The Songbird and the Soldier

by Wendy Lou Jones

  I believe that without the selfless acts and courageous spirit shown by Sergeant Garrington that day and the quick thinking leadership he has shown on both these occasions, quashing the enemy assault, many more lives would have been lost and it is for this reason that I am recommending him for the honour of receiving the Military Cross.”

  He paused for a moment and then looked up at Sam. “It was signed by Lieutenant Durbin, Sergeant Garrington’s CO that day.” He put down the piece of paper and looked at her.

  Sam felt the full force of his words piercing her body like a knife. Her guilt grew as she sat there, contemplating the lies and deceit that had put a wedge between Andy and herself. “I can assure you we do not take this sort of thing lightly here, Miss Litton. A soldier bringing into disrepute the name of another, especially when that man has actually saved his life will not be looked on kindly. I can see that you will need some time to come to terms with this news, but I may need to call on you again, if you would be kind enough to oblige? As for the rest of it, I’ll leave that with you. I’ll be in touch.”

  Sam nodded again, thanked him and wandered back out to her bike. She cycled all the way home, giving herself plenty of fresh air and time to think.

  The following day Sam met Dean in town as planned. They were browsing around Waterstones when Sam’s phone went off. She whispered down the phone and Kate answered. “Sam, can you talk?”

  “Not really.”

  “Is he with you?”

  “Yes.” Dean was looking across at her, a questioning look on his face. Sam mouthed the word ‘Kate’ back to him and he seemed content.

  “Give me a ring when you’re free. I’ve got some news from Tina you might want to hear.”

  “Okay. Thanks. Bye.” Sam put away her phone and looked across at Dean. How could she have been so foolish? She shook her head and decided then and there that she would never ever fail a good man again. She did not disclose her findings of the day before, but tried as much as possible to act as if everything was normal, and Dean did not appear to notice. She wasn’t ready to confront him yet. Sam wanted as much evidence as she could get before she took up that fight.

  That night Dean cried off again and Sam rang Chloe. Swearing her to secrecy, she let her in on what was going on, just in case she had any means of helping Sam put it all together. They arranged to meet up again on Thursday night.

  On Tuesday evening Sam cycled out to see Tina. She was a little nervous as she arrived at her house, after the welcome she had received the last time they met. Tina opened the door and invited Sam in. It was small inside, the same layout as hers, only much lighter and more modern. There were pictures of her man around the walls in various exotic locations and an ironing board out in the living room. Eastenders droned on in the background, but Sam paid little attention. Tina switched it off and heaved the laundry basket out of the way.

  “Is Dave around?” Sam asked uncomfortably.

  “No, you’re quite safe. They’re busy tonight. But Helen wanted to join in, if that’s all right with you?”

  Sam nodded. “Of course.”

  Tina sent a quick text and a few minutes later, Helen appeared. Tina made them all some tea and they sat down at the dining room table giving Sam the distinct impression this was not going to be a friendly chat.

  “Kate tells me you’re trying to find out about Andy,” Tina said.

  “And Dean,” Sam added.

  “Hmm. Well I can help with Andy. I’ve known him a good few years. I was friends with his wife before too.”

  Sam was listening intently.

  “What can I tell you? He’s a great bloke, Sam, but then you knew that already; at least you seemed to for a while, until old Romeo stuck his oar in. I’ll tell you, if I wasn’t happily married to Dave I’d definitely be fighting you for Andy right now.”

  “It’s true,” Helen added.

  “He’s a good guy, quiet but, you know, deep. I think he went to university like lots of the officers, but he wanted to start from the bottom and work up. So he became a squaddie and a good one he was too.”

  “What happened with his wife?” Sam asked.

  “Claire? Poor sod was besotted with him to start with. But something wasn’t right between them. Claire said once that she felt as if she was a constant disappointment to him. I don’t know; I only ever heard her side of it. It wasn’t that he criticised really, just didn’t engage. I think she just gave up trying in the end. After barely a year of being married, she was off behind his back, trying it on with half the regiment. Just wanted some attention, I think.”

  “It was her then?”

  “Well, yeah, in a way I guess. Why?”

  Sam shook her head sadly. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “You thought it was Andy?”

  “No, not really, but-”

  “Romeo bullshitted you, did he?”

  “Well…”

  “No. Andy’s as solid as they come. It was Claire, or rather them. Oh, I loved her to bits; she was a right laugh, but I don’t care how difficult he was to live with, he didn’t deserve that.”

  “So what happened in the end?” Sam asked.

  “I don’t remember exactly, but someone blabbed as they always do. He confronted her with it one night and she blew up and stormed out of there. A few days later she walked back in, collected her stuff and she was gone. That was the last I heard of her.” Tina took a swig of her tea.

  “How did Andy take it?”

  “He was crushed. Refused to talk about it, of course; just sort of closed off. He was never the same after that, until you showed up.” She looked at Sam’s face. “I’m sorry, Sam, but we could all see how happy he was with you. It was just great to see him looking so relaxed and having fun again.”

  “So what exactly went wrong between the two of you?” Helen asked. “If you don’t mind me asking?”

  Sam’s lips moved, but no words came out. She shook her head. “I just don’t know anymore.” Tears threatened to spill down her face, but Sam refused to let them. She didn’t want anyone’s sympathy. She didn’t deserve it and she very much doubted she would get it round here. She had brought this on herself.

  Tina offered her the chocolate Hobnobs and Sam took one and began to eat it. She told them both how the summer had gone, just the bare bones of the time-line and they listened intently, gasping and cursing at appropriate points, until she reached the point where the three of them met at the homecoming do.

  “Did you try to see him?” Tina asked.

  “Yes, of course, I was up there the very next day. But it was a mess.” She told them about the nurse and the ring and about Andy’s reaction to the news.

  “Shit,” Tina said. She reached for another biscuit.

  She told them how he had been calling for her all that time and nobody had known who she was.

  “Well, he’s a very private person,” Helen added.

  “But the worst of it was Dean was there at the time. He was asked.”

  “Bastard!”

  The three women sat in silence, sipping their tea, taking in the events laid out before them.

  “So what are you going to do?” Tina asked at last.

  “I’m still working on that.”

  “But you’re surely not going to marry him?” Helen said.

  “I don’t think that would be wise, do you?” Sam said. “But I’m not quite ready to deal with him yet. There are some things I need to work out first. You won’t say anything, will you, either of you? I don’t want anything getting back to Dean before I’m ready.”

  The two women swore to secrecy. “How long have you two been together, anyway?” Helen asked. “It just seemed like it was very quick.”

  “Oh, I know. I guess this time it started when he was sent home injured.”

  “I thought so.”

  “But we were going out before he was sent out there, for a couple of months.”

  “But a while back, ’cause it was a girl called ‘Jules�
� wasn’t it, Teen, at the pre-deployment bash?”

  They looked at Sam’s face. “Oh. Well I suppose he didn’t get the nickname ‘Romeo’ for nothing. Are you all right, Sam?”

  Sam assured them that she was gradually learning to detach herself from the things she was learning. It was all coming at her too thick and fast to keep up emotionally.

  In the blink of an eye, a bottle of wine appeared on the table and a few moments later three glasses arrived next to it. “Not for me,” Helen said. “I’ve left the kids with repeats of Ben 10. I’d better be getting back. But you two go for it. In fact have one for me an’ all.” She wished Sam luck and hurried home to her children.

  “Well I’m in,” Tina said, filling up their glasses and without a moment’s hesitation Sam picked up her glass too and started to drink.

  The next morning Sam stood up in front of twenty nine infants with a horrible hangover. She couldn’t remember how she had got back home the night before. But her bicycle, lying flat out in her front garden, made her think that possibly she had managed to cycle home. She was secretly impressed that she’d even made it back in one piece.

  Quiet study was the order of the day, with chanting of times tables and music put on the back burner for a while. At lunchtime, Sam popped out to the local shop and stocked up on sweeties and the afternoon flowed far more easily, with prizes awarded for the quietest at sums, painting and writing on offer.

  That night Sam tried hard to give herself a night off. She tried to focus on something else, but like a child on Christmas Eve, the more she tried not to think about it, the more hopeless it became.

  On Thursday night at the Crown and Anchor, she updated the girls on what she had learned. “All I need to find out now is how it all started in the first place,” she said. She had been so busy telling the girls about the new developments that she had failed to notice the serious expressions on their faces, but now she was finished they became obvious to her. “What? What’s wrong?” she asked. “The baby?”

  Kate calmed her. “No it’s not the baby, don’t panic.”

  Sam looked from one to the other. “So… what is it then?”

  “Tell her, Chlo’.”

  Sam turned to Chloe and the familiar lick of dread she was learning to recognise was toying with her again.

  “You know Karl was bunked in with Spike and Dean at the beginning of the tour?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well I met up with him the other day, just as friends, and well, after a lot of badgering, he finally admitted he was in the room when the whole letter incident had happened. It seems Dean had said something about you being… dull or something and he couldn’t really be bothered to write to you because he had two other hotter women writing to him already.”

  Sam flinched.

  She turned to Kate. “Apparently, Andy was trying to stand up for you when Dean shoved your letter at him and said he obviously cared more about you than Dean did, so maybe he should write to you instead. But Andy wouldn’t take it. So the bastard went and offered it around to everyone else, and when the rest of them had the good sense to stay out of it he chucked the letter on the floor at Andy’s feet. And so Andy took it. I guess he didn’t tell you all that because he didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”

  So there it was; the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle. It all fitted into place and the picture was complete. She had been well and truly conned by a man, the man to whom she was now engaged.

  Chloe and Kate looked at each other and back to Sam. “Are you all right, Sam?” Chloe asked. “Sam?”

  Sam had reached her lowest ebb. But from where she stood, the only way was up. “I will be,” she murmured. The two girls sat nervously for a few minutes until Sam returned to them. But now Sam was alive. She had flashes of fire in her chestnut eyes and she was raring to go. “Chlo, put me down for a song; ‘I will survive’ should just about cover it. Who wants a drink?”

  As Sam marched off to get the drinks, Chloe turned to Kate and asked, “Do you think she’s going to be all right?”

  “Yes,” Kate said to her. “But I think we’ve seen the last of our little church mouse. That there’s a woman on a mission. I’ve never seen her like that before.”

  That night Sam went home to her cosy little house and Humphrey and for the last time, she decided, she would let in the self-pity and allow herself to cry, but no more. She was done with crying. What was needed now was action.

  Chapter 12

  The following weekend Sam arranged to meet up with Dean. He arrived half an hour later than expected, leaving Sam dangling in anxious limbo. He casually wandered in, oblivious to the gravity of the situation. Sam stood tall. Dean tried to kiss her, but her frame was unyielding.

  “You all right?” he asked.

  “No. No, I’m not.”

  “What’s up? I’ve not forgotten your birthday, or something, have I?”

  “Do you even know when my birthday is, Dean?”

  “’Course I do it’s er…”

  “Yeah. That’s what I thought. Tell me, what was the first thing that attracted you to me? Just off the top of your head.”

  “Well, you’ve got nice tits.”

  Kate let out a short breath.

  “What is this? Why am I getting the third degree? Is it your time of the month or something?”

  Sam had never felt so close to physical violence. “You don’t know a God damn thing about me, do you, Dean? I bet you couldn’t even guess at the music I like or the things that make me happy. You just got that ring on my finger and checked out. I don’t even know why you wanted me to wear it in the first place. You don’t love me. You never have. I’m just the sucker who fell for your charms and took all the crap that you fed her, wrecking up my chance at happiness and causing pain to the man I loved in the process.”

  “If you loved him so much, why did you come back to me? Because you wanted me, Sam. You always have. Why shouldn’t I steal you back from him? He stole you from me in the first place.”

  “Stole? You abandoned me.”

  “And good old Andy just swooped in and picked up the pieces. You are kidding me right?”

  “He’s more of a man than you’ll ever be. You’re a liar, Dean. You manipulate people without any thought for the consequences. I don’t know what I ever saw in you, but I’m definitely over it now.” Sam pulled the ring off her finger and held it out to him.

  Coldness closed in around the features of Dean’s face and Sam remembered his threatening strength. She held his gaze, though she was shaking inside.

  Dean took the ring. “Don’t worry; I wouldn’t marry you now if you paid me,” he said. “And if you think the Prof’ll have you back after all this you’re kidding yourself.” He looked at her, scornfully appraising what he saw. He laughed. “You’re pathetic.”

  “I was pathetic, you’re right. But not anymore. Get out of my house, Dean and get out of my life.”

  Dean laughed again; he obviously felt no remorse. He enjoyed playing with people’s lives. Sam stood her ground before him and he finally turned and walked away.

  Humphrey barked at the receding figure in a final show of defiance, and that at least made Sam feel a little better. “You never did like him, did you, Humph?” she said, patting him on the back after it was all over. “Don’t worry; we won’t be seeing him round here anymore.”

  And so step one was done. A tiny weight lifted from Sam’s shoulders, but the bigger task, the part she was dreading, was yet to come. Sam still had to bare her soul and grovel on her knees to Andy. She didn’t fancy her chances of forgiveness much, but she knew she had to try. She owed him that much at least.

  She didn’t write that night. This was not something she felt she should rush. It was important and though she felt things needed to be said as soon as possible, it all needed careful consideration. She thought about the right words to say for several days and finally, she felt able to put pen to paper.

  Dear Andy,

  I
know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from right now, but there are things that need to be said.

  I’m sorry, so very sorry, for everything I put you through. I can’t begin to imagine the Hell you’ve been through these past few months and the fact that I let you down when you needed me most is something I’m obviously going to have to live with.

  I was weak, I know that now. I allowed another to cloud my judgment and I turned my back on what I should have known was good and true. You were the love I had waited for and I was too naïve to have strength in my conviction. This will never happen again.

  It was very hard to see you so low in hospital and to feel the pain I had inflicted on you. Or maybe I am too full of my own self-importance in that? It might well be that my part in all this was but a mere drop in the ocean of the turmoil that you have endured of late and if so, please forgive me these ramblings. I only mean to convey how ashamed I feel about the way I have behaved. You deserve so much more.

  As for me? I intend to try and prove myself worthy of your friendship. If you would allow me to write to you again, as I did before, I promise I will be there for you if ever you need me. I have changed, and I am truly sorry.

  Please write back.

  Hoping this finds you well.

  Yours sincerely,

  Sam Litton

  A few days later Sam was back up at the barracks, signing a statement for the FLO. She felt no regret. Sam shook the officer’s hand and walked away with her head held high. She had done the right thing by everyone. If Dean never had any comeuppance he would never stop playing with people’s lives, and this way Andy would be recognized as the wronged party, leaving her with the satisfaction of putting the record straight.

  A fortnight later Tina rang to let her know she’d found out Dean had been put on report and was being disciplined for misconduct. She asked if Sam had received any news from Andy and Sam told her that she had written, but as yet had had no reply. Tina agreed to keep in touch and was keen to know if Andy ever wrote back.