“Sure,” I replied, getting up and walking towards the door with him, “Push me up against the wall and kiss me.”
“No, I won’t do that for them,” he replied in a hushed voice as his eyes flashed at the thought.
“They need to believe you’re just like them. Isn’t that something they would do?” I asked as I looked at him from the corner of my eye.
He shook his head before turning and pushing me up against the wall. Even though I had told him to do it the movement still knocked the breath right out of me. Hunter pressed his forehead to mine as our fingers entwined. His lips didn’t move as he whispered, “I’m sorry.”
His lips crushed into mine softer than I would have ever thought from his hardened exterior, and the breath was knocked out of me again as I kissed him back. Someone whistled and he pressed his lips harder against mine as he kissed me one last time before pulling away. He swept me into his arms and carried me outside before placing me on the ground. We walked in silence up the stairs into his apartment, and he shut his door before turning to face me.
“I’m sorry,” he sighed, his eyes closed.
“Why do you keep saying that?” I asked as he opened his eyes, “There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
“That’s not what I would have thought our first kiss would be—me pinning you to a wall and forcing you to kiss me…” Hunter’s hands went into his hair, and my heart into my throat. He had thought about kissing me? “I hate it when I have to do something to keep up this charade.”
“Was it bad?” I asked, feeling as though my heart was pounding through my stomach. Oh, God…
“That’s not what I meant…”
“What did you mean?” I pushed.
“Let me show you…” he answered, stepping closer and pulling me gradually into his arms. He caressed my cheek with his hand and bent his head slowly to me, “I would have wanted to kiss you more like this,” he explained as his breath teased my lips.
He kissed me once so lightly I could barely feel his lips, and it was almost too much for me to bear letting him be so controlled in his emotions. He seemed to read my mind as the kiss grew more intense. My brain had stopped working, and all I could think and feel was him. I let my mind slip away as my lips drifted to his chin and then to his neck. He sighed as he lifted me, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He laid me delicately on his bed with his body hovering above mine as if he was afraid he might crush me with the weight of his own. I longed to feel the weight of his body though. Hunter’s lips found mine again far more patient than my own. He pulled away and kissed my neck before his lips grazed my ear, “You know I’m not going anywhere, right?”
I turned my head and looked into his eyes, and he seemed to lose his patience as I stared at him. His lips found mine again panicked as if he didn’t know if he would ever kiss me again. I slipped my hands under his shirt and pulled it over his head as I kissed his scars. With every kiss and every touch it was as if all the feelings I had been keeping in were being silently shared. His hands slipped down my arms, gently pulling my shirt up and over my head as his lips flowed up my body and to my face, leaving a trail of goose bumps across my flesh. It was like time had frozen as he stopped kissing me, his breathing coming heavy as his fingers tangled into mine. His eyes were closed as he put his forehead against my chest and sighed, “We can’t.”
“What’s wrong?” I whispered only just able to speak.
“Not like this…not here. I don’t want to give into what they think I should do.”
“You haven’t forced me to do anything,” I felt myself unraveling, “If you didn’t want to kiss me you didn’t have to.”
He looked up at me and shook his head as he stood. The darkness was in his eyes again, and I knew there was no way for me to fight to get him back. He found his shirt and pulled it back on before running his hands through his hair. He looked at me sitting shirtless on his bed and shook his head again. His eyes were too distant for me to understand what he was thinking. He turned and left the room as I curled up in a ball and sobbed myself to sleep. I realized in that moment that my feelings were out of my control, and I was utterly in love with him just like Mara had said. The worst thing was that he didn’t love me back.
Chapter 28
When I awoke the next morning I was still curled in ball, and I had to pry my eyes open because they felt as though they had been glued shut. When I opened them Hunter was coming out of the bathroom. Our eyes met and his jaw went taut as he swallowed. His lips began to move to speak, but instead he shook his head and went to the door. I heard the potted plant get kicked off the stairs as he swore, and I closed my eyes again. At some point I knew he would have to come back, and I didn’t think I could bear to see him, so I managed to pull myself out of the bed and dress myself. I knew I looked as bad as I felt, but at that moment I didn’t care what anyone thought. When I strode through the common room with my hair in a messy bun and my face tearstained I didn’t look to see who stared and just kept walking. I grabbed a few things from the kitchen and walked back through. I could feel their eyes eating into me as I walked by and out the door to the hallway leading to the library. Once I was safe in my book haven I locked the door and pulled the shades of the window shut. Dust billowed into the air from years of not having any one close them, and I sneezed making my whole body hurt. It felt like I wasn’t only coming unglued emotionally, but physically too. One stupid kiss. One haunting touch and I was done for. I was stupid for loving him so much. I curled up on the chaise, pulling the blanket up over my head. I fell asleep without eating anything I had taken from the kitchen and only woke briefly when I heard the men causing a raucous in the common room after a day of training, but I put my itouch on to block out the noise. I didn’t want to hear anyone being happy.
The next day when I woke I paced the room counting how many books each shelf contained, but I wasn’t willing to open one up and read it. I was torturing myself inside my head as I thought of the way he had kissed me. At the time I had been convinced with each gentle touch he was telling me that he loved me, but the way it ended said anything but that. I closed my eyes, sinking to the floor as I tried to calm the goose bumps that were creeping into my skin when a knock made me jump.
“Kate?” Mara called.
“What?” I snapped, but it was less fierce than I had wanted it to be.
“Let me in?” she pleaded, jiggling the door knob, “Please?”
“No thanks.”
“Come on, you probably have to pee by now,” Mara huffed, “and you could probably use a shower.”
“It hasn’t been that long,” I retorted, standing and going to the door.
“You might not think so, but it’s been three days. Hunter looks like he’s going insane. Last night he paced in front of this door for four hours,” Mara explained, jiggling the lock again.
“Really?” I asked, opening the door.
She nodded her head, “Come on, the men are all out training. You can come in my room to shower.”
“Are you sure?” I confirmed.
“Yeah, I’ll go grab you some clothes from the store,” she said, taking my hand and leading me to the very end of the hallway and down a set of stairs, “You look like hell.”
“Thanks,”
“Want to talk about it?” she asked as she closed the door to her and Rob’s bedroom and locked it.
“Not particularly,” I replied.
“What happened after you guys kissed? I mean I know you liked it…so how did it end up like this?” Mara asked, looking me up and down with a frown on her face.
“Why do you care?”
“I don’t,” she responded with a sigh.
I shook my head, running my hands threw my greasy hair, “You said I could shower?”
“The bathroom is right through there,” she pointed to an open door, “Take your time.”
It was nice to shower, and I had to admit I really did need to pee. When I got out of the shower my stomach
was grumbling and my mouth was parched. I suddenly realized how hungry, thirsty, and weak I felt now that all the emotion seemed to have been drawn out of me.
“Hey,” I said, coming out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, “I think the clothes I was wearing should be burned.”
Mara turned laughing, “There is some clothes right there and some food and water.”
“I really appreciate this,” I said as my stomach growled again.
“Don’t mention it…to anyone,” Mara remarked, her face sad.
“I…I won’t,” I stuttered, taking the clothes to the bathroom and dressing slowly, “I didn’t realize how hungry I was.”
“I figured,” Mara replied as she moved over on the bed, so I could sit next to her.
I took a long drag from the bottle of water and then took a big bite of the sandwich she had made me.
“So Hunter paced outside my door four hours last night? I didn’t even hear him,” I asked.
“He was swearing an awful lot to himself, but everyone has been too scared to get within two feet of him,” Mara shrugged, “When he gets like that everyone stays away from him.”
“So he’s been like that before?” I asked as my stomach dropped.
“Don’t worry it hasn’t ever been because of a girlfriend. Usually it’s because his dad is coming,” Mara explained, squeezing my arm.
“Has he had girlfriends before?” I asked as I ate the last bite of sandwich even though I felt like now I might puke depending on what her answer was.
“I wouldn’t call them girlfriends…I’m sure you’ve had a boyfriend or two though?” Mara skirted around the question.
“Not really…so he’s never had a girl here before?” I asked as my stomach calmed.
She looked at me torn, “You’re not going to want to hear this…He has had girls here before—just two…but to be honest with you I think they were more umm…sex buddies?”
I swallowed, “Right.”
“He’s never looked at anyone the way he looks at you. He respects you Kate, and I don’t think he’d ever do anything that he thought would hurt you on purpose. I think that’s why he’s been so upset…he knows he hurt you and doesn’t know what to do or say…Kate, seriously what happened?” Mara asked.
“It’s not what happened…it’s what didn’t,” I tried to explain as I put my head in my hands.
Mara rubbed my back, “He’s upset Kate—so it hurt him just like it hurt you—whatever it is.”
“I don’t know Mara. I feel like I’ve been an idiot,” I sighed.
“You can’t hide from him forever,” Mara cocked her head at me, “and it’s not fair to him if you do.”
“Has Hunter been hard on the guys the past couple of days?”
“Eh, Rob said he just hasn’t been saying much…no one is really brave enough to do mock hand to hand combat with him when he’s like that…except for Rob—he likes the challenge,” Mara explained with a proud smile.
“He’s really vicious when he’s upset?”
“Hell, yes. Twice as hard to beat; I imagine it’s what he’s really like when he’s fighting a real enemy. I’d like to see that…that’s for sure.”
“It’s pretty awesome—he took on four huge guys and killed all of them,” I said, feeling too comfortable with her.
“I’m sure he’d take on fifty to protect you…Did you really run away?” Mara pried, her eyes watching me intently.
I didn’t trust her enough to say anything other than the truth, “Yeah,”
“Why?”
“My family was a bunch of liars, and I was sick of it. My whole life was a lie,” I explained.
“I’m surprised they haven’t gone looking for you,” Mara observed, her eyebrows furrowed.
“I asked too many questions. They were glad to be rid of me. I’m pretty sure if I hadn’t run away they would have killed me anyways,” I explained with a shrug.
Mara’s face was far more composed than I would have expected, “I guess it’s a good thing you’re a POW then.”
“Better alive than dead,” was my response.
“It’s getting late,” Mara stood, “The men will be getting in soon. You should go talk to Hunter.”
“I guess you’re right I can’t hide forever, but at least I smell better.”
“Thank God,” Mara smirked, “Be careful. It’s snowed the last couple of days and the steps are really icy.”
I turned to face Mara with my hand on her door knob, “Why did you help me?”
“There’s something about forbidden love that’s always intriguing. No matter how wrong it seems you just want it to prevail because it’s so right for those two people,” Mara responded, her shoulders rolling.
“You won’t say anything to anyone?” I asked with my jaw tight as I wondered if I had said too much.
“You didn’t say much that I didn’t already know Kate,” she reassured me, “but no, I won’t as long you don’t let anyone know I have a heart.”
I laughed, “Your secret’s safe with me.”
When she smiled at me I felt that she had a lot more secrets to tell—one’s that were different than anyone else here.
Chapter 29
I was surprised by the chill in the air. It was as if all of a sudden winter had come, and it had decided to come head on. The steps and stairs were shoveled, but were still icy and despite Mara’s warnings when I heard the men coming in from training I rushed up the stairs. When I was two steps away from the top I felt myself slip, and I knew there was no way I was going to get my footing back. I felt myself falling backwards and as my rear hit the step below me my legs flew over my head, and I was tumbling down the stairs. I gripped for something desperately, but found nothing, and my head smacked hard against the next step. The world that was already a fast coming blur now started to blacken.
“Kate!” Hunter called out, and I knew he was close, but darkness was spurring into my brain due to the endless swirling. I felt as if it would never stop, but then abruptly it did and all I could feel was a searing pain in my wrist, my head, and the warm feeling of liquid dripping down my face. The cold ground felt good against the intense pounding in my head.
“Oh, God Kate,” Hunter whispered.
I tried to respond, but the blackness that had been threatening to overcome me as I spun down the stairs stopped me. When I came to Hunter was sitting next to me on the bed with his head in his hands.
“Hey,” I said, going to sit up.
“No, don’t move,” Hunter ordered as he turned and lightly pushed my shoulders back down into the pillow, “We’re waiting for a doctor.”
“A doctor?” I responded, blinking at the light as it seared into my brain.
“Is the light hurting your head?” Hunter asked, looking at me with the vein in his forehead bulging.
“A little bit,” I replied with a sigh, “Why did you call a doctor?”
Hunter got up and shut the light off. He turned on the small bedside lamp instead, “Does that hurt your head?”
I tried to shake my head to answer, but moaned in pain. Hunter sighed, sitting back down.
“You don’t want to look at your wrist, or your head for that matter…not to mention the fact that I think you have a concussion,” he explained.
“My wrist?” I repeated as I went to lift my arm.
Hunter stopped me by pushing on my elbow, “Don’t look.”
“Okay,” I closed my eyes as I tried to assess the pain that was going through all of my limbs, “I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?” Hunter asked, and when I opened my eyes he was looking down at me his chin tight.
“For taking that kiss too far,” I looked away from him, “For not being able to control myself.”
Hunter shook his head, “I should be the one who’s sorry. I shouldn’t have started it if I was going to end it like that. I understand why you were so upset.”
I looked up at him trying not to cry, but knowing I would.
>
“I don’t think you do,” I croaked.
“Kate,” Hunter began, but he was cut off by a knock at the door. He looked over his shoulder and then at me desperately. I heard him swear under his breath as he got up to answer the door, “Doctor Skokie thanks for coming so quickly.”
“Of course,” he replied, stepping into the room and letting his eyes adjust. They widened when they took me in, “She did take quite a spill, didn’t she?”
“I couldn’t do anything but watch her coming down the stairs end over end,” Hunter answered as his hand yanked at his hair.
“You should have put salt down,” Doctor Skokie chastised as he looked at Hunter through his eyebrows.
“Unlike my father, I don’t have servants to do my every bidding. I have to concentrate on training these men so they are ready at the drop of my father’s hat. I’m sure you understand that,” Hunter snapped with his muscles tight as his eyes burned into the doctor.
Doctor Skokie couldn’t hold his gaze and instead looked down at his medical bag, “The women are useless as well, I suppose?”
“To me,” Hunter’s eyes narrowed more before he continued, “Is there anything else you would like to criticize me about before you do the job that you actually know how to do?”
“Don’t you have some medical training?” Doctor Skokie responded, his eyes never meeting Hunter’s.
“She has a fractured wrist, concussion and needs at least sixteen sutures in her cranium,” Hunter crossed his arms, “I don’t have access to the equipment you do, but if you would like to sit right there on the couch I can do your job with your equipment, and then report to my father that you won’t be returning after I’ve dealt with your futility.”
“Don’t kill him, Hunter,” I commented as I tried not to smirk, “He’s not worth your effort.”
Doctor Skokie looked between the two of us, his eye twitched as he realized what Hunter had been threatening, “Yes, no need for violence. I was only teasing you Hunter. Your father is very proud of your work here.”
“Do your god damned job,” Hunter ordered as he closed his eyes and shook his head.
In Between Seasons (The Fall) Page 11
