by Deb Julienne
“How about this? After we’ve finished this conversation, I’ll respect your final decision.” Travis picked up his container, stood with his legs braced, took a bite, and watched her.
Damn, but the man was tenacious and exasperating. His confidence scared her.
She took a sip of her tea and sucked in a breath like it was the last one she’d ever have. “Back in high school, I was the proverbial good girl. Homecoming queen, head cheerleader, valedictorian. I dated Grant Hamilton, the local high school hero, lettered in everything. We dated for two years before we finally had sex the night of the senior ball. He told me he loved me and I believed him. Only—”
“Only what—don’t tell me—the asshole lied to you? And you think I’m lying to you now? Fuck that jerk—I’m not him.” Travis made a fist and punched his hand.
“If you want to hear this, you need to listen.” She gasped, took a breath to steady herself then continued. “Only…I ended up pregnant.” She let her words sink in.
Travis dropped his fork on the ground. He plopped back onto the stool, set down his food, and stared at her.
“My father hit the roof when he found out. He threw me out of the house, disowned me.” She fixated on his face. She needed to see his disgust drive him away, if only to make it easier to get over him.
“Oh, babe, I’m so sorry.” He reached for her, but she pulled away. “That was wrong of him on so many levels.”
Angel wouldn’t let him get close enough to touch her. She’d never be strong if he did. She searched for traces of judgment, revulsion, and loathing, all the things she’d seen on Grant’s face when he’d told her to get out. But all she saw was love, support, and even sympathy. Maybe it was an act. She vowed to get rid of him before he could dump her. “Grant’s football teammates had been placing bets on who would nail me.” She was proud of how strong her voice sounded.
“Guys are pigs,” Travis said. “I won’t argue that point.”
“Yes, they are. I really thought he loved me, but it was just a bet. Who dates a girl for two years to win a bet? After I told him we were going to have a baby he accused me of cheating on him, told me to my face it wasn’t his.” Her story came out in a rapid jumble. “He told anyone who would listen I slept around and betrayed him. They believed him, said I wasn’t good enough, that I was trying to trap him, blowing his chances for a football scholarship to Notre Dame.”
“What a motherfu—good thing he’s not here. I’d kill him.” His clenched fists and boxer’s stance made her feel…what? That he really did care.
Afraid to look him in the eye while she made the rest of her confession, she bowed her head. “I’m from a small Midwestern town and the daughter of a minister. Sex and morality are not trivial issues. We dated all through the summer. Th-then the week he left for college I figured out I was pregnant.” Her chest hurt; she winced and took a steadying breath. “I had to drop out of college. I had nowhere to go. My sister, Marianne, here in California took me in.”
Travis remained silent, listening to everything she said.
Surprisingly, it gave her confidence to finish her story. “She helped me find a job as a nanny with a lovely couple. The wife was a psychologist, the husband a lawyer. They helped me set up the adoption. They made sure I had proper counseling and then helped me get my degree in fashion.”
Travis staggered a few steps then leaned against the wall near the curtained doorway where she stood. He braced his arms against the wall and hung his head.
“To this day, I volunteer and speak to some of the local high schools, but the more I’m around the kids, the more I feel the loss of my daughter. I can’t let go of my pain or guilt, and yet she isn’t mine anymore.” This was the part she feared the most. Would he hate her as much as she hated herself for giving her child away?
He dropped an arm and raised his head. His face lost all color. His eyes were closed, his mouth pinched, his jaw clenched tight, and it appeared the wall he was leaning against was all that kept him upright.
She touched his arm. “Are you all right?”
The vein in his temple and neck pulsed rapidly, but his breathing was slow and controlled, as if he were trying to keep from lashing out.
He hated her, just as she feared. He blamed her for her own stupidity. She tried to find the words to ask him to leave.
“I’m so sorry. I can’t possibly understand the hardship, the grief, the loss that you’ve endured.” His eyes remained closed, tears pooling in the corners.
“So, now you can understand why I don’t want this to go any further. How can you understand anything when you know nothing of how I feel?”
He pulled away from the wall and took a step. “No. I have no way of grasping all you’ve been through but I do know my own heart and I know what I feel for you.” His tone was laced with anger and bitterness.
“How?” It was all she could get out.
He opened his eyes, and a tear slid down his cheek. “Believe it or not, I had a similar situation. My last relationship, in fact. We were engaged but the wedding was still a year off. It was to be the big society event of the year, or so the family insisted.” He sniffed but didn’t wipe his face. “I’d been having second thoughts and was about to call the wedding off. That’s when she told me she was pregnant. Three days later, I got a call from the hospital.” He gasped, his exhale shaky. “She’d asked for me before she collapsed and passed out. She miscarried and her parents whisked her off to Europe under the guise of relocating the family business. But it was to get her away from me. At least that’s what they told my folks after they called and told them what I’d done to her.” His shoulders slumped, and his arms hung at his sides.
“What you did to her? It takes two.” Immediately she wanted to protect him, which surprised her because a moment earlier she was wishing he’d leave. Now her hackles were up. How dare her parents blame him? Who was she to argue? Her parents had done the same thing. Travis sagged as if ready to collapse. She grabbed the rolling chair from the desk and moved it next to him.
“Tell me about it. My folks took control and used my stupidity against me. I tried to talk to Trent, but he had his own life.” Travis sat down heavily.
She felt sorry that he had to bear some of the same issues she did. “What happened?”
“Nothing has been the same.” He closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the wooden paneling.
“I guess you do get it, somewhat,” she said.
“Somewhat?” He peered up at her; his eyes twitched and his body trembled.
“Okay, you get it. But the rules are different for guys and girls. That’s why I speak out, to share my experiences and try to help the girls see they have the power to say no. I swore I’d never let it happen again. I’m not that same naïve girl. I swore I’d never be with another man until I was in love.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” Travis tried to smile but it didn’t quite light up his eyes.
“Stop it. I’m not in love with you.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Travis’s question sounded so innocent, but the truth was harder to argue. She was falling for him and didn’t want to. “Because I don’t know what love is. Obviously, my hormones took over and we had sex.”
“Hottest sex of my life.” He beamed so broadly, twin dimples lit his expression as if an angel had just kissed his cheeks.
“As flattering as you make it sound, it’s even more proof that we have to end this now.”
“Why?” Travis scowled.
“Because I’ve already lost one dream. I’m not willing to jeopardize this one.” She pointed around the back room. “I need to stay focused on my store. I’m back to designing. I’ve hired Jill part-time and, damn it, I want what I want because I earned it.”
Travis stood, tucked his left hand into his pants pocket, and paced. “Who said I’d try to take anything away from you? I’m impressed with you, your story, your theories on what and how you created this place.” He
jingled whatever was in his pockets then pulled his hand out and took her by the arms. “Damn it, do you have any idea how brilliant your concept is? Where else can a person find gorgeous lingerie as well as an educated and modern woman to help with their private needs?”
He was doing nothing she had anticipated. And he certainly wasn’t leaving.
“I saw your face when you first came in. Admit it. You were scared out of your mind.”
“I wasn’t as scared as I was stunned. You said you owned an intimate apparel store. I imagined bras, underwear, slips, and nylons. You know, a boutique version of Victoria’s Secret.” He tucked his hand back into his pocket and brushed his other hand through his hair.
“I do.”
“Yes, but you didn’t mention the rest. Why?”
“Oh yeah, I can see it now. Hi, my name is Angeline Talbot. I run a little boutique, half sexy lingerie and half adult products. The first thing to come to your mind would be I was probably an ex-hooker. You should see the looks I get from people. In fact, you did. Remember Hazel?”
“Are you embarrassed about the store?”
“Not at all. But there’s more behind this place.”
“Tell me about it. I’m genuinely interested. Although I’m a bit hurt you think so little of me to assume I’d look down on you. Maybe it’s time to have a bit of faith in the man in your life.” Travis rocked back on his heels.
If only. “I don’t have a man in my life. In fact, after today I won’t have time for anything or anyone.” She spun away as anxiety riddled her at the mere thought of moving.
“Why? What happened?”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I received a notice in the mail today that the owner of this building is going to sell it. I have less than three months to find a new location. That alone is going to take up all my spare time and money.” Angel picked up the letter and reread it then handed it to Travis.
“Can I help?”
“I don’t see how unless you’re in real estate and have an empty store in your back pocket I can rent dirt cheap.”
“I have contacts everywhere. Can I at least look into it for you?” He scanned the letter and handed it back.
“Why would you want to help me after the way I left?” Angel asked.
“You were scared. I don’t blame you.” He took her hand. “Come on, Angel, talk to me. Let me be a part of it.”
“No. It’s my store, my dream.” She tried to pull out of his grasp, but he wouldn’t let her go.
“I don’t want to steal it—I just want to help. Tell me about your dream.”
“Okay. When I first opened the store, it was a bridal salon and I also sold intimate apparel, my own designs.
As she talked, Travis led her to the cot in the back room. They both sat down on it.
“Once my designs sold I kept getting more and more requests for lace work and less requests for gowns. I had to start making just the undergarments.” Angel went to her work desk and brought back a sample of her work.
Travis took the dainty panties, fingered the silk then held them up to her. “Sexy.”
She swatted his hand, took back the underwear, and tossed them on the desk. “I got swamped with custom orders. I actually sold my designs to Black Heart Lingerie. I sell their line exclusively.”
Travis’s eye widened. “Wow.”
“Then the economy tanked and I had to close the bridal salon, and this is what I have left.” She gesture to the back room and her store.
“It’s still pretty impressive.” Travis strolled over to the mannequin in the back room, the one with the wedding dress she was designing for her sister.
“I still dabble in the design side. In fact, this store only sells my designs. Come with me. I want to show you something.” She pushed through the curtains and moved from the clothing section to the front product aisles. “As the requests came in, I started to add fragrances, lotions, and topical products.” She took him up and down the aisles. “Sex sells. I took advantage of it and pushed the bar as far as it would go. I actually hired a sex therapist, brought her here, introduced her to my vision for the store, and this is what I have.” Angel finished the mini tour and pushed through the curtains to the back room.
Travis followed and stepped closer. “I’m proud of you. You did a fabulous job.”
“Th-thank you.” She wanted to step back but her shoulders already scraped against the cold brick wall, literally and figuratively. Nothing he did made sense. He was supposed to hate her. He was supposed to call her all sorts of obscene names. He was supposed to. But he didn’t. He rubbed her cheek with his thumb. She ordered her body to ignore him even as she leaned into his touch. “No.” She spun away from him. “Let’s do ourselves a favor and end it on nice terms. I don’t need any more problems.”
“I don’t see a problem.”
“The problem is that thanks to my own stupidity and one very big jerk, I lost everything I valued, my family, my future, and my baby.” Why did she have to lose control whenever she was around him? For some reason her heart and body reacted to him, but her mind knew better.
Travis wrapped his arms around her. “Talk to me, babe. Let it out. I’m not going anywhere.”
Angel cried. He silently held her. His strength flowed into her and buoyed her despite her lack of will and determination. Here was a man giving her everything she wanted and needed, yet she felt compelled to push him away.
“Just because your one and only sexual experience ended up with an unplanned pregnancy, it doesn’t make you a bad person. Unlucky, yes. No doubt about it. I understand the experience has left you leery of men as well as guilt-ridden for giving up your baby. Please, don’t continue to beat yourself up because of it. It’s not right that you refuse to go down that road ever again and miss a chance to be happy. That’s just wrong and foolish.”
“You don’t need to tell me I’m a fool. I know that.” She pulled away.
“I never said you’re a fool. I said it’s foolish to push me away because you’re afraid. I’m here for the duration. I want the happily ever after with you. I want the white picket fence, kids, you name it. And I don’t want to change anything about your store. I’m proud of you, of what you’ve achieved. I can help. I’d love to finance your expansion.”
“Don’t you get it? I need to do this all on my own. This is about me. This is my store.” Why was it so difficult for him to understand her point of view? “Lock, stock, and barrel. If it fails, it’s all on me. If it succeeds, again it will be because of me. I don’t want to be a kept woman. I want to do it on my own.”
“Fine,” he said gruffly. “You got it.” He raised his hands. “Hands off.”
She knew she’d hurt his feelings, but this business was hers alone.
“Can you at least agree to give us a chance? I’ll do anything.”
“Are you that desperate?” The man was seriously demented. At the same time, she didn’t want him to give up; his persistence encouraged her.
“Yes, and if you think that’s easy for me to admit, you don’t know me at all. I’ve confided more to you than to any other woman I’ve ever met.”
“We finally agree on something. We don’t know each other.”
“Cut the bullshit, Angel. That’s not what I said and you know it.” He kicked the desk leg. “All I’m asking for is a chance. You’re looking for any excuse to push me away, and I want to know why.” He reached for her. “To hell with your past. I don’t care. I want you for you.” His voice had softened. Sexy. Almost seductive, yet filled with longing and hope.
“You say that now, but when you think about it you’ll realize I’m right. Eventually, you’ll hate me.” As much as Angel hated herself.
“You’re wrong. And I’ll prove it.”
“I wish you could, but you can’t.”
“Do you like me any less because you know I have a drinking problem?”
“No, of course not. What kind of a woman do you think I am?”
“Thank you for that.” As silly as his words were, they did make her feel better.
“My pleasure. See? We bring out the best in each other. You just have to remember this is not the end of the world. You have nothing else to lose and everything to gain.”
“Why did you have to go and open your big mouth just when I was beginning to believe?”
“What’d I say now?” He tossed his hands in the air. The instant he realized what he said, he sighed then cursed.
She really had lost it all. “How could you be so clueless? You’re rich. You have a life in Boston, a family that loves you. You have absolutely nothing to lose by having a fly-by-night fling.” One minute he seemed to understand and the next he was completely ignorant.
He stepped toward her.
She stepped back.
“I don’t consider what we have as a fling, damn it. Why are you purposefully trying to find fault in every word I say?” He jammed his hands into his pockets.
While she’d wanted to classify his words as an insult, they were actually the truth. She shouldn’t be pissed at what he’d said, especially because he seemed to know her better than she knew herself. But the end result was the same, exposing her, vulnerabilities and all. If she couldn’t love herself, how would he ever be able to love her? “We’re not getting anywhere. I’m exhausted and I can’t do this anymore. Please just leave.”
“Fine. I’m leaving, but before I do, I’m leaving you with this.”
She jerked away from him and pressed her forehead to the wall, waiting for him to have his say and leave.
He twirled her around, and his mouth twisted into a menacing grin. He stepped into her personal space. She fought against her instinct to retreat. He pulled her into his arms and crushed her to his chest. He smelled so good. She tried to remain rigid, but her arms pulled him close. She clenched her jaw, angry with her natural instinct to hold him.
