by L.H. Cosway
Whoa.
“Hey,” Jack murmured in my ear, distracting me from the eye daggers with one hand on my thigh as he ran his nose down the side of my neck.
I glanced at him and teased, “So, is this how it’s going to be? By night you’re my bed, and by day you’re my chair?”
His voice lowered, and his eyes heated up, “If it means I get your arse cushioning my dick, then yeah.”
“You’ve got a frisky mouth,” I said, turning and reaching for my fork.
I let out a tiny yelp when I felt his teeth graze my bare shoulder. “All the better to bite you with.” His warm hand grasped my shoulder, and his thumb slid beneath the strap of my bra, causing me to shiver. I almost didn’t hear him when he growled low, “This is a good look for you.”
My tummy gurgled and I blushed, finally giving in and shovelling some food into my mouth. Whenever I was close to Jack, it was always so tempting to just lose myself in him. His thumb brushed discreetly over my nipple as he asked, “How are you feeling this morning? Any soreness?”
The memory of his mouth on me with the hot matchstick between his teeth hit me, and I shivered. My nipple was a little sore, along with a whole range of other parts, but it wasn’t unpleasant.
“A small bit,” I answered.
His eyes grew hooded as he playfully leaned in and said, “What I did to you last night was child’s play, Lille. The next time I can’t be quite so gentle.”
Wow. If he thought last night was gentle, then I shuddered to think what he was like rough – in a good way.
A loud clatter sounded close by, and my attention was drawn to King as he stumbled into the gazebo. He knocked into Julie’s table where she sat with her two sisters, causing their cups and plates to tumble over. Julie rose from her seat, her voice shrill as she focused the glare she’d been giving me earlier on King.
“You fucking imbecile, look what you’ve done!”
King held his hands in the air. “Sorry, sorry, wasn’t looking where I was going.”
“That’s your problem,” Julie spat. “You never do. Seriously, what is the point of you? I really don’t understand why Marina even lets you stay here.”
I felt Jack lift me from his lap, about to go and intervene, when Marina suddenly appeared. She stood between Julie and her brother, a look of eerie calm on her face as she sized Julie up.
“This is my circus, girl. You’d do well to remember that. King apologised for his actions. Now, if I ever hear you speak to him like you just did again, I’ll kick you and your sisters off the lineup so quick you’ll have skid marks on your backside.”
Julie swallowed, her face growing red, restrained fury in her eyes as she silently sat back down. Her sisters anxiously worked to clean up the mess on the table. Marina turned to King and placed her hand on his shoulder, murmuring something to him that nobody else could hear. His entire form seemed to slump miserably as he nodded to her, then turned and left.
There was an air of tension amongst those present as Marina strode away, her five-foot-two height seeming taller and more foreboding all of a sudden. I glanced at Jack to find him seething, and it took me by surprise. He was staring at Julie, and it was clear to me that he was pissed off by how she treated King. I think she misinterpreted his attention as the positive kind, because she gave him a sultry smile. The woman needed to get a clue.
I put my hand on Jack’s thigh and rubbed it in an effort to calm his temper. Marina had already put Julie in her place; there was no need for him to still be riled up. I wondered at his anger, since he’d spoken harshly to King himself in the past. But what happened today had been an accident. King had apologised. And something told me that Jack felt an affection for the man; he could relate to him on some level, and that was why he also felt a protectiveness towards him.
I leaned close and gave Jack a peck on the cheek, which seemed to distract him. He gave me a tender look, and then we ate the rest of our meal in companionable silence. After breakfast I sat in the back of the Spiegeltent, doing sketches as Jack practiced some new additions to his act. I was supposed to be using it as an opportunity to do some work on my picture of him, but found myself simply sitting back and watching mostly. The way he moved was so careful and practiced, seamless, really, and it was hard to look away. The fiery torches weren’t quite so dark and dangerous-looking in the light of day, but Jack still managed to make them fascinating.
I wondered about his obsession with the element, how it had become something he needed to be around all the time in order to get through the day. It struck me as strange at first, but then when I thought on it more, I realised it was no stranger than people smoking cigarettes because they craved nicotine, or drinking coffee to sate their hunger for caffeine. It was an addiction, simple as that. Burning gave him relief. He associated it with the one time in his life he felt truly liberated from being a victim. I thought I should be more appalled by what he’d done to his foster mum and by what she had done to him, but I wasn’t.
It was all just a part of life’s darkness. And without darkness, there would be no light.
I didn’t see him as a damaged little boy; I saw him as a unique, wonderful, yet very breakable grown man.
Later that day I was walking about the campsite in search of Bea. I hadn’t seen her for a couple of days, and I was beginning to worry. Perhaps she’d caught the flu that was going around. I was just making my way past the back of the Spiegeltent in the direction of Aiden’s camper when I suddenly felt myself propelling forward, a sharp pain shattering through my skull. My hand went to my head as my breath left me all in a rush. I could feel a wetness, and as I moved my fingers in front of my face, I saw they were red with blood.
It took me several beats to find my bearings as I turned and found Julie standing in front of me, wielding a broken plank of wood. My eyes moved from the wood to her and then back again as my brain tried to compute the fact that she’d just whacked me with it.
“What the hell?!” I yelled at her, and she dropped the wood before launching herself at me. Adrenaline flooded my system as she grabbed my throat in her surprisingly strong grip and slammed my body back into the hard frame of the tent. Pain shattered down my spine, my head still thumping. She was shorter than I was by about three or four inches, but she had the muscle tone of a professional athlete, hence her strength.
Acrobats be crazy.
First King and now me. She really was on a roll today.
“You’re going to stay the fuck away from Jack, or the next time, I swear I’ll end you,” she hissed, crazy eyes piercing me. My entire body had broken into a cold sweat, and my throat was constricting from her grip. When I didn’t answer, she tightened it more, and I broke into a fit of choking. My heart was trying to beat its way out of my chest, and I was genuinely in fear for my life. With just the hold she had on my neck, she pulled my body forward, then slammed me back into the tent again.
“Say it!” she demanded.
My voice came out scratchy and broken. “I’ll s-s-stay away from him.”
She looked me up and down, disdain clear in her expression. “I had him long before you came along. Don’t you know you can’t just show up, all fucking innocent and clueless, and take what doesn’t belong to you? That’s not how it works,” she spat, and the spray hit me right in the face. “There are rules.”
“I didn’t know you were together, I swear,” I said, and her grip started to loosen. I was lying through my teeth, of course, but I’d never experienced an attack like this, and I was scared witless. She was obviously mentally disturbed, and I couldn’t believe I didn’t pick up on it sooner. It was startling to think that this woman could do such beautiful things with her body, perform in a way that provoked such emotion in her audience, yet be so thoroughly, certifiably insane.
Her hand left my throat completely, but only to slap me hard across the face, so hard it was going to leave a mark. My mind reeled, and my body began to shake as tears ran down my cheeks. Slaps across the f
ace were Mum’s signature move, and suddenly I was stuck in countless memories.
I felt so small.
Wretched and unimportant.
Clutching my cheek in my hand, the sting echoing through my jaw, I looked back at Julie to find her still seething at me. “You’re a liar. If I see you with him again, I’ll break your face. And if you tell a single person about this, I’ll cut out your tongue.”
With that parting threat, she stomped off, leaving me feeling like I’d just entered an alternate universe where everyone was evil, and women you thought were just bitches were actually psychopaths.
But then I remembered what Winnie had told me back in Caen, when she’d let me pet her lions.
Julie is the little girl who pulled the legs from spiders, the one who poked at dogs until they turned vicious.
Suddenly, I wasn’t so shocked anymore, and her behaviour made perfect sense. Winnie had spent years observing Julie. She knew what she was like far better than I did. And then there was the indignity she suffered this morning when Marina told her off in front of the entire circus. Attacking me was clearly her way of offsetting the shame and frustration she felt.
I sank to the grass, sitting there for God knows how long before I finally picked myself up and stumbled back to the camper. Violet and Lola were out, and after I’d cleaned myself up in the bathroom, I went straight to bed, changing into my pyjamas and climbing under the covers. I was completely spaced out, my body still humming from the attack. My head ached, and beneath my hair where I’d cleaned away the blood, I could feel a soft, mushy bump rising. My throat was raw, and I knew I’d have bruises on my neck tomorrow from where she’d choked me.
I cried for so long that it drained all of my energy, and I eventually fell asleep.
When I woke up, it was dark out. Lola was entering the room and came to sit at the end of my bed.
“Hey, are you all right, hon?” she asked, her face etched in concern as she took me in. I obviously seemed out of it.
I wanted to tell her about Julie, but I was frightened. If I told her, Lola would go find Julie and confront her, and I couldn’t have that. I had no doubts that Julie would follow through on her threats, and I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of her crazy ever again.
“I’m okay. I just have a little bit of a headache,” I said, sitting up.
“Well, that’s a relief. For a second there, I thought you might be coming down with what I had. You missed tonight’s show. Oh, and Jack was looking for you.”
I swore under my breath as I realised I’d be short on money, since I hadn’t worked today. What happened with Julie had completely messed with my head, literally and figuratively. I hadn’t even thought about working.
A knock sounded on the front door, and Lola went to answer it. I sank back under the blanket when I heard Jack asking for me. Lola murmured a reply, and then a moment later she was peeking her head back in the room.
“It’s Jack. He wants to see you.”
I swallowed thickly with nerves. I wanted to see him so badly, but Julie’s threats were still ringing loud in my ears. I didn’t know what to do. “Could you tell him I’m not feeling well and that I’ll see him in the morning?”
She frowned but nodded. “Sure.”
I heard her repeating my excuse to Jack and his tone grew stern, but since the bedroom door was shut, I couldn’t quite hear what he was saying. Then loud footsteps sounded on the floor and a moment later his frame filled the doorway, a look of worry on his handsome face.
Lola came after him, complaining about him pushing by her, but he slammed the door, shutting her out, and hurried to my side. Before I knew it his hand was on my forehead, feeling for a temperature. I shifted uncomfortably in the bed and met his eyes.
“What’s wrong, Lille?” he asked, voice soft and concerned.
“I’m just a little bit under the weather,” I croaked. “It’s nothing to worry about.”
“If you’re sick, I want to see you. You don’t send Lola out with excuses, okay?” he said firmly, and all I could do was nod.
“Good. Now come here.” He pulled back the blankets and lifted me onto his lap. I knew I shouldn’t let him, but being close to him was my weakness. I was feeble in the face of his affection. My legs went around his waist, my arms around his neck as I hugged him and he took a deep breath, inhaling me. I was still shaky from earlier, and I think he noticed, because he pulled back and frowned down at me.
“You’re freaked out by what I told you last night, aren’t you?”
I shook my head. “No, of course not.”
“Then why are you so on edge?”
“It’s just been a long day, and I think sleeping outdoors drained my energy. My muscles ache.” The moment I said it, his practiced hands found my thighs and began to massage. He looked like he wanted to kiss me, but he didn’t; he only stared.
“That feel good?”
My answering sigh said it all, and his expression darkened.
“You’ve been on my mind all day.”
I whimpered when he began rubbing the inside of my thigh and his knuckles grazed between my legs. My body sagged into him, completely at his mercy, and he chuckled low. “Too much, flower?”
“Not enough,” I answered, biting my lip.
I let out a gasp of surprise when he full-on cupped my vagina and caressed me. Honest to God, I was done for. I briefly considering telling him about Julie being a nutjob, but I was far too lusty in that moment to speak. I moaned into his neck, and he gathered my hair in one hand, using it to tug my mouth up to his.
I winced slightly at the pull, because it sent a sting to the bump Julie had inflicted. It wasn’t enough to deter me, though. His tongue slid along mine, our mouths not yet meeting fully. His hand wandered inside my pants and beneath my knickers, seeking. When his thumb flicked across my clit, I shook as a wave of pleasure consumed me. I bit his full bottom lip, eliciting a low growl, and before I knew it, I was on my back, his fingers moving in a slow, tantalising rhythm.
His kiss matched the tempo of his hand, playing my body like he knew it intimately. I was nothing but a map, and he knew every single sweet spot. His thumb began to rub circles around my clit, agonisingly slow, and my hands scrambled for the buckle of his jeans. I was too lost in feeling to get his pants off, so I settled for palming his cock and loved the guttural hum that rose from deep in his throat in response to me touching him.
“Shit, I’m gonna come,” I gasped, and his lips curved in a sexy smile.
“Come then, beautiful.”
And I did. It was spectacular. His slow touches had teased me, made my orgasm so much more intense. I trembled beneath him, and his hands went to my face, pushing strands of hair away from my forehead.
“Fuck, who sent you?” he murmured reverently, and I swear my heart exploded. I nuzzled below his ear, then pressed my face to his chest and inhaled. I hated Julie even more in that moment, because she was ruining the most perfect thing I’d ever had. Jack kissed my temples, then unexpectedly, he rose from the bed.
“Sleep, flower, feel better, and I’ll see you in the morning.”
He was gone before I had the chance to reply. It would have been pointless anyway, because my throat was too thick with suppressed tears to say a word. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to stay away from him, but I was going to have to try, at least in public.
And at least until I figured out what to do about Julie.
Fourteen
A storm fell over the lovers
The following day, avoiding Jack was something of a tactical endeavour. I didn’t go to the gazebo for breakfast, and instead of sitting beside the camper to paint, I wandered outside the campsite and found a quiet spot beside some sweet-smelling bushes. I didn’t get anything of much substance done because I was so angry at Julie. I hated feeling blackmailed like this. By lunchtime I grew hungry, and I cursed myself for not thinking to bring a packed sandwich.
So much for tactics.
; My injuries felt far worse today than they did yesterday. My head thumped constantly, and I had to sneakily borrow some of Lola’s makeup to cover the red mark on my cheek and the bruises on my neck.
I was almost at the camper when I heard Jack call out my name, so I quickened my pace.
“Lille! What the fuck?” he called in that way he had of sounding both stoic and pissed at the same time. The next thing I knew, I was being spun around as he grabbed hold of my arm.
Nervously, I glanced up at him. “Oh, hi, um, how are you?”
I sounded stupid, and it was clear as day that there something going on with me. His face was incredulous.
“Did you just ignore me?”
I shook my head fervently. “What? No. What are you talking about?”
“Unless you’ve gone deaf in the last twelve hours, then you were fucking ignoring me, Lille, and I want to know why.”
“I swear to God, I wasn’t ignoring you, Jack. I must have been daydreaming, because I didn’t hear you.”
He moved closer, like a panther, dark eyes narrowing. “Didn’t hear what? I never told you I said anything, so clearly you’re lying.”
I gestured with my free hand. “You said the thing about me being deaf. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out you said something that I didn’t hear.”
“Flower,” he said quietly. The term of endearment didn’t sound the way it usually did. In fact, it sounded a little threatening. “If you lie to me one more time, you won’t like what happens next.”
The bloody nerve of him! I used every ounce of strength I had in me to shove him away. Any other time I wouldn’t have had such a strong response to his threat, but combined with Julie’s blackmail, what he said was the last straw.
I pointed my finger at him. “Don’t you dare fucking threaten me, Jack McCabe.”
