by Trudi Jaye
So he turned to the doctor and introduced them.
“Dr. Annandale, this is Simon Blue. Simon, this is the good doctor. She’s going to talk to you about your amnesia. Maybe help you remember a few things.”
Before he could say anything else, the doctor stepped forward and held out her hand. “Hi, Simon. Call me Maddy, please. I don’t go by doctor on the weekend.” She smiled, and Garth caught the twinkle in her eye. This time it stayed, and he saw Simon receive the full force of her smile.
Simon smiled back at her, and Garth could see he’d been charmed straightaway. The little sparrow could work her own brand of magic; that was for sure. Garth leaned on the doorframe and watched as she sat on his bed and chatted with Simon.
“Tell me what you can remember, Simon. What’s the last thing you know happened?”
“The last thing I remember is preparing for a big show in Vegas. Dad was trying out a new trick… one I helped him with. He and his assistant, Luci, they’d been practicing hard to make it work.”
“How did the trick go?”
Simon’s face was screwed up, the stress of not being able to remember showing clearly. “I don’t know. I can’t remember how it went. I don’t think it went well. I mean… if I can’t remember it, it probably didn’t, right?” He looked up at Maddy, his eyes filling with frustrated tears.
She reached out and brushed a hand over his hair. “Not necessarily. But it could mean it’s part of why your brain feels it needs to forget. We can work together on getting some of your memories back.”
“You think I’ll remember again?” Simon’s eyes were large, filled with hope. Garth’s stomach clenched. What if he hated them all when he got his memory back?
Maddy nodded. “I think so. You didn’t hit your head, did you?”
Simon looked over at Garth for confirmation.
Garth shook his head. “No, the doctors said there was no damage to his head. It was mostly his legs and arms.”
Damn specific breaks and cuts that got the most pain out of where they were placed. Hugo Blue was a sadist. Simon hadn’t ever specifically asked how he got all his injuries. He’d been told it was some kind of accident, and Garth had never discussed it with him. He wondered if Simon had any idea, or if the boy was blithely accepting of a vague accident being the cause. He clenched his hand. If he had anything to do with it, Simon would never see his father again.
“So nothing that would have caused a physical injury to the brain. That’s a really positive sign. But, Simon, I have to warn you. It won’t come back overnight, and it won’t help if you concentrate on it all the time. It will just stress your brain out more. What we have to do is trick your brain into accessing the memories it’s currently protecting from your conscious mind.”
Simon nodded, his complete focus on Maddy. “So what do we do?”
Maddy leaned over and reached into her bag, pulling out a square container. She opened it up and inside was a pile of square paper in a variety of colors and patterns. “It’s good to provide activity for your brain, to distract you. So we’re going to do some origami.”
“Oh.” Simon looked down at his hands, especially the one in a cast. “I don’t know if I can,” he said.
“I’ll help you. We’ll do it together.” Maddy smiled at him and handed him one of the orange sheets. “Let’s do one of my favorites. A fish.”
As Garth watched, she helped Simon do the simple folds. She only helped if she could see he really couldn’t make the fold, and gradually, a small goldfish emerged from the paper. When it was done, a slight smile appeared on Simon’s face.
“I always thought origami was really hard, but that was easy.”
Maddy gave a quick laugh. “Some of it can be difficult. But the best ones, my favorites, are all easy. I’ll show you another if you like. Then I’ll leave you to practice them.”
Simon nodded and reached for the box to pick the next colored paper.
“You’ve chosen a green sheet, so I’m going to show you the frog. Start by folding it along here.” Again, Maddy patiently showed Simon each move required to make the frog, and in the end, he had an animal to show for it. Despite himself, Garth was impressed. If someone had asked him what Maddy would do with Simon today, this would have been the very last thing he would have guessed.
After a few minutes, Maddy turned to Garth. “You don’t need to watch like a such a hawk, you know. I can take it from here. Just give us about half an hour and come back.”
Garth pushed himself away from the wall. He’d been so engrossed in watching them he hadn’t thought about what it must look like to her. A faint stain worked its way across his face. He nodded and left the room, going to sit on the front porch, checking his watch for the time. He absently picked up the soft juggling balls that sat at the side of the porch and used one hand to throw them up, a lazy pattern of red and yellow filling the air.
Across the road, the trees were packed tightly, and a wind blew through the branches. A car came down the drive, and a hand waved from the front seat as Jack passed by. The rest of the houses were farther along. For some reason, the Giftmaster family house was away from the others.
Garth shook his head. He knew the reason.
Being a Giftmaster was different than any other position. He was the emotional barometer of the Carnival. And sometimes his emotions needed a break.
He was the closest to the entity that walked with them, the soul that was the Carnival, the center of their world.
Garth experienced the Gift like no one else. It was a rollercoaster, one he had to ride carefully. He relished these months off, used them to recover his sense of self, his balance. Since he’d become Giftmaster, he’d always had Abba to guide him, to focus his energy and provide security. Abba’s sudden death had knocked him almost as much as it knocked Rilla, and he’d been on the verge of losing it not so long ago.
During a Gift, it was harder to restrain his emotions, and the bond he made with the Mark was tight but erratic. He had no control over what they were feeling and the strength at which he experienced their emotions, be it anger, sadness, or happiness. Their emotions coated him, sometimes drowning him in their urgency. It took everything he had, every little bit of his willpower, to keep them at bay. During the season, when one Gift finished, he had only a few days to recover before the next one invaded his head, pulling him in directions he would never have believed he could go.
Luckily, the risks Rilla had taken in their last Gift had paid off, and the Carnival was stronger for it. They all were.
It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy being part of the Carnival. In fact, he felt privileged to be the Giftmaster, integral to helping people fulfil their deepest desire.
The ones like Kara, their latest Mark, they were the best. Her journey had been special. He’d not always seen the way clearly, but it had ended well for both Kara and the Carnival. And it had showed them all that the rules they thought they knew were both stricter and more lenient than they’d ever realized.
Blago had unsettled Garth when he first arrived. The old show hand was proof of the Carnival’s unemotional application of the rules. Garth tapped his finger in a random rhythm. No way would he ever pick love over the Carnival—like Blago did. It might be difficult, it might drive him to the edges of his sanity, but the Carnival was his place in this world. He could never survive anywhere else.
He closed his eyes, trying to breathe deeply and calm his thoughts.
Having a sparrow working with Simon in his back room wasn’t helping him relax. She might be among peacocks, but there was a small part of his brain that was thinking perhaps he might prefer small but intelligent brown birds to brightly colored show-offs. He glanced at his watch again. It was time to see what she was up to with Simon.
As he entered the room, Maddy stood. “It’s time for me to head off now, Simon. Thanks for letting me show you the origami animals.”
Simon smiled up at her from a bed sprinkled with fish and frogs. “I’ll kee
p practicing and make Garth help me. When you come next time, it will be perfect!”
“I’ll be back in a couple of days, so I’ll hold you to that.” Maddy smiled at him and then ruffled his hair.
She grinned at Garth and walked past him out the door, the sweet scent of her perfume lingering for a moment under his nose. He turned to Simon. “You okay, buddy?” he asked.
Simon looked up from a slightly wonky frog. “I’m good, Garth. Maddy is fun. She’s not like a normal doctor.”
“I’m going to talk to her. Then I’ll come in and move you to the lounge, okay?”
Simon nodded, his attention on the small paper square in front of him. Garth shook his head. Who would have thought something so random would catch the boy’s attention?
He turned and followed Maddy out into the main room. He watched her for a moment, waiting for her to fill him in. When she remained silent, he rolled his eyes. “Well? Can you help him?”
“Like I told Simon, I think so. He has what is called dissociative amnesia. It’s fairly common in cases like this, where there’s no physical problem and it’s due to a mental trauma. I can work with him to see if we can get his memory back.”
“How long will it take?”
“It depends. There’s no real way to tell.” She brushed one hand through her hair. “What happened to him, Garth? Who did all that to him?” Maddy’s eyes were bright with unshed tears.
Garth glanced down the hallway. He needed to make sure Simon couldn’t hear him. He led Maddy out onto the porch, shutting the screen door after him. “It was his father,” he said in a low voice. “He did it to his own son, broke bones all over his body and cut him.”
“Why? Why would he do something like that to a boy like Simon?” Maddy’s voice was nothing more than a horrified whisper.
“Suffice it to say, it wasn’t justified. His father has gone over the edge. But we haven’t told Simon that yet, and as far as he’s concerned, his dad is a great guy. We think his father must have started to show how unbalanced he was around the time of this performance Simon can’t remember.”
Maddy nodded. “It’s highly likely. It’s all linked in his brain; that’s for sure.” She looked away, across the drive and into the thick trees across the road. “Do you think it’s the best thing, giving him his memories back?” she said quietly. “If it was his father that did it? Simon mentioned him a couple of times, and he really idolizes him.”
Garth flicked his glance to her face, surprised. She was the last person he’d have thought would doubt trying to get the memories back. “I don’t know. There’s just something in the back of my brain that tells me he’ll be better off if he can remember everything he’s lost. That’s all I’ve got to go on.”
Wide eyes looked up into his, emeralds clouded with worry. “Maybe. He’s just so young to have to find out something like this. His own father…” She trailed off, unable to finish the thought.
The surge of protectiveness flowed through Garth, surprising him with its intensity. “He’s a good kid, and he’s got friends here in the Carnival. We’ll protect him.”
Maddy smiled, her eyes now a warm green. “He’s lucky to have you.”
Garth blinked. The surge of protectiveness for Simon had now turned into something else, something directed at this woman. It was almost the same kind of uncontrollable wave of emotions that took him over during the Gift. He frowned and pushed it back. He didn’t need any more complications in his life. This was his time off.
Just because he was attracted to the little sparrow didn’t mean he had to do anything about it.
“When will you come out next?” he asked. Simon needed her. That was the only reason he was asking.
“Next weekend? I’m busy with work for a bit, but I can take a break on Saturday.” She glanced around. “Will you show me around the rest of the Compound?” she asked unexpectedly.
He blinked, startled. “Sure,” he answered, the word escaping before he could think it through.
What harm could there be?
CHAPTER FOUR
He watched patiently from the edge of the path, scanning the road behind him. The transfer of prisoners was taking place today, and so far everything was going according to plan. He would soon have Lucietta free, and then he’d be able to find his son again.
They’d stolen Simon from him.
His fist clenched and he ground his teeth, trying to control the burst of brilliant red anger that flashed through his head. Nothing had gone as planned and he’d lost his opportunity. His power hadn’t been enough; he’d not been able to fight the blocker who’d ruined his triumph.
It didn’t matter.
They thought they’d beaten him, but they didn’t understand his patience, his determination. All those years of being used as a power source by his father had given him an understanding of how to wait, to be patient. His time would come, and he would triumph over the Carnival, just like he triumphed over his father.
Simon would understand. His boy knew his father had no choice. There was more at stake than either one of them.
This was about putting right the wrongs done to their family.
It was about vengeance.
CHAPTER FIVE
Maddy watched Milton as he dealt the cards, his hands smooth in their movements. It would have been difficult to tell he was so far down the track of dementia if she didn’t know it. He seemed far too physically capable.
“How long have you been a card player, Milton?” she asked.
He glanced up at her with a flirtatious smile. “Longer than you’ve been alive, pretty lady.”
She smiled back. It was so hard not to. He had a contagious manner about him that would have been devastating when he was younger. “I don’t believe it. You’re not that old.”
He laughed. “The cards make me seem younger. That’s why I like to carry a deck around. Valerie always says I’m trying to desperately hold on to my youth.”
Valerie was his wife, who’d died almost twelve years prior. He’d always referred to her in the present tense.
“Do you think she’s right?”
“She’s always right. She’s my wife, isn’t she?” He looked around, his expression becoming pensive. “Where is Valerie? She usually likes to watch me deal the cards.”
Maddy considered telling him she was dead. But she knew it would just upset him, and she wanted to see how far this block of memory lasted. “I don’t know where she is,” she said, taking the middle ground. “Can you tell me a bit about Valerie? I’d love to hear more about her.”
Milton smiled, his face softening and his eyes crinkling. “Ah, Valerie. She’s everything that is good in the world. She’s the sunlight and the moonlight combined.” He glanced around him in a conspiratorial manner. “She’s the one who designs all our acts, you know. Discovered she had a talent for it a few years ago. Don’t tell anyone. The old stooges don’t like to hear of a woman doing well.”
“I won’t tell anyone,” said Maddy. This was the hardest part, hearing the stories about people long dead, knowing it would be like they died all over again to reveal their deaths. “What kind of acts do you do?”
Milton looked over at her in surprise. “You don’t know? You must be new around here to not know a Master. I’m the leader of the clowns… and the Gift. The center of the Carnival, if you like. None so close to the action,” he said with a smirk.
Maddy frowned over the unusual terminology. “So you’re a master of some kind?” she said.
“I am the Giftmaster, my dear. Everyone sees a clown and they think of the laughter and the light. And that is true. That is very much a part of what we bring. But as every coin has two sides, so does the clown. In the Jolly Carnival, our light is matched by our dark. We haunt the emotions of our quarry and help to heal their pain. It isn’t an easy role and, to be frank, not something everyone could handle. But Val, she keeps me stable, and now my boy Garth. He’s growing up strong. I can see the steel in his eyes. He�
��ll do the job when I’m no longer able.”
Milton’s pride shone out of his eyes, and despite the confusing statements he was making, he clearly loved his son. Maddy wondered if Garth had seen that pride recently. Those warm-brown eyes had been blank as an empty canvas when she’d seen him with his son the first time. If he’d truly been that way before he deteriorated, Maddy could see why it was so hard on Garth. To lose a father who was so warm and charming and have him become a shell of a man who didn’t recognize you would be devastating.
“What about the light? What kinds of things do you do to bring the light to your audience?”
Milton swung his right arm in a flowing arc and off to one side. “We give them the magic of the Carnival. We fulfill every desire they didn’t know they had and leave them wishing they could stay with us forever.”
Maddy shook her head. He was certainly very good with the flowery talk. But she also noted he hadn’t answered her question. Was it because he didn’t know the answer, or was he just routinely keeping the magic going, as part of some practiced routine?
“That’s a very general description. What precisely is it that you do at the carnival, Milton?”
Milton blinked and glanced at her. His hands fell to the table, as if they were now lead weights. “The Carnival? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, his voice old and querulous.
Maddy sighed. Just like that, the moment was over.
***
Garth placed Simon down carefully on the padded chair next to the clown practice ring. The boy had been locked up in the house too long, and Garth had finally given in to Simon’s begging this morning. There was only so much television a person could watch before they turned nutty. And Simon already had enough nuttiness in his family—although he didn’t know it.
The practice ring was in the big covered auditorium in the main Compound village. He’d driven Simon down the rest of the road toward the village for the first time this morning.
“I can’t believe you want to live away from all of this,” was all Simon had said when he’d seen the busy activity around the houses and buildings that made up the main part of the village.
