by Suzanne Hart
“She’s fast as hell.”
I pursed my lips, a lump building in my throat. “You know I’ve never been on one of these things before,” I said, hoping he would catch a hint and go easy on me. Or, better yet, forgo the whole operation altogether.
He shrugged. “Don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He stepped up to her head and started petting her under her chin.
I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of him touching her like that, his strong strokes, the way that his forearms tensed up in the process. I liked it. The two of them standing there together. This kind of unspoken connection between them made my heart stir. “Are you sure?”
He stopped what he was doing to shoot me an exasperated look. “Look, there’s nothing to worry about with Jackie. She was a crazy gal as a pony, but she’s been domesticated for a long time. We know each other well. She would never do anything to hurt me, and I would never let her do anything to hurt you.”
I liked the idea of him protecting me like that. I nodded. “Sure. Okay.”
“Now, I fully expect that before the winter you are completely independent at riding.”
I laughed at this. “Okay well, then I guess I’m gonna have to pass. I was game when I thought this was going to be leisure…” I feigned walking away, taking a few steps back from him, but he grabbed my wrist.
I froze. The touch was so commanding, and yet, so intimate at the same time. It sent electric shocks up my spine. In that moment, I wanted to jump on him right then and there, but I stopped myself. This entire day, or past couple of weeks, was just too good to be true. I didn’t want to fool myself into thinking there was something there that wasn’t really.
He locked eyes with me. “We should go while there’s still sunlight.”
I hated the way my stomach turned at the idea of sitting on top of that horse, but I had to keep it all to myself. I was not going to be that one sissy who couldn’t even manage riding horseback behind Chet. As he grabbed the reins, his forearms flexing in the process, and hoisted his tight body onto the back of that gorgeous horse, I couldn’t help but wonder who else he had taken out like this.
But I shook that thought from my mind, trying not to let myself read too much into anything. The fact of the matter was that I had a sneaking suspicion that my courage to break up with James had something to do with Chet, but I had to get that out of my head. Breaking up with James was the right thing to do. It was the bravest thing I had done in a long time.
He reached down to me, and I grabbed his hand, my face contorted into a poker face as I settled in behind him, trying my best not to show my struggle. Once I was up there, I kept my lips pursed, sucking in as much air as I could while not exposing the fact that I was completely out of breath.
Once I had done that, I glanced around me, feeling accomplished that I had gotten up there. From that height, I could see surprisingly far. I narrowed my eyes at the sight of the sun begins its descent behind the distant hills; the crimson color that splashed across the sky; a distant lake with its waters glistening in the light. “Wow,” I murmured. I wrapped my hands around his torso, another thing I assumed people were supposed to do in this situation.
“Hold on.” At that, he snapped the reins, and the horse launched into a trot.
I clenched my teeth in the beginning, but soon got used to the swaying motion as we left the barn and started on a dirt path that wound through a wooded area, just off the end of the grandfather’s lawn. “So,” I said. I wanted to make conversation to distract myself from thinking about how dependent we were on this horse not going berserk and throwing us off of it. “Have you always had Jackie?”
He nodded.
I dug my chin into his back, fully enjoying the woodsy scent of his body. I couldn’t ignore how comfortable I felt around him. It all seemed so natural.
“I got her when I was thirteen. My grandpa thought we could train her together.”
I glanced around me, gazing up at the green canopy above, how the sun slipped through the leaves, casting a reddish, emerald glow on everything. I loved the smell of the dirt and wood. I could get used to this. “That’s nice. Were you close to him?”
“Yeah. At first. I got on better with him than my dad. They didn’t like each other really.”
“Why didn’t they like each other?” I didn’t mean to pry, but I felt like I had gotten an all-access ticket to inside the head of one of the most eligible bachelors in the country.
“My grandfather had his ranch. My dad had the team. They just didn’t really see eye to eye about it, I guess. When my dad decided not to take over running the ranch and to have the team full time, my grandfather saw it as some sort of rejection, I guess. And then he died.”
The horse had started to slow.
“Your grandfather?”
“Well, both are… dead now.”
I nodded. The death of his father was one of those things that pervaded the thoughts of everyone that worked for the Cowboys. It was very much a public situation, a public grief. I couldn’t help but wonder what that must have been like for him. “If you could make that decision; the ranch or the team, what would you pick?”
He scoffed, a nervous laugh coming out of his mouth.
We stopped.
He turned ever so slightly so that he was almost facing me head on. I leaned forward. We were inches apart. I felt drawn to him as if he held me down on this earth and not gravity.
“I’d never thought about it.”
I looked right at his lips, which were slightly parted. He was so close. And I wanted him so bad. “So, think about it now.”
He chuckled, his hand finding its way to my knee.
My skin felt hot under his touch.
“I don’t know. I really don’t know. I have no idea what I would have wanted.” He gazed up at the sky as I tighten my grip on him, his hand lightly stroking my knee. “I guess I would have liked both. I never saw myself as a replica of my grandfather or my father. That’s what the problem was.”
I nodded. “I never knew my father.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Really.”
“Yeah.” I hadn’t talked about this with anyone in a long time. It was hard to connect with the people I worked with when they were always my competition in a way. I guess this was the first place that I could allow myself to settle. And I couldn’t help but settle with Chet. “He was a lawyer when I was growing up, really distant. Then when I was 12, he died.”
He frowned, taking a hand off my knee and taking my hand instead. “That must have been so hard. I know what I’m going through now, and I can’t imagine going through it as a kid.”
I nodded. “What are you going through?” I wanted to be close to him.
He shook his head, his gaze cast down. “I guess, they’re just all of these questions I have now that I never thought to ask. And now I can’t.” Then, as if shutting a door. He sat up straight, clearing his throat. “Well, we were never that close anyway. I always just did what he wanted to ward off the fights.”
“Well, you don’t have to do that anymore.”
He cleared his throat. “That’s true. But I’m lost.” He gazed right at me. “You’re the only thing that I’m sure about now.”
I was breathless, had no idea what to say. Then, as if releasing me from my obligation, he kissed me. He wrapped one strong arm around me and pressed his lips onto mine. My head spun as we sat there in the middle of the forest embracing each other. Our lips danced together as his grip grew stronger and stronger around me. My heart thudded in my chest, goosebumps spouting on the back of my neck as he clutched the back of my head.
I held onto him as tight as I could, my womanhood engorged with desire. I wanted him, oh God I wanted him. But as I ran a hand through his grey-streaked hair, a thought blasted to mind: could I really have sex with him? I had never done it before. When I was younger, it was because I never had a boyfriend and then I started dating James, who made me promise that we could
wait until marriage. And now, I was in my late twenties and still a virgin. My virginity was not really something I coveted particularly close, but now that it had been so long, I felt strange just getting rid of it like that.
My toes curled in my boots as he kissed my neck, his breath hot on my skin. “Let’s get off this horse.” He muttered.
But I cleared my throat, pulling away. “I think we should stay on.”
He kept kissing me, making this decision harder and harder. “I know you want me too.”
But I pushed him away, pulling back. When he saw the look on my face, he stopped for good. “Is everything okay?”
I nodded. “I just…”
Then his eyes widened as if remembering something. “James?”
I shook my head. “I broke up with him.”
“Then what?”
“I just,” I bit my lip, releasing what I was about to say was tantamount to a rejection. “I just don’t think I’m ready.”
I wasn’t sure how he’d react if I told him I was a virgin, what he’d do. I was worried he wouldn’t want me anymore. If this were all about sex, he’d probably rather hook up with someone more experienced. If it weren’t, it shouldn’t matter.
I guess, I just wasn’t ready to find out which it was.
Chet
I made my way to the training building for the Dallas Cowboys with a rose in my hand and my determination in my back pocket. Our afternoon together last weekend at the ranch was perfect. Dahlia always seemed to ask the right questions and say the right things. In spite of everything, I felt myself warming up to her. She gave me a confidence I didn’t even ever realize that I was lacking. I wanted to take this to the next level. I wanted to date her, but it seemed like every time we got close to getting somewhere, she would pull away.
I felt that if I could just find a way to express to her how much I cared about her, I could get her to open up to me. As I stood in the elevator, the floors racing by, all I could do was think about the taste of her lips, the feel of her grip around my torso, the way that she gazed at me with those big almond eyes. My mouth watered at the idea of slipping my hand into her pants. God, the way she looked at me with that lust in her eyes. I didn’t want to deny myself any longer. If she could just see how meant for each other we were, I knew she wouldn’t want to resist anymore.
I knocked on her door.
“Come in.” My cock hardened a little at the sound of her voice.
I kept switching the flower from one hand to another like a dumbass. The point was to make it look casual. And yet, somehow, I of all people was struggling with that. I opened the door and stepped inside.
She looked at me, a frazzled expression on her face, for a quick second before it melted into a smile.
I smiled too. It was almost infectious.
“What are you doing here?” She asked, sitting back in her chair.
My eyes scanned her body out of habit. She looked perfect in that black pinstripe suit. “I have a flower.” I held it out to her. Here I was, standing in the middle of her office, handing a rose out to her like a little boy.
But it seemed to be working because I saw her blush. “Where did you get that?” She asked as she stood up and stepped around the desk, leaning on it.
God, I loved watching her move. I furrowed a brow. “The florist?”
She giggled then. “Oh okay. That’s… that makes sense.”
“What?” I asked. I was getting hot under all of the pressure.
She shrugged. “You just came in looking all important, so I thought you had a story behind it.”
I chuckled in spite of myself and stepped towards her, putting the rose on the desk next to her. It was encouraging to see how much she was obviously happy to see me. “No,” I said, taking the liberty of brushing my hand across her cheek. She was so soft.
I saw her smile fade, the look in her eye replaced with that of lust, the shadow in her gaze telling me she had to want me as much as I wanted her.
“The only story is that I can’t stop thinking about you.”
She sunk into my touch, holding my hand in hers. I felt her clutch my button down shirt. I hoisted her up onto the desk and kissed her, the sensation of her hands in my hair sending me into a frenzy. I could barely see straight; I wanted her so bad. I trailed my fingers down her neck to her collarbone, my hand laying on top of her chest, just above her cleavage.
She wrapped her hands around my neck, her lips grabbing onto mine with more and more hunger. I kissed her neck, sucking on her flesh, the taste of it heavenly as hell.
“Chet?” she said.
“What?” I said breathlessly.
“I have something to tell you.”
I took her face in both of my hands and kissed her again. I couldn’t get enough of those lips. My cock was rock hard in my pants, responding to her every touch, her every breath, the sound of her voice. “Let’s talk after.”
She kissed me again, but then pushed me off.
I stepped back, breathless.
Her chest rose and fell with her breaths, her eyes boring into mine before scanning my entire body. Her eyes widened when she got a look at my crotch. “I want you.”
She stood up again, straightening herself out. “I know, and it’s not like I don’t want you.”
“So what’s wrong,” I asked as I took both of her hands in mine. “What’s holding you back?”
She bit her lip. Her gaze falling. “I’ve never done it before.”
I shook my head, my brow furrowing in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“This.” She gestured at us.
My eyes widened as I understood. She was a virgin. I gulped. She never ceased to surprise me. “That’s a curveball.”
She cleared her throat, crossing her arms. I could tell from the closed-off expression in her eyes that she was embarrassed. I didn’t know why, but I couldn’t stand the thought of her feeling that way around me. I wanted her to feel comfortable and relaxed. But, at the same time, I wanted to know what the hell someone as beautiful as her, in the prime her life, was doing with her virginity? “I’m sorry.” She said.
But I rubbed her shoulders. “Don’t be. It’s interesting. Unique.”
She gazed up at me with wide eyes. “Really? You don’t think it’s weird?”
I shrugged. “Well, I’d like to know the story behind that.”
She lowered her gaze.
I brushed my finger across her cheek, lifting her face by her chin. “Only if you want to tell me.”
“Okay.” She said, taking a deep breath. “Look, I had a weird childhood.”
I smirked. “So did I,” I said as I gestured around me. I mean, I was the heir to the Dallas Cowboys. They never let me forget that.”
She let out a short chuckle. “No, it’s just that after my dad died, my mom got really dependant on me. I couldn’t really go out and date, you know? She would make me feel so guilty.”
I nodded. “God that sucks.” Suddenly, it was starting to make sense; how she could be so sure of her knowledge, how she could command every room she was in and yet be completely oblivious to her own influence.
“Yeah. She just didn’t like it when I spent time with other people. So I picked one of the hardest careers to get into and then I didn’t even have time for a boyfriend or real friends even if I wanted them.”
Even as I was listening to this bizarre story, I couldn’t help but feel the connection to my own life. We were both lonely kids, isolated from the rest of the world by our parents and then by our own doing. As I stood there, feeling close to her, sex became the last thing on my mind, and that hadn’t happened with a woman in a long time.
She took a deep breath and kept going. “But, I met James when I was in New York, and we fell in love.” She shot me a weak smile. “James didn’t want sex until marriage. He said he wanted to reclaim his purity. I dunno. I thought I wanted him and that it would be worth it. I thought we would get married… at the time… so I just, let it
go.”
I took her hand. “But that must have been so hard. Your sexuality is a part of you.”
She smiled. “I definitely feel that way when I’m with you.”
“What does that mean?”
She shrugged. “I dunno it’s like, you awaken something in me every time I’m around you. Like I’m being reintroduced to myself.”
I nodded. “That’s exactly how I feel. But different. I dunno. You make me feel...” I shook my head at those words. They sounded so stupid.
But her smile didn’t go away as she placed a hand on my cheek. “You don’t have to worry about all of that. I don’t really care about my virginity. I just, don’t want it to be random. I feel like that’s okay when you’re young.” She giggled. “But now, what am I gonna do, wait almost thirty years just to say I lost it to some random person?”
My face fell.
Her eyes widened. “But that’s not what I mean. God sorry.” she cleared her throat. “Uhm. I’m only trying to say that you don’t have to worry that if we have sex, I’m gonna wanna marry you. But I also don’t want to have sex with you until I’m sure that that’s not the only thing that this is about.”
I nodded. I hadn’t had a conversation like this in almost fifteen years. “Right. But I got a rose.” I picked up the flower again. “Which means I’m obviously in this for real.”
She laughed at my joke as I pulled her in for a hug. “No, Dahlia of course. I like being around you and talking to you. Your gorgeous body and that perfect smile are only a small part of the reason why I can’t get enough of you.”
She gazed up at me with those perfect, almond eyes. “I can’t get enough of you either.” With that, she kissed me.
Dahlia
I didn’t think it was possible to be even more attracted to Chet than I already was, but then he came into my office, looking his normal dashing self in that suit and carrying that stupid rose. I had been so afraid to tell him the secret of my sex life, but he took it like a champ. By the time that conversation was over, I was sure that I was going to have sex with him anyway, and that's the irony of the whole thing. But now that it was all out, I wanted to take this time to get to know him. The thought of a relationship loomed overhead, and now that that word was in play, I didn’t want to just throw it away by stretching myself too far emotionally. What if we did it and he decided that I didn’t live up to his expectations? What if he ended up not liking me after all? What if he was lying and I was just a slightly more complicated trivial pursuit? or worse, what if he was unsure about his feelings and hadn’t even really realized it yet?
