by L.H. Cosway
I yawned and he turned his head a little. “Tired?”
“Yeah. Long day.”
“The restaurant was a bastard this evening,” Lee affirmed. “Non-stop, wasn’t it, kiddo?”
“Pretty much.”
“It’s good business is booming though,” said Karla.
I heard Valerie let out a small huff but I didn’t think anyone else noticed.
What was her problem?
Okay, so maybe I knew what her problem was. For one, Liam was looking at me like I lit the moon and stars, which by the way, I didn’t understand. I wasn’t oblivious. It was clear he was attracted to me. The feeling was reciprocated, obviously, but I was just so bad with men in general. I didn’t know how to flirt, didn’t know how to master that come-hither look that told them the attraction was mutual. I’d always been too much of a tomboy for that.
The first time I had sex was at fifteen with a boy living in the same foster home as I was. He was sweet and shy. The sex was fumbling and awkward.
The second time I had sex was at eighteen, with a bloke named Steven. I met him through Becky. He was a tattoo artist, as well, and he smoked fancy French cigarettes. They were at odds with his rough and ready appearance. The sex was good. Very good. But Steven was an unparalleled arsehole. He barely spoke to me, just offered me a joint, and then started kissing me. One thing led to another.
And that was the sum total of my experience with men.
You’d think I’d have more, but I’ve always kept to myself, always been wary of new people. Until Liam. I still hardly knew him, but it felt like he’d been in my life longer. Maybe it was because of all the time he’d spent watching me—the time we’d spent watching each other. Whenever our eyes connected at work, it was like we were learning one another without exchanging words. Studying the other’s mannerisms and habits.
You could tell so much about a person without having a conversation, especially when you were drawn to them like I was drawn to Liam.
I’d been lost in my thoughts for a while when the doorbell rang. Lee shot up to answer it. Karla and Sophie were talking about going shopping for new clothes for Billie and Jonathan on the weekend. Liam, Valerie and I were silent. Well, that was until Valerie decided to open her mouth.
“So, Iris, you work at The Grub Hut?”
I glanced at her warily and Liam stiffened. “I do.”
“What do you do there?”
By the evil gleam in her eyes, I suspected she already knew. I stuck my chin out and answered, “I clean.”
“Oh, like washing dishes and all that?”
“Yep.”
She let out a laugh. “Have you ever seen that Bruce Lee biopic, where the Chinese woman says that line about needing a dish washer? Always cracks me up.”
“I haven’t seen that one,” I told her quietly. And I hadn’t. But I was sure whatever she was referring to was offensive in some way.
“How is everything at the crèche?” Liam cut in. “You ever get sick of changing dirty nappies all day?”
This woman worked at a crèche? Wow. I couldn’t believe people actually trusted her to take care of their children.
But okay, maybe I was biased. The only reason she had it in for me was because of Liam. Maybe she was perfectly lovely to everyone else.
“It’s all right. I’m thinking of a career change, actually. There’s this beauty course I’m interested in.”
“No way should anyone let you do their makeup,” Sophie cut in, overhearing the topic. “Remember that time I let you do mine for Lee’s birthday? I ended up looking like a drag queen.”
Valerie’s eyes flashed bloody murder at Sophie. “I was considering massage therapy, if you must know.”
“Oh, well, in that case go for it,” said Sophie, looking sheepish.
“I think I will. Liam, would you let me practice on you?” she asked, casting him a flirtatious look. Oh, man. This was getting way too corny for my taste.
He’d been grinning at what Sophie said but his features quickly sobered. “Eh, not so keen on massage, Val.”
Good answer. Before Valerie could say more, Lee came in carrying a stack of pizza boxes. The smell of melted cheese hit me immediately and my mouth started to water.
“I ordered a selection, so there should be something to suit everyone.”
We all dug in. Liam eyed me. “Let me guess, ham and pineapple?”
I smiled. “That’s spooky. How did you know?”
“Got a sixth sense for these things.”
He pulled out a slice and placed it on a paper napkin before handing it to me. I shot him a look of thanks. Lee started the film and we all settled in to watch. Over the course of the movie it felt like Liam’s and my bodies gravitated towards one another. I was thoroughly engrossed in the story before I realised my entire side was touching his. Our bare forearms brushed against each other, as well as our thighs. It was . . . nice. More than nice.
Being close to a boy I liked in such an ordinary setting was extraordinary to me.
I never got to do stuff like this.
I’d eaten so much pizza I could already feel a new and welcome layer of fat forming around my ribs. Liam reached up to rest his arm along the back of the couch. He felt even closer now. It would be so easy to just rest my head against him, feel his warmth. I wanted it so bad I ached, yearning for more contact.
Feeling brave, I shifted closer, my head touching the top part of his chest. He sucked in a quick breath at the action, tensed momentarily, then relaxed. He wasn’t stopping me. For some reason it felt exciting, thrilling. Everybody else was too concentrated on the film to notice the subtle interaction between us. From the outside it might’ve looked like nothing, but to me every second that passed felt monumental.
I heard him make a gruff sound in the back of his throat before he lowered his arm around my shoulders. My eyes widened as I stared dead ahead, my heart beating a frantic rhythm. I couldn’t believe this was happening. I couldn’t believe Liam Cross just put his arm around me.
I felt heavy and light all at once.
Several minutes passed before I summoned the courage to look at him. He sensed my attention and glanced down. Our gazes locked and my cheeks heated. I couldn’t look away. His fingers moved where they rested just below my arm pit. I sucked in a harsh breath when his thumb started to brush back and forth over the underside of my breast.
He was being so brazen, especially considering we had company.
I loved it.
I was captivated, couldn’t wait to see what he might to do next.
I was also more turned on than I’d ever been in my whole entire life.
My nipples hardened. I clenched my thighs together. The spot between them ached for something, anything. All the while we never broke eye contact.
I’d heard of the term eye-fucking before, but I’d never actually experienced it until now. I felt warm and tingly all over. I felt like if he so much as leaned in and blew on me I’d come.
I didn’t even realise that the movie had ended until Karla exclaimed, “Well, that was a headfuck.”
Lee chuckled and bent over to plant a peck on her lips. I turned back to Liam and his eyes were still on me, still dark with need. I had goosebumps over every inch of my skin.
I heard Valerie huff out an irritated sigh that put an end to the moment. Liam shifted away from me, while she rose from the couch and sniped, “Well, I’d better be getting home. Liam, could you give me a lift?”
Everybody looked at her.
“You live just around the corner, Val,” said Sophie, giving her friend a look that said why are you being weird?
“It’s late. Who knows what sort of freaks could be hanging around,” said Valerie, her mouth forming an annoyed slant.
“I’ll give you a lift if you want,” Karla offered to which Valerie glared.
“I asked Liam.”
“Liam’s got an early start in the morning,” Karla went on. “Come on, I’ll have you home
in no time.”
Valerie let out another huff as Karla got up and grabbed her keys off the mantelpiece. Everybody started going their separate ways while Liam and I cleared away the empty pizza boxes. We didn’t say a word as we worked in unison, but the tension still lingered between us. Sophie said goodnight and went to her room, while Lee came into the kitchen. His attention went from me to Liam and a small smirk shaped his mouth.
“I suppose we better sit and talk about rent,” he said, eyeing me. Liam shot his brother a disgruntled look but didn’t say anything.
“Oh, sure,” I said. “How much were you thinking? I have a little saved up if you need a deposit.”
“Nah, you keep that. I wanted to suggest I take it out of your pay check. How does thirty quid a week sound?”
I frowned. “It sounds like far too little.”
“It’s just a room, Iris.” Lee smiled. “And we’re all happy to have another pretty face around the house. Aren’t we, Liam?” he asked, eyeing his brother with mischief.
When I looked at Liam his cheeks reddened ever so slightly. I couldn’t believe it. It always surprised me when he got shy like that.
“Mmm,” he grunted.
I looked back at Lee. “Well, if you’re sure. I’ll buy all my own food and clean up after myself. And I won’t hang around all day getting under your feet. You’ll barely even know I’m here.”
“You can eat as much food and hang out as much as you want,” said Lee. “Just help with the dishes and sweep up every once in a while, and we’re good.”
“Okay. I can do that,” I said, nodding my head. A foreign sensation spread through me. It took me a second to identify it.
Happiness.
Lee gave me a warm smile and stood. “It’s sorted then. Welcome to your new gaf, Missy.” He came forward and gave me a friendly hug before heading for the door. “I’m off to bed. You two don’t stay up too late.”
With that he was gone and we were alone again. I glanced at Liam to find him already staring at me.
“What?”
“You’re beautiful,” he blurted.
Warmth suffused my chest and my pulse sped up. I picked at the edge of my fingernail. “You’ve got an unusual definition of beauty.”
He shook his head confidently. “No, I don’t.”
I didn’t know what to say then, fumbling for words but finding none. He smiled. So bloody handsome. I blushed even more. I was probably a tomato at this point.
I broke the silence when I said, “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“How long have you known I was homeless?”
Liam’s eyes flashed, turmoil in their bright blue depths, and I wondered if I’d made a mistake asking that. I just needed to know how quickly he saw through me. I’d always prided myself on being unnoticeable. Inconspicuous. It was a survival mechanism. Homeless girls never attracted the right kind of attention.
The fact that I’d failed niggled at me, even though I wouldn’t be here in this house if I hadn’t.
Liam raked a hand through his hair and sat down on a stool. He gestured to the one beside it and I took a few steps across the room to sit.
“I saw you the first time you came in looking for work,” he said, surprising me. “I overheard your conversation with Lee. Then I saw you and I don’t know why, but I was drawn to you. There was something in your eyes that spoke to me. You just seemed so . . . lonely.”
I felt vulnerable hearing this. On display. I couldn’t believe he’d noticed me before I ever noticed him.
“After that I started watching you. You never acted how I expected. You rarely spoke to the other staff. I knew next to nothing about you other than your name and that you didn’t want to give my brother your address.”
I stared at the floor and scratched my arm. “That’s because I didn’t have one.”
“Yeah, fucks my head up that I didn’t realise sooner.”
I twisted my lips self-consciously. “It’s not like it was your fault.”
The look he gave me said otherwise, which was ridiculous. I let out an aggrieved sigh. “Please don’t tell me you’re one of those bleeding hearts who thinks the world’s problems are his own.”
He still didn’t say anything. Only stared at me so intensely I had to look away.
“You never smelled bad,” he said randomly. “Your clothes and hair were always clean, too. I figured you must’ve been living somewhere. I feel like shit that it took me so long to see the truth.”
His words struck a chord. I was always so worried about stuff like that. Looking dirty and dishevelled, or offending people with my odour. “I use the public swimming pool a few times a week. I don’t swim, I just go to the showers,” I whispered.
Tension radiated off him, and I knew this must’ve been hard to hear. It was hard to say. He reached out and took my hands in his. “Christ, Iris, I’m sorry I didn’t try talking to you before now. You were just always so closed off. Believe it or not, I was actually a little intimidated by you.”
I scoffed but felt warmth trickle over me at the same time. “Yeah right.”
“It’s true. You’ve got that whole don’t mess with me vibe going on.”
This made me laugh a little. “Shut up.”
Liam laughed, too. When it tapered off he said, “At first I thought maybe you were on the run from someone, and that’s why you wouldn’t give an address. You didn’t want anybody to find you if they came looking.”
“Makes sense.”
“So I looked you up,” he confessed.
My eyes widened and I pulled my hands from his. “What?”
His expression showed his regret. “I thought if you had a record I could find out where you came from, but you didn’t have one.”
“You checked to see if I was in the system?” All of a sudden, I felt unsettled.
“I know it was wrong but I was worried about you. It just seemed like you didn’t have anyone, like you weren’t safe.”
“I didn’t have anyone and I wasn’t safe, but that didn’t mean you had the right to do that,” I said, shifting away from him and standing. I knew deep down that he’d looked me up out of concern, but it still felt like a violation.
“I’m sorry, Iris, I—”
“No, you don’t need to be sorry. You . . . shouldn’t have done it but I’m glad you did. I’m glad you saw me. Very few people ever do.”
I tried to convey my gratefulness with my eyes even though my gut twisted. I was torn. I appreciated his help but was bothered, too. I’d always felt powerless when it came to authority. People in government jobs had moved me from pillar to post until I was old enough for them to discard me. Liam had used his position to try and find private information and he had no right.
“I’m tired. I think I’ll go to bed,” I said, heading for the door.
“Iris, don’t be like that,” Liam pleaded.
“I’m not mad at you, I promise. I just need some time to . . . absorb things.”
Liam’s handsome face studied me. “Promise?”
I gave him the sincerest look I could muster. “Cross my heart.”
Six
Rebel Rebel
I was still sleeping on the floor.
It had been a week and I still couldn’t get used to the bed, found it hard to sleep in a clean, normal environment. There had to be something wrong with me. Maybe I was institutionalised by too many nights on the streets. Maybe I’d always feel ill at ease with comfort.
But no, I didn’t believe that. Couldn’t. And anyway, it wasn’t like I hadn’t become fast friends with the shower. I could spend hours in there just soaking under the water, feeling clean for the first time in years.
Liam and I had gone back to watching each other.
I wasn’t holding what he did against him, because I knew his heart was in the right place, but the whole conversation had created an awkwardness between us. I really wanted to talk to him. I felt like I was going to burst with it
. I wanted to go back to that moment on the couch, where we couldn’t tear our eyes off one another.
I was carrying the rubbish out the back of the restaurant at the end of my shift when I caught sight of a familiar coat of ginger fur.
“Mr Hector! I thought you’d abandoned me.”
He let out a loud, cranky meow and I threw the bag in the bin before going over to pet him. “Hey, you. Long time no see.” He meowed again, like he was complaining about my disloyalty, but he didn’t look like he’d been going hungry. In fact, he looked a little too well fed. I was willing to bet he’d made friends with the bloke who ran the butcher shop down the street. Opportunistic scamp was probably eating sausages every day.
“You really are pretty, aren’t you?” I said, running my hand along his silky fur.
“Who are you talking to?” came a familiar voice.
I glanced up and saw Liam standing by the gate. There was a police car parked outside and he was in uniform.
“My cat,” I answered and lifted the ginger fluff ball. He twisted in my hold. He didn’t like being held, always had to be the one to initiate contact. “His name is Mr Hector.”
Liam eyed me with a funny expression. “Are you sure you didn’t steal him? He looks like he hates you. Also, he is a she.”
I gaped at him. “What?”
He grinned now. “Your cat is a girl, Iris. Haven’t you checked out her . . . bits?”
I shot him an appalled look. “I’m not in the habit at looking at cat genitals, if you must know.”
Liam laughed, his eyes dancing with mirth. “Oh, man. You’re something else.”
I glanced at the cat in my arms. “Are you really a girl, Mr Hector?” I shit you not, he/she shot me a look that was all, I’ve been trying to tell you for months!
“He’s, I mean, she’s just so big. She really looks like a Tom.”
“You’re too fucking cute,” said Liam as he came forward to pet Mr Hector on the head. I wasn’t changing her name. She’d just had to live with Mr Hector.
I inwardly flushed at Liam’s softly spoken compliment and said, “She’s not really my cat. She’s a stray but she used to sleep with me at the squat sometimes. She was my buddy. I’d ask if I could keep her at the house but I have a feeling she’s far too wild to ever be domesticated.” Just like me, sleeping on the floor like a weirdo.
