by Suzanne Hart
My head fell back, my back arching and my eyes rolling. I was filled with pleasure as he pressed my legs apart. His licked my inner thigh, the sensation of his tongue tickling me, making me want more. He sucked on me, holding my desire in his mouth. I couldn’t believe how good he made me feel. His touch was like something out of a dream. My hips rolled back and forth, begging him to give me more, begging him to touch me.
He put his fingers in me again, massaging my clit with his other hand, the wetness falling out of me. I needed his mouth, I wanted it so bad, my moans begged him for it. He licked my clit, the sensation of his tongue mixing with his hot breath and coaxing the gasps of pleasure right out of my mouth. I clutched his shoulder, massaged the back of his head, gripped the arms of my chair. I couldn’t stop each gasp and moan as he put my entire clitoris in his mouth, tugging and sucking on it, until I whimpered, coming right in the grip of his mouth.
He stood me up and guided me towards the bed, my body feeling wobbly and mushy from his head, but I was ready for more. I wanted to squeeze and kiss every part of his body, wanted to fully possess him, wanted to hold him in between my legs and in my mouth. All of my reservations were gone, everything I was afraid of no longer relevant.
He hovered above me, a smirk on his face. I slipped his t-shirt off right before he started massaging my breasts. I wrapped my legs around his waist and pressed my wet pussy against him as he sucked on my nipples, his hands cupping the outside of my breasts as he took all of it in his mouth. His tongue gave me life, sending tickly sparks of electricity up my back and making me want him more and more.
I pressed my hands on his chest, my finger trailing all over his skin, tracing every bit of muscle, the tense, hard fibers shuddering at my touch. I couldn’t help but notice that he was just as obsessed, just as locked in me as I was of him. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so alone in this. Suddenly, it wasn’t as scary.
He unzipped his pants and lowered them just enough that I could see his penis drop out, the member warm and firm against my belly. I grasped it, my mouth hanging open, watering with desire for it. I stroked it as he sucked on my neck, the two of us grinding against each other over and over again. We stayed like this for a moment longer until I was just about to come. Then, he pulled back from me, sitting up on his knees as he gazed at me, a look of sheer desire like a dark gleam in his eye.
He licked his hand, slowly, tauntingly, then stroked his penis with it, jerking himself off in front of me, his free hand cupping my breast. I was panting, rubbing my own pussy as I watched him. “Fuck me, please.” I whispered.
But he didn’t. Not right away. He just kept staring at me, stroking himself, licking his lips, touching me.
I was just about to scream out, just about to reach out and grab him when he pressed his member down in between my legs. My toes curled under at the sensation of his penis rubbing against my pussy. My skin crawled. I needed him in me. I couldn’t wait any longer. I reached down and took his dick into my own hands, inserting it in myself. My vagina puckered, spasming a little atteh sensation. A shot of pleasure traveled up my spine. My skin grew hot with the pleasure of it all. He humped me, first slow, and deliberate, his own eyes wide and dark, the two of us lost on another planet somewhere together. Then, he started to speed up. I reached down and clutched his ass, my back arching at the pleasure of it all. He hummed and moaned in ecstasy as the two of us started getting hotter and hotter. My legs clutched him ever so tightly, my arms wrapped around his neck, caging him in, my heart pumping hot blood all through my body, my skin, covered in goosebumps.
With several, heavy breaths, I could feel him coming. My nipples tingled as my vagina gorged more and more, his dick wet with me slipping in and out faster and faster. Beads of sweat sprouted on my forehead as I sunk my teeth into his shoulder. It was happening. I was climbing up higher and higher. My eyes flashed wide.
He grabbed my chin, giving me a sloppy kiss, pressing his tongue deep into my mouth. I whimpered as I came, just as he shoved his cock in me, one, two, three more times. The two of us collapsed, relaxing on that bed, lost in what had just happened.
There were no words to be said. I could feel myself growing closer to this man, feel my heart inflating for him, and, the way he laid there with me, naked and vulnerable, doing one of the most dangerous things he could possibly be doing, I knew he felt the same way.
I couldn’t tell him no. I couldn’t stop this.
Why did I ever think I had any control?
Chapter Seven
Another month of shooting went by and I was starting to get the hang of it. It was the best feeling in the world to finally get what I want and have that confirmation that what I wanted was actually good for me. I had completely lost touch with my roommate, what with my eleven hour shooting days and taking classes in and out of the project, whatever Marianne booked for me. I no longer got nervous in front of the camera, didn’t have to worry about what people thought of me or if I was messing up a line. I completely owned the character. Whatever I decided she was, that’s what she was going to be.
But David, that was getting more and more complicated. We had most of our sex right there on set, in my trailer. I loved the sex breaks and the daily orgasms and that special feeling of having a secret no one else is special enough to know, but I hated the idea of how vulnerable it made me. There was a reason I hadn’t told any of my roommates, who were also my closest friends. They would berate me, tell me I was stupid for even considering this kind of flirtation with a man like this. They would tell me I was crazy for thinking that it would end well. But that’s just it; I didn’t want to think about the ending at all.
With all of this stewing in my head, I got out of my car (brand new Jeep I had leased with my signing money) and walked about a quarter of a mile down the busy, downtown LA street until I got to small, French Bistro: “Republique” Since most of my time had been spent with Jessica and her assistant, she wanted to start working in these monthly lunches to keep track of my progress. Yet, my head was so filled with David; I almost gasped when I saw her.
There she was, sitting at a table towards the back of the restaurant, a smile on her face. She stood when I got within hearing distance. “Good afternoon, Laila.”
I nodded at her, taking in her easyjet vogue ponytail, her pink lipstick, her effortless use of vest and button-down shirt. “Hey, Marianne.”
She gestured at the seat in front of her. It was only when I sat down that I noticed the bottle of Pinot Grigio in an ice bath next to us. “What’s up with you?”
I chuckled at this, using the laughter to try and mask my impossible nerves. “You know the answer to that question.”
She raised an eyebrow, gesturing at the waiter. She shrugged as he poured me a glass, then topped up hers. I took a quick sip. The sooner I loosened up the better. “Do I?”
I pressed my lips together.
She giggled, the sound hanging in the air.
I couldn’t stop myself from thinking it but, how could David leave this woman, and pick me over her? The exposing self-consciousness is something I had never experienced before. It was an entirely new feeling. Something that left me in the unrelenting realness of being absolutely helpless, at mercy of Marianne and David.
But then she laughed again. “Relax. Don’t worry. It’s not like you’re gonna lose your contract with me or something.”
I gulped.
The waiter came back with menus. I had already decided to have the chicken, whatever it was. Judging from the way she continued to gaze at me, almost oblivious to the menu underneath her nose, told me that she had decided as well. “So tell me, how is the film going along?”
I smiled at this, this time it was genuine. I was sure she could tell. “Really well.”
She nodded. “I remember my first film. Well, my first project.”
I furrowed my brow. “Project?”
She nodded. “Most people don’t realize this about me but yes. I was an independent writer for a long w
hile.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Why did you stop?”
Somehow, there was a difference between Marianne, the business tycoon who could milk the money out of any talent she got her hands on, to the benefit of everyone involved, and Marianne, the writer. She shrugged. “I met David. And he was so good. Better than I was, I think. So I decided to make my career about him.”
There was no denying that she was still in love with him. My stomach rolled. “Right. You just stopped.”
She let out a dry laugh. “Well, it wasn’t just like that.”
“I don’t know what you mean?”
“I couldn’t be upstaged by him.”
Is that why she called me here? to make me feel bad about fucking her ex-husband? “So you did it willingly?”
She shrugged. “So, what I really wanted to talk to you about was another project. I’ve been a couple of scripts and I want you to go over them.”
My eyes widened as I took another sip of my wine. This really was the beginning of the rest of my life.
She chuckled. “But wait. I do want you to do well, obviously. But your success is, in a way dependant on how well you feel. If you’re anxious. You should tell me.”
“I still don’t understand.”
She gulped. “How do you feel about my husband? About the divorce. It’s clouding all of my business. You can’t deny it’s affecting you.”
The only thing I could think to do was lie. Lie through my teeth. “Fine. Nothing’s wrong.”
“It isn’t affecting anything.”
I shook my head.
“Well,” she folded her menu and put it on the edge of the table. “I must be honest with you. I don’t believe that for one minute.”
I gulped.
“My husband is a promiscuous person. I got him back. He couldn’t handle it, so we split. He’s heart-broken. I know he’s going to turn to his old habits. And I know you see him every day at work.”
She paused. But I wasn’t brave. I didn’t take the moment to tell the truth. I didn’t want to step on the territory. I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to lose the job. “There’s nothing happening.”
She let out a sigh, but nowhere near resigned. “If there is something happening, I will find out… eventually.” She waved the waiter over.
I opened my menu again. “I’ll have the chicken.”
She didn’t take her eyes off of me. “Me too.”
***
I made my way home after the lunch feeling cloudy and defeated, her words banging around in my head. Could I really have sat there and lied to that woman, while at the same time learning more and more that lying was the last thing she deserved? As I parked the car in the garage of the apartment complex I still shared with four other people, I had fully resolved to stop doing this thing with David. I couldn’t handle the lying. I had to focus on my career.
But when I stopped in front of my door, my heart almost stopped when I saw him standing there. “What is this?”
“I have to tell you something.”
I could hardly resist his serious gaze, the desperate look on his face. But I had to. My heart hardened with the thought of the history he had had with Marianne, whatever he had done to her. “How did you even get to my house?”
“Your address is on your resume.”
I nodded. Of course. “What are you here for?”
“I wanted to see you.”
I brushed past him. “Well, I don’t know if I need to see you yet.”
He grabbed my arm.
I was going to resist again, say something about how I need to sleep and we have an early day tomorrow, but then I looked into his eyes, and I saw something more genuine than I had seen ever. Something told me to just shut the fuck up and listen to what he had to say.
“What’s gotten into you.”
“You know how that first night, I told you. I said I wasn’t looking for anything.”
He kept a straight face, waiting.
“Well, I found something. And it’s scaring me. Because I don’t know if it’s worth it. I don’t know if anything is worth it.”
He nodded. “Then I think you should hear me. I don’t know if this will have the ultimate end, but I want it to go somewhere. If we could just keep this hidden for like another couple of months. Maybe, this could be something.”
My eyes were glossed over, my heart swelling in my chest, my palms tingling. He kissed me then, pressing me against my door, taking control of me. Then, he was gone, gone before I could really think about what he had said, gone before I realized what he meant. Gone before I could stop myself from falling all the way in love.
Chapter Eight
I wanted to take Laila away, have a moment with her that wasn’t tied to the set or our children. I needed to be alone with her. It only took me a second to think up a solution. I had a tiny private island purchased for when Marianne and I wanted to take vacations under the radar and without spending over $100,000. It was safe to say that we would never use it again. So, I desperately needed to christen it. I sent Laila a letter with directions one day, telling her to meet me at my private airport.
That morning, I got there stupidly early, pacing back and forth in front of my helicopter like a jackass. But soon enough, I could see her car coming in from the road.
“Hello, love.” I kissed her cheek. I flinched at the use of the l-word.
“Hey. What’s this?” She smiled.
I shrugged, leading her to the helicopter. “I wanted to have sex with you somewhere other than your trailer.”
“Well, then how is this a solution? I’ve never been in a helicopter, let alone had sex in one.”
I chuckled. “The helicopter isn’t the destination.”
Much to my relief, she stepped inside. We were up in the air for about thirty minutes before I felt the craft start to lower down onto a beach, an island that couldn’t have a larger circumference than about five miles.
“Here we are,” I said as the blades came to a stop. I led her out and across the beach for almost a mile. We then turned off some hidden path, barely carved out, through a jungle into an opening. A small cottage sat there, almost weaved into the forest itself. Flashes of memories came rushing, but I blocked them all out.
“Wow,” she said, as I turned my key into the door, opening it. “Is this your weekend home?”
I led her inside, shutting the door behind me. I glanced all around me at the bright colors, the rooms filled with windows. The whole place was small, but Marianne expertly decorated and had this aura of luxury. “This is my weekend island.” I grimaced. I’d need to redecorate. Just to get rid of her touch.
She turned to stare at me. “You have got to be kidding me.” she laughed.
I nodded. My face lit up, knowing I had made her happy. I crossed the room and took her into my arms. “I’m not kidding.” It felt like the most natural thing on earth.
“So why in the hell did you keep this from me all this time?”
I shrugged. “I guess I was just waiting for it to be worth it.”
“What?”
I kissed her, her lips speaking to my body. “Letting you in.”
She let out a steady breath, her body seeming to melt, and kissed me back. I slipped her dress off in the next instant, just as she unbuttoned my pants. I gazed at her gorgeous, naked body. The sun shone golden on her milky skin, her black hair practically glistening. My cock hardened as I watched her chest rise and fall with her breath. I led her, naked, down a long hallway and to a spacious bedroom in the back of the cottage.
She laid onto the bed, sighing seductively, her body squirming on the soft mattress. “Come get me.” She said.
Who was I to deny her?
***
That afternoon, David had groceries delivered to the island, and, like a crazy page out of a novel, went fishing in the ocean. I watched him from a blanket on the beach, a book I had stolen from his bookshelf in my hand. Along with the groceries, he had got
ten an entire tropical wardrobe delivered for me as well. As I sat there, in my Tommy Hilfiger one piece, watching David stab at the water completely naked, I couldn’t help but consider a future with him. But how could I think about a real relationship without thinking about the secret I was holding close to myself. The clock was ticking on my grace period with David. It was clear what would happen with Marianne and I if I told her I had been seeing David. She would force me to drop him, and she might even retaliate, especially if I owned up to lying about it.
But David. What would David do? I still had no idea how he felt about her. What exactly happened with their divorce. If he found out I was working with her, would he be angry with me? Would he demand I stop? There was no way to know without being honest.
So, that night at dinner, as I watched him eat from across the table, I decided to feel around. I took a sip of my red wine and began. “David?”
He stabbed his fish, but let the fork-full hover over his mouth. “Yes, love?”
I smiled at that again. “I have some questions about your wife.”
“Ex-wife.”
I nodded. “Right, why did you get a divorce?”
He froze for almost ten seconds, then gulped down another glass of wine. “So we’re here now.”
I nodded. “We’re here.”
He folded his hands in front of his face. “I wasn’t the best husband. When we met, I was obsessed with her. She was like this goddess that just hoped I could one day have. And then she fell in love with me. I’d never been loved before. I didn’t know what it was supposed to feel like or how to give it back. I just coasted. Then she started giving up things for me. She changed her life, simply so that I could live mine. Then, all the sudden, I woke up one morning and I realized I didn’t love her. I never did. I could never match those feelings, could never be her hero the way she had been mine and I didn’t want to deal with it. I didn’t want to confront it. So, I just ignored. I didn’t know what to do with myself so when she started to become more successful, to spend more of her time at work, I started focusing all of my energy on other women. I wanted her, and I adored her and I wanted to love her. But instead I… I destroyed her, little by little. I thought it was all mine. That I was the only one breaking vows until I came home after filming on location almost a year ago and found another man in my kitchen, naked.”
