied them as though he was swotting for a degree in the subject.
He wasn’t about to give up. ‘Come on, Luce. Let’s play that you’re a lonely woman out on the prairie and I’m an old experienced cowboy who’s been out on the road . . .’
‘Who wants to seduce me . . . ?’
I shook my head and he sighed heavily. I felt mean. It wasn’t his fault that I wasn’t in the mood for cuddling, never mind having sex. It wasn’t him that got Candice pregnant. I decided to try and lighten the atmosphere by making him laugh. I stood up in front of him. ‘OK, I’ve got a role-play for you.’ I put one hand on my hip, then bent my other arm and stuck it out at an angle.
He looked bemused. ‘Er not sure I get it . . .’
‘I’m role-playing. Don’t you see? Yoo hoo I’m a teapot.’
Tony cracked up laughing. ‘You’re bonkers, Lucy Lovering. Hmmm. Yeah. Yoo hoo, I’m a teapot. Yes. Very alluring. Don’t think that was one of the examples suggested on the programme, though.’
I sank back on to the sofa and we sat holding hands for a while listening to the music.
After a few moments, Tony turned to me. ‘Now, I can’t really imagine this for a moment, not unless you’re suffering from total brain damage. But . . . are you going off me?’
‘No. No. Nothing like that,’ I reassured him quickly. Even though he’d phrased his question to sound as if he was cool about it, I could tell by his eyes that, behind the bravado, he was feeling insecure and vulnerable. I decided to tell him what was really bothering me. ‘This girl at our school has just found out she’s pregnant.’
‘What’s her name?’
‘Candice Carter.’
‘Wasn’t me.’
I punched him. ‘I can’t stop thinking about her,’ I said, ‘and what I’d do if it was me. I don’t want to end up the same way and, let’s be honest, we’re definitely heading in that direction.’
Tony sat up and looked at me. ‘Just because one girl gets pregnant doesn’t mean that you will.’
‘I don’t want to risk it, Tony.’ I snuggled back up to him. ‘Why can’t we carry on the way we are? Just kissing and cuddling?’
Tony sighed.
‘Why not?’ I persisted.
He sighed again. ‘Because . . . because . . . Oh you know why not.’
‘I can’t do it, Tony. I’m sorry. I thought I was ready, then . . . well, I’m just not and especially not tonight.’
‘Then I don’t know if I can carry on like this.’
I sat up. ‘Meaning what?’
‘Meaning, I don’t want to carry on like this. It’s really difficult. You know I want to take things a stage further and I thought you were into it as well.’
‘But . . . oh, Tony, it’s not just taking things a stage further. There are risks involved.’
‘I’ve bought condoms,’ he said. ‘It doesn’t have to be a risk.’
‘Condoms can split or leak sometimes.’
‘I promise I’d be careful.’
Careful, I thought. Just what Candice thought she was being. I shook my head. ‘No, sorry Tony, but no. You know I like you more than anyone I’ve ever met, but I’m not ready. Like, what would you do if I got pregnant?’
‘But you won’t.’
‘You can’t guarantee that. What would you do?’
Tony ran his fingers through his hair making it stick up. ‘Jeez. I don’t know. Don’t get heavy about it. We’re dating, not starting a family here.’
‘But we do have to consider the risks.’
Tony leaned back and chuckled. ‘Honest, Luce, I swear that you sound like my mother when you come out with stuff like that.’ He began to mimic my voice. ‘We have to consider the risks.’
I tried to smile, but it annoyed me that he wasn’t taking me seriously. ‘I really like you, Tony,’ I said. ‘You know that don’t you?’
‘And I like you,’ said Tony. ‘So why not? It’s the most natural thing in the world.’
‘Maybe. Yes. Probably. But for one, it’s risky and two, it’s illegal. You have to be sixteen to have sex legally.’
Tony sat up and took a deep breath. ‘I’m eighteen,’ he said sadly. ‘I’m way legal.’
‘I know.’
We sat in silence for a few minutes and the atmosphere fel
t heavy and uncomfortable. After a while, he reached over and took my hand. ‘So what are we going to do?’
‘Dunno.’
‘How about we take a break for a while, hey?’ he asked.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, we’ve come to the end of the road for us for the time being.’
This wasn’t what I wanted to happen. This wasn’t what I wanted to hear. ‘But why?’
‘Because you’ve just made it very clear that you don’t want to go any further with me, so what are we supposed to do? Relationships need to progress and ours isn’t doing that. Can’t do that. We take a step forward, we take a step back. It’s not working, Luce, and I’m going out of my mind with frustration.’
I felt numb with disbelief. It was all happening so fast. One minute we’re having a pillow fight and cuddling and now . . . he’s ending it? It couldn’t be happening.
‘I don’t see why we can’t go on as we are,’ I said.
He shook his head. ‘I don’t think I can do that. You and me, well, we’ve lasted longer than with any other girl I’ve dated, but I’ve been holding back for a long time now and I’ve tried, I’ve really tried . . .’
‘So what are you really saying?’
‘Well, actually, you said it first. You’re not old enough.’
‘I’ll be fifteen soon, then sixteen and . . .’
‘That’s like a year and a bit, Lucy. I can’t wait that long. If you’re going to make me wait that long, then I’m going to go crazy. We’ve had a good time, but I feel that if we go on like we have, then we’ll start getting at each other. Destroy what we had and that would be a shame because it’s been good. I’m sorry, Lucy, but . . .’
‘You want to finish?’
He nodded, then sighed. ‘It doesn’t have to be like this, Luce. I would be really careful. I have done it before.’
‘Too much information,’ I said, holding up my hand and trying to smile as I said it, but actually I felt like crying. The last thing I wanted to hear about was his other conquests. But then, he was older than me. He had done it before. Maybe it would be OK. Only a few days ago, I’d been seriously considering it, trying to convince myself that there was nobody more perfect to do it with the first time. Then I thought about Candice again. No way, no way did I want to be in her shoes.
Mates, Dates and Great Escapes Page 3
