Chasing Soma

by Amy Robyn

  “Yeah, I was pretty stupid for believing it. I was also pregnant and not used to the hormones that were racing through me. Of course you would have known that if you had stuck around. You talk about the kind of love we had yet you didn’t fight for me. Did you?” I do my own glaring now. That is the part I never could reconcile with. Yes, I had made a huge error any even listening to that slut, but I can reconcile myself with why he left town so quickly.

  “Times got tough and the tough got going. I wasn’t worth the trouble I suppose.” He takes a step toward me and I back up a step. I can’t have him touch me or I will cave again. I can’t be weak anymore. I have a child to be strong for and she needs me. She needs a mother who has a spine of steel, like I did yesterday. Not this woman standing here a quivering mess.

  “We were foolish and young. My pride kept me away from you. I am man enough to put away my pride now if I need to.” What the hell does that mean? I stare at him as he makes his way back to the door.

  “I am going to spend the morning with my daughter and then we are coming to pick you up for lunch. Be ready at noon.” He didn’t turn around again as he left. The door shutting with such finality, only it’s not. It’s only the beginning again. There is still a full roller coaster ride full of stuff to come. I let my head drop into my hands as I groan. This could either be the best days of my life or the worst and they are all contingent on one man. I do not like my odds in all of this.

  Chapter 5.

  The next morning I wake up to giggles coming from the doorway. I look over and see my baby girl peeking at me from the crack in the door. She giggles again when she sees that she has been caught by me. She is really the most beautiful child I have ever seen. It’s not all that surprising when you see her knock out of a mother. That woman can turn my head from a mile away. She still does. I groan as I remember last night. I got carried away. I can’t say that I am sorry about it only my approach was wrong.

  I climb out of bed and pull on my jeans and t-shirt. I charge to the door making silly sounds and making her giggle some more. I love the sound and want to hear it more. I chase her as she runs screeching through the house, a guaranteed alarm clock for sure.

  “What the…..” I hear Peter shout. I laugh as his head pokes out in the hallway. Even Mr. Grumpy Peter can’t stop from smiling when he sees Leah running with red hair flying behind her and her big blue eyes full of laughter. His eyes go soft and he steps out to join us.

  “Let’s get, Uncle Peter.” I shout as we chase him. He plays along well until we reach the kitchen where Peter turns and lifts Leah into his arms and blows raspberries on her cheek. She giggles. I grab her from him and get the other cheek.

  “You my daddy.” She asks again. It breaks my heart that she doesn’t sound sure.

  “Yeah, baby girl. I am your daddy.” I tell her again. She smiles and tries to blow on my cheek, although it is more slobber than anything. I love the feel of it. I refuse to wipe it off. My heart swells as I stare into her precious eyes. She owns the only piece of my heart that her mother hasn’t claimed. Between the two I am complete. I only hope I can convince the oldest one to give me a chance to gain her heart once again. I promise to be more careful with it this time.

  “I am making pancakes.” Momma says from the stove. I just now noticed her smiling over at us.

  “My butterer was too busy spying on her father and she is slacking in her duties.” She points at the stack sitting next to her and a stool that Leah runs over to. Leah climbs on to the stool and picks up the butter knife. She start spreading butter on the pancakes and hums. I can’t get enough of looking at her. I am a daddy.

  “So glad you made it back man. They told me you were on a mission and had been gone for a year. I tried to get them to send word to you but they said it wasn’t possible.” His brows pinch together as he tells me how difficult it was to find me. I grip his shoulder. He seems to think I would ever be mad at him. He was away too. How could he have known for much longer than I have?

  “I understand. I was in the middle of the desert chasing ISIS members. Nobody could have found me outside of my team.” He shakes his head and smiles. He never liked that I was always putting my life on the line. Well he is about to be a very happy man.

  “I’m done. I will not be reenlisting. It’s time for me to be a dad and a husband, when I can convince her to marry me.” Peter rolls his eyes but I see the laughter he is trying to hide.

  “You and Soma are like two people with one soul that is only whole when together. You two need to stop the bullshit and get on with it.” He says so simply yet there is beauty in what he said. I have to agree. We need to stop fucking around. I need to let her know that no matter what she throws at me that I am not leaving again. I did it once and look where it got me. I am having to get to know my child who should have always know me.

  I want my ring to finally be on her finger and I want another kid growing in her belly. I want to experience it all again, only from the beginning this time. I want the family I planned before I left. Before my dream was shattered. I let go of the bitterness I had been holding on to about how we broke up. She was right, I should have fought for her. I should have made her see that she is the only one for me. Hell she always has been.

  We all sit down and eat together. I enjoy the banter and my baby girl making a happy mess. I clean her up afterward but she has syrup in her hair. I ask for momma’s help because I have no idea how to bathe a baby girl. She smiles and leads us to the bathroom. She walks me through it. I refuse to let her do it herself. I need to know how to care for my daughter. I won’t always have someone there to help.

  After her bath where I ended up wearing a lot of water myself, I help her dress. I pull her hair back into a simple ponytail. I know nothing about how to braid hair. I guess I will be learning that too. I take her hand and we go out to see all of the animals. She is overly excited about them as I tell her about each one. She loves the horses the most, especially the two foals that are still very small.

  It is fifteen minutes until twelve when I buckle her in her seat and start off to pick up her mother. She talks non-stop about the horses and pigs as I drive. I smile at my princess. She is very much like her mother. When something would excite Soma, she wouldn’t shut up about it. I made it my mission to always show her something new and exciting. Sometimes it was a walk in the nature reserve or other times it was showing her a new position when we made love.

  “Let’s get mommy and go eat at the diner.” I tell Leah. She claps her hands excitedly and leaps into my arms when I unbuckle her seat. I lift her on to my hip and we walk up the stairs to my errant woman’s house. I knock on the door and it’s immediately opened.

  “Mommy.” Leah cries out and launches herself at her mom, who catches her up. She kisses her on both cheeks and she breathes in her sweet smell. I know how it is. I love the way she smells too, like strawberries and sunshine. I have missed so much time with her, such as watching her change from a baby to a toddler. I never want to miss another day. I only hope I can convince Soma into giving me another chance.

  “Did you have fun?” She asks our daughter who points at me.

  “I has a daddy. We see the horseys and pigs.” She starts making the noises of the animals to show her mother that she can sound like them. I laugh as she does the pig. I look up to see Soma smiling at me as she used to when I did something she liked. I want to see that look more often.

  “Come on you two. I need to feed my ladies.” I tell them as I lead them to my rental. I buckle in Leah and make sure that Soma is in before climbing in myself. I start the car before turning to Soma.

  “The diner okay with you?” I ask her and she smiles up at me.

  “That sounds good.” I wonder if she still gets the burger and fries with a strawberry milkshake. I always knew what she would order anywhere we went. She was always a creature of habit. I could always count on knowing exactly what she needed and how. That is until that day. It hit me upside the head
and I haven’t been the same since. I never should have left, even if I would have been considered AWOL. She should have been my first priority. She will be now, along with my beautiful daughter.

  “Well, look what the cat dragged in.” Marty, the town slut says. I used to feel sorry for her. She slept around but it was because her father treated her terribly. I had befriended her at one time. Hell, I even set her up with Peter and all she did was screw him over. The last straw was telling Soma that we had been sleeping together. I know better than to stick my wick in her depths. There have been far too many there before me.

  I glare at her. I do not want her to think we are still friends after what she did. She stops in her tracks at my glare and shuffles nervously.

  “Look I didn’t know she would break up with you over it. I just thought you two would fight and make up like you always did.” She tucks her hair nervously behind her ear. I still glare at her. She caused the problems that were escalated because of my pride and her newfound hormones.

  “How was I supposed to know she was pregnant and you would take off out of town?” She finally turns and storms away. Soma puts her hand on my leg and squeezes to get my attention

  “I should have listened to you all the times you told me that you would never cheat on me. She is mean when she is green, I just happened to be full of hormones or I would never have believed her.” I lift her hand and kiss the back of it. She has such a kind heart that she doesn’t want a spiteful woman to feel bad. I missed having her love in my life. I could feel the warmth in my heart and I have been cold without her.

  I cup her cheek and lean in to kiss her when my daughter decides to scream. I jerk back and look over at the little screamer. She waves her hands in the air when she sees Peter walk in the door. I feel like kicking my best friend in the ass right now.

  “Stop glaring at Peter. You know he didn’t know he was interrupting anything.” She says with a laugh. I wave Peter over and he shakes his head as he sits across the room from me. I’m about to get up and ask him what the hell is going on. Charlie from the bar walks in and sits across from him. That scamp.

  “Oh shit.” Soma says under her breath when she sees them together. She looks at me with large eyes and shakes her head.

  “Poor Peter. Charlie doesn’t like men.” I squint at her. What the hell does that mean?

  “You mean she is a lesbian?” I ask her and she shakes her head.

  “No, she just doesn’t date. She told me that she never plans to. I think she was hurt or something in the past.” Soma says as she looks away sadly.

  “She and I bonded over the fact that neither of us would date any of the men who came into the bar. She must really like Peter.” She looks over at them again. I take in what she has just said. Did she accidentally just tell me that she hasn’t been with another man? Please let it be so. I know she didn’t believe me when I told her that I haven’t been with anyone else. She will in time.

  “I could tell last night that he likes her a lot. He couldn’t look away and after all the shit he went through with Marty, it’s a damn miracle that he ever wants to date again.” Speaking of the devil. I look up and see Marty staring daggers at the couple. She is the one that screwed him over and yet she is jealous when he finally moves on. I shake my head at how pathetic that woman is.

  A new waitress comes over and takes our order and I talk with my daughter. Sometimes I have to look at her mother to clarify what she says but given time I will learn her language. She talks pretty clearly for a three year old. I may be a bit biased but I think she is brilliant. She just keeps wrapping me more and more around her little finger. That’s alright her mother never unthreaded me in all these years. I do not mind being completely enamored with these two ladies.

  Our food arrives and I lean back. I watch as Soma eats her cheeseburger and fries with a strawberry shake. The only difference is she now asks for cheese on it. I love that she is still the same. It means some of the other things about her might be the same as well. Like what makes her cum the fastest and how a lick behind the ear gets her out of her jeans. I shake my head so that I quit having such lecherous thoughts with my daughter at the table. Better to save that for later. I grin.

  “Nuh uh.” She says to me. I tilt my head to the side and grin again.

  “What?” I ask her.

  “I know that look. We have a little one here. It also doesn’t work on me anymore.” She crosses her arms over her chest and it pushes out her traitors. Her nipples are so hard that they give away just how affected she is.

  “Really?” I say as I stare at them. She growls but goes back to eating. I smile as I finish off my own cheeseburger. My woman still wants me. I just need to make her realize it. It will be a challenge, considering how stubborn she can be but I am up for the challenge. I will never stop trying because a love like this is worth fighting for. She has always been worth it. Now, I will not allow my pride to get in the way.

  Leah starts yawning and rubbing her eyes. It is probably her nap time. I have no idea what my daughter’s schedule is like. I only hope to learn it all and quickly, so that I can be the father she deserves. She deserves the best. I need to step up my game. I never want to be one of those fathers that are around but not an active role in my child’s life. I want her to come to me when she needs help.

  “It’s someone’s nap time.” Soma says as Leah opens her eyes wide.

  “I not sleepy.” She says as she lets out a big yawn.

  “Big girls no nap.” She says matter factly as she puts her hands on her hips. I start laughing because she is too cute. Soma glares at me.

  “You know that you have to sleep if you want to get as tall as me.” Soma tells our stubborn child. She is so much like her mother as far as that goes. She was always stubborn. It was one of the many things I have loved about her.

  “But I no sleepy.” She says with a pout. Soma’s eyes soften, though she remains firm.

  “I bet daddy will read to you if you lay down in your bed.” Soma tells her and Leah starts bouncing excitedly in her seat.

  “Will you daddy?” How can I say no to that, not that I would. I smile.

  “Of course I will.” I say as I tap her little button nose. She giggles. The waitress comes with the check and I quickly pay it. I get my girls out to the car and buckle Leah into her seat. The car ride to Soma’s house is full of Leah’s animated rendition of the animals she saw at the farm, again the pig sounds more like a crashing sound. She seems to really enjoy that animal the most.

  We get to the house and Leah takes my hand and leads me to her room. It is a tiny room but it is certainly filled with love. She has a small canopy bed and matching dresser. She has a small book shelf and lots of toys. She is certainly not neglected and my heart bleeds thinking about how hard Soma had to have worked to care for her like this. Not anymore. I am here now and I will be damned if she has to work another day if she doesn’t want to.

  Leah runs over to her book shelf and grabs a book. She brings it to me with a beaming smile.

  “Look it’s a daddy book.” She shows me the cover with a man and a child laying against his chest. It makes my heart ache. She hasn’t had that. I feel as though I have been sucker punched with all of the emotions welling up inside of me. My baby girl did without her daddy because my pride was too damn big. I pick her up and hold her against my chest and stroke her back until she squirms.

  “Read daddy.” She says and I lay her down on the bed and pull her shoes off. She pulls a stuffed animal into her arms to cuddle with and I recognize the bear. It is one that I won for Soma on our senior trip on the boardwalk. She slept with it every night. I feel moisture pool in my eyes as I touch the bear that is worn in places but loved as though it were the most perfect bear.

  “This is daddy bear.” She tells me when she sees my interest in it. I smile and kiss her precious cheek.

  “Yes baby girl, it is.” I tell her before I start reading her the book. It is full of pictures of a daddy car
ing for a baby and then the progression of age. The daddy helps his baby as she grows into a little girl. The end of the book is the daddy giving away his little girl at her wedding and I am sobbing. Thankfully, Leah is already asleep by this time. I set the book down and wipe my eyes. Damn, they make some hard core sentimental books for kids these days.

  I look up and see Soma standing in the doorway with tears in her eyes. I stand up and follow her into the living room. She sits down on a couch that has definitely seen better days. I look around and notice that everything looks old and used. It is such a contrast to Leah’s room. She does without so that our daughter has everything she will ever need. Not any fucking more.

  “I was going to take my time and win you over again and prove to you that I am still the man you once loved. I was going to give you time to get used to the idea of us being a family and prove that I can be a good father.” I take her hand before finishing.

  “That is not what is going to happen now. I have lost too much time with you two. I refuse to be without you anymore. You have today to prepare. Get this fucking house packed because I am buying one for us. I want you to quit that job at the bar. My woman is not strutting around in front of the horny fucks in this town.” I take her face between my hands.

  “I will take care of you two from now on. Do you understand?” Her eyes widen as she nods her head. I take her mouth and it isn’t a gentle kiss. This kiss is possessive and a promise of things to come. As I delve my tongue between her lips, I grip the back of her head so that she can’t pull away. I am letting her know that I will not be argued with. I will not ask any longer. I will only act.

  I pull away and run my thumb over her lip as I stare into her desire laden eyes.

  “I will be here to pick you both up in the morning to go see the houses I pick out. I will be buying one tomorrow.” I say I take one last taste of her sweet lips before I stand up. I look at her one more time before I walk through the door. It is a gamble to play things this way but if it pays off the reward outweighs it all. I need her to let me take over their care now. I just hope she is ready for this.