“I need you not to be in a hurry.”
He stared off in the distance as if he was deciding what was most important. “Okay.” He shrugged. “Forget the guys. Now I’m no longer in a hurry. What’s up?”
Had he always been this wishy-washy? From the corner of her eye, she saw someone moving around in the barn, probably his Daed. “Can we go somewhere to talk?”
His lopsided grin worked its way into her heart again. “Maybe walk to our secret place?”
“That’d be nice.”
He went to the trunk of his car and opened it. He pulled out a large rolled-up blanket. They walked in silence down a dirt lane toward the small pond on the edge of his land. Trees surrounded it, and a thin trail led through the four-feet-high underbrush. Once they were on the other side of that, no one could hear or see them. He’d brought her here before, and although she’d once loved this place and all that had happened here between them, she felt uneasy.
He stopped at the small clearing and spread out their picnic blanket. Leah sat.
Michael took a spot several inches from her, stretching out his long legs and leaning back on his hands. “I’ve been wanting to come by your place for a while now.”
“Then why on earth haven’t you?”
“Figured you were too angry.” He plucked some dried grass from the ground beside him. “I don’t remember a lot about that night, but I know I was a drunken jerk.”
“The only thing worse than being a jerk is being one who doesn’t apologize.”
“Ya, I guess so.” He leaned back on his elbows. “I’ve missed you. If I’d thought you might forgive me, I’d have come to see you.”
“You always seem up for trying new things. Maybe you should’ve tried acting like a man and apologized.”
“This is you not angry? I was supposed to come crawling to you with an apology so you could rake me over the coals? No thanks.”
“I could’ve used some support.”
“Support? What for?”
She tried to say the words, to tell him she was expecting, but she couldn’t manage it.
“Leah?”
“I’m pregnant.”
Jacob stood at a pay phone outside a gas station, waiting for Sandra’s answering machine to pick up.
“Hello?”
She’d finally answered, and he couldn’t manage to find his voice.
“You have to the count of zero to speak up.”
“It’s me.”
“Oh.”
That was it? That’s all she had to say? Jacob gripped the phone tighter, reminding himself that he’d never know what it’d done to her to lose her husband as she had. He had to keep doing what he thought was right, but the fact was she’d only answered the phone because she didn’t recognize the number. “I won’t take long. I just needed to know if you’re keeping your head above water.” A couple of loud talkers walked from a gas pump toward the store, and he missed what Sandra said. He turned the other way, trying to block out the noise. “Could you repeat that?”
“I said that I … I don’t blame you.”
He swallowed hard, wishing he could believe her.
“I followed your advice, and I’m feeling better these days, even thinking about going back to school.”
Her willingness to share a small part of herself again encouraged him. Maybe healing had begun. “That’s great. Do they give degrees for being the queen of trivia?”
“I wish. If random, useless pieces of information had any value, I’d be rich.”
“You’re healthy and alive and have your daughter. You are rich.”
“That and the money you send. You have to stop. Well, not yet, but soon.”
He chuckled. “More double-talk, Sandra?”
“You want to hear confusing jabber? Wait until Casey wakes up from her nap.”
Despite their best efforts to be encouraging and kind to each other, the conversation sounded hollow. But it was the best one they’d had in almost two years. He’d stay right here, standing in front of a gas station, and talk for as long as she was willing.
TWENTY-ONE
Leah’s heart pounded as Michael paced back and forth in front of the small blanket.
He moaned and muttered to himself. His eyes met hers and were wide with fear. “You’re sure?”
“I took the test today.”
He sighed and sat down beside her. “I suppose this means we’ll have to get married.”
Not exactly the proposal she’d imagined, but at least he was leaning in the right direction. “It’ll be rough on both of us for a while.” She moved her hand across the blanket and closer to his, hoping he’d take the hint and hold it. He didn’t. “Our families and the community will need some time to adjust.” That was putting it mildly. But she had to present this in the best light possible, at least until he made a commitment to do right by her.
She wondered if she should mention the possibility of moving away.
“I do love you, you know.” She moved her hand over his, slowly caressing it with her gentle touch.
Michael wrapped his arms around her, cocooning her in a warm embrace she wished would never end. He kissed the nape of her neck, and warmth spread throughout her.
He paused, gazing into her eyes with longing and desire. “Maybe we could make this work in our favor.” He cupped her face in his hands and tenderly kissed her lips.
Leah never felt beautiful except in his embrace. Relief that he was willing to marry her ran through her veins. Everything was going to work out after all. He loved her! She returned his kiss with passion and abandon. Tears of sweet release trickled down her cheeks.
His hand moved to bare skin near her ankle and eased up her leg. Leah’s skin tingled. This was the father of her child. Her future husband. The man she’d spend the rest of her life with—having babies, raising children, building a life.
His fingers skimmed over her knee, slowly reaching higher.
“Michael,” she whispered between kisses.
“Shhh. We’re fine.” His voice was husky as he gazed into her eyes with all the love she’d always imagined seeing in them.
“I don’t think we should.”
He patted the blanket. “It’s all right, Leah. Just relax.”
She pushed his hand away, lowering her skirt. “This doesn’t feel right.” She had made a vow to herself: no more messing around. She was already suffering the consequences. But how could she reject his affection?
He glanced around. “Don’t worry. No one will see us.”
If Michael was going to be her husband, she needed to trust him. Yet as he lowered his suspenders and began unbuttoning his pants, Leah went from feeling loved to feeling cheap. He pushed his hand under her dress again.
Leah ached to nestle against him, to feel him hold her in his strong arms and whisper words of love and desire for her. She wanted their intimate time handled in the right way now. “We need to wait”—her breath came in shallow gasps—“until we’re married, please.”
“It’s not like we haven’t already done it.” He kissed her face while pulling her closer.
Done it? How could he refer to their time in such a crude manner?
“And since you’re already pregnant,” Michael mumbled around his kisses, “we don’t have to use protection.” His hand tugged at her to lie down. But she felt like a heifer he was trying to brand, property to be taken and possessed.
She pushed him away. “Michael, stop. If you love me, you’d at least try to understand how I feel.” Her words caught her off guard. If he loved her?
She doubted how he felt?
He tugged at her again. “I can tell you want it as much as I do.” He reached under her billowing skirt, putting his hand on her knee.
She recoiled and pulled away. “Do you even care about me at all?”
He looked hurt. “How can you ask that? Of course I care about you.” He stroked her arm softly. “We’ve always had something special between us, Leah. You�
��ve been there for me, no matter what.”
That was true, at least. She had been faithful to him for as long as she’d known him, even when he chased other girls, treated her poorly, or cast her aside after he got his way. And she always came back to him when he finally looked her way again, accepting any crumb of attention he was willing to give.
What a fool she was.
She scrambled a few feet from him to the edge of the blanket, determined to avoid being lured into his snare again. She could be any girl right now and he’d want to sleep with her.
“Fine. If that’s the way you’re going to be.” He pulled up his suspenders and buttoned his pants.
Leah stared at him from her side of the blanket. She had a decision to make—one that would determine the course of the rest of her life. If she gave in to what Michael wanted, there was a chance she could convince him to stay with her, marry her, and raise their child together. But odds were just as good that he’d simply use her again and toss her aside when someone prettier came along—before they became husband and wife. If they ever became husband and wife.
“Ya, Michael.” Leah felt a sudden surge of inner strength. “That’s the way I’m going to be.” She stood and walked away from him, head held high. Feeling confident. And like the stupidest woman alive.
She strode down the path toward Michael’s home, straightening the Kapp on her head and trying to get the rumpled look out of her clothes—and out of her mind. Before reaching his house, she veered off the path and headed toward the road.
Thousands of questions pounded her.
Was Michael watching her? Would reality sink in over time and cause him to feel sorry for the way he’d treated the mother of his child? When it did, how would he respond? Would he be relieved that he didn’t have to rush into marrying a girl he never really loved?
Never really loved? Was that true?
Would she have to raise his child on her own?
As she turned onto the road toward home, the weight of what she’d done mocked her. What if Michael never came to his senses? How could she bear the shame of being pregnant and alone? Her eyes blurred with tears that she didn’t bother trying to stop.
She figured Michael wouldn’t tell anyone about her being pregnant—for his self-preservation. But she wouldn’t be able to keep this a secret for too long. And then the news would spread throughout the community like a brush fire on a summer day. Once her family found out—
She heard the rhythmic clippety-clop of a horse’s hoofs and the steady rumble of spoke wheels behind her. For a second she wondered if Michael had come after her. But he would’ve driven his car or at least ridden a horse rather than taking the time to hook up a rig.
She could tell by the sounds that the horse and carriage were slowing. She turned around to see who was driving.
Jacob brought the rig to a stop. She didn’t wait for an invite before climbing in. After she shut the door, her brother tapped the reins on the horse’s back and headed down the road.
She brushed at her damp cheeks. “I’m pregnant.” The words made her break into sobs. “And Michael’s a total jerk. I thought … I was so sure he loved me.” She put her hand out the open window, feeling the muggy air zip past her—much like her life. “If I’m honest, I never actually believed that. I only hoped it was true, and I was willing to lie to myself on the outside chance I could do something to make him love me.”
“It’s his loss.”
Leah rolled her eyes. “He used me. Would have again if I’d let him. How could I be so stupid?”
“You’re not stupid.”
“Well, naive then.”
“Everybody’s naive at least once. Me included. You’ll survive.”
She moaned. “I’m just so mad at myself.”
“Michael’s naive too, you know.”
“How?”
“If he thinks his behavior won’t catch up with him and haunt him day and night, that’s pretty naive.”
“Do you think there’s any chance the pregnancy test was wrong?”
“Sorry, Leah. I’d like to give you good news, but those things are really accurate these days.”
“Great.”
“You read the instructions and followed them, right?”
“They’re pretty straightforward. I peed on a stick and waited until a blue line showed up in the oval window.”
Jacob faced her. “You mean two pink lines, right?”
“No, one. Why?”
He laughed loud and hard. “Leah, one blue line means you’re not pregnant.”
“What?” Hope shot through her.
He shook his head. “You devour every word of your novels, but you don’t take the time to read the instructions on something so important?”
“Oh, Jacob, are you sure?”
“Positive. I mean negative. One blue line means negative, which means you’re not pregnant.”
“I always thought negative meant a bad thing was going to happen.”
“Ya, having a baby at seventeen would be a definite negative.”
She nodded. “But I’ve been so sick lately. I was sure how the test would turn out.”
“Well, depending on timing, it’s still possible you’re pregnant.”
“But you just said those tests are accurate.”
“They are. Unless you take the test too soon for it to show up. When were you and Michael together last?”
She didn’t need to think long about that. The memory was crystal clear. “Six weeks ago.” That’s when he’d started avoiding her and going to parties without her, and she’d chased him.
Jacob grinned. “Then you are definitely not pregnant. The type of test I bought would have shown a pregnancy within that time.” He shoved her shoulder.
“You sure know a lot about pregnancy tests.”
He pursed his lips, sadness flickering in his eyes, and she regretted her words.
She hugged his neck, but as she settled back into her seat, a new fear came out of hiding. “So what’s wrong with me, then? Why have I felt so sick lately?”
He glanced at her. “No, little sister, you’re not dying.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know numbers, and I know you. Odds are you’ve done all this to yourself through worry. Nerves would be my guess. Maybe you’ve given yourself an ulcer. Whatever is going on, we’ll find a simple solution, and before long you’ll feel well enough to go back to avoiding your chores for less complicated reasons.” He grinned.
How could she have been so stupid? She should have read the directions on the box more carefully. She’d almost given in to Michael again. But she’d made the right decision, and she’d like to do more of that.
TWENTY-TWO
Samuel steered the team of workhorses dragging a small Amish hay cutter. He went down the green space between the rows, cutting all the grass that wasn’t in the drip line of the trees. Jacob pushed a reel mower under the drip line, destroying the grassy mouse tunnels that led to the trunks of the trees. Routine maintenance—that’s all it was. But he, Jacob, and Eli had been at it since sunrise, making the place look its best for Rhoda’s visit this afternoon.
Something caught Samuel’s attention, and he turned. Leah was driving a pony cart toward them with Hope perched beside her, watching and occasionally barking.
When Jacob spotted Leah, he left the mower and headed her way. Leah brought the horse to a stop, motioned for Samuel, and held up an oversized thermos before she and Jacob started talking.
Samuel preferred everyone to stay on task, but he drove the hay cutter closer to them and brought the horses to a halt. “What’s this?”
Leah took Hope off the wooden seat beside her and set her on the ground. “Can’t a girl do something nice for her brothers once in a blue moon?” She lowered the tailgate on the cart. Samuel and Jacob took a seat while Hope ran from one spot to another, sniffing all the new smells.
Leah poured them cups of cold water and took a lid off a
container of cookies.
Jacob’s eyes grew round. “You made my favorite?”
“Ya.” Leah held the container up to him. “Oatmeal chocolate chip.”
“Oatmeal.” Samuel mumbled a mock complaint as he took one and scrutinized it. “So where’s my favorite cookie, Leah?”
“I’ll leave that to your girlfriend.”
Samuel shifted, getting more comfortable. Leah’s face was pale, and her hand moved to her upper stomach often, but she seemed more peaceful than he’d seen her in a long time. Mamm was counting the days until Leah saw the specialist. “You’re looking chipper today.”
Leah looked at Jacob, and they seemed to share a moment of some kind.
“Hey,”—Jacob interrupted his thoughts—“this woman … Rhoda something?”
“Byler.”
“You’ve told Catherine she’s coming here today?”
“No.”
“You like to live dangerously.”
“Appears that way, but it’s not my aim.” Samuel pulled the handkerchief from his pocket and poured cold water on it.
Jacob took another bite of his cookie. “What if your girlfriend shows up in the middle of Rhoda’s visit?”
“I, uh, took care of that last night.” Samuel wiped his face and the back of his neck with the cool cloth.
“What does that mean?” Leah asked.
Jacob picked up another cookie. “I’m not sure you need to hear this, Leah. Whatever he’s done, it’ll give you the wrong idea concerning male-female communication.”
“Don’t listen to him.” Samuel shooed his brother away. “He’s inexperienced in these matters. If upsetting a loved one can be avoided, it should be.”
“Uh-huh.” Jacob grinned around a mouthful of cookie. “So what’d you do?”
“After I talked to Rhoda yesterday, I called Catherine and asked if she and her Mamm would like to go shopping in Lancaster today. When she said yes, I told her I wanted to give her an early present for the anniversary of our first date, so I hired a driver and gave her some spending money. It should be a fun day for both of them.”
“That’s pretty sneaky,” Leah said.
“It’s a distraction while I get some business worked out. Rhoda will be long gone before the driver returns to Harvest Mills. If Rhoda agrees to work for us, I’ll tell Catherine everything.”
A Season for Tending: Book One in the Amish Vines and Orchards Series Page 17
