I was expecting her to squirm or protest, but instead, I saw something that I hadn’t seen for a long time.
That incredible, beautiful bright smile.
The one I vowed I’d do everything within my power to see on her face at every chance.
I tilted my head to the side. Confused, but not at all disappointed by her reaction.
“Jayla,” she said, raising her hand to point behind me.
I followed, peering over my shoulder. And damn it, she was right. Jayla sat in Op’s chair which was now turned toward us. Her bright smile showed all her teeth as her eyes flicked between us.
I turned and hung my head, my hands still pressed against the wall on either side of her. She ducked under my arm and skipped over to the little girl. “You won, Jayla!”
I couldn’t help but smile as I turned around and watched her pick up the little girl and twirl her around. Jayla giggled and Rose smiled up at her. They lit up the room.
When Rose finally placed her on her feet, she ran toward me, holding her arms up. “I won.”
I laughed, lifting her up and throwing her onto my shoulders. “Yeah, yeah, don’t rub it in now.”
“Food’s ready!” someone yelled. Jayla had already eaten. Technically she should be going to bed, but as she kicked her little legs and bounced on my shoulders, I didn’t have the heart to make her go now when she was so excited.
I turned to the door but Rose’s voice stopped me from going any further.
“I won’t hold you to it,” she said softly and instantly my heart sank, knowing that the return of the Rose, who I’d fallen for those months ago was gone, and she was back to the unsure confident shell that she had been beaten to believe she was.
“A bet is a bet,” I told her, crouching slightly so I wouldn’t hit Jayla’s head on the doorframe.
Doing something nice for Rose wouldn’t be hard.
The hard part would be remembering that it was exactly that, a bet. And making sure she knew that too.
I carried Jayla downstairs. She was cuddled into my side and still completely exhausted. What I had hoped to be an early night with her last night had turned into an even later night than normal.
After I picked her up from Lucy’s a couple days ago, Lucy had been called out of state for family reasons. Her dad was really sick and they lived all the way in Washington State. While we shared care for Jayla, Lucy’s place had become where she spent most nights, simply because we didn’t want her to feel like she was constantly being shuffled from one place to another.
Routine was best for her.
But since Lucy was away, Chelsea and Op had helped me set up space in my room for a bed and some toys. It wasn’t perfect but it would do for now.
And I had to admit, I was enjoying having her around. I knew I was getting attached to her, and by the way she clung to me and always sought me out in a crowd of brothers, I knew she was getting attached to me too.
I loved kids. We didn’t have many around the club, but with my brothers getting to the age where we wanted old ladies, not club whores it was inevitable.
I knew the club girls were part of the attraction for men to the club.
For me, I’d grown up in the place, but for young guys looking for family and the lifestyle that the brotherhood gave them, having the club girls also was a large pull.
It felt good, knowing that you could have a woman on tap almost every night without the strings of a relationship. A lot of men came to us broken as well, and finding old ladies and starting families wasn’t high on their list of things they wanted out of life. Sometimes they didn’t even want that at all, too afraid to let someone get close to them, having lost too much already and not wanting to feel that pain again.
We attracted men of all types, but we all had something in common. We all wanted to be a part of a family who had your back through thick and thin. We didn’t want to have to second guess who was standing beside us. We wanted loyalty and passion and family.
We all wanted to ride our bikes and live free.
And that’s what they were given here.
When we got to the dining room, it was reasonably full for how early it was.
Jayla had woken me up at six a.m. with a poke to the eye and a high pitched giggle. Luckily I was an early riser anyway, so I got us both dressed and headed out to find food.
Jay’s eyes lit up. “Macy.”
I spotted Leo sitting at a table, attempting to get his little girl to eat her breakfast. Her curls bounced as she shook her head from side to side. Leo had been quiet the last few weeks.
I knew why.
A few months back, we had some trouble with some guy going after one of our club girls, who was now turned Old Lady for the president of our Troy, Alabama chapter down south.
When we went into this man’s house in search of her, we hadn’t found her but had instead rescued a young girl called Andie.
Leo and her got close while she lived at the clubhouse and attempted to get back on her feet. She was a sweet kid, young, not even out of her teens. But obviously wiser than her years.
Macy fell in love with her and I think Leo was well on his way with some strong feelings of his own. And then one day about a month ago, she was just gone. He hid his feelings well, but I knew he must have been taking it hard.
Leo lost his wife, Macy’s mom Kim, during birth. She hemorrhaged and there was nothing they could do. Kim had been his high school sweetheart. They lost each other for a while when he joined the military, but some things were meant to be and she turned up in town just after he patched in with the club.
Losing her was a loss to all of us.
I felt my brother’s pain and torment through that time, and I would have given anything to take away even a sliver of the pain that he had felt.
In the end, it was having Macy that pulled him through. She was his light inside a very dark tunnel. One that I hope he doesn’t retreat into now that he seems to have lost another woman that he cared deeply about.
I placed Jayla on the floor. “Go sit with Leo and Macy. I’ll be over soon.”
She bounced away. I watched as Macy caught sight of her and began jumping excitedly in her chair. I filled two plates for us and headed over.
“But I don’t want to go,” I heard Harlyn groan as she followed Optimus and Chelsea into the dining room.
“You are going to school. That’s fucking final, Harlyn,” Optimus snapped, turning sharply to face the whining child.
“They aren’t like me, Daddy. I’m different.”
I felt Harlyn’s frustration. Sugar had put her into one of the top schools in Athens. She wanted Harlyn to have the best education that she could. I wasn’t sure if she was scared that being a biker brat would hinder her somehow, the small handful of club kids we had all went to the local public school. I’d never heard of them having any issues, but I guess Sugar had higher expectations and Optimus could afford to send her wherever they pleased.
They grabbed their food, Harlyn walking slowly behind them sulking, and came to the table we were at.
Jayla sat on my lap as she ate her cereal and Chelsea whipped the spoon away from Leo and began chatting to Macy as she popped the spoon in her little mouth. Macy grinned, a trail of mush leaking out the side and down her chin.
Leo sat back in his chair, relieved.
“Ready for another day at school?” I asked Harlyn. She glared at me across the table as she took an angry bite out of her toast.
“Don’t start,” Op muttered.
“I don’t know why we don’t just talk to Sugar about moving her to the public school. It’s closer and they have a good reputation.” Chelsea aeroplaned a spoon into Macy’s mouth as she talked. “It would also be a lot cheaper.”
Her eyes connected with Optimus before flicking down subtly to her stomach.
Op rolled his eyes. “You know money isn’t the issue.”
“Please, Daddy,” Harlyn pleaded, tears brimming her eyes.
&nbs
p; I frowned. Harlyn was a strong kid, she didn’t even cry when she grazed her knees or when she sprained her ankle last month. There was something more going on here.
“We’ll talk to Mom about it later,” Op sighed. Harlyn nodded before excusing herself from the table. She’d barely touched her food.
A loud high pitched shriek came from next to me as Macy threw her hands it the air and yelled, “Finished!”
Chelsea laughed and clapped for the little girl. “Yay, Macy.”
Leo pulled a baby wipe from the bag he had at his feet and wiped at the little girl’s face. Macy squirmed, attempting to evade the cleaning process. “Geez kiddo, I thought you were never going to eat that shit.”
He put his arm around Chelsea’s shoulders and pecked her on the temple. “Thanks, Chel.”
She shrugged, pulling Macy out of her high chair and bouncing her in her lap. “Need the practice.”
She stilled when she realized what she had said. I looked over to Optimus, who shook his head but couldn’t hide the shit eating grin on his face.
“Shut up,” Leo exclaimed, looking between them.
“Shhh,” Chelsea admonished. “There’s only a couple people who know, and you two are it.”
Leo threw the dirty baby wipe at Op who looked up at Leo in disgust as it landed in his lap. “You old dog.”
Jayla began to wiggle. “Woah, kiddo.” I tried to still her, but she kept trying to slide off me. I let her go, knowing there was no trouble she could get into. Her little legs carried her to the door where Rose stood, looking around uncomfortably. She was wearing skin tight athletic type pants and a crop top with her headphones still in her ears.
The look on her face instantly changed when Jayla appeared in front of her. “Rose!” she cried happily.
She pulled the cords from her ears. “Hey, there beautiful.” She ruffled Jay’s hair before picking out some fruit and cereal.
“Rose, come over here,” Chelsea shouted.
Rose’s cheeks were already flushed, no doubt from her exercise, but when she spotted me at the table, she reluctantly dodged through chairs and people and took Harlyn’s empty seat.
Jay followed her the whole way, coming back around to me and climbing onto my lap, satisfied her new friend was sitting in the vicinity.
“Morning,” she offered quietly before she began to pick at her food.
“How was your run?” Chelsea asked. “I wish I could’ve come with you.”
“Not likely,” Op muttered under his breath as he scanned through his phone. Chel hauled her arm out and smacked him across the chest, all while keeping the smile on her face.
He choked on the scrambled eggs he’d been chewing and glared over at her.
Rose watched the interaction, giving it a moment before she answered. Her shoulders seemed to sink slightly. “It was fine. Bit cold that early in the morning.”
“Maybe you should wear more clothes,” I offered.
Leo snorted and Chelsea spun her head to me.
“Maybe you should try run eight miles and see how many layers you keep on,” she shot back without missing a beat.
Optimus and Leo both laughed. Sure I was fit, I worked out and toned my muscles, but I wasn’t that fit. I didn’t respond, just watched as she stabbed her fruit with a fork before placing it between her lips. The act was strangely erotic. The urge to pull her from her chair and carry her upstairs to my room was strong. Stronger than it had ever been.
I was fighting an internal battle.
It hadn’t been hard to be angry and malicious toward Rose when she was absent. I was able to talk myself into hating her because of what she’d done and chose the memories that I wanted to replay in order to convince myself that I was in the right.
But then she comes back into my life and suddenly I’m reminded of the girl who she was when we were together. The smart mouth, the way she cared for others, her passions.
Maybe Wrench was right. Maybe the liar and the deceiver that I had labeled her, were actually the fake Rose. Maybe the girl I knew and was beginning to see now was actually the real her, and the time we’d spent together had actually given her a release from the dark part that she was being forced to play.
It was a dangerous assumption to make. I wanted so badly for it to be true because I knew in my gut that my feelings for her were becoming stronger. It was getting to the point where it was a struggle to just contain them.
But there was a huge risk.
My heart.
I’d managed to walk away last time only slightly scathed—even with her cousin attempting to kill me.
If it happens again, I think I’d rather be dead.
“Your uncle is not happy, Rosalie,” Angelo scolded through the phone.
I ran a brush through my hair as I watched myself in the bathroom mirror. “Unfortunately for him, my life goal is not to please him.”
I snagged a knot in my hair and puffed out a frustrated breath. Placing my phone on speaker, I put it down on the counter as I attempted to detangle my messy locks.
I heard soft laughter come from down the line. “Gone a few days and I can already hear more strength in your heart. Despite the circumstances, it is good to hear.”
I smiled, it was true. I was feeling stronger. I wasn’t sure why. I was about to do something completely crazy and dangerous, throw myself into the deep end of the swimming pool and hope that I could keep my head above the water. The difference between now and a few months ago when I was in much the same situation, was that I had people willing to jump in after me and pull me out if I found myself sinking.
“I feel it, too,” I told him quietly, picking up my foundation and shaking it.
“Any particular reason for this change?”
I sighed, dabbing some liquid on my brush and applying it to my face. “I’m making amends.”
“With the bikers?” he asked curiously.
“Sort of, I guess.”
I stroked the brush under my eyes, the dark circles that were once there were slowly beginning to disappear and I could already tell that my face was filling out.
After everything that went down with Marco, I’d lost a lot of weight and my skin had become pale and patchy. Even moving to New York City with my uncle and cousins had not done much to change my appearance. I’d lost my love of exercise and health, and had fallen into what I can see now was a dark depression. The hole had been slowly swallowing me and I didn’t know how to escape from it, just letting it drag me deeper. The hole was still there, and I was still fighting to get out. But I felt like someone had finally thrown me a rope.
“Don’t let anyone make you feel like you have something to prove, tesoro mio,” Angelo told me with a tone that I couldn’t quite read.
Was it anger?
“The only one I’m trying to prove something to is myself, Angelo.”
“We can be our toughest critic.”
I studied myself in the mirror, picking up my blush, I stroked it lightly onto my cheeks. “While I love chatting with you, boss man.” He chuckled. “Was there any particular reason for this call?”
“Your uncle wants you home,” his voice was harsh and unconvincing.
I frowned at the cell phone. “I thought I had a choice? I come back, or I forfeit my rights to the DePalma name.”
“Is that was he told you?” I jumped, my eyes looking up and finding Blizzard’s reflection in the mirror. Leaning against the doorframe behind me.
I narrowed my eyes. “I locked the door. How did you get in?”
“Answer the fucking question,” he demanded, not allowing me to distract him.
“Not in so many words, but that’s what I took from it.”
“Rosalie?” Angelo’s voice echoed in the small space.
“That’s not her fucking name,” Blizzard snapped, not moving his eyes from me. The atmosphere was becoming tense very quickly. I picked up the phone and switched off the speaker, holding it to my ear but keeping my eyes on Blizzard.
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br /> “Angelo, you and I both know that’s not my home. I wasn’t happy there,” I sighed, talking softly. Angelo was a strong force. He took no shit and had a million men at his disposal, ready to back him with a single word. He may work for my uncle, but his men were loyal to him and him only.
“You’re willing to walk away from your family?” His voice was tense, no longer playful or thoughtful.
“DNA isn’t always the answer. What if there’s something better for me? What if there was a place I could be happy and content that isn’t with the people whose blood I shared? Should I give up on having that just because we don’t share a name?” I gripped the vanity and leaned forward. I wanted to believe that place could be here, but at this point, the club was still very wary of me.
I just knew that I was not born to be a DePalma. I would rather walk away now with nothing, than live a lie for the rest of my life and possibly bring shame on my uncle and my cousins. I still cared for them. My heart skipped, it’s erratic thumping filling the silence.
“I would tell you that happiness trumps everything,” he finally said, his voice soft and smooth but still sure and confident. “Anthony has been like family to me for a long time now. Gio, Rico, and Cee, too. He’s done much more for me than my blood ever did.”
“And I’m so glad that you found him. He really is a great man,” I whispered. I believed it too. We may not look at things the same way, or agree on a lot of things, but he’d taken me in when I had no one and treated me like one of his own children. He didn’t have to, but I’ll always be grateful he did. “You found your place. I’m still searching for mine.”
There was silence on the line, but I knew he was still there. Unlike Gio, my cousin, Angelo still had a heart in his chest. I saw it often. He was a lot older than his time, his words always filled with wisdom like he’d lived a thousand lives already. I knew if I could make him understand, my uncle would too. Angelo just had that type of presence and power.
My eyes looked up into the mirror again, Blizzard stood still, watching me carefully. His jaw was clenched tight.
“My place is not your place,” he agreed quietly. “I will speak with Anthony, but you need to face up to him, too. He respects people that step up and share their thoughts even if they fear the consequences.”
Blizzard: (The Brotherhood Journals Book One) Page 12
