It took Jade a few minutes of discussions with the Gendarmes, the apartment owner, and the representative from the University’s Non-Material Life Sciences department to figure out who owed who what. HuanJen’s career as a Zone Cleric was heartily supplemented by freelance work and research, which afforded both of them a nice living, but also meant she had a lot of bookkeeping to do. The Gendarmes weren’t bad, but the University was amazingly tight-fisted considering the position and power of the Guild of Academics.
Still, Jade reflected as she filled out forms and collected guilders, she enjoyed it more than anything she’d done in Colony. There, you used, here you did. It was a childishly simple distinction, but it was worth it, even with all the weirdness, even the weirdness that wasn’t, technically, a fringe benefit of the job.
Eventually, she finished her business, bundled Huan onto a trolley, and declared it a day. Work was over as far as she was concerned. She’d had plans, and she’d …
“Going out with Clairice and Garnet?” HuanJen asked, lying back against the trolley seat, eyes closed. Even when he wasn’t looking at things, you knew that somehow he was aware. One may have been tempted to say he had “eyes in the back of his head,” but the old metaphor hardly seemed enough.
Jade nodded instinctively. You couldn’t keep anything from HuanJen, mainly because it was easy to tell him things. “Yes. Hey, I cleared it …
“It’s fine, Jade, relax.” HuanJen opened his eyes, sparkles alighting in their depths. “I’m proud, you’ve done quite well, you deserve a break. Sometime we ought to take a few days off, go somewhere. Hang out.”
“Yeah.” Jade grimaced, hoping Huan wasn’t focusing on reading her expressions. He always seemed to know what was in your head, and she had a few half-secrets she wasn’t too ready to reveal. “Um, really proud of me?”
“Very.” HuanJen lay back, closing his eyes again. “All ready for tonight?”
“Thanks. Well, I have it planned out, a little …”
RELAXATION PLAN PHASE 1: GET CLAIRICE
Clairice Bell was not happy.
The nurse from Metris General Hospital presented an unusual sight to passers-by; a well made-up woman, wearing a flattering blue dress, her short brownish hair carefully coifed, stalking wrathfully around the sidewalk outside an apartment building. The more observant would also wonder about the numbers of workmen from the Constructors Guild bustling around the street. A person who took a few more minutes to watch the activity would note it was being directed by a member of the Historians, obvious in her brown-and-red guild robes.
“Clairice?”
The disgruntled medic swung around to find herself face-to-face with Jade. Clairice started for a moment - seeing Jade in a dress instead of her usual, everyday work clothes was a strange sight. Jade’s shirt and jeans had been replaced with some green thing that matched her eyes and complimented her black fur. It had probably cost a few guilders and taken some time to tailor.
It wasn’t a way she’d ever expect the rough-and-tumble Jade to dress.
“Yeah.” Clairice smiled. “That’s a different look for you.”
“Thanks. What’s up, construction?” Jade tucked a daytimer into her belt. A daytimer on her day off. Clairice wondered sometimes how much a good influence HuanJen was sometime.
Clairice glowered. “The cleaning staff found something in the basement today. Old, construction, maybe a century. The owners talked to the Historians, and suddenly we’re an archeological dig. I better get a break on my rent.”
“I understand. I just had to wrestle with the University tightwads myself. Look, we’ve got a whole evening of relaxing, so forget it. Let’s pick up Garnet and you can drown your sorrows or at least hold them under for awhile.”
“Sounds wonderful.” Clairice thought for a moment. “Is your brother going, because …”
“Clairice, if you had a boyfriend, would you invite him to a strip club?” Jade asked calmly.
“If I was living with your brother, wouldn’t you want to ask just to be sure?”
Silence.
“Point taken.”
RELAXATION PLAN PHASE 2: GET GARNET. ASSESS IF SLATE STILL HAS HEAD UP HIS BUTT
Garnet looked at herself in the bedroom mirror. Most of her attention was focused on the intricacies of prettying herself, but a part of her mind was busy eavesdropping on the conversation in the living room.
It was the same thing that happened every other time Jade and Slate were together - they argued under cover of a conversation. Right now, they were at it again, all in front of poor Clairice. They never considered who else was present when they got into that mood.
“Ah. So, how is the job?” Slate asked, voice edgy enough to cut yourself on. Jade seemed to make him nervous, and Garnet was quite sure it was not just concern for her well-being. She seemed to challenge Slate by her very existence.
“Fine,” Jade sounded a bit flippant, “got to tape an exorcism today.”
Jade was already assuming Slate was going to treat her like a child, Garnet mused, which ensured that he would. Jade never saw Slate meant well, and Slate never saw his sister had been able to take care of herself for the past decade.
“I see.” Slate was probably running his hand through his hair, a sure sign he was thinking. “I still say that sounds quite dangerous, Jade …”
“Yeah, but I don’t expect HuanJen to get hurt. He can almost take care of himself without me.”
Garnet adjusted her bra carefully - when you had fur, you had to watch the clasps or risk some painful experiences.
In the living room, Slate let out a growl-like sound that was an alloy of anger and resignation. “I am glad you are happy sister, but he is a bit strange. A good man, but a little strange, and …”
“Slate, HuanJen is not ‘a little strange.’ He’s absolutely fucking bizarre. Please, show some respect.”
Garnet tried not to laugh. Poor Slate. He tried so hard, and he really didn’t understand his sister. Of course, the converse was true as well, but Jade had less excuse - she didn’t even try to understand Slate. He, at times, seemed to make an effort.
“Jade, I …”
Slate’s anger had given way to concerned frustration. It always happened like that. As much as she loved him, as well as she knew him, Garnet had to admit Slate thought subtlety was the second thing you tried in any situation, mental or physical. Jade knew it as well.
“Drop the protective act, brother. I’m fine.” Jade sounded if she was moving closer to her brother. “Slate, I don’t need someone to defend me or anything. I’m fine. Hell, more than fine, I’m happy. Please.”
Garnet straightened her skirt and headed out of the bedroom. She was ready to enjoy herself, and it was probably as good a time as ever to intervene.
The situation in the living room was pretty much what she’d expected. Slate’s arms were crossed as if he were warding off the world. Jade had a hand on his shoulder, trying to be comforting. Clairice had backed herself into a corner and was straining to be politely transparent.
“Are you two arguing again?” Garnet asked softly, allowing an inoffensive smile to cross her lips. “Now, come on, we got on so nicely when Jade came by for dinner last week.”
Slate nodded. “Just a bit concerned, Garnet.”
“I’ll be fine.” Jade said, her attitude melting away “Slate, its OK.”
“We’ll be fine, dear.” Garnet lay a hand on Slate’s forearm. Her lover leaned down for a kiss on the cheek, then tried to reconstruct his aura of authority, failing miserably.
“I … understand. Jade?”
“I brought my pistol, Slate.” Jade tapped the holster on her hip. “It’s OK, brother. This is Metris, Slate, I’m fine.”
Slate looked away, eyes closed, a bit ashamed. “I … understand. Then, you all … have fun. Be careful. I wish …”
“Oh, don’t worry, we’ll have a nice, strong man with us, too!” Garnet chirped.
“Yes.” Jade smiled. “I pla
n ahead you know …”
Slate raised an eyebrow. His sister wasn’t the type to lie, but she could speak some untrustworthy truths.
“Well, man in the biological sense.” Garnet added.
Garnet watched Slate’s expression turned to one of resigned concern. Sometimes, there was no pleasing him, and you just had to live with his well-meaning protectiveness.
Of course, perhaps telling him that she was taking her female friends to a strip club didn’t help.
RELAXATION PLAN PHASE 3: GET LORNE. IF NECESSARAY, USE GUILT
“What?” Lorne Thompson asked incredulously.
This had been his night for putting on his good robe, sitting down with a nice book, and relaxing in an empty apartment. Briia was at work. Randolph was with his girlfriend. What he didn’t need was finding three women dressed to the nines looking to make him the fourth member in one night of debauchery. The numbers, as it were, were already against him.
“A strip club,” Clairice said, winking. “What, you don’t want to see buff men get nude?”
“I prefer that for private showings, thank you.” Lorne sat back in the recliner Briia had brought home from the office a few months ago. “I’m really not up to it.”
“Sounds like a confidence problem,” Garnet replied. “but if it’s physical there are treatments.”
Lorne glared at the diminutive, red-furred Vulpine. Garnet maintained an air of innocence with only a hint of contrivance. Somehow it was worse having her try to manipulate him - he at least expected Clairice and Jade to care enough to blatantly manipulate him. Garnet had a kind of harmlessness that let her sneak up on you conceptually.
“Come on Lorne.” Jade strode over to the Gendarme, grabbed his right hand, and made a mock-effort of pulling him from his seat, as an actual effort would be useless. “It won’t be the same with out you. Besides, you need this and you know it.”
“What are you, my psychologist?”
“She lives with HuanJen, closest thing you’ll get for free.” Clairice grabbed his other arm. “Come on, this is better than golf, Lorne.”
“Blasphemy. Next you’ll tell me ‘Seven Samurai’ was just a movie. Look, I …”
“Wait!” Jade dropped Lorne’s arm and took a pose of mock-consideration. “We’re doing this all wrong …”
“Yes,” Lorne added bitterly, “you’re manhandling me …”
“Woman-handling, actually.” Garnet cracked.
“Anyway, puns aside, Lorne, just let me say this …” Jade bent over and began to whisper something to Lorne.
Lorne grimaced. She said only a few words, but they were the right words, reminders of similar incidents weeks past. Jade had never impressed him as a subtle person, but she had moments of lucid focus that were impressive - or, when such moments were focused on you, annoying.
“I see. Well, I suppose it would be a good idea.” Lorne stood, giving one the impression of a fallen redwood righting itself. “I’ll put on something appropriate and go.”
Behind him, Lorne heard Clairice ask Jade. “How. Did you do that?”
“I reminded him of an ethical and personal inconsistency.”
Lorne exhaled in relief. At least she was being subtle here. If Clairice had found out what he and Rake had talked Jade into …
“Uh … huh.”
“Jade is very convincing at times.” Garnet stated. “Jade, do you have that schedule for the Orchard …”
RELAXATION PLAN PHASE 4: VISIT STRIP CLUB. WATCH MEN GET NUDE. REPEAT AS NECESSARY
Some newcomers to Metris were surprised that the city had no morals laws. The natives and long-term residents were happy with their own ethics, and assumed most visitors would bring their own. There weren’t any prohibitions against drugs and alcohol, though guilds certainly discouraged inappropriate use. The Guild of Prostitutes operated freely, the Strippers were a profitable part of the Entertainers Guild. It was some of the best-organized debauchery you could find on many an Earth.
Of course the place to go as any raconteur, guide, or the Metris Tourism Agency would tell you, was evening street. You could see the Guildhall of the Prostitutes (voted best decorated three years in a row by Metris Monthly) and see what was available. You could take in a show. Family rates and group discounts were available at many places ��� as well as holiday specials.
Even if one didn’t partake of the entertainments and services, Evening Street offered an unduplicatable experience in people-watching. There were the flashy and those concealing their presence, the entertainers and the dealers, the customers and the curious, bawds and rubberneckers. It was a colorful, eclectic throng, easily observed from the sidewalk cafes and restaurants along Evening Street.
It was hard to stand out in such a crowd, but one man managed. He was a tall, casually dressed, rather handsome gentleman, wearing his blond hair in a jaunty ponytail. Three women, two of them Vulpines, were practically hanging on him - an easy feat as he certainly provided enough room. Whoever he was, he got quite a few envious looks by several people, none of whom could figure out why he looked so unsettled, though a few had some rather spectacular, oversexed, and amazingly wrong theories.
“So, you found out about this place how?” Lorne asked Garnet. He dreaded the answer - he had never figured Garnet out. She was a constant surprise with red fur. Jade was honest in a blunt way. Clairice was … sadly distant sometimes, but you could count on that. Garnet however …
“My next-door neighbor. She comes here once a week during wings night.”
“Of course.” Lorne couldn’t manage any surprise.
“Come on, relax Lorne, it sounds interesting,” Jade chided. “I’ve never been to anything like a ‘strip club.’”
“Life at Colony?” Clairice asked, leaning against Lorne. “It must have been boring as hell.”
“Yes.” Jade’s gaze ran hungrily over the diverse crowd. “Nothing like this. I have to ask why Huan didn’t tell me about these places.”
“All his dealings here are professional, I’d know,” Lorne said, taking a guilty pleasure in Jade’s quizzical expression. “I hope this is worth it.”
“You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t think it was.” Clairice replied with prim smugness.
Before Lorne could retort, Garnet stopped the quartet with a gesture. They were standing in front of a domed, theater-like building, obviously designated “The Orchard” by a colorful illuminated sign. It fairly dripped with well-planned good taste.
“Here we are. Lets have fun,” Garnet said determinedly. “Ready, Big Stuff?”
Lorne looked at the building, then at his companions, and realized he had no choice. Actually, he had to admit that Clairice was right. For a moment he felt like some kind of pathetic, prudish, spinster. It wasn’t a pleasant image; it reminded him of how he’d fear he’d end up someday.
“Let’s go watch men get naked.”
“That’s the spirit,” Jade clapped a hand on a meaty shoulder, “Garnet, lead us into temptation …”
“… and deliver us into evil.” Clairice finished.
Jade winked at Clairice as Lorne followed Garnet into the … well, establishment. It was as polite a term as any.
Inside the Orchard, the reason for the club’s name became apparent - a high ceiling and a collection of live trees chaotically placed around the tables and a central stage. The furniture was creative metalwork. Jade found it rather surreal - someone had gone to a lot of trouble to make the place … a place. A pornographic park.
It wasn’t quite what she had expected. She hadn’t know what to expect, Jade pondered, but if she had, it wouldn’t have been like this.
Garnet took a moment to talk to a muscular waiter in tight leather pants, who immediately led them to a table under one of the captive trees. The man, who apparently knew Garnet, took their order, and headed for the bar. Lorne’s eyes followed him appreciatively.
Jade, much to her surprise said nothing. Sometimes, there was something distant about Lorne tha
t was very sad, and she was disturbed when he was in that mood. Besides, she couldn’t blame him - they grew them healthy on Xai.
“Lorne, you’re drooling,” Clairice commented. Jade winced.
“I …”
“Oh, look at you! Not that I blame you, but show some restraint. I’d need a spatula to pry your eyes off of his ass!”
“You two sure you’re not married?” Garnet asked, fumbling with her purse.
Clairice beamed at Lorne, who returned a small smile. “We’re partners in crime.” Clairice stated.
Lorne crossed his arms. “I wouldn’t marry her even if she was male. She won’t golf with me.”
“I have taste.”
“Girls, please” Jade waved a dismissive hand, “I … Garnet, what the hell are you doing?”
The crimson-pelted Vulpine looked at Jade quizzically while placing coins on her seat. Jade, feeling she was versed in Xaian traditions, or at least the important ones, was at a loss.
“Warming the guilders,” Garnet said noncommittally, shifting around until she sat on the coinage. “Hey, their metal. I’m not sticking anything down a guys g-string that’s cold. Its not polite.”
“Of course.” Jade nodded. It made sense technically, at least, but it was still hard to deal with the idea Garnet had carefully placed various guilder-pieces beneath her ass.
“I prefer to just leave an entertainer’s tip on the bill,” Lorne stated. “It gets split equally among the dancers. It’s fair.”
“So the truth comes out!” Clairice clapped her hands. “You said you’d never been to a strip club!”
“No, just not here.” Lorne smirked, obviously enjoying having one-upped his friend. Clairice, surprisingly, was struck speechless.
“He slipped and told me he went to the Wyldside.” Jade winked. Lorne crossed his arms and assumed a mock-cocky expression, wiggling his eyebrows at Clairice.
“You never cease to surprise me,” Clairice finally said. Garnet giggled to herself. Jade, wisely, said nothing, to the surprise of all.
Crossworld of Xai Page 10
