“I thought you guys would have had this enormous mansion and servants and stuff,” Travis joked.
“Well, they do have, don’t you?” Susan asked. “I remember that part in your book. It’s in London?”
“No, there’s a townhouse in London. The manor house is in Somerset,” Neil answered automatically.
I resisted the urge to knee him under the table.
“And this is our home when we’re in the city,” he went on. “But we have a house in the Hamptons where we usually stay.”
“I’m not sure it technically counts as being in the Hamptons.” I didn’t knee him, but I did nudge him a little. “It’s in Sagaponack.”
Yeah, that made it all better.
“Wow. You really did well for yourself, Sophie,” Travis said.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Neil’s posture tighten up. I quickly grabbed his hand. “I really did. I never planned on having a husband or a family, but I ended up with a great one.”
There. I would just pretend Travis hadn’t been congratulating me for snagging a rich husband.
A uniformed waiter entered with soup, and we all sat far too silently as he served us. Neil thanked him when he was finished, and we were alone, again.
“Is this potato soup?” Travis asked after his first bite.
“Leek and potato,” Neil confirmed. He’d carefully planned the menu with the caterer, as determined to make the night a success as I was. It was the small amount of control he’d had over the situation.
And that was it. We’d run out of the things to talk about. And we’d only just been served the first course.
The silence was like a lead boot on a scuba diver, dragging us down deeper and deeper into an abyss of social despair.
Maybe we should have asked El-Mudad to come with us. He was way cooler than either of us. He could have come to our rescue.
Finally, Susan put down her spoon. “I was going to wait until after dinner, but I think we need to talk about the reason I’m here.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “It feels wrong not having it out there.”
“Exactly.” She smiled gratefully.
“And there’s no reason we can’t have a nice, friendly dinner just because we’re talking about a serious subject,” I added quickly. I might as well have put a big flashing “PLEASE LOVE ME!” sign on my forehead.
But to my surprise, Susan’s smile grew even warmer. “Right, exactly. I think, earlier, I gave you the impression that I didn’t want to be around you or…”
“Or get to know me. That was the impression I got, yeah.” My voice sounded so small.
“I know how hurtful that was of me, and I’m sorry.” She looked down at her bowl. “I think that’s something we need to talk about privately, though. No offense to the guys.”
I let out a breath of relief. “Yeah. No offense to them, it’s just…we’re the ones dealing with this.”
“We are, too,” Travis said quietly.
Neil shifted in his chair. “Not quite as intensely as Sophie and Susan.”
“But you’re here to talk about my kidney,” I said after a brief pause.
She nodded.
“It must have taken an extraordinary amount of courage to ask,” Neil said, his tone utterly sincere. He was trying to put her at ease, despite his own feelings, and I appreciated the effort.
“I don’t know if I would call it that,” Susan said, still not meeting our eyes. “I have no right to ask.”
“If someone I loved needed that kind of help, I would have done the same thing.” I knew that with all my heart. How could anyone withhold life from another person? Inflict that pain?
And I knew, in that moment, that my mind was made up. I was going to do it.
But I also knew better than to announce it in a rash moment of realization, without first informing my husband and our boyfriend. “Why don’t you tell me about Molly?” I suggested. “What’s she like?”
Susan’s entire face lit up at the mere mention of her—our—sister. “Well, she’s…willful. She’s definitely at that know-it-all teenager stage. But she loves musicals, movies. She wants to move here to be an actress.”
“We wanted to bring her along with us,” Travis interjected. “But it conflicted with summer arts camp.”
I couldn’t stop myself from imagining what it would be like to have a little sister, to fly her out here and dazzle her with a new Broadway show every night. To take her to a party where she might meet someone famous. To put her up here while she auditioned for shows and lived her dream—
Those thoughts came to a crashing halt when I saw them for what they were. I couldn’t buy another person’s love. I couldn’t make a family that didn’t want me beholden to me.
“Another time, perhaps,” Neil said. It wasn’t an offer, but an open door.
“Another time.” Susan picked up her spoon and idly stirred her soup. “I think you would really like her.”
“Maybe I’ll get a chance to meet her.” I shrugged. “That would be up to her, though.”
“A half-sister with an apartment in New York?” Travis laughed. “Yeah, I think she’ll want to meet you.”
“Don’t make her sound like that.” Susan sounded terse. I got the impression that maybe this had been discussed before they’d arrived.
Travis wasn’t impressing me, or Neil, judging from his body language. There was far too much wink wink, nudge nudge about our money happening. I didn’t doubt Susan’s motives in being here at all; anyone would have seen how much she loved her sister, and how desperate she was to help her. But Travis… I wouldn’t turn my proverbial back on him.
“I do love teenagers.” Neil’s voice took on a wistful tone. A few years ago, I might have made a crack about our age gap and our first encounter. But a few years ago, he wouldn’t have been longing for his lost child.
I fought back tears—they always came at the most unexpected times, even now—and cleared my throat. “If I were to donate, what would that entail? I’m not familiar with the process.”
That was a lie. I had read everything I could possibly Google to learn about all the stages of donation. But it wouldn’t feel real until someone connected to it told me.
“First, you’d have to be screened to make sure you’re a match,” Susan explained. “If you are, then you would have to meet with the transplant team, I guess.”
“Where would that be?” Neil asked.
“Ann Arbor, probably,” I answered without thinking. “Sorry. He was asking you.”
Susan shook her head. “It’s fine. You’re right, they’d do it at U of M.”
Neil leaned forward in his seat. “And how quickly would this get underway? Weeks? Months?”
“I don’t know,” Susan said, just as the kitchen door opened. A server poked her head out, and Neil turned.
“Sorry, I think we need a moment before the next course,” he said apologetically. “I’ll let you know when the moment is more…appropriate.”
The server nodded and closed the door.
Susan took a deep breath and tried answering, again. “I’m not sure how fast things would move. I get the impression that a lot of that has to do with when it’s safe for her to have the surgery.”
Neil nodded thoughtfully. “Which we understand. My transplant was autogenic, and cells are a bit different from whole organs, I’m sure. But I imagine there are some similar criteria.”
“I wouldn’t know,” Susan admitted. “But at least you’re not total rookies.”
“No, that we certainly are not,” Neil said.
A lull fell over the table, again. This time, it felt like expectation. The longer it went on, the more I wanted to be the first to say it, rather than be asked outright.
It came out on a sudden breath, far too fast and painfully clumsy: “I need some time to think about it.” I hated knowing that she’d hoped for another answer. “I just have to…protect myself.”
Travis frowned and held up a hand then l
et it fall in disbelief. “From what?”
Neil made a noise, as though he were about to leap to my defense but backed off just in time.
“I have to protect my emotions.” I wouldn’t budge on this. Of all the times I needed to be my own best friend, it was now. “I know you guys are going through a lot, but please understand that I am, too. Imagine spending your whole life trying to figure out why your father didn’t love his daughter, and then, you find out that, yeah. He did. Just not you.”
“That isn’t Molly’s fault!” Travis snapped.
“Excuse me!” Neil’s voice rose. His patience with Travis had run out. “You are here asking my wife for a piece of her body. The least you could do is show some consideration for her feelings.”
“We’re here asking her to save her sister’s life!” Travis shot back. “The least you could do is treat it like an emergency and not some fancy fucking dinner party!”
He pushed his chair back and threw his napkin down, storming from the room.
Susan looked between the two of us with the desperate expression of someone deciding whether or not to jump from a burning building. If she followed her husband, she walked out on a chance at saving her sister’s life.
“He’s right,” I said quickly. “It isn’t her fault. And it isn’t yours. And I’m not going to punish your family for the choices your father made. No matter what I ultimately decide, we’ll pay for the cost of the transplant. Or whatever insurance doesn’t cover.” I shot a look to Neil, to silence him in case he had something angry to add. “It’s the least I can do.”
“The least you could do is nothing, which is what Travis expected.” Susan closed her eyes. “I am so sorry.”
“Not at all,” Neil said, though he didn’t offer an apology for his reaction. “Emotions are running high.”
“I’d better go after him,” she said, her face flushing brighter. “And after you’ve gone to so much trouble.”
I waved my hand. “Don’t worry about it. Maybe we could meet, again, just you and I? Before you go back to Michigan.”
She hesitated “I…I’ll be in touch, okay?”
“Sure. I’ll walk you out.” I stressed the “I” so Neil would know I didn’t want him to come with me, and accompanied Susan out to the foyer. Travis waited in the entryway, but he hadn’t called the elevator, yet. He appeared somewhat subdued, at least.
“Look, I’m sorry,” he said quickly, but it was disingenuous. He wasn’t sorry. He was pissed off at us. Probably because I seemed so cavalier about the life of someone he loved.
“Don’t worry about it.” I didn’t want to hear whatever justification he would tack on next. “You guys just have a safe trip back to the hotel, okay?”
“Thank you,” Susan said to me. She barely acknowledged Travis. I wasn’t a psychic, but I could predict angry words in that hotel room tonight. “And thank you for your generous offer.”
“Would you like us to call you a car?” I asked, hoping they would decline. I didn’t want to try and make small talk while we waited for it to arrive, now that everything had blown up.
“We’ll be fine,” Travis said tersely.
“I’ll be in touch,” I repeated her words back to her, hit the elevator button, and waited in stilted silence until the doors opened and they got inside.
Back in the dining room, Neil was directing the caterers to clean up the place settings. He glanced at me when I entered, then away, then back, sheepishly. “Sophie, I am so sorry. And embarrassed of my behavior. I shouldn’t have let my anger—”
“Nah.” I shook my head. I was too emotionally exhausted to be pissed off, and he wouldn’t have been the target, anyway. “He was a prick. Acting all entitled to my organs.”
“Susan was lovely,” Neil was quick to interject. “And she seems understanding.”
I didn’t want to talk about it in front of the strangers clearing up our suddenly canceled dinner. It was humiliating. “Look, I’m still hungry. Can you tell them to just leave the food?”
“Of course, I’ll have them leave it in the kitchen.” Neil’s brow furrowed. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah. I just need a minute to be…not in here.”
I headed for the bedroom. There were so many places I could go in the house, but this was my sanctuary. It still felt like the only place in the apartment that was really mine, even though I shared it with Neil. I flopped onto the couch and grabbed the remote, clicking on the television. It didn’t matter what was on; I wouldn’t be watching, anyway. I just needed artificial noise to drown out reality while I worked out my feelings.
Was I being selfish? A teenage girl needed a kidney to survive. A girl who had similar dreams to the ones I’d had when I’d been living in a small U.P. town. All she wanted was to grow up and get out, into a world I’d fallen ass-backwards into.
Every day, the divide between the life I used to live and the life I lived grew wider. When I’d first moved in with Neil, I’d felt like I didn’t fit into a world where designer clothes, palatial homes, and impulsive trips were the norm. Suddenly, I felt like that world didn’t fit in with me.
But there was no going back. It wasn’t like Neil could throw his money into a fire or something. And it wasn’t like I could just buy myself another kidney, another life if something went wrong. This decision had nothing to do with money, and everything to do with me.
Neil knocked on the door, as if this wasn’t his bedroom, too.
“Come in,” I called, and he entered cautiously, closing the door softly behind him.
He walked over to the couch with his hands in his pockets. “I’m sorry that I lost my temper. You asked me to let you take the lead, and I couldn’t do it, even through a single dinner.”
“It’s okay. Really, it is. You were trying to defend me. Even if I probably didn’t deserve it.” I sat up and ran a hand over my hair.
“Why wouldn’t you deserve it?” Neil asked, sitting beside me.
“Well, because here I am, knowing that there’s this kid out there who could die without my help, and I’m whining about how her daddy didn’t do enough for me.” I made a noise of disgust aimed solely at myself. “I’m being ridiculous.”
“I don’t think you are,” he said, and before I could argue that of course he would think that where I was concerned, he went on. “This isn’t just about your sister or your father. You’re involved in this. They chose to involve you. They don’t get to set the terms of your acceptance if you go through with this.”
“I don’t even know if there are terms of acceptance.”
He didn’t say anything for a moment. Then, he asked, “Because there won’t be an acceptance?”
“No.” I stated definitely. “I’m doing it.”
He took a deep breath.
“I have to.” I hoped he could understand. I thought he might, already. “All this girl wants is the same chance I wanted when I was her age. Move to New York, live some glamorous dream. No, it doesn’t work out for anybody, but she at least deserves to fantasize about it without tacking on, ‘if I’m still alive’ to the end. What kind of person would I be if I could give that to her and was like, ‘Nah, my hurt feelings are more important than you living. Hard pass’? Not the kind of person I want to be.”
“If this is something…” He stopped to reconsider his words. “If this is something you really couldn’t live with, there’s no reason you should. I don’t like the idea of you going in for major surgery, but donation is fairly safe. And we have no idea if you’re even a candidate.”
“That’s why I offered them money. Maybe I shouldn’t have.”
“Oh, I don’t think money is a problem. How much can a single kidney transplant cost? A million dollars?” he asked, as though that sum were nothing.
“Around three-hundred thousand,” I corrected him. “But for most people, it might as well be a million. I’m worried about them thinking I’m throwing my money in their faces.”
“Because of what
he said about the fancy dinner party?” he asked with a sigh. “I knew I went overboard.”
“No, it’s not just the caterer or the…stupid fucking tree branch in the middle of the table? Ugh,” I groaned. “What was that about?”
“Sophie. Stay on topic,” Neil said gently.
“Right.” I rubbed my left temple with my fingertips. “So, yeah. I’m a little embarrassed to have all this stuff when they don’t? And when my family doesn’t, or the people I went to school with—”
“Most people don’t have the things we do. You’re always reminding me of that. Are you worried you’re not mindful of it?”
“No. I mean, it’s not about not being mindful. I know how lucky we are.” The reason was far more superficial than I would have liked to admit. “I guess I just want everyone to know that I know.”
He paused, thoughtful. “I’ve never once felt guilty about my wealth. Maybe because I’ve always had it? But I don’t understand why you do. When you were fantasizing about the fashion world back in Calumet, were you hoping for a life where you couldn’t own those fabulous clothes you saw in magazines?”
“No,” I admitted.
“So, you got what you wanted. Why feel guilty about enjoying it?” Neil didn’t mean to sound like the poster boy for the One Percent, I knew he didn’t. And I knew how much of his fortune he’d spent on charitable causes, even before he’d started the crisis center. But he couldn’t possibly understand how strange the last few years had been for me. It was like one big shame pimple had been building up that entire time and had now just exploded like a water balloon of pus.
“Sophie, you look a bit green,” Neil said.
“Trust me, if you’d just seen the metaphor I saw in my head, you would, too.” I shook it off. “This isn’t something you can help me with. I guess I need to find some…trophy wife support group or something.”
“I believe those are called Pilates classes,” he said with a snarky smile. I gave him a little push. If anything could put me at ease, it was humor, especially his. And while I didn’t feel instantly all better—and this problem was far from solved—he’d at least alleviated some of the ick for tonight.
The Sister (The Boss Book 6) Page 18
