by Jenn Kelly
“Jackson, I never left this spot.”
Jackson didn’t know what to think. Meeka chewed on the ends of her hair. She was oddly quiet.
“Tell me the story again,” Josh said. And Jackson told him. Josh nodded thoughtfully. “Jackson, I’m an apprentice. I don’t have those kinds of powers, nor privileges. I’m only allowed to lead you to the river and tell you what to do. The rest was up to you. I’ve been sitting here, waiting for you and studying my apprentice’s book.”
“Then who was there? It looked like you, it sounded like you, it had to be you!”
Josh looked out over the river. “Jackson, I think you just met the Author.”
Chapter 64
A Chapter that Explains the Author…Even More!
Jackson’s insides churned. He was nervous, but a happy kind of nervous.
“How could I have met the Author? He looked like you.”
Josh was thoughtful. “I don’t know. But I think you did. It’s very rare, but I have read of circumstances where the Author steps out and reveals himself to the one seeking.”
“But I wasn’t seeking him!” Jackson argued. “And besides, he didn’t reveal himself! It was you!”
Josh frowned for a moment in concentration. “I think I read about this in Section 24A of my apprentice book.” He rifled through its pages. “Okay, ‘The Author will occasionally reveal himself when the occasion is appropriate. The Author may take any shape or form to best suit the interaction between himself and the Seeker,’” he quoted.
“But why did he look like you?”
Josh shook his head. “I don’t know. Usually the Author takes the form of someone Seekers know well, or someone they trust. Do you trust me? Is that it?”
Jackson ruminated. (Ruminated is like when you think about something so hard you feel like your head is going to explode. Not really explode. Just feel like it.
Oh, never mind.) Then he looked up at Josh. “Yeah, for some strange reason, I trust you.”
Josh nodded, smiling at Jackson. “So what made you choose those stones?” He took the stones from Jackson and examined them closely.
“I don’t know. I picked up different stones that had writing on them, but…”
“But?”
Jackson looked down at his feet. “Well, maybe they were true. But they said stuff like, You have a bad haircut, You’re bad at baseball, You are stupid, You have no friends…” Jackson’s voice trailed off.
“What else did they say?” Josh prodded gently.
Jackson quickly rubbed his eyes. “You are not…worth loving. Your dreams are not real. You are not special.” Jackson stopped. His throat had a large lump stuck in it.
Josh laid his hand gently on Jackson’s shoulder. Jackson didn’t look up at him.
“Jackson,” he whispered.
Jackson found the ground moss fascinating.
“Jackson. Look at me.”
Jackson wiped his eyes again and looked up at him. His eyes hurt, and his face felt hot.
“Jackson, do you really believe all those things?” Josh asked.
Jackson shrugged and looked over Josh’s shoulder, not answering.
“Even after what you saw in the mirrors? Even after what you read in the Book?” Josh asked. Jackson sighed deeply. He was so confused. He wanted to believe those things, but…
“I’m so confused. I want to believe those things…” he trailed off.
Josh nodded. “Sometimes it’s easier to believe the bad stuff, isn’t it?”
Jackson sniffed loudly.
“Jackson, do you believe that the Author made you?” he asked.
Jackson nodded slowly.
“Do you believe that the Author loves you?”
Jackson’s head was filled with muddled thoughts.
Do I believe the Author loves me?
I have no idea.
How could I even know that?
I mean, Eleissa and Meeka and Josh seem to think he loves them, but how would they know?
I can understand why he would love Eleissa because she’s so smart. And Meeka is so funny and lovable. And Josh is really cool. Who wouldn’t love him?
But what about me?
I’m not smart or funny or cool. But…
If the Author made me, he knew I would mess up. So then why would he make me if he knew I was going to mess up all the time?
Why would he make me if he knew I wouldn’t be cool and have friends?
Why would he make me if he knew that I would be terrible at baseball?
Why would he even let me want to play if I’m so awful?
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute!
What if…
…if he already knew, if he already knows everything about me, and yet, he made me anyway…
…why?
Mom and Dad love me even though I mess up. Dad tells me to keep practicing, and Mom hugs me even when I make her mad. They don’t care that I’m not cool. They don’t care that I suck at baseball. And they always read my stories. It’s obvious they love me.
Maybe that’s it.
It doesn’t matter if I’m cool or good at baseball or smart…
Maybe the Author made me just because…
…because he loves me. How could someone make something and not love it?
“Yes. I do believe the Author loves me,” Jackson said finally. “And I think it doesn’t matter whether I’m smart or cool or…”
Josh nodded eagerly.
“He just…wants me to follow my dreams, to find the purpose he planned for me.”
“So then why did you pick the white stones?” Josh asked.
“I chose the white stones because they were calling to me.” Jackson felt a little silly saying that, but so many silly things had happened that night, this didn’t seem too strange.
“Go on,” Josh encouraged.
“I was lying down in the river and I heard my name. I couldn’t figure out who or what was speaking, but when I picked up the white stones and listened, they were calling me. So these stones had to be mine, right? I mean, that seems a logical explanation to me.”
Josh smiled. “Jackson, sometimes all you have to do is be quiet and listen. I know you’re only ten and a half, but you’re growing up. And there will be times in your life when you will have quiet in your life that is not self-created. And during those times you’ll be struggling and searching, and bitterness and heartache will find you. That’s when you’ll discover the answers. Life is hard. Life is painful. But without hardships and pain, you’ll never grow as a person. You’ll never develop confidence or character or hope. But here’s the cool part—in all of those struggles, during all those times you want to give up, you need to be quiet and you need to be still, because otherwise you won’t hear the answers.”
“What answers?” Jackson asked.
“Answers to what you have to do. Answers on where to go. Answers to who you are. To quote the Author, ‘in quietness and in confidence shall be your strength.’”
Josh pointed at the river. “The test in the river was that you could have picked any of the white stones. You could have taken one step into the river and stepped right out again with one of them in your hand.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that? I almost died in the waterfall!”
“But you didn’t die, did you?” Josh asked.
“That’s what I said!” chirped Meeka. Josh looked over at her and smiled. She sat back down, pleased with herself.
“You didn’t die. The Author was probably testing you,” Josh said.
“Testing me for what? I nearly died!” Jackson repeated loudly.
“Jackson. From what you told me, Meeka was hanging on for her life to that satchel, right?”
Jackson nodded.
“You risked your own life to save hers, even though there was the chance that you would die.”
“Well, it’s not like I had much choice!”
“Actually, you did have a choice. You could hav
e let her fall.”
“I couldn’t have let Meeka die!”
Josh nodded. “And that’s what makes you who you are. You didn’t worry about what could happen to you. You just had to save her, no matter what. And that is what faith is. You just stepped out to save her. You knew, way back in your mind, that somehow, if you could save her, the Author would make sure that everything would be okay. You didn’t think of yourself. The Author tested your faith and found it abundant. You, Jackson, are a man of great loyalty, great courage, and great selflessness. And those are very admirable qualities indeed,” Josh finished.
“But what about the stones?” Jackson asked.
“Jackson, it’s easy to pick up any stone. It’s easy to believe lies. There are lies all around us, and they are easy to see. But these white stones, they don’t tell you who you are; they are just part of the journey to figuring it out. No one can tell you who you are, because deep down, you know who you are. You are who the Author created you to be. You are yourself. The white stones are everywhere, but it’s easier to find the ones that lie. It’s up to us to choose what to believe.
“Two voices are always speaking to us. One helps us be who we are; the other tells us how we fail. One wants to encourage us, to tell us that we are awesome and wonderful because the Author created us, and the other wants to tear us to shreds so that we become nothing. Just bits of nothingness, barely making it through life. You always have a choice in which voice to believe. And once you believe the true voice, you have to hang to what it says and not listen to the other voice,” Josh explained.
Jackson was quiet. He thought about the stones etched with lies. As easy as it was to believe them, he liked the idea of believing the Author instead. “So I guess I have a lot to look forward to, growing up I mean. I didn’t know it would be so hard.”
“Of course life is hard. No one ever said it was easy. I mean, you still have high school and acne to deal with, college courses to pick, debts to pay, a career to decide, bills, taxes, politics, and telemarketers. It’s all ugly and it’s all annoying.” Josh laughed. “It sure is fun though.”
“How can you say its fun? It sounds awful! I don’t want to grow up to that!”
Josh smiled. “It’s fun because you find your fun. In high school you’ll get smarter, you’ll figure things out, and you’ll make new friends. In college you’ll get to study something you want to learn. You’ll get a job that you like, or at least one that pays the bills and taxes so you can do what you love to do. Joy is where you look for it.
“Do you have the Book?” Josh asked.
Jackson handed it to him. “It got all wet. I think it’s ruined.”
Josh held it gently. He shook it gently and water droplets flew everywhere. He handed it back to Jackson.
“Open it,” he said.
Jackson opened the Book to the first page. It opened easily. It was completely dry, and the pages were intact.
You are smart, it read. Jackson turned the page.
You are a good baseball player, read the next page.
Jackson smiled and kept turning pages.
You are worthy, said the next.
You seek out the truth.
Jackson turned the next page.
You were created for a purpose.
Jackson looked up at Josh. “What purpose?” “That, my friend, is a question that only you can answer—with some help from the One who created you. I bet you’ll have an awesome time trying to find out.”
Jackson smiled. He felt pretty good, actually.
“I bet you’re pretty hungry and tired about now,” Josh speculated.
Jackson nodded vigorously. He was so hungry, he could eat his arm.
Josh pointed at the river. “Go ahead and take a drink.
It’ll make you feel better.”
Jackson shuddered. “Are you kidding? It’s gross! I fell into it awhile ago, and I got some of it in my mouth and that was disgusting!”
Josh paused. “Was the water clean or dirty?”
“It was filthy! It was all sludge and muddy and slimy and gross.”
Josh nodded. “You saw what you wanted to see. Your struggles and frustrations caused the scenery around you to change. If you had kept reminding yourself of who you were, remaining confident, you would have seen a very different river. Now, what you need to do is see the truth. The river is very clean and very filling. Go ahead and drink.”
Jackson dragged his poor, tired body to the river. He looked into it and saw a sandy bottom with stones scattered all about. He looked closer and saw little bugs floating on the top. The fish were darting to and fro, stirring up the light sand from the bottom.
“But there’s…there’s fish in here! And bugs! And I don’t even want to know what that floating stuff is!”
“Close your eyes and drink!” Josh laughed.
Jackson stifled a groan. He squatted down and scooped up the cool water in his hands. He caught a bug and a twig. He shut his eyes tightly and brought his hands to his lips. He could feel the bug tickling his lips. He tried not to gag.
He swallowed.
Chapter 65
In Which Jackson May Drink Bugs
The water slipped into Jackson’s mouth. His lips were numbed by the cold, and he couldn’t feel his tongue. He wanted to spit it out but he swallowed instead. He felt the water slip down his throat and into his stomach. The numbing continued past his stomach and into his legs, then to his feet. It rushed into his arms and fingertips, then into his head and right to the very ends of his messy hair. And all at once the tingling stopped. Jackson opened his eyes, and then he stared in amazement.
The river changed. It had turned a bright, vibrant blue. The river’s bottom was laid with gold bricks. Orange and purple violets covered the riverbank, their heads turned to the sun. And then Jackson looked up into the sky and saw a rainbow. Not a rainbow in the sky, you see, for the sky itself was a rainbow. Long stripes of reds, blues, purples, yellows, oranges, and greens, all of them filling the sky. Jackson’s heart swelled. He splashed into the river and dunked his head into the water. He laughed and drank deeply. It was the best water he ever tasted. He sat up and looked back at Josh.
Josh’s body glowed. His uniform was a bright glowing white, with not a smudge of dirt on it. A golden-yellow light encircled him.
Jackson was at a loss for words. “Josh?” he asked.
Josh smiled.
“Uh, can I take some of this water home?” Jackson asked.
Josh laughed. “No. And it’s time to go.”
Jackson looked down into the river, but it had changed back again. The water was just a regular river color, the trees were golden weeping willows, and the banks were just grass again.
Jackson climbed out of the river and walked over to Josh, who was no longer wearing white. “What was that? Why did it change? What did you change? What’s going on?”
Josh smiled broadly at Jackson. “What you saw was a present for you, from the Author. Hold on to that memory.”
Josh dug into the pocket of his satchel and pulled something out. He placed it into Jackson’s hand.
It was a key. A plain, old-fashioned, gold (but slightly tarnished) key.
“Give it to Great-Aunt Harriett when the time is right,” Josh said.
“What do you mean? When will I know?”
Josh smiled mysteriously. “You’ll know.” He picked up the Book and handed it to Jackson.
“Now hang on to this Book. It holds the truth about your life.” Josh handed him two of the white stones. “And hold on to these, because they’ll remind you to believe in the truth.” He hugged Jackson fiercely. “Give Harriett a hug for me.”
“You know my Great-Aunt Harriett?”
Josh looked at the river and smiled, lost in thought. He nodded his head slowly and turned to Jackson. “Don’t ever give up, my friend. You have what it takes,” Josh said. He began to walk away.
“Wait a minute! Will I ever see you again? I mean, can w
e hang out sometime?” yelled Jackson.
“When it’s time!” Josh called.
“But how do you know my Great-Aunt Harriett? I mean, how does she know you?” Jackson called.
“She’s my mom!”
And then he was gone.
Chapter 66
In Which They Rush Home
So what’s next on the Tour, Meeka?” Jackson asked. Meeka shook her head sadly. “I’m afraid the Tour is over.”
Jackson stopped. “What do you mean?”
“Jackson, as much fun as it was, as much as I like you, you have to go back. You’ve been here all night. And I have to give other tours. It is part of my job you know.”
Jackson looked at his watch. Six thirty! His mom would be downstairs making breakfast and coming to wake him up in half an hour!
“Meeka, I have to get back by seven!” he yelled.
“Okay, but hang on!” Meeka jumped into the river, making a big splash. She dug furiously in her work satchel and pulled out the slimy, dead fish. She bent down and carefully held him in the water. His still body shuddered, his tail flicked, and he swam away.
“What the…? Meeka! Why did you have that dead fish in your bag?” Jackson asked.
“No time, no time! Follow me!” she yelled. And she took off.
Meeka and Jackson ran down the halls, turned corners, climbed up stairs, climbed down stairs, and felt their way through a dark room (“It’s a shortcut!”) until they found themselves breathing heavily beside a door.
Meeka threw her arms around Jackson, hugging him so tightly, he couldn’t breathe. And on top of not being able to breathe because he was out of breath, that’s a lot of not breathing.
He hugged her back.
“I’m going to miss you, Jackson.” A few tears fell down her little elf face.
“I’m going to miss you too, Meeka. It’s great finally having a friend.”
“Best friend?” she asked.
“Yeah, best friend,” he agreed.
Meeka smiled a wobbly smile and said, “I’ll need your glasses.”
