by Cassie Rocca
Tired and irritated but determined to make her emerge from the emotionless hole in which she loved to hide, Zack stepped in front of her and grabbed her by the arms. “Don’t try to play tough with me… What happened must have touched you somehow otherwise you wouldn’t have run away so fast. I can’t believe you’re still planning to marry Justin after you’ve been mine.”
“It happens to plenty of people – one last taste of life before voluntary imprisonment,” she said, avoiding his eyes.
Zack lifted her face. “Not to you – you’re loyal, romantic, you would never betray someone you really love.” He ran his fingers across that beautiful face, wanting to do the same with his lips as he had done hours before, in the faint light of the sunset that came through the windows of his kitchen. But Liberty was confused and scared. He had to make her understand that she wasn’t wrong, and that being with him was what was right.
“There’s something between us, Miss Liberty,” he murmured, “There always has been.”
“You’re only saying that because of what happened, but the truth is that we don’t really know each other at all.”
“We spent weeks together…”
“What do you mean, some afternoons spent playing with food? That’s not enough to get to know someone!” protested Liberty, in a broken voice. “Hell, I’ve been with Justin for years and I still don’t know everything about him yet, nor him about me!”
“That little time we did spend together didn’t stop you from falling in love with me, though.”
“I was a little girl…”
“So are you saying that you don’t feel anything now?” Zack scrutinized her face, preventing her from looking away. Liberty remained silent, refusing to speak, so he pressed her again. “Didn’t it seem to you as well that we’ve been waiting all our lives for a moment like the one we had yesterday? Did it really not have any effect on you?”
“What do you want me to say, Zack?” moaned Liberty, her eyes glistening with tears.
“That you’re not going to get married, that you’re going to give us a chance. I think something started a long time ago, and it came back to life as soon as we saw each other again. You can’t just pretend it’s not happening.”
“I have no intention of moving house again.”
“If you get married, it’ll be the same as if you were, because we won’t see each other again.”
Liberty stiffened. “What is that, an ultimatum? We are grown-ups, we have something in common and we live in the same city… We could always stay on good terms… You wanted my friendship, didn’t you?”
“Me and you, friends?!” laughed Zack mirthlessly, then lowered his head and took her lips in a burning kiss into which he tried to put everything he felt for her. When he lifted his head again he was short of breath, and Liberty seemed to be as well.
“Maybe before I had you in my arms I thought that I could be happy with that, but not anymore. I don’t want you as a friend, Lib. And you don’t want me as one either.” He let her go and took a step back. “You’re still in time,” he said, before leaving the office.
Downstairs, Clover and Zoe looked at him anxiously. “Are you alright?” asked Clover.
Zack didn’t even slow down. “Let me know everything about the party on Saturday: the venue, the time, the number of guests. If she doesn’t change her mind beforehand, I’ll be there with the cakes as agreed.” He left the shop and then paused for a moment on the sidewalk outside to take a deep breath.
He was not going to let her get married. Not without putting up a fight.
In the arms of Liberty Allen he had finally felt realized. After years of trying he had managed to find the perfect ingredient for being happy. He had everything he wanted from life – she was the only thing missing. And after tasting the joy of having her, he had no intention of letting her go easily.
*
“Lib?”
“Are you okay?”
From the doorway came the voices of her friends, who came over to her but didn’t touch her. Liberty was sitting at the desk, her elbows on it and her head in her hands, trying to calm the trembling that had taken hold of her when Zack left.
He couldn’t do this to her. Walk back into her life, turn everything upside down… and then give her an ultimatum. And all just a few days before her wedding!
Where had all his eagerness to have a friendly relationship gone?
He told you right away that he liked you, her reason objected.
And what if this is just a whim? What if after a couple of weeks of sex he is tired of you? said her fears.
At the end of the day, what did they have? A few hours of youthful complicity and an afternoon of love. That wasn’t enough to justify throwing her longstanding relationship with Justin under the bus… a longstanding relationship that didn’t exactly make the ground beneath her feet tremble and didn’t make her want to live every day with as much passion, enthusiasm and voracious hunger for emotions as if it were her last, though.
Zack could give her all that and much more.
And what if things did work out? What if he actually does want you by his side for the rest of his life?
Her idealistic and rational sides continued to argue with each other, and she became more and more confused with each minute that passed.
“Liberty…”
“Why don’t you take some time to think?”
“Go back to work,” she told Clover and Zoe, too tired to explain to them. Nobody could help her at that time – she was the one who had to decide, had to understand which was more painful: not having enough emotion, or having way too much of it.
12
The party had been in full swing for quite some time now. It was full of family members, colleagues and friends of the future spouses, and the room they had rented for the occasion was full of laughter, boozy voices and music. Liberty only knew a few of those present well – and at that particular moment, the ones she knew had their evident disapproval printed on their faces in capital letters.
Clover, Cade, Eric and Zoe were sitting on two comfortable sofas at the back of the room, chatting amongst themselves and sipping champagne. They had tried to mix with the rest of the partygoers, but the curiosity that Cade aroused among the guests had soon started to get on their nerves.
They weren’t enjoying themselves. And they were worried about her.
But they needn’t have. She was satisfied with the choice she had made, after all.
She knew how to survive privations, but she had no idea how to fight off an emotional overload, so it had been easy to make a decision that was in line with her heart, which she had trained so well to beat slowly.
It didn’t much matter that since she had made her decision she felt as though she’d died inside. After all, she’d never really felt that alive over the last fifteen years anyway.
She looked away from the resigned faces of her friends, trying with all her might to appear calm and to focus on Justin.
Her fiancé stood beside her with a relaxed smile, quite comfortable among the crowd of people and happy to be the centre of attention. He seemed not to have noticed the grim mood of his future wife, who was wandering among the tables like a gloomy shadow – or perhaps he just didn’t care about it.
Justin’s sister, on the other hand, sailed around the room with a blissful smile on her face, counting the minutes that separated her from her wedding and honeymoon, during which she was hoping to get pregnant and increase the size of her family. She swung between laughter and tears in an almost comical way.
At the thought of walking down the aisle wearing the silly little white dress she had chosen for the ceremony, even Liberty felt a lump rising in her throat… but not of emotion, unfortunately.
“Do you want me to get you something to eat, sweetheart?” asked Justin, placing his hand on her back.
A vague smile on her face, Liberty shook her head. “I’m okay, thank you.”
“You know, you don’t
look so great, to tell the truth.” Justin took her aside and lowered his voice. “You really don’t. And some of the guests have noticed too. You’re not feeling sick are you?”
“No, but thank you for bringing my already low self-esteem down another notch,” she answered dryly, moving away. “Excuse me, I’m going to go and talk to my friends.”
With a resolute step, she set off towards the sofas, grabbing a glass from the tray of one of the passing waiters as she went. Her mood was getting worse by the minute, and she couldn’t wait for the evening to come to an end.
The thought of having to face the compassionate expressions of her colleagues made her change trajectory at the last moment, in the hope of being able to stand in a quiet corner of the terrace, but a commotion in the buffet area caught her attention and made her slow her pace.
She glanced over in that direction, and saw that the waiters were clearing two tables, and the word ‘cake’ reached her ear, eliciting from her a melancholy sigh. As much as she wanted to be as far from there as possible, especially at that specific moment, she knew that she couldn’t miss being at the buffet table for the arrival of the desserts.
As soon as she had learned that Liberty would not be providing any confectionery for the party, Janet had decided to go nuts with the portions so that the guests wouldn’t have to go without and to save appearances. But judging by the frantic preparations that were visible in that corner of the room, it looked like she might have gone a little over the top…
She set off in that direction and then stopped suddenly at the sight of what looked like American-style decorations. Knowing Jan’s classical, elegant tastes, as well as the English origins of the Matthews family, the patriotic display on the table looked a little incongruous.
A vague suspicion began to form in her mind, and was soon confirmed by the arrival of a maid carrying a tray bearing small chocolate sculptures of the Statue of Liberty. The hand in which she held the glass trembled, as did her heart, but she was still taken completely by surprise when Zack himself appeared, amazing in his impeccable cook’s uniform, a large cake in each hand.
Liberty felt as though she were about to faint, and everything around her disappeared except for the man she loved, her eyes hungrily devouring every detail of him, even the most insignificant, while an uncontrollable desire for him mounted inside her like a tidal wave.
For five days she had been trying not to think about him, not to remember the beauty of those moments she had spent in his arms or the emotion she had seen in his eyes the last time they had been together, and the results had been terrible: her loneliness had deprived her body of energy and her face of its glow.
But now he was there, and when their eyes met, time seemed to stop and Liberty found herself wondering why the hell she had decided to choose Justin.
She couldn’t think of a single good reason.
Zack had said that he felt something for her, he had begged her to give them a chance, he had kissed her with unparalleled passion. And from that moment on, she had been lost: since she had been with him, her body felt as if it had been branded, and she was sure she would never feel for anyone else what she felt for that man. Never again.
She wanted him like crazy. She loved him as much as before – no, even more. It was a love that was no longer childish and innocent but mature and deep, and it was only her fear of not being able to control her feelings that was stopping her from running over to him.
Why had he come to the party? To show her what she was giving up of her own free will or to make one last-ditch attempt to win her over?
Justin came over to her and put an arm around her waist. “You decided to do it in the end, then,” he said in her ear. “Good – the guests would have thought it was very odd if we deprived them of their dessert.”
Liberty didn’t answer. She was still staring at Zack, who was no longer looking at her: when Justin had approached her, his dark eyes had gone cold and his attention had returned to the cakes, the spell broken.
It was too late. Zack deserved to have by his side a woman who was sure of herself, determined, anxious to show the whole world her feelings, as well as someone who would be a good mother to his daughter. And she wasn’t sure she was capable of being any of that.
She broke away from Justin without saying a word and joined her friends. The anxious expressions on the faces of Clover and Zoe revealed their share of the guilt for the situation. She couldn’t blame them for making a last-ditch attempt, though.
“He was determined to come at any cost,” said Clover when she stood before them.
“You should think about it again, Lib,” added Zoe. “This is your happiness we’re talking about.”
Liberty smiled sadly, shaking her head. “I thank you for your faith in me, but I don’t think I deserve it. Zack will get over me quickly enough, don’t worry.”
“And what about you?” asked Eric, his kindly face looking worried.
Liberty didn’t answer, but it was quite obvious what she was thinking.
Janet came over, a tight smile on her lips. “Why didn’t you warn me?” she asked between her teeth, trying not to let the others see that she was annoyed.
“What are you talking about?”
“You told me that you wouldn’t be bringing dessert to the party so I made sure that there would be enough to eat in any case,” the girl snapped. “And now all anybody cares about is your cakes!”
Liberty craned her neck to look at the tables hosting the cakes. A group of people had actually gathered in front of the creamy creations that Zack had produced for her and Justin, and the reason was clear: they were much more beautiful, inviting and original than the ones that Janet’s pastry chef had prepared.
“I’m just as surprised as you are,” she replied, and her sister-in-law-to-be walked away with an annoyed pout on her face.
Liberty didn’t care. At this point, there was practically nothing that could shake her up any more than she already was.
Trying to act naturally, she walked over to the tables, where she saw first hand the amazement and the moans of pleasure that the cakes were causing, and couldn’t avoid feeling a certain pride at the thought of what Zack had become. The truth was that she had never doubted it: as soon as she had met him, she had immediately known that this ambitious young man would manage to get exactly to where he wanted to go. Because among the many talents that Zack Sullivan possessed, there was also unrivalled determination and passion.
Her heart began to beat faster at the idea that she was the next goal he wanted to reach.
When she was a few feet away from him, she felt her throat aching from the tears she was holding back at the sight of what Zack had created for the occasion. She barely paused to observe the cake depicting a mortarboard and a gavel lying on a pair of scales in honour of Justin: all she could see was the now-official Miss Liberty – the crown shaped cake Zack had created for her, which was attracting all the attention. It was so colorful, so big and so stuffed with detail.
She watched his hands professionally slice and serve generous portions of the cakes, remembering with painful clarity the moments when she had savoured them herself, licking the crumbs from those same masculine fingers…
She shook her head to try and force those thoughts from her mind, and at that moment, a slice of stars and stripes cake was set in front of her.
With difficulty, she tried to compose himself and looked up
Zack had come to the table and handed her the plate, his eyes so attentive, so full of unspoken words, that there was no need for him to say anything.
“So have you made your decision?” he asked, completely ignoring the people around them.
Liberty remained silent, unable to make a sound. Although she hadn’t tried to contact him and had gone through with that madness of the wedding, Zack was still waiting for her answer.
Don’t give up…
Her heart jumped for joy.
“What decision did you have to m
ake?” Justin’s voice made them both turn, interrupting the emotional currents that ran between them.
Liberty looked at her fiancé, who scrutinized her carefully, then looked back at Zack. He did the same. Aware that what they had to say to each other could be problematic, he returned the cake to her. “Do you want to taste it or not?”
The cake was only a metaphor. If she accepted that plate, she would have made a very specific choice: sweetness, passion, life.
Her hand, which had been hanging by her side, rose almost of its own accord, but Liberty squeezed it into a fist.
How could she just dump Justin in front of everyone?
“I say she’ll refuse it,” chuckled Janet, unaware of the palpable tension around them. “Let’s take bets on it! Who votes for Lib and who votes for the cake?”
The joke elicited some laughter and comments, especially from those who knew of Liberty’s aversion to food.
Clover and Zoe were standing with their respective partners a few feet away, both holding their breath, and even Justin had grown strangely silent. They all seemed to be waiting.
Liberty kept staring at Zack’s fingers holding the plate. She was tempted and terrified, she wanted to grab that hand, throw herself into the arms of its owner and to hell with everything else: the party, the guests, her fiancé…
“Lib?” asked Justin, sounding perplexed.
She lowered her arm and turned to him, torn. She didn’t want to embarrass him in front of everyone, but she didn’t want to play him for a fool for the rest of her life either…
The sound of a plate being placed on the table caught her attention, and an icy chill ran down her back as she watched Zack take a step backwards.
“Congratulations, I wish you every happiness,” he said, in an emotionless voice.
Liberty stood staring at his back in its white uniform as he walked away, and at that moment she knew that she had just destroyed her dreams – past and future – with her own two hands.
