At forty-five, he was about to get married, become a father for the second time, and he damn sure had no intention of spending the next year or two living like a monk.
Later that night Tom awoke in a cold sweat, heart racing, pulse pounding. Mouth and throat dry, he swung his legs off the bed and dropped his head into his cupped palms.
Dragging air into his lungs, he reached out and turned the switch on his bedside lamp. Instantly a pool of light beat back the darkness crowding in on him.
“Nightmare,” he whispered in a hoarse, choked voice. “Just a dream.”
But a helluva dream, he conceded silently. Closing his eyes, he saw it all again clearly. Him. Whitehaired, trembling, hunched in a wheelchair and being pushed across a grassy field by a young boy in a Little League uniform.
His son. His and Kate’s son.
“Jesus,” he muttered and let his head fall back on his neck. Eyes wide, he stared at the dark ceiling above him and tried to ease the knot of panic tightening in his chest.
What the hell was he doing?
What the hell was she doing?
Kate stared down at the open file in front of her and tried desperately to concentrate. The list of names and ranks swam in front of her eyes and she swallowed hard as a too-familiar churning in her stomach started with a heavy roll.
She took a deep breath as the neatly printed information swam and spun in front of her eyes. Tiny spots of blackness edged the corners of her vision, and she knew she was fighting a losing battle.
With a choice of curing either the dizziness or the nausea first, she pushed away from her desk, bent over and put her head between her knees. Breathing deeply, evenly, she hoped the faintness would pass in time for her to race to the bathroom down the hall.
Damn it. She couldn’t even control her own body anymore. Too many things in her life were spinning out of her reach, beyond her command. And she didn’t like it
Thomas, her work, her stomach.
A peremptory knock on the door, and an unfamiliar voice asked, “Major?”
Kate groaned, too sick to care that someone was about to discover her in a humiliating position.
Quick, light footsteps. A woman then, Kate thought The stranger came around the desk and dropped to one knee.
Nice shoes, Kate thought absently, but didn’t dare lift her head just yet to see the rest of the woman.
“Are you okay?” her visitor asked, laying one hand on Kate’s hair.
“Dandy,” she muttered thickly and cautiously, warily easing up into a sitting position. A victory of sorts, since her vision had steadied and the room had apparently stopped spinning.
However, her stomach was still on the offensive.
To get her mind off it, she looked at the woman who stood up and stared at her through concerned eyes. Shoulder-length black hair, brown eyes that looked a bit familiar and civilian clothes.
“Who are you?” Kate asked through gritted teeth.
The woman smiled. “Donna Harris,” she said and held out one hand. “Donna Candello Harris.”
That explained the familiar eyes, Kate told herself as she shook hands with the woman who would soon be her daughter by marriage. Pretty, but more than that, Donna had an open, friendly air about her. She didn’t look much younger than Kate herself, and she had to wonder how the woman would take to a stepmother close to her own age.
Blast it, why did she have to be sick now? So much for first impressions.
“Sorry about stopping by like this,” Donna said. “But I wanted to introduce myself and see if you and Dad would like to come to dinner at our house tonight.”
“Your father and I?” Word traveled fast.
“I already asked him and he was all for it, suggested I ask you myself. Don’t look so surprised, Major,” Donna said on a laugh. ‘You should know there are no secrets on base.”
“True.” And she knew that soon people would start talking about just how often Major Jennings seemed to suffer from food poisoning or the flu. She wondered if Donna would be as friendly if she knew that Kate was carrying her little brother or sister.
Lord, she hoped so. She had a feeling she was going to need all the friends she could get in the coming months.
“So, what do you say?” Donna grinned. “I’m making cheese ravioli.”
At the words, Kate’s stomach soured further. Damn it.
“Major.” Donna looked at her warily. “Forgive me, but you look like hell.”
“Well, good,” Kate told her with a tight smile. “I’d hate to feel this bad and not look it.”
‘You want me to get a doctor? A Corpsman?”
She would have laughed if she hadn’t been afraid to open her mouth that wide. Instead she shook her head. “No, thanks. I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Probably just something I ate.”
“If you say so.” Donna kept one eye on her as she stood up. “Look, maybe this isn’t a good idea for tonight. We can do it another time.”
“No.” Kate stood up, swallowed heavily and forced a smile. This was important. She wanted Donna to like her. “We’ll be there. It was nice of you to ask us.”
“If you’re sure...” Donna watched her, and Kate could tell by the look in her eyes that she wasn’t doing much of a job covering her nausea.
“What time?” she asked.
“Seven okay?”
She nodded and instantly regretted the motion. “Fine. See you then.” Stepping around her desk, she headed for the door. “Now, if you’ll excuse me...”
Donna stopped in the open doorway and watched Kate Jennings hurry down the hall. When a staff sergeant walked up to her, Donna only half turned.
“Is the Major all right?”
“I don’t know,” Donna said thoughtfully, and could hardly wait to talk to her husband about this. She had the distinct feeling it wasn’t a bad lunch that had hit Major Kate Jennings so hard.
Six
Tom sat down on one of the two benches lining a redwood picnic table and took a long drink of his beer before throwing a glance at his son-in-law. He’d known Jack Harris for a long time. Had respected him and admired him as a first-class Marine long before his daughter, Donna, had married the man.
And now, since their marriage, Jack had become one of Tom’s closest friends.
“Problem, Tom?” Jack asked, propping his elbows on the table.
Off duty, on private time, he and Jack had long ago agreed to a banishment of ranks. Here they were just friends. Family. And whatever was said here would remain here. Tonight Tom needed that sanctuary more than he ever had before.
“I guess you could say that,” he admitted, and looked briefly at the back of the house. Just inside the kitchen, Kate was alone with his daughter. From the sounds of the occasional bursts of laughter, the two of them were getting along great.
And why shouldn’t they? he asked himself angrily. The two of them were far closer in age than he and Kate were. He inhaled sharply and blew it out in a rush. Shoving one hand through his hair, he leveled a look at Jack and said, “Kate and I are getting married.”
Jack grinned, then slowly, as he eyed his friend more carefully, he asked warily, “Congratulations?”
“Thanks.” Grabbing up his beer, Tom stood and walked to the back fence. Leaning his forearms atop the chain link, he ignored the metal barbs and stared off into the night.
From down the street came the sounds of dogs barking. Somewhere a child shouted, a woman laughed and an engine roared. Everyday sounds of life on a busy base. Comfortable sounds. And yet, he didn’t feel a damn bit comfortable.
“How about that?” Jack came up alongside him. “A new groom and a grandfather in the same year.”
Grandfather.
“Oh, man,” Tom muttered as a ripple of cold swept along his spine. Good God, how could he have forgotten that Donna was pregnant?
“Tom?” Jack asked, slapping him hard on the back. “You okay?”
; He nodded, still too dumbfounded to speak.
“Why are you looking like you’re shell-shocked?” Jack asked. “Heck. Donna told you about the baby before she told me, remember?”
Yeah. Now he remembered. Rubbing one hand across his face, Tom thought back, recalling how his daughter had come to him in tears because she’d thought her marriage was over. She’d told him about the baby and after she’d left his office, Tom had gone straight to Jack and without spilling the beans had read him the riot act.
He groaned inwardly. What kind of man forgets that he’s going to be a grandfather? The stupid kind, he told himself. He must have just blacked out the knowledge, being unwilling to admit that he was old enough to be a grandfather. Of course, the fact that Donna had gained hardly a pound and was still wearing jeans had helped in his self-delusion.
So, his grandchild and his new baby would be in the same kindergarten class. He shook his head and wondered if that was some kind of record.
“If you don’t mind my saying so, you don’t exactly look like the happy bridegroom,” Jack said softly.
Tom shot him a look. “To tell you the truth, I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore.”
Jack laughed shortly. “Why should you be different from any other man?”
He shoved one hand through his hair and focused his gaze on the moon-cast shadows dappling the base.
“If you remember,” Jack said lightly, “I wasn’t exactly overjoyed at the prospect of getting married myself.”
True. A half smile touched Tom’s face briefly as he remembered. Jack had married Donna in an effort to save her reputation as well as Tom’s. But it had turned out well, he told himself, taking heart at the thought. If the two of them could start out so badly and end up as happy as they obviously were, maybe Tom and Kate had a chance, too.
The question was, was he- up to the test?
He’d done this once before. He already knew he wasn’t good husband material. But hell, people could change, right? He was older now. More experienced. More patient All of that was true, and yet, there was a small kernel of doubt in his guts and it felt as though it was growing.
“So, if you don’t want to get married,” Jack asked, “why are you?”
“There are reasons,” Tom said, unwilling just yet to break the news. He and Kate should decide between them when to start announcing a coming baby. Besides, at the moment, he wasn’t entirely sure he could squeeze the words past his throat. “Let’s just say they’re even more compelling than yours were for taking the plunge.”
Jack’s eyebrows arched and he gave a low whistle.
“The thing is,” Tom muttered, and took another swig of beer. “I’ve been so busy being supportive I feel like I’m going to explode.”
“So explode,” Jack told him. “You’ll feel better.”
Tom snorted a choked laugh. “I doubt it.” He stared at the beer bottle in his hands and studied the label as if looking for the answers to his questions.
His son-in-law started talking then and after a few words, Tom tuned him out, listening instead to the tiny voice inside himself.
Married. A new father. Jeez. He was too old for this, wasn’t he? The fact that he would soon be a grandfather seemed to prove that point. The nightmares that had become familiar to him over the last few nights taunted him with that sad little fact. And yet...he lifted his gaze again and stared at the dark silhouette of a cluster of eucalyptus trees. Their leaves rustled like dry paper in the slight breeze.
Shouldn’t he be looking at this with a bit more wonder?
So what if he and his daughter were both going to be welcoming a baby soon?
Everything happened for a reason. He’d always believed that. So then it had to follow that there was a reason for this child, too. Maybe he should accept this new life as the gift it was and enjoy every moment of it. Maybe his age was a plus here, not a minus.
As a young father, he’d been so focused on ambition and his career he hadn’t taken the time to appreciate the little things about fatherhood. Now that his situation in life was different, all of that could change. He could be a part of this pregnancy, this baby’s life, in a way he never had been before.
The past couldn’t affect him if he didn’t allow it to. He could learn to be a good father. Couldn’t he?
His brain rushed onward, drawing up images of him touching Kate’s rounded belly, then of holding his new baby, pushing it in a stroller. This didn’t have to be hard, he told himself. He was very fond of Kate. They could do this and do it well. They could each love their child and still not have to clutter up their own relationship with words like love or forever. Words that led to broken promises and shattered hearts.
The tightly coiled spring inside him relaxed for the first time since Kate had sprung her news about the baby. He drew a long, easy breath and smiled.
A baby.
A brand-new chance at life. A brand-new chance to explore the world as seen through the eyes of a child. His smile broadened as the burden he’d been carrying fell from his shoulders. By God, he was going to enjoy this. All of this. He was going to milk every minute of this little miracle and count himself a lucky man.
As for Kate’s “no sex” edict, he could live with that. For a while. Give her a little time, he thought. Kate was too passionate a woman to live in celibacy forever. Once they’d settled into their marriage, that, too, would work out.
“It’s going to be great,” he muttered aloud, unknowingly interrupting Jack, who was still talking.
Jack slapped him on the back, took a sip of beer and said, “I’m glad I could help, Tom.”
He turned a questioning glance on the man beside him. “What?”
Donna and Jack Harris’s house was small, typical base housing, but for the two of them it seemed just right. Sitting in the kitchen, Kate let her gaze wander around the tiny room, admiring the little touches Donna had added to make the place seem cozy.
Gingham curtains fluttered over the partially opened window as an ocean breeze danced beneath the glass. A basket of potted chrysanthemums sat at the end of the short counter and from just outside the back door came the soft, tinkling music of a glass wind chime.
The small, round table was cleared of dinner dishes, and a ceramic bowl filled with apples and oranges sat in the middle of it.
Kate curled her fingers around her glass of iced tea and shot a glance at the woman sitting opposite her. Donna hadn’t said a word about what had happened that afternoon. But though she’d like to think Tom’s daughter had forgotten all about Kate turning green and running for a bathroom, she had to admit the chances of that were slim.
“So you’re getting married,” Donna said. “That’s great.”
Kate nodded and smiled. If the smile was a bit forced, Donna didn’t seem to notice.
“I knew something was up between you two the minute you walked in,” Tom’s daughter was saying. “There’s almost a—I can’t believe I’m going to use the word—glow about you guys.”
Glow? Probably just cold sweats, Kate told herself, but gamely kept her smile in place.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Donna said. “You looked horrible this afternoon.”
“I remember.”
“In fact,” Donna went on as if Kate hadn’t spoken. “I looked almost that bad myself this morning.”
“Really?”
“Uh-huh,” she said. “Actually every morning the past couple of months. I’ve looked and felt wretched.”
“I’m sorry,” Kate told her, and shifted her gaze to her iced tea. Was Donna saying what she thought she was saying?
“Just as wretched as you, I’ll bet.”
Kate’s gaze snapped up to Donna’s dark brown, knowing eyes.
“How far along are you?”
Kate’s fingers tensed around the glass. She hadn’t meant to tell anyone about the baby yet. She’d hoped to wait until at least a few weeks after the wedding, when she and Thomas could announce it toget
her.
“Donna,...”
“Don’t worry about it,” the other woman said and stretched out a hand across the table. “I won’t say anything.”
It seemed the proverbial cat was out of the bag. “I just don’t know how Thomas would feel about my telling people yet.”
“I’m not ‘people,’” she countered. “I’m his daughter.”
“I know, but—”
“Like I said,” Donna told her, “don’t worry about it. I can keep a secret Heck,” she added with a laugh, “nobody besides Jack and Dad know about the baby I’m carrying.”
So she was pregnant, then. To look at the woman in her T-shirt and jeans, no one would guess. Then another thought dashed across her mind, and Kate had to wonder why Thomas hadn’t said anything about his impending grandfatherhood. Was he embarrassed to find that his own child would be only a few months younger than his daughter’s baby? Oh heavens, this was getting complicated.
“Why aren’t you telling anyone?” Kate asked.
Donna shrugged. “People tend to act weird around pregnant people, I’ve noticed.” She took a sip of her tea. “Perfect strangers putting their hands on your stomach, asking personal questions. I’ll wait awhile to start dealing with all of that, thanks.” She grinned. “Besides, it’s sort of fun to have a secret from the rest of the world. Until Junior starts showing,” she glanced down at her only slightly rounded abdomen, then laid one hand across it protectively, “he belongs only to us.” A soft smile curved her mouth, and tenderness shimmered in her eyes.
A quick, sharp stab of envy pierced Kate’s heart. Obviously, Jack Harris had been delighted with the news of his wife’s pregnancy. Together, the two of them were entering a special time in their lives, secure in the knowledge of their love for each other and for their child.
Kate skimmed her palm across her flat tummy and silently apologized to the little soul within. This baby should have been greeted with joy, not anxiety. And from this moment on, that’s what she would concentrate on. I promise you. she pledged silently, you will be welcomed with nothing but love.
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