The Songbird and the Soldier

by Wendy Lou Jones

  Dear Sam,

  I am so sorry. Dean was my responsibility. I let you down. I wish there was some way to change what has happened, but please believe me that I did what I could. That it was not enough is the burden I will have to live with.

  If you can get a message to him and Rifleman James Smith, injured in the same exchange, let them know we are thinking of them and wish them a speedy recovery.

  I love you, Sam.

  Andy

  That was it. She checked the date. It must have been written about the time Dean was shot. A large expanse of empty blue paper stretched out before her. Sam did not know what to think. Was Andy actually apologising for Dean being injured? Had it really been his fault? And if so, had Dean actually been telling the truth all along? It had all gone on too long. Sam decided it was time to bite the bullet. So, weary as she was, she got out a bluey and wrote straight back.

  Dear Andy,

  You said if there was anything I needed to know you would always tell me. I need to know now. I went to Birmingham to make sure Dean was all right. He’s okay. So is Smithy. I saw on a newsstand by the station that fighting has been very fierce out there in the last few weeks. Dean said you should have been there to cover his team, but you didn’t show. Did something go wrong? My head is all over the place.

  I need to know how you really got my address.

  Write to me, soon.

  I don’t know what to believe.

  Do you really love me? Or has this all been a lie?

  Sam

  She read it back. It was all over the place, but then so was her head. Hard as it might be, she had to send it. At least this way she would know, one way or the other, where she stood.

  She rang her mum and arranged to pick up Humphrey in the morning and settled herself down to watch some mindless TV.

  Days ticked by with no word from either of them. Sam thought Dean might have called from his hospital bed and although she prayed for the letter to arrive from Andy that would answer all her fears and put her mind to rest, none came. Sam felt as if she was floating through a kind of limbo. She should have been enjoying her holiday, away from the work and the kids, but instead she was frustrated and tattered. Every drop of a letter on the mat, every phone ring, every knock at the door had her jumping in her skin.

  A fortnight later, Sam was round at Kate’s. Kate was not enjoying the first stage of pregnancy and was in full morning sickness mode. On the plus side, her mum had just about come round to the idea of a new baby in the house and the tension between the two of them of the past few weeks had settled. Kate was feeling grim and the weather outside was dull and grey. She had propped herself up against the open window to get a bit of fresh air when a car pulled up next door and Dean got out. “Hello, hello. What have we got here?” she muttered, turning to look across at Sam.

  Sam got up from the bed where she was lounging and wandered over to see what was going on. She followed Kate’s gaze and looked down.

  “It’s lover-boy back, complete with crutches and heroic limp.”

  Sam had heard nothing from Andy since she had confronted him in her last letter. She was starting to think that that was it for them. Surely Andy’s silence on the matter was as good as an admission of guilt? She suspected so. Sam stood behind Kate and watched as Dean moved slowly up the drive. He looked up and smiled. “Hello, Gorgeous,” he said. Mr Fletcher looked up and greeted the girls too.

  “Are you two my welcoming committee?” Dean asked.

  “You wish. I live here, remember,” Kate said.

  Dean looked straight at Sam.

  “Oh, her.” She moved out of the way, back from the window and Sam stepped forward. From behind Sam, Dean could hear, “Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?” Sam looked back and threw a cushion at her friend, then turned back to Dean to see him rolling his eyes in amusement.

  “Thank you, Katy!” he called out and winked. Then he walked inside.

  Sam sat down again, on the beanbag this time as Kate had stretched herself out across the bed. She sighed.

  Kate looked at her carefully for a minute. “Oh go and see him then if you want. You’re no bloody good to me like this anyway.”

  Sam shifted on the beanbag. “I can’t just go round there. Besides, he’s only just got home.”

  Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang and Kate’s mum made a big fuss of him, calling the girls down to see him.

  “Hello, Katy. How’s the bump?”

  “You know?” she said.

  “I think the whole of Afghan knows by now; he doesn’t stop bloody talking about it.”

  For once, Kate really did glow.

  “And what about you, Gorgeous? How have you been?”

  “I’m fine, thanks. How are you? You’re looking good.”

  Dean smiled.

  “I mean well. You’re looking well.” She blushed furiously.

  “Yes. I am. I’ve got a lot of exercises to do every day and a bit of walking. In fact, would you mind coming for a walk with me now… if Katy doesn’t mind?”

  “Take her,” Kate said. “She’s all yours. Mad cow would only sulk if she didn’t anyway.”

  “Kate!”

  “Good. We’ll see you in a bit then.”

  “Don’t keep her out too late,” Kate called after them.

  To Sam, everything seemed to have changed. The Dean that had gone off to war was a completely different man from the one who had come home. He was attentive, considerate, and romance blossomed. Sam had no reason to doubt him. As the weeks went delightfully on with no further word from Andy, Sam began to realise she was falling slowly back in love with Dean.

  Sam spent a lot of her time round at Dean’s house, staying for meals with his parents and becoming, to all intents and purposes, one of the family. The experience she had shared with his mum and dad seemed to have given them a bond they appreciated. But Sam’s parents were still struggling to understand how her heart had been changed so drastically and whether this man, charming as he was, was really the right one for their daughter. Unfortunately the tension between Sam and her parents rippled under the surface and festered over the summer, unwittingly driving her closer to Dean.

  Before she knew it, the school term had started again and Sam was thrust back into normal life. Lesson planning and spelling tests returned to fill her days, and soon after, Dean got a date for his rehabilitation.

  Chloe, who had been notable by her absence of late, called her when Sam was round at Dean’s one night. She wanted to invite Sam out singing. “I’m sorry, Chlo, I can’t,” she said, “Dean’s taking me out to dinner on Thursday night.” Sam smiled across at Dean, playing snooker with his dad in the back room.

  Chloe suggested Sam bring Dean along too. Sam called out the suggestion to Dean, well aware of the reception it was going to receive.

  Dean pulled a pained expression. “I can’t,” he called back. “I’m allergic.”

  “Heathen,” Sam scolded.

  “But we haven’t seen you down there in ages, Sam. We miss you,” said Chloe.

  Sam felt bad that she hadn’t been able to see Chloe in weeks, and asked about ‘Mr Dixie.’ Chloe told her that dream had ended, but also that there was a new man in her life and Sam listened attentively. Then she said something that threatened to rock Sam’s cosy world.

  “Listen, Sam, you know Karl still writes to me every now and then?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, I just thought you should know he said something about Andy being sent home injured.”

  “No, that was Dean. Besides, Andy hasn’t written to me in ages. And Miller’s wife, Gina, would have told me if anything bad had happened. I think he just realised I was on to him.”

  “Oh. You’re certain? It’s just that I was sure he said Andy. How is Dean anyway?”

  Sam called across to Dean. “You haven’t heard anything about Andy being injured, have you?”

  “No. Not a thing. Why?”

  “Oh, no reason.�
�� Sam told Chloe how Dean was getting on and then suggested she give Kate a ring and try to get her out of the house for a while.

  On Thursday evening Sam had just finished getting changed when the doorbell rang and Humphrey began to bark. Sam hurried down the stairs, twisting her hair up into a clip and shooing Humphrey out of the way to get to the door. She greeted Dean and he stepped inside and kissed her. Humphrey growled. “Damn dog still hates me,” he said.

  “Don’t take it personally. He’s like that with everyone.” Well, she thought, not quite everyone.

  Dean took Sam out to a fancy restaurant and wined and dined her until late into the evening and then they got a cab back to Dean’s parents’ place. But before they arrived back at the house, Dean stopped the driver and told Sam to get out. Sam protested that she was wearing high heels, but Dean was not taking no for an answer. He walked with her to the edge of the park and they found a bench under a street lamp and sat down. He put his crutches down beside him and took her hands in his.

  “Sam, you know you mean the world to me. My parents love you, more than they love me, I think. I know I’m about to go off and leave you again, but this time it will only be for a few weeks and I promise I’ll call this time. I’ll be back before you know it.”

  “I know-”

  “Wait. I haven’t finished. What I’m trying to say is… I want you to marry me.”

  Sam was stunned. “I… we’ve only been with each other a month or so.”

  “I know it seems quick, but we were together before I left. We don’t have to get married straight away. It doesn’t matter how long we wait. I want you, Sam.”

  Sam was speechless.

  “The lads will be back in a few weeks. It would make me so proud if I could say you were mine when they got home.”

  Sam’s brow twitched. “So this big rush is just to show off to your mates, is it?”

  Dean looked annoyed. “That’s unfair, Sam. Maybe if you don’t feel the same way, you should tell me now.”

  Sam filled with guilt. She had jumped on him full of suspicion and had hurt his feelings. “No. You know I do. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. You just surprised me, that’s all. What will our parents say?” she asked, stalling for time.

  “I couldn’t care less. But maybe you don’t want to make a decision without talking to your mum and dad first?”

  Of course she could make important decisions without speaking to her parents. “No,” she said.

  “Okay, so what’s it to be, Sam?” His dazzling blue eyes gazed longingly into hers. “Will you marry me?”

  Sam’s brain was screaming inside her head, trying to process what was going on. Was this what she wanted? Was she completely happy with Dean? A tiny corner inside her warned of danger, but it was drowned out by the innocent girl she still was deep down, who longed to be loved and to do the right thing. “Yes,” she said, before she even knew the words were out.

  “Yes? You’ll marry me?”

  Sam nodded, swept up in the moment. “Yes!” she said.

  Dean wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her happily. He hugged her to him and then, from his pocket, he produced a ring. It was in an old box and he held it out with great awe. Sam took it and gingerly opened the lid. It was a thin gold band with a heart shaped ruby and a diamond on each side. Sam looked up at him. Dean took the ring out of the box and slipped it onto her finger. Amazingly it fitted. “It was my grandmother’s,” he said. Sam regarded the ring on her left hand. “If you don’t like it we can get another one,” he said.

  “No, no; I love it. It’s beautiful. Thank you.”

  Back at the Fletcher household that night, all was well with the world. Dean’s father congratulated them both and went to fetch some champagne. His mother was crying happy tears. She said she had known they were right for each other when she met Sam in the hospital at the beginning of the summer. After several more drinks, Dean reluctantly called Sam a cab and waved goodbye as she rode home, glowing with happiness, back to her little house and her loyal dog, Humphrey.

  The following night they broke the news to her mum and dad. The reception it got at her house could only be described as ‘strained’. It was embarrassing for Sam to let Dean see the reserve her parents felt toward their happy announcement. Her mum asked her to help her get the drinks and Sam walked into the kitchen behind her mother, aware that she was about to be grilled.

  “But you’ve got to admit, Sam, it is all a bit quick. It’s not like you to rush things that are as important as this. It’s not like choosing a pair of shoes. This is forever.”

  “I know, I know; but it means so much to Dean to be with me when his regiment come home and I don’t want to disappoint him.”

  “Forget about his disappointment, love, you need to be absolutely certain this is what you want too. Is it, Sam? It seems like only a few weeks ago you were head over heels over that other guy… Andy. What happened there? You never did say.”

  Sam shrugged. “He wasn’t the guy I thought he was. Anyway, he stopped writing when I called him out on it.”

  “Called him on what?”

  “Oh, you don’t want to know. Anyway, it’s all over now and I’m back with Dean and I’m happy.”

  “Are you? Are you really, Sam?”

  Sam hesitated and then nodded solemnly. “Yes,”

  Sam’s mum looked at her thoughtfully. “Well I have to admit he’s a charming lad.” She smiled and hugged her daughter. “Well if you’re certain? Come on. Let’s get in there before they die of thirst.”

  Back with the men, Sam’s mum asked if they had given any thought to a date. “What about Christmas?” Sam said looking up at Dean.

  Dean almost choked on his drink.

  “You can’t organise a wedding in that space of time,” her mother said.

  “It doesn’t have to be that soon,” Dean assured her.

  “Next summer, then?”

  “Dean took a deep breath and let it out. “Er… yep… okay.”

  They made a toast to the following summer and it was settled. Mr and Mrs Litton asked for a closer look at the ring and heard from Dean about its history, after which the tension seemed to ease a lot.

  Within the month, Dean was back from his rehab and walking without crutches. He still had exercises to do each day and a bit of a limp, but he was looking a lot happier.

  The regiment returned and Kate was buzzing with excitement and looking forward to introducing her bump to its dad. Sam had mixed emotions about their return and felt unable to accompany Kate to the reunion, just in case she bumped into Andy. Dean was, however, happiest in the thick of it. He spent a good deal of time with his mates and had an appointment with the army doctor with a view to re-joining his group. He even moved back into quarters as soon as he was able.

  A party was arranged, to welcome home all the men and women who had been on tour, and Dean was eager to show Sam off. Kate was going to go along for a bit, but she needed too much sleep at her stage of pregnancy to stay out too late, so Sam arranged to meet her there. Sam was a little anxious, but realised it was a good opportunity to get to know some of the other wives ahead of time, so that when she officially became one of them she would have some friends already. She just hoped meeting Tina and Helen again wouldn’t be too awkward.

  The night arrived and Sam’s dad dropped her off at the entrance to the barracks, where Dean was waiting for her. Sam had spent half the afternoon making sure she was looking her best for Dean that night and she was anxious to make a good first impression.

  “Wow, you certainly scrub up well,” he said and Sam was pleased. “Come on. I want to show you off.”

  Sam followed Dean into the building and they arrived at the Mess, which was already humming with music and chatter. The room was rectangular, with a bar along the short end beside the door. In the far corner were tables set out with piles of plates and cutlery, but no food as yet. The lighting was dim and the room was already quite full.

  Dean whisked
Sam around, introducing her to all his mates and showing off her ring to their partners and although completely out of her comfort zone, Sam did her best to get along with everyone she met. But as the evening wore on, she began to feel unfriendly gazes staring in on her. She spotted Tina and Helen and excused herself to wander over and see them, but the greeting she got was not the one she had hoped for. In fact her reception was distinctly cool, from Tina more so than Helen. Sam tried her hardest to be jolly and fun, but in the end she just came out and asked them what it was that she had done to offend them. Tina wandered off to get another drink and Sam turned her worried expression on Helen. Helen said she’d better talk to Tina and the pair of them stood there in silence until Tina walked back over towards them.

  “Sandy’s just arrived, Helen, better late than never. I’m going to go and say hello. You coming?”

  Helen looked briefly at Sam. “Wait, Teen. Sam wants to know why we’re pissed off with her.”

  Tina turned her searing gaze on Sam and thought for a moment. “Okay, Miss ‘I’ve got a sparkly new ring’, tell me this: how many times have you been to visit Andy since he got home?”

  Sam couldn’t believe it. Was that all that this was about? She had come here with another man. Really? Sam looked from one to the other. “But we’re not together any more. Why would I?” The two women were unmoved. Sam looked around to see if she could spot him. “For heaven’s sake, they’ve only been home a couple of weeks.” She looked round again.

  Tina and Helen looked at each other and then back at Sam. “What? You’re not serious. You think he’ll be here?” Tina said.

  Sam was confused. Surely Andy wouldn’t let the thought of bumping into her stop him from coming, would he?

  “She does.” Helen looked serious. She looked back at Tina and then again at Sam. “You don’t know, do you?”

  “Know what?” Sam asked, worry starting to grip her.

  “He was injured back in the summer, Sam. He was flown home to Birmingham… July, I think.”

  Sam felt her heart freeze.

  Helen quickly guided her to a chair to sit down. “Nobody told you?”