Startled, she could only stare, then she slowly reached out and took the cool paper in hand. A thousand mixed-up emotions thrummed through her veins, but uppermost was excitement. Finally, after all these years, they were about to get some answers.
CHAPTER SEVEN
The boys got in trouble at school again today. Dear Lord, they’re a handful.
Grace looked up after reading the words aloud and grinned at her brothers. “See, I told you, you were a pain.”
Leo affected an injured air. “It wasn’t me.”
Thomas broke his stalwart silence. “Maybe if you weren’t showing off for the girls so much…”
Leo threw a sofa cushion, grinning as it bounced off his brother’s hastily raised forearm. “You were just jealous they liked me more.”
Thomas almost smiled. “Or, they felt sorry for you.”
“Shh. Do you want to hear this, or not?” Grace waved the pages in the air and caught the faintest hint of lavender, her mother’s favorite fragrance. It was accompanied by a memory of sitting on her mom’s lap while she brushed Grace’s waist-length hair one hundred strokes to keep it healthy and shiny. She could almost feel the slender fingers sweep her bangs to the side as she struggled to stay awake beneath the hypnotic ministrations.
“You okay, sis?” Ben asked, his brown eyes watchful.
Startled, she nodded and resumed reading…
That man came by again today, the one I told you about? Anyway, it turns out he’s the new doctor in town. He offered a free check-up for all of us, wasn’t that nice?
I’ve been real careful with the money you left, but times are hard. I don’t know how much longer we can carry on. I’ve taken in cleaning and the boys do what they can… Thomas is working two jobs after school. Leo and Benjamin help me in the garden—though Ben makes more of a mess than anything.
“Ouch,” Ben said, and they all laughed. He loved working the land and had a big plot out back he tended whenever he wasn’t on shift with the fire department. “She should see my garden now.”
That sobered them quick.
Grace continued.
I’ve been so tired lately, it’s a chore to get the children off to school each day.
The kids love Doctor Barnes, he makes them laugh. I wish you could hear it, Ray. They make my heart happy.
Grace cleared her throat, swallowing back the pain.
It’s been eight months, Ray. Where are you?
The loneliness and desperation were clear. This was not the letter of a woman who had deserted her family, rather a cry for help from a mother at the end of her endurance. All these years they’d criticized her for the disintegration of the family, and now it seemed their father was the one at fault.
Grace didn’t know what to do with this information. She loved her dad, he was the core of the household. The person credited with bringing them back home again—re-creating their family.
“That’s bullshit,” Ben snarled, the normally cheerful face dark and angry. “How dare she put the blame on Dad. He was doing his job. She’s the one that left, not him.”
“Maybe Dad didn’t know…?” Leo suggested, his gaze pleading her to come up with answers she didn’t have.
Thomas strode over to the wet bar and poured them each a whiskey, returning with a can of ginger ale for Grace. She nodded her thanks, took a bracing sip, and gave a delicate shudder, the fizz causing her eyes to tear. That didn’t explain the ache in her heart though.
Thomas took his own drink and eyed them over the rim of his Baccarat tumbler. “There’s been enough misconceptions and strife in this family. I say we can the judgement, listen to the rest of the letter if Grace will continue…?” He waited until she nodded, “And then maybe, just maybe, we can finally lay this ghost to rest.”
“You sure you can do that?” Ben challenged. “Last time I checked you were the one wearing the I-hate-the-world-and-everyone-in-it badge.”
“Ben,” Grace sighed. “Thomas has a point. This has gone on for most of our lives. We need to get over it.” She punctuated the last word with a sharp, “Ow,” bending over to ride out the cramp tightening from the center of her back around to her tummy. When she could breathe again, she straightened and met her brothers worried gazes. “See, Rudolph doesn’t like us fighting either.”
“I think you better go into the hospital.” Leo stood and set his glass on the table, still half-full. “Give me your keys,” he said to Thomas who’d emptied his drink.
“No,” Grace said, her fingers tightening on her mother’s letter. “It’s nothing. Dan promised he’d be home before this little one makes an appearance,” she patted her swollen stomach, “and I plan on holding him to it.”
Ben gave her a pitying look. “I think junior there is working on his own schedule, sis. Danno can see him after all the dirty work is done.”
Grace shook her head, stubbornly. “It’s my body, I think I’ll know when it’s time to go in.” She rattled the pages on her lap. “Do you want to hear the rest of this, or not?”
The boys had been treated to her temper more than once through their formative years; one by one they returned to their seats and waited for her to continue their mother’s story.
She flipped to the next page.
I gave in to Doctor Barnes and went in for a check-up last week. I figured he’d tell me to get some vitamins or something.
Funny, how you hope for the best even when fearing the worst.
He called me yesterday with the test results.
I have Leukemia, Ray.
Grace sucked in a breath, feeling as though ice shards were coating her lungs and filling her body until everything turned numb. She looked up at her brothers, only to see her dad sitting silently in the hall.
“She was dying.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Ray had rarely been at a loss for words in his thirty-some years as a journalist, but now, staring at the devastation on his children’s faces, he had no clue what to say. If only Beth had mailed the letter, he would have fought tooth and nail to get home. To be here for her. They could have gone to specialists, tried alternative medicines; whatever it took.
It tore him apart knowing she’d faced that fight on her own.
Or, that she died alone.
“So, she didn’t leave because she hated us,” Thomas said, a rare sheen of tears turning his eyes the same glittery blue-green as his mother’s.
Ray jerked as though shot. He’d known of his eldest son’s anger, but not that it was self-directed. His lips trembled. Thomas was twelve when his mother left. Almost old enough to shave. Certainly old enough to sense something was wrong. Why he’d jumped to the assumptions he had was easy to see through hindsight. If Ray wasn’t such a selfish bastard he would have been reassuring his kids all those years ago, instead of stewing in the juices of self-pity over his accident and the supposed betrayal of his wife. When he’d returned to Canada half a man, he’d immediately assumed she’d heard the news and jumped ship.
And then he’d read the letter…
He wheeled into the room, his chest tight. Each of his kids reminded him of Beth, either in looks, like his beautiful daughter. His wife’s eyes staring at him through Thomas and Leo. Or the joy of life she shared with Benjamin. Her spirit lived on, a gentle reminder of what he should have always known—she’d loved them heart and soul.
“No, son, she didn’t hate you at all,” he said, his voice gruff. “She did what she thought was best because she loved you and needed to know you’d be safe when she was… gone.”
Thomas’ head reared back, his gaze on the ceiling as he wrestled to control his emotions. “I let her down,” he whispered. “She told me while you were gone I was the man of the house, but I let her down.”
Leo stepped up to his brother’s side and grasped him around the neck in a rough hug. “Give yourself a break, man. You were a freaking kid. You did your best, we all did.”
“He’s right,” Grace spoke from behind them. She
placed her hands on her father’s shoulders and squeezed. “Mom wouldn’t want you to keep blaming yourselves for what happened. Dad, you were just doing your job, and Thomas, you made sure we stuck together—even when Leo ran away that time, remember?”
Leo let out a startled laugh. “Oh yeah, I’d forgotten about that. Aunt Grumpy…,” he glanced at his dad, “… I mean Aunt Stephy, told me I couldn’t go to the spring dance with Emmy-Lou Holden so I snuck out after dinner, but Thomas thought I was running away so he chased after and dragged me home by the coattails.” He gave his brother a jab to the arm. “Thanks to you, I was grounded for a month.”
“Should have been longer,” Thomas teased. He sobered and sank onto the arm of the chair. “All these years I’ve carried this guilt. Where do we go from here?”
Ray was reminded of that skinny teenager he’d come home to, the one carrying a chip on his shoulder and loneliness in his eyes. His strong, independent, firstborn son.
He cleared his throat, swallowing his own loss to care for his children. Because they needed him, and he them. That’s what family was all about.
“We bury the past and remember your mom for what she was, son. The kindest, sweetest gal I ever knew. Maybe we could plan a memorial in her honor, would you like that?”
“Yeah,” Thomas said, his jaw working to hold back his feelings.
His boy was tough, no doubt about it.
“I think that’s a good idea.” Thomas looked at his siblings. “If you guys can control your squabbling long enough for the preacher to say some words, that is.”
Ben chortled. “Pot, kettle, much? You’re twice as bad as…”
“Oooh,” Grace moaned, her fingers digging ruts into his shoulders.
Ray twisted in his seat, his heart jumping into his throat. “What is it, Gracie? The baby?”
Her expression was like the blowfish he’d seen at the pet store one time, cheeks puffed out and rosy red, while the rest of her face was pale and sweaty. She was panting as though she’d just finished a ten-kilometer marathon. Not good, not good at all.
“Ah, Thomas,” Ben said, his gaze on the floor near his sister’s feet. “Unless the ceiling’s got a leak, I think you better bring the truck around.”
“What?” Thomas asked, his mouth parting in near-silent pants, a mimicry of Grace’s. Then it dawned on him what Ben had said and his eyes went huge. “Oh. Oh,” he said, standing and backing away as quick as his long legs would carry him. “Yeah, sure. I’ll be out front in two seconds.”
He turned to jog out of the room, skidded to a halt, and turned again. “You got her, right?” He bored a hole in Ben’s direction. “You’re coming with us, bro. I… we need you.”
He didn’t wait for an answer, just took off through the door as though lives counted on it. Grace grimace-grinned. “This little one already has her uncles hopping.”
Leo picked up on her words. “Her? I thought you said the kid was a boy? What was with all the corny names then?”
Now that the pain was easing—for the moment anyway—Grace straightened and picked up her jacket and purse from the sofa. “I wanted to surprise Dan,” she said. “He wanted a girl, said he always dreamed of slaying dragons for a princess and since I already had an army….” She turned a determined smile on her dad. “Oh, well. He’ll meet her when he comes home. I better get out there before Thomas leaves without me.”
She started for the door, nodding her thanks as Leo picked up her black and white polka-dotted overnight bag. “Thanks, I can take it.”
He shook his head. “Nope, you can’t. Besides, we’re coming with you, anyway.”
Ray had never been prouder of his boys. The relief on Grace’s face as they rallied around her warmed his heart. He just wished Beth was here to meet her granddaughter.
A warm breath of air kissed his cheek and he smiled.
Maybe she was.
CHAPTER NINE
The night was endless, or at least it felt that way to Ray. He glared at the door across the sterile hall; what were they doing to her in there? Every time she cried out his heart stopped, his stomach cramping into a tight knot. Sympathy pains the boys called it; he wasn’t so sure, but if that’s what she was going through… good Lord.
“Dad, you should go home. It’s been eight hours and the nurse said it’ll be awhile yet.” Leo hunkered down in front of him, a strong hand clasping his knee. “You look beat.”
They all did.
The birthing procedure had always been one of those things men heard about, even saw occasionally on some television show or another, but it was a whole other ballgame when it was your loved one going through the agony.
At least they’d gotten her to the hospital in time. Ray shuddered, picturing Grace’s pale face as they bumped over that damn gravel road. He was paving that sucker after this.
“Any word from Dan?” he asked a pacing Thomas.
“They were trying to find him, he was on a practice maneuver. His CO said they’d get him on a plane back, but couldn’t guarantee a timeframe.”
Shit.
The door opened and they froze. Ben stuck his head through the opening, a mask over his mouth and ill-fitting mint green scrubs covering his clothing. “The baby’s head is crowning,” he gasped, the mask sucking in and out with his words, eyes shining with fear and excitement.
“Well, get back in there,” Thomas ordered, looking green around the gills. “What kind of coach are you?”
“A damn scared one,” Ben snapped, disappearing from view. The door slid closed on silent hydraulic hinges, but not before they got a quick blur of the controlled chaos going on inside.
Did he say shit? He meant holy shit.
He was ashamed to say he’d been away at work for each of his children’s births. If he’d known what Beth had to endure he would have insisted they stop with one. She came from a single child family and dreamed of having a houseful of kids. It hadn’t mattered much to him; besides, practicing was fun.
Another scream, barely muffled by the thick door, made all of them wince.
Thomas turned for the exit. “I need some air,” he muttered. His work boots squeaked with his haste on the polished tile floor.
Leo started to follow, then hesitated. “You okay for a few minutes, Dad?”
Was he? He wasn’t sure. So much had happened in such a short space of time his head was ringing. “Yeah, go ahead. Your brother needs you.”
Relief flashed in Leo’s eyes. “We won’t be long,” he said, hurrying to catch Thomas.
Other than the beeps and the faint buzz from the fluorescents, the hall was quiet after they left. Instead of feeling relieved, it put Ray on edge. He wheeled closer to Grace’s room, ready to do… something if she needed him.
Why was it so quiet?
He was about to damn the consequences and push the door open when a voice he’d been praying to hear interrupted his thoughts.
“Where is she?” Dan demanded, skidding into the hall, hair on end and a beaten up bouquet of wilted roses dangling from one hand. Thomas and Leo brought up the rear, their grins mirror images of one another.
“She’s here, son,” Ray said, pointing the way. “She’ll be glad to see you.”
Dan hurried forward, his dress whites gleaming under the lights. “Am I too late?” he asked, stopping in front of the door as though facing a firing squad.
Ray shook his head, his voice quivery. “You’re just in time.”
The look of humbleness and reverence shining from his son-in-law’s eyes would stay with Ray for a very long time.
“Go on then, she’s waiting for you,” he said.
Dan gulped, then raised his hand in a salute. “Sir, yes sir.”
He lifted his hand to open the door just as Ben pulled from the other side. The two men looked at each other for a stunned moment and the Ben broke out in a mile-wide smile.
“Trust soldier-boy to get here in time for the glory,” he chortled. “Come in and meet your daughter, man.
Congrats.” He reached out and grabbed Dan in a bruising man-hug. Then he stepped aside to let the other man through.
Dan made his way across the pink and white striped delivery room to Grace’s side, ignoring the hospital staff as they worked around them. She looked up from cuddling a swaddling mound held against her chest, and started to cry. Dan laid the flowers on the bedside table and slowly, gently, leaned over to kiss his baby and his wife.
Ben stepped through and let the door close, affording them what privacy they could gain. “She did it, Dad.” Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. “My sister is a rock-star.”
Ray nodded, choked up himself.
“Did she pick a name?” Thomas asked.
“Yeah,” Ben said. “She named her Beth.”
AFTERWORD
A few years ago I lost a cousin to Leukemia. She was in her early thirties and pregnant with her second child when she received the diagnosis.
Miss you, Cheryl, and think of you often.
MORE JACQUIE BIGGAR
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Tidal Falls
The Rebel’s Redemption
Twilight’s Encore
The Sheriff Meets His Match
Summer Lovin’
Wounded Hearts Box Set
Coming Soon- Maggie’s Revenge
Mended Souls Series
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Single Titles
Silver Bells
Missing: The Lady Said No
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My Baby Wrote Me A Letter
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Thank you,
Jacquie Biggar
Keep in touch: http://jacqbiggar.com
Dreams and Promises: Love, Loss and Redemption in a Land of Infinite Promise Page 22
