by L.H. Cosway
Not knowing why, I sat down beside him, staring at the wall in front of us like it held the answers to questions I hadn’t asked yet. “It was so scary, being in there with her, not knowing how everything was going to turn out.” I didn’t voice the fact that it was also kind of sad, because I knew I’d never experience that for myself, would never get to hold my own baby in my arms. But I could hold hers, watch him grow up, and that was enough. It would have to be.
Lee shot me a look of compassion, like he sensed what I was thinking. He was one of the few people who knew I couldn’t have children, and I remembered his words from months ago.
We’re stronger in the places that we’ve been broken.
Our time together had broken parts of both of us, but were we stronger there now? Was there a patch of soil within us, with the capability of growing something new? I didn’t know.
A silence fell between us, and I wasn’t sure how to act around him. Since we hadn’t seen each other in so long, there was a tension, like we were strangers again, but not. I watched as he laced his fingers together, staring at the work-roughened skin and trying not to succumb to the memory of how it used to feel when he touched me.
“How’ve you been?” he asked, breaking the quiet.
I slid my gaze to his. “Good. I’ve been keeping busy. Got my sergeant’s exam coming up next week.”
His eyebrows rose as he teased, “Sergeant, eh, moving up in the world, are we?”
“Something like that.”
“Well, I think it’s great. The more people like you they have in the police, the better.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “What? Constables who use their sirens so they can skip traffic and get to the hospital in time for their best friend to give birth?”
Lee laughed softly. “Yeah, pretty much.”
I smiled back at him, and the eye contact did something strange to my stomach. All at once I was aware of the shape of his lips and the way his hair had grown longer. He used to keep it clipped close to his skull, but now there was more length on top. His expression turned intense, and I cleared my throat to break the tension.
“So, what about you? What’ve you been up to?”
“Quite a bit, actually.”
“Yeah?”
He paused, like he was hesitant to tell me. “Yeah, I’m, eh, I’m setting up a new business.”
“Oh.”
His eyes narrowed. “Not like that. A legitimate business. I’m opening a restaurant.”
Gaping at him, I couldn’t have been more surprised if he told me he was opening up his own beanbag emporium. “That’s amazing news. What are you calling it?”
“Grub Hut. You should stop by sometime. We’re not opening for another few weeks, but I’m there most days doing prep.”
I nodded, smiling again. “I like the name. So you took Alexis’ advice in the end. Remember she said you should open a restaurant? It makes sense. Your food is amazing.”
“Well, I’m still learning. I’ve hired a team of experienced cooks to help run the kitchen, though, so I won’t be on my own.”
“What about the garage?”
“Sold it. It felt too strange staying there with everything that’s happened. A fresh start is what we all needed.”
I exhaled, and a foreign sensation came over me. After a moment, I realised what it was. He was going straight, and I was proud of him. Softening my voice, I asked, “How’s Stu coping? Have you been to visit him?”
At this Lee’s expression darkened. “He’s coping, but it’s hard inside, especially when you come in strong, with a reputation to uphold. It’s…challenging, but he’ll get there.”
My stomach churned, reminding me of my guilt. I’d had a hand in Stu being behind bars, so I couldn’t help feeling remorseful.
“Well, he’s got a lot of people waiting for him on the outside. Just keep reminding him of that and it’ll see him through.”
“Yeah,” said Lee. “I hope so.” Turning his body slightly, his eyes wandered from the top of my head to my shoulders. I grew self-conscious, wondering why he was studying me so closely.
“You been seeing anyone?” he asked.
I shot him an incredulous look, trying not to smile. “Are you seriously going there?”
“Got a soft spot for ya, Snap. Always have.” He winked, but there was a sadness behind his eyes. We both knew that what he’d felt for me was far more than just a soft spot.
I let out a sigh. “No, I haven’t been seeing anyone. Like I said, I’ve been busy.” I paused, not looking at him when I asked shyly, “Have you?”
I could practically feel him smiling, and when I chanced a glance, I noticed his chest puffing out as he rested his arm along the back of my chair. “No. There’s no lucky lady in my life right now.”
“Oh.”
We shared a moment of eye contact, a fire in his gaze that made me swallow hard. His breath hit my ear when he broke the quiet. “I’m sorry for how I blanked you in court that day. It was a shitty move, but my head was all over the place.”
“I know, and I don’t blame you. You love your family, and a piece of it was torn apart. It’s understandable that I was the last person you wanted to see.”
“Still, I should’ve said something, should’ve tried to explain, but I felt so powerless. I thought I had it all figured out. I could throw myself under the bus and everyone else would be safe, no clue that Stu planned on beating me to it.”
“I think he had to do it, though,” I said. “He needed to be the one to take responsibility this time.”
“Yeah, I get that now.”
A quiet descended, and I smelled Lee’s cologne. The scent provoked memories that I tried to push away.
“So, sergeant, eh?” he said, nudging me with his elbow. “Will you get to wear a new insignia?”
“RW 79, all the way,” I answered, saluting him. “Plus, I’ll get to boss all the constables around. It’ll be ace.”
“Oh, yeah, I can see it now, you shouting orders, all sexy in your uniform,” Lee teased, plucking my tie between his fingers.
I rolled my eyes. “I swear, you must be the only bloke in the world who’s got a thing for this uniform.”
Lee’s eyes sharpened as he continued to grin at me, and then he let my tie drop and stood. “Tell Alexis I said congrats. Oh, and I’ll see you around, Serg.”
“Not sergeant yet,” I called after him as he walked away.
He turned around long enough to reply, “You will be.”
His faith in me stirred my emotions, and I slumped back into my seat, my lungs suddenly too full of air.
The following week, I found an envelope in my cubbyhole at the station. My heart leapt when I recognised the stamp. I’d sat my exam just the other day, and already the results were in. Becoming a sergeant was something I’d wanted for years, and I was nervous to open the letter. What if I’d failed? Sure, Jennings and I weren’t mortal enemies anymore, but we weren’t bosom buddies, either. I didn’t want to have to face her smug look that was all, I told you so.
I almost gave myself a paper cut as I anxiously tore open the envelope, unfolded the letter, and let my eyes scan the contents. I’d passed! Without thinking, I emitted a highly unprofessional squeal of delight, fist pumping the air and grinning like a maniac. Excited, I first called Alexis, who was home from the hospital with Oliver. Next I called Reya, who insisted we meet for cocktails once my shift ended that evening.
I changed into some jeans and a silk blouse before I left the station, letting my hair out of its bun and running my fingers through the waves. Applying a small touch of makeup, I thought I looked good and headed to the bar where Reya had told me to meet her. When I arrived, I found her sitting at a table by the window, engrossed in her phone. There were two fresh margaritas in front of her, and I reached forward to take a sip just as she glanced up.
“Hey! Has anyone ever told you that you’re silent like a ninja?” she asked, grinning.
“Oh, many
times.”
She rose from her seat and came around to hug me. “Well done! I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks,” I said, and she went to sit back down, glancing at her phone again as she lifted her own margarita.
“Anything interesting?” I asked, arching a brow.
She waved away my intrigue. “Oh, no, it’s just Trevor.”
“Trevor as in Cross?” I gaped at her.
“Yeah, we text every once in a while. I gave him my number when we all went out together that night after my gig.”
“Right,” I replied. “So what do you two talk about?”
“This and that. He’s got this harebrained idea to create a web series following him and a group of his friends who do parkour. You know, capturing their stunts and all that. He was originally going to ask me to be the presenter, but then he decided against it. Apparently, I have the ‘look,’ but I’m not outgoing enough,” she scoffed.
“You’re a singer, you perform on stage all the time. How is that not outgoing?”
“Yeah, but it’s the whole ‘not opening my eyes’ thing that got him thinking I was too shy, which, by the way, I am. Anyhow, it’s not like I would’ve said yes. Travelling around with a bunch of smelly boys barely out of their teens isn’t exactly my dream job.”
I glanced at her hands, noticing how she was fiddling with the cardboard coaster. It got me thinking that maybe she wasn’t being entirely truthful.
“So there’s nothing going on between you two, then?” I probed.
Reya blushed, which was a feat to achieve on her caramel complexion. “Nope, just texts. Oh, and he friended me on Facebook.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Don’t ‘uh-huh’ me, Karla. There’s nothing going on. He told me I’m not his type, and I’d well believe it. His profile is full of pictures of him with tiny blondes, and I am neither blonde nor tiny.”
“Right, so you’ve been snooping through his profile,” I continued, goading her.
“Yes, of course I have. I’m a student. I have lots of free time and I get bored. What else is there to do?”
“Plenty.”
“Oh, shut up. You barely ever go online. You don’t understand the temptation to snoop.”
“Especially when there’s a twinkly-eyed pretty boy in the mix.”
Reya scowled. “That’s it. I’m changing the subject. When do I get to come see Lexie’s baby? I need some cuteness in my life.”
“Whenever you like. I doubt she’s gonna get the chance to leave the flat any time soon.”
Reya smiled like she couldn’t wait, and then a curious gleam lit her eyes. “So how was it with Lee? He drove Alexis to the hospital, right?”
“Who told you that?”
“Trevor,” she answered, like it was obvious.
“That boy’s got a big mouth. And it was fine, positively civilised, actually. We chatted for a bit. He told me he’s opening a restaurant, asked me to stop by.”
“I’m sure he did,” said Reya. “He’ll be all, Oh, I just spilled marinara sauce all over my muscle-T, whatever shall I do? Then he’ll whip it off, flex his abs at you, and you’ll be putty in his hands.”
“And then we’ll go at it right out in the open for all the world to see,” I deadpanned.
“So you’re saying there were no unresolved feelings, no longing glances or hot stares?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
“Liar!”
“Hey, if you want to talk about Lee, then we have to talk about Trevor. How’s that sound?”
She pursed her lips, frowning. “You’re no fun.”
I shot her a pointed look. “Neither are you.”
“That’s not true. Talking about your love life is a lot more fun than talking about mine.”
“Right, so there is something going on with you and Trev.” I grinned.
“Oh, my God, shut up. Fine, let’s talk about these cocktails, then, shall we? They’re pretty amazing. I want to sample at least five different ones before the night is through.”
Smiling wide, I lifted my hand to her for a high-five. “Sounds like a plan.”
By the time I arrived home, I was more drunk than tipsy. It was barely ten o’clock, but we’d started drinking at six. When I got in, I kicked off my shoes, dropped my bag on the floor, and turned to find Alexis and Lee sitting in the living area, cups of tea placed in front of them on the coffee table. Positively cosy, my drunken brain mused.
“Looks like somebody was out celebrating,” said Alexis with a smile. “Congratulations again, by the way.”
I grinned at her in a way that revealed my drunkenness, and wobbled slightly on my feet as I went to the kitchen to find a glass of water. It was at the back of my mind to ask why Lee was there, but I thought he must have come to visit the baby and see how Alexis was doing. With my glass full, I hobbled my way over to them and plonked down on the couch next to Lee.
“Reya and I went for cocktails. I think I might have gone a little overboard,” I said, trying not to slur my words. When I looked at Lee, I found him regarding me fondly, his arm resting along the back of the couch. I scrunched up my mouth and pointed a finger into his chest, half the water in my glass sloshing out onto my lap. “Did you know about Reya and Trevor?”
He shook his head. “What about them?”
“I dunno. I think they’re having a thing.”
“Sounds serious.”
“Don’t be cheeky,” I warned, pointing at him again. A noise came from the baby monitor, and Alexis went to go check on Oliver. I might have been drunk, but I didn’t fail to see the cynical, knowing look on her face as she glanced between the two of us.
“You should get to bed, Snap. Sleep off all that booze,” Lee murmured.
“I have to drink this water first. Otherwise, I’ll be hung over in the morning.”
His laugh was soft. “I think that’s gonna happen anyway, beautiful.”
“Ugh, you’re so…so…annoying,” I said, and lifted the glass, downing the rest of its contents. Wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, I added, “And don’t call me beautiful. You think I’ll let you in my pants because I’m drunk, wellll, no way, José.”
“Ah, you have me pegged. I’m a dirty opportunist.” Lee sighed dramatically, unable to wipe the grin from his face. He thought I was funny. Getting up from the couch, I stumbled slightly, but he caught me in time to prevent my fall.
“Easy,” he murmured, his hands clasping my elbows.
Looking up at him from beneath my lashes, I swallowed tightly and stepped out of his hold. Turning, I managed to make it to my bedroom, where I unceremoniously bumped into my wardrobe.
“Ow,” I whined, clutching my knee.
Lee stood just a few feet shy of my doorway. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine,” I answered, and then proceeded to face-plant onto my mattress. Fully clothed; I had no intention of going to the effort of undressing. I could sleep like this.
Lee entered my room. “You sure you don’t need some help?”
“Nope, I’m good,” I said, waving a hand in the air.
“You’re just going to sleep in your clothes?” he asked.
“Pretty much.”
“Karla, let me help you.”
Annoyed, I flipped over onto my back and levelled him with a hostile glare. “I said, I’m fine.”
Lee sighed and went back out into the living room, not bothering to shut my door. I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep, but the waist of my jeans began to bite into my skin, and I felt uncomfortably sweaty in my silk blouse. Only a minute or two had passed when I called out sheepishly, “Lee?”
The smile in his voice was unmistakable. “What is it, Snap?”
“Maybe I could use some help.” No way were these skinnies coming off on their own. Chuckling, he returned to my room and stood at the foot of my bed, grinning down at me.
“You’re adorable when you’re drunk.”
I scoffed. �
�Sure.”
“Let’s get these off you, then,” he said, resting a knee on the mattress and bending forward to undo my fly. With effort he pulled them down my legs, finally getting them off. I was already unbuttoning my blouse when I realised he’d gone quiet, and looked up to find him standing over me, heat in his eyes as they traced my bare legs.
“You good from here?” he asked, swallowing tightly.
I couldn’t answer, because his stare was creating a burning need between my thighs. My throat was thick when I finally said, “Yeah, I’m good.”
He had turned to leave when I added, “Wait, can you help me with the duvet before you go?”
I shouldn’t have said it. I could easily deal with a bloody duvet by myself. The truth was that I didn’t want him to leave. Not yet. Nodding, he didn’t say a word as he returned, slid an arm around my waist, and lifted me up while pulling the duvet out from under me. Exhaling heavily, I stared at his thick lashes, then at his lips, before finally resting my gaze on his.
Acting purely on instinct, I seized his mouth, moving my lips and coaxing his to open. He groaned as I kissed him, his entire body still and tense. My skin heated, my body responding to the contact as I arched my hips and felt the stirrings of an erection in his pants.
“You’re drunk,” he said as he broke away briefly, like he was trying to reason with himself.
“Mm-hmm,” I murmured indistinctly, pulling him back as I slid my tongue into his mouth and wrapped my arms around his neck. Lee hissed when I ground myself off his dick, seeking friction. For a second he kissed me hungrily, drinking me in and tasting me. Then a moment later he was gone, rising off the bed and running his hands through his hair.
“Fuck,” he swore. “You can’t test me like that, Karla. I’m not strong enough,” he said gruffly.
I lay there, staring up at him, breathless. “I’m sorry.”
Lee frowned and shook his head. “Don’t be sorry. I just don’t want to take advantage….”
“It’s okay, I know. You’re a good person, Lee,” I told him, not sure if that was drunk Karla talking, or sober Karla.
The way his eyes raked my half-naked body gave me chills. “The thoughts I’m having right now are far from good. Tell me to leave.”
