by Aja Cole
Either way, it wasn’t my MO to hold something against her when she seemed sincere in wanting to make things right. I wasn’t going to just hand myself over to her again, but kindness didn’t cost a damn thing.
“You can park here,” she tells me, and I turn the music down and turn into the little parking lot next to what looks like the start of a hiking trail.
We get out, and I grab the large cooler and picnic basket she’d placed in my trunk. She grabs a big blanket and a bag that I can’t tell the contents of.
I follow her along the trail until we reach a grassy clearing, where the stars are very clear and visible. It’s the kind of thing I would’ve planned for her, since we’d both talked about how much we enjoyed just hanging out under the sky. Of course, we were a little more explicit than that but…that’s beside the point.
It feels good to have someone do this for me.
As a guy, I mostly planned the dates. It just seemed to be what was expected.
In our situation, I could really appreciate it because she was making the effort too.
“Turn around and don’t look over here until I tell you,” she commands, and I do as she says.
Even though I’m really fucking curious.
When she tells me I can turn around, I’m speechless.
She’s spread out the large blanket, setting another one down on the edge of it. An entire spread of food is set up, and there are twinkling string lights around the perimeter of the blanket. She’d really put some thought into this.
And apparently, she’d gotten help from my mom.
Only my mom could’ve told her my favorite pasta salad and the deli it came from. My favorite fruits, my favorite sandwich, and the brand of ginger beer I liked to drink. There were other things; things I assumed were some of her favorites.
Damn.
A feeling hit me low in my chest. Nobody had ever done this.
Was I having a little bitch moment? Clearing my throat, I lower myself down to the blanket next to her and try to get rid of the lump in my throat that feels suspiciously like too many emotions before I speak.
“You didn’t have to do all of this,” my voice is hoarse and I clear it again.
Goddammit Greyson, get your shit together!
“I did,” she murmurs, passing me a cold bottle. She uncaps her own and drinks it, looking out at the trees before looking back at me. “Honestly, I don’t feel like anything can make up for what I said to you. It was uncalled for when you’ve been nothing but sweet to me.”
“Shit happens. And you seem like you’re a different woman now than the one that kept trying to push me away.”
“I think I can say that I am,” she pushes a dark strand of hair behind her ear and sets her bottle down. “I want to get all of this out of the way first. Then maybe, if you’re open to it…we can look at this as our first date?”
I suppress the part of me that wants to just say hell yes and christen the little clearing.
“Okay. Tell me what’s been happening with you.” I grab a pita chip, scooping up some of the shrimp dip from a small bowl. I thought I liked her before, but this side…it’s even better. Softer.
I couldn’t really understand why I wanted to throw caution to the wind with Daya like I never had before. Her problems? Didn’t faze me. Her pushing me away? I’d still wanted to stay until she really made me think there was no hope. Why had I turned into this puppy dog for her?
I’d had relationships before, but they’d all only scratched the surface. With her, it was like hockey. No matter how badly I was bruised, no matter how much I failed or lost – nothing would ever take me away from the game if I could help it.
Hockey was my first love…and maybe Daya…maybe she was on the way to being my second.
I listened to her tell me about her family, barely believing it as we absently ate the food and drank the gingery sodas that I always made sure I had at my condo. She told me about her therapist and finally talking to her father. I held her hand as she blinked away tears talking about finding out her Aunt wasn’t really her Aunt.
The sheer amount of shit that’d happened within her family since we’d been apart blew my mind.
I wished we’d been in a good place and I could’ve at least supported her through it.
“So,” her voice wavered and she gave me a watery smile, “That’s what’s new with me. How about you?”
I don’t even know what to say. What do you say when someone unloads that type of shit and you know your relationship hinges on how they cope?
I rub my hand over the back of my neck, “That’s a lot.”
She gives me a wry grin, “Don’t I know it. But I tell you all that because I want you to know that I’m facing it. I’m figuring out why I act the way I do and I’m fixing it, or I’m trying to fix it.”
I don’t want to say the wrong thing.
But I need to make sure.
“You went so long without changing things…why now?”
Instead of answering me, she packs up the empty dishes and tucks away the bottles we’ve drank before moving in front of me and sitting back on her knees.
I watch her throat work as she swallows hard and takes my hands, holding my gaze.
“You were on your knees for me once, and now I want to do the same for you. I thought I was completely happy with who I was and where I was. Professionally, I’m fine. Friends? I’m content. But then you blazed into my life, all abs and easy charm, and made me question it all. I didn’t like how I was acting but I didn’t know how to fix it. Then when I really was a complete bitch and ran home, I found out shit I didn’t even have a clue about. And Naomi wanting us to see a therapist together opened up the door for me to face my own truths and stuff I’ve avoided forever. I ran from you, from us, but I found more of the person I want to be. The girl I was before? She wasn’t a good person to date. She was selfish, stubborn, and thought she knew it all. The person I’m on my way to being…the girl I want to be? She’s okay with being vulnerable. She realizes that it’s not about not trusting anyone; it’s about trusting the right someone. She doesn’t let her past make her decisions for her. And she really, really hopes you accept her apology and are willing to give her and all her baggage another shot,” she’s crying and there’s a knot in my chest.
I don’t want to make a rash decision, but I…fuck, I can’t resist her. Not like this. Not when she’s pouring her heart out to me and placing her feelings in my hands.
She’s the one I want, and her making her way towards healing makes my decision for me. I take her face in my hands, swiping her tears with my hands, the position déjà vu.
But this time, I think we’re both ready.
“I don’t want you to think I’m weak, so I’m going to try to say this without crying,” I half-joke.
“I just watched you plow through enormous dudes on skates, getting banged up and crashing against glass. I don’t think I could ever see you as weak, no matter what.”
I drop my forehead against hers, closing my eyes and feeling a fucking tear slide down my face. So much for being a tough hockey player.
“I don’t know how you slid under my skin so quickly, but you’re there. I can barely understand how quickly I’ve gotten used to you in my life. It’s not normal…but I wouldn’t have it any other way. But if we do this again…I don’t think I’ll be able to let you go this time.”
She shakes her head, both of us clutching at each other.
“I don’t want to go anywhere without you.”
“We sound like those sappy people I can’t stand.”
“It’ll be our little secret,” she whispers.
“We still have a lot to learn about each other. Some would say we’re moving too quickly.”
“We can take it as slow as we need to, I still have things to work out. But I want to do it together. I know I can’t do it alone now. And I only want you.”
“Likewise, baby.” I pull her into my lap and she buries her head in
my neck, and we sit there like that, feeling the peace of finally holding each other again.
I feel like I’m on top of the world. I feel like I’ve gotten a second chance at a woman that intrigues me and maddens me at the same time. But nothing worth it just comes easy, right?
I was sure we would have problems. I was sure that we would fight and learn things about each other that maybe we didn’t like. But I felt like this time, both of us were committed to pushing through no matter what.
And that’s all that mattered.
She pulls back, giving me a pensive look and opening her mouth then closing it.
“What?”
“So…have you made up with your father yet?”
Sigh.
Epilogue
2 years later
Greyson
We’re running drills for the morning skate, but I can barely focus.
The first game is tonight, and I’ll make sure to have my head in the game.
Even with the two loves of my life fighting for space.
Hockey could have my attention later, but right now…
Daya’s been running a fever and sick for a few weeks now, and I hated leaving her at home. She’d seemed better this morning, but I made sure my mom was coming over before I left.
Yeah, I hadn’t gotten any tougher when it came to her.
She was the one that always brought me to my knees.
I didn’t mind it one bit.
Not now that she made sure that I knew every-day how much I meant to her.
Yeah, women need to know that stuff – but we manly men needed that shit too.
But don’t tell her that. I enjoy making her life just as difficult as she makes mine, in the best way.
A man has to have a little pride.
“Alright ladies, go get cleaned up. Mathieson, plop your ass right on that bench. We need to talk about a few things.”
Fuck me.
I knew Coach would notice me being distracted, and I deserve every bit of his annoyance. I skate to the bench we’d used for team pictures earlier, and drop my helmet and gloves down.
“Son, I’ve never seen you this out of the game. What the hell’s up with you?”
“Sorry Coach, personal shit. Daya has been feeling pretty shitty lately and I can’t stop thinking about her. It won’t affect the game tonight, I’ll be good by then, I swear.” I’ve more than held up my responsibilities for the team, but even having one off game wouldn’t be acceptable. Not when we were coming off a Stanley Cup win. We couldn’t go down, only up.
“Greyson, more than anyone else, you’re the one I can count on to always keep a tight head. We could be playing shittier than ever, and you’d still see a way up. This is no different. Stop worrying. Everything’s going to be fine. Trust me. I know things,” he winks, clapping me on the shoulder as he gets up.
Part of the reason I was still worried was because Daya wasn’t there yet.
She’d come up with this idea about a week ago to have everyone we were closest to come to a game. It so happened that on such short notice, both our families were able to make the first game. They were watching the morning skate, getting the full hockey experience.
My mom, Faith, Faith’s mom were sitting with Naomi and Natasha.
Jackson, Viktor, Faith’s fiancé, and my dad were sitting on the row directly in front of them.
Ryan was there with his boyfriend, and a few of the friend’s that we’d acquired together, along with a few others of mine.
It wasn’t the biggest circle, but it was enough.
My other friends were my brothers, my teammates; and they’d be right there with me the entire game.
Now I just had to make it to the game without calling Daya and having her cuss me out. I made the mistake of doing that on a practice day last week, and she’d actually blocked my number.
Psh. Like I couldn’t just call Nicola for updates.
We’d gone through too much for me not to worry when something seemed off. I wasn’t taking any chances. I’d made the doctor’s appointment because she refused to go in. She’d left me out in the waiting room, thinking god knows what, talking about she needed privacy with the doctor. Whatever it was, they’d given her some medication and it was better, but I still held her hair back in the middle of the night when she’d woken up dry heaving.
Sigh. Think positive.
I pick up my stick from the ice where’d I’d placed it, about to head back to the locker room with the guys, but the lights go down and spotlights start rolling around the arena like during a game.
What the hell were they doing?
I look around the rink, noticing our families standing up and moving closer down to the glass. They must be confused too. I didn’t think they even had to practice the spotlights and shit. I just never thought about it. Before I can leave the house, my team comes skating out fast, but the lights are too low for me to tell what’s happening. I catch glimpses of colors that definitely aren’t our team ones.
Have I stepped into some alternative reality? Oh shit.
“I’m sure you’re wondering what’s going on.” The voice comes from behind me, and Daya steps up next to the bench.
Damn, it’s good to see her standing and not throwing up. I have to touch her. Feel her skin against mine. She laughs gaily when I reach for her waist, pulling her much closer to me. Pecking me on the lips, she scoots my legs apart and sits on my left thigh, leaning against my body and putting her arm around my shoulder as she rests her chin on my hair for a second.
“You’re such a girl,” she murmurs.
“I’m your girl though,” I counter, wrapping my arms around her and not bothering to argue.
We both know what the real deal is. I don’t need to defend my manhood. It’s not going anywhere.
She’d distracted me, and now I notice the guys are all in line, with their backs facing us. I still can’t see what they’re wearing, but it’s definitely not hockey gear.
I’m all sorts of lost.
“Do you know what they’re doing?” I stroke her leg out of habit.
“No idea. I think they might be trying to tell you something.” She sits up, moving off my knee. “Guys, what are you doing?” she yells across the ice, and my eyebrows fly up.
What, they’re going to just tell her and not me?
To my surprise, the lights go back to normal again and the guys are standing there in their skates, in these pink, blue, and yellow swirled jerseys with random letters on them. Nothing is in order, so what was going on?
I’m more confused than ever and it doesn’t seem like I’m going to get an answer anytime soon. We’ve got a game tonight, and they’re dicking around?
I stand on my skates, skating to Alex before Daya can say anything.
“What gives, man?”
“For once, just sit down and shut up, Greyson,” Alex laughs, pushing me back towards the bench. I stand there next to Daya, looking around for Coach. Surely, he would come out here and bust their asses.
“I think you guys are a little scrambled,” Naomi calls, and I whip my head around. Our families were walking onto the ice, flanking me and Daya. Was this just a damned free for all now?
“Somebody better tell me what’s going on right now.” I hated feeling like I was out of some big secret. But before I can grill Daya, the guys skate around, changing positions.
It takes staring at the words for long seconds before I drop to my knees. I look at Daya, who has a beaming smile on her face, and back to the guys.
Her. Back. Her. Back.
There’s no way this is real.
Not this.
I bury my face in my hands, trying to stifle all the emotions that are rushing through me. But I can’t hold the sob back. I can’t hold back the tears.
Daya comes to me and I cling to her, crying as she holds me tight and strokes my hair.
“Congratulations, baby.” She whispers, “We’re having a baby.”
My brothers
had spelled “And then two became three.”
Alex, eternal goof that he was, had pulled up his shirt to reveal a painting of a baby. When had they had time for any of this? When had Daya planned this?
I rub my face against her stomach, alternatively still in awe and trying to dry all the wetness on my face.
“You really are a girl,” she smiles through her own tears, raking her fingers through my hair and I just shake against her, feeling like laughing but also crying some more.
This is something I never thought I’d have.
Not this way.
It’s a blessing.
And her revealing it to me this way, having everyone here that we love that’s watched us struggle and grow – I can’t believe I’ve found a woman like her. Who would go through this to make sure that this moment was even more memorable than it already would be.
“When did you know,” I clear my throat, rising and attempting to gain some of my cred back.
Doesn’t matter thought, I know the guys won’t let me live this down.
Only this time, I’d gladly relive the moment over and over again.
“I suspected weeks ago, but I didn’t know for sure. I didn’t want to say anything and get your hopes up since you’ve always thought it was impossible. Bet you’re glad you protected yourself before no matter what.”
Damn. I hadn’t thought of that yet.
There’s a lot going on in my mind, but the most important thing is how much I love this woman. How proud I am of who she’s become. Of who we are together.
Our families surround us, hugging and ribbing me about my reaction.
The last person I hug is my Dad.
We weren’t as close as we used to be yet, but I liked to think we were on our way.
After Daya asked me, I’d switched the subject, but she’d brought it up later.
Much, much later.
We’d had other things to focus on.
I couldn’t deny anymore that I needed to talk to him. Not when Daya was working on her stuff. We had to grow together. I couldn’t be a hypocrite.
So we’d talked. And talked. And talked more.
