“Yeah,” I turned toward him, staring into those gorgeous crystal blue eyes that had me mesmerized from the moment we met. “How the fuck do you put up with me? I mean, I know I’m your ol’ lady and all but . . . my aunt is your superior and you don’t exactly like her. You’re in the middle of something you never believed in. All you wanna do is ride your Harley and die free. Not quite what you signed up for when you decided to become an FBI agent, huh?”
He clutched me closer to him. “Actually, I’m still with MI:6 and we directly consult with the FBI until my transfer paperwork is completed. Although your aunt isn’t my direct superior, her lover and my brother is so they’ve both got my balls in a sling.” Hardy paused, and glanced at me with those mesmerizing eyes I couldn’t look away from even if I tried. “I do it because I fell in love with a wee Yank who was everythin’ I’d ever dreamed to be if I ever committed myself to a woman. She’s strong, undeniably beautiful and understands the troubles as much as I do.”
I laughed mirthlessly. “Are you sure about that?”
“Of course I am, you daft cow. I dealt with the troubles in Belfast and decided to move on to London. Now this may be another set of troubles but I protect those who I love. Eve does her job—she isn’t any worse on me than she is on her own son. Although you should know that your sister has joined the ranks. She’s going after Jake,” he explained in his soft accent I’d grown to love.
“Catrin? She’s here in Las Vegas?”
“Honey, she’s an adult now. She’s completed schooling and is following in Eve’s footsteps. She’s an agent now.”
“Fuck!” I exclaimed as I left the warmth of his arms and began to pace nervously. “You know my mother—God bless her twisted soul—never ever wanted anything like that for Catrin. Yes, she had the affair and got pregnant on purpose to piss my dad off but if she knew her precious angel would grow up to be an agent, she’d have a heart attack.”
“I invited her over for dinner. Seems like you two need a nice little reunion.”
I glared at Hardy as he sheepishly looked away from my gaze.
“Don’t hate me, Tal. Blood is blood. She’s your baby sister. I would have done the same for any of my siblings, even if Dizzy and I are the only ones who share the same mother and father. It’s just how it is with me. I hate what that fuckin’ cunt did to ya but he’s still my nephew. My family who’d I’d take a bullet for just to keep them safe. You’re my family now too, and you know I’d do anything you asked of me but don’t make me rescind that invitation. Anything but that.”
I smiled wryly before I wrapped my arms around his neck. My heels put me almost at eye-level with him and I smiled. “Now, dear husband, even I wouldn’t be so cruel. I don’t mind seeing my baby sister. I just hope she knows what she’s getting into. It’d break me if she got herself killed over those neo-Nazi fucks—”
“Ain’t gonna happen, not on my watch, babe.”
My phone buzzed in my expensive crocodile Birkin bag Hardy had grabbed for me during the whole dispersion of people—friends, acquaintances and enemies. I don’t know how he did it since it’d been near my person while I was performing but it was the small stuff only he remembered that made me fall even deeper in love with him. He wasn’t a braggart or a showoff. He quietly managed to get so much done with so little effort and if I couldn’t love him because of that then there was something wrong with my shattered, broken heart that could never be fixed beyond repair.
However, I knew that wasn’t the truth. The heart was a muscle and although it could withstand a lot of physical pressure, the emotional impact to forgive, forget, to love and to bring forth kindness, healing and absolute atonement always had me in awe. Yes, people had hurt me but I was no different than any other human being on this earth. We all felt heartache, guilt, anger, despair and hatred but in the end, it was that ability for the heart to mend itself and forgive that was the greatest gift we were ever given.
That made us all human, and thus gave us the capacity to love when there seemed like we could never trust, hope or love again.
“You ready to go, little darlin’? I’ll follow you on my bike while you ride in the Range Rover.”
I nodded before I kissed his lips. It had been a long time since we made move. Two weeks. He had business on the mind and so did I, like the last few concerts I would give before I took maternity leave and went back into the studio with my guys, or band mates is how I preferred to address them with Hardy. It didn’t mean anything that I wasn’t sexual with any of them though they’d all seen girly parts of mine left best to the imagination between changes during a show. I was like their little sister—with the exception of Seth, who I had been in a relationship with and knew me almost as much as I knew myself.
Try explaining all that to a fiercely protective alpha male who didn’t want to know about what went on during concerts and set changes. Instead of creating unnecessary drama, I kept it to myself.
“Order something from one of Wolfgang Puck’s restaurants since you’ll beat me home. Remember, Catrin is a vegetarian although she eats seafood so no red meat for her.” I kissed him again this time, using my tongue to pry his soft lips open and for us to include intimacy into our relationship that was so nonconventional, it was scary. “Also, we have guests so include steak—medium rare for me—and chicken along with sides of prawns, asparagus, broccoli, butternut squash risotto, and a Caesar salad. No doubt Gisela is watching her weight still, and will probably eat like a bird, okay?”
“Can you send me all this shit over a text?”
I took out my Samsung and swyped it to him in an email as I noticed a text message was waiting for me. I would get to that in the car, and hoped it wasn’t from Jerrica due to me leaving her party early the night before.
“Got it. I’ll call on the way while I’m following you, sweetness. I want to make sure you and the little one get home in one piece.”
“Ha! I’m not the one that’s on the back of your bike, babe.”
“But you will be as soon as you drop our little princess.”
I winked at him and beamed a smile worthy of an Academy Award as he walked me to my car, secured Kaelan in his car seat. The little fella had drifted off to sleep in the middle of all the drama and like his biological father, once he was knocked out, it would take World War III to wake him.
As soon as Hardy closed the back door, he walked over and opened the driver’s door. I hopped in and this time, he devoured my lips with enough passion to heat up the windows if they’d all been closed.
His rough hands reached for my face but he was gentle as he said, “No texting, no talking, no fiddling with anything that could hurt you, my little princess or the prince sleeping in the back. You promise?”
“Yes, I promise.”
He embraced me and I inhaled the scent of his favorite cologne, leather, and cigarette smoke. “Love you, babe. If you had any idea, you might just declare me insane and find another man.”
“Never. That’s one thing I will never disagree with you on. You can never love someone too much. Love is like that—fickle and selfish—sometimes real and often times an illusion but real love is what makes the best songs, movies, books, plays and every art form we’ve ever known. It’s what sets our hearts on fires and dares us to quit when the going gets tough but we know we won’t because we were the lucky few who got to experience all of its intense facets.”
“I know how hard it is—how you can’t say you love me—”
“Don’t.” I separated from him as my right hand went to cover his mouth. “I adore you, have the utmost trust, respect and affection for you. You saved me when I didn’t think I could be saved. Held me up when all I wanted to do was collapse into a pool of misery and despair. Don’t you dare deny my feelings for you just because I can’t say some stupid four letter word that begins with ‘L.’ I’ll kill you myself because what we feel for each other—what I feel for you is deeper than what I ever felt for Jaden or Seth. So, who’s the bi
g swingin’ dick now?”
He nodded and closed the driver’s side door. But not before leaving a big sloppy kiss I could see through the limo tint on the windows.
“Babe, they may be four stupid letters but I love you from the bottom of my heart and I’d take on an army before I let anyone hurt a hair on your head.”
I smiled back at him, knowing he couldn’t see it but waited for him to walk back to his Harley and get situated on it. He slid on his clear motorcycle shades/goggles and his helmet as I decided to check the text sent to me after I turned on the engine and put the AC on for my little one and I.
It was pretty succinct but surprising never the less.
Unknown Caller: If Nel goes down, kiss you and your fucking fetus goodbye.
My heart raced in my chest all the while knowing I’d have to deal with this threat on my own. Hardy didn’t need anymore stress and it was probably just some prank. I didn’t have anything to do with the clubs or what happened to them. Someone was tweaking hard and paranoid as fuck to send me a text like this.
I wasn’t so much worried as I was about how the fuck they got my number in the first place?
When Hardy gave me the signal, I threw my purse and my smart phone in the passenger seat and took off.
I had more pressing issues to worry about, like what did I say to a sister I’d only met a handful of times in my whole life?
Talia could hide a lot from me but I knew something had her a little unnerved by the time we got home.
She tried to play it off like seeing her sister again was a huge deal and she was a bit concerned. She worried the takeout would seem to0 informal and maybe she should have cooked. It took everything in my fucking power to calm her the fuck down so she could breathe and be the kick-ass, take no prisoners bitch I knew best.
We finally clashed as she changed into yet another outfit, this time a loose-fitting scarlet baby doll dress that hid most of her tattoos. Although the soft lace and the color suited her, she took one look in the vanity mirror and grabbed it harshly before her fingers softened and allowed it to slip from her grasp. The mirror shook after she let it go but nervous, shaky fingers grabbed her hairbrush and she slowly ran it through her silky, slightly curly reddish-brown waves as if she were in a trance.
I turned her way and stopped massaging my shoulder though it hurt like hell. The after effects of being shot were worse than the actual bullet piercing flesh. It was the nerve damage it left behind and although I could fool my club, my shoulder hurt me like a son of a bitch more often than not. I should have been on Vicodin for the amount of pain I endured on a daily basis but I took them sparingly and only when I needed relief—like when I wanted to enjoy fucking my woman without thinking about my goddamn shoulder.
“Babe, what’s wrong?”
She played with the neckline of her dress, trying every trick in the book to hide her breasts, which had grown to large D-cups she absolutely hated. On stage, she could squash them down with specially fitted bras that didn’t affect her baby bump and cute, specially made corsets but she was near her final trimester. Although I thought she looked damn good to be five months pregnant, any man worth his grain of salt knew his opinion didn’t mean shit when it came to a woman and her hormones, especially when she was expecting.
“I just feel so . . . inadequate, Dex.”
I knew it was serious because Talia never called me by my first name unless it was; she used Hardy even when she was angry with me or wanted to bash my teeth in but Dex . . . I could count the number of times she ever referred to me that way.
“Why?” I walked over to her and slid my arms around her pregnant belly. My daughter calmed down and sent little kicks and bumps my way but she seemed to sense both her mother’s anxiety and my love for her already. She knew us so well, I already knew we had a fire cracker on our hands.
If she was lucky, she’d bless us with a pair of her mother’s gorgeous pale green eyes like Kaelan had inherited despite looking like a carbon copy of his father other than eyes he’d inherited from his mother.
However, I knew with my luck, she’d have my bright crystal blue eyes that would lead me to be the strictest and most lenient father in the world. She’d know with a look at me from eyes staring back at me that were a reflection of my own, I’d be putty in her hands. I cursed again for the umpteenth time that Talia was giving me a girl and not a son. I desperately wanted a daughter—hell, I was overjoyed she was providing me with a legacy at all—but I thought maybe it might be a tad easier if the baby were a boy.
“Have you met my sister? The beautiful Catrin with eyes that make everyone melt and a smile to warm the coldest of hearts? I always felt so much less than . . . and we weren’t even brought up together. Her father raised her in Southern California meanwhile I grew up in Boston. I knew her from photos he’d send my mother without fail every year and I watched her bloom from a gorgeous young girl to this drop dead gorgeous woman no man deserves.”
She caressed my hands and studied her wedding ring, a rock that was indeed a conflict diamond but how the fuck else was I going to get her a yellow princess cut diamond with small blue diamonds on each side of a platinum band forged between two bands so she wore both her engagement and wedding ring at the same time. They could never be separated or pulled apart and that was exactly the way I wanted them and our relationship to be.
“Don’t pretend like you haven’t met her. Every man who ever has . . . she captivates with her natural beauty. She doesn’t need all this shit I put on my face to be just pretty. My God, she’s a walking billboard for every inadequate woman to start singing Pink’s ‘Don’t Let Me Get Me’. I can’t compete with her, Dex. My mother—God bless her—loved her more than me. Her father loved her more than it was even possible for my father to love me. How do you deal with all that . . . perfection . . . and expect to come out normal?”
I grabbed the brush from her hand and set it down in front of the vanity mirror on the table.
“You’re amazing in your own right and you don’t have to compete with your sister. You’re gifted, strong, a survivor and amazingly drop dead gorgeous that I wonder how the hell you fell for a git like me. I know I may be fit and good looking but you . . . you’re meant for a king to be his queen and for him to gaze on in absolute complete fucking awe.”
I flipped her around to face me and held her face in my hands, her pale green eyes bright with emotion. “You’re the mother of my child, my wife, lover, friend and confidante. There is absolutely nothing inadequate about you? Why do you think that about yourself? Because of your lousy track record with men? Admit it, you were attracted to both Seth and Jaden because they reminded you of your father and you wanted not only to save them but for them to love you the way he never did. Am I wrong?”
She shook her head though her eyes became glassy and she desperately blinked the tears away before they could fall.
“So why the hell did you choose me? After all the supposed mistakes you made with men, why would you even look in my direction? You knew I’d never treat you like that—not even when you couldn’t decide and were fucking both Jaden and I at the same time. My biggest worry was he’d get you pregnant again. I never thought you were a whore and I was willing to wait however long it took for you to get him out of your system.”
Talia looked away from me. “I’m so ashamed I did that. He wasn’t worthy of my time but I was smart—I made him wear a condom because I had a feeling he was going between me and Faith. I was no better than him and you should despise the fuck out of me for doing that.”
I pulled her face up so I could look into her eyes and the tears fell, ruining perfect foundation. “Why didn’t you make me choose? Why did you let me do that? I whored myself out like some common streetwalker and you accepted it. I knew how you felt about me and I still fucking did it to hurt you but . . . I knew you wouldn’t walk away. Big, bad, tough alpha biker didn’t have a soft spot for women but you’d do anything for me. I knew you were in love with
me . . . the very same way Gustav loved my mother so I took advantage of that love, and I became worse than my mother’s daughter—I transformed into my mother.”
I wiped her tears away with the rough padding of my thumbs until she grabbed my hands and held on to them for dear life. “We’ll have a perfect daughter too and we can name her some gorgeous Irish name and you’ll be just like Gustav. You’ll take such good care of her, and you will love her with all your heart. You won’t be foolish like him because while he waited so many years until he and my mother could be reunited, you already have me and you know I’m not going anywhere . . . ever.” She kissed my calloused fingers. “Till death do us part. I meant it and I’ll never break that promise, not while my heart still beats in my chest and I can make you proud that you chose me to be your old lady.”
My lips found hers and in a symphony of tongues intertwined and our mouths moving to the same synchronicity, I reluctantly broke away. “I’m proud to have you as my ol’ lady now.”
As awkward as I thought dinner might be with everyone, including a nervous Talia who was absolutely torn about seeing her sister again, along with the presence of Cillian, Gisela, Trey, and Kyra, I wasn’t expecting the addition of Eve Kerrigan.
Food wasn’t the issue as there was more than enough to go around however her presence always made me feel a sense of being on edge, as if I couldn’t talk as freely as I may have wanted to. Luckily for me, she was too busy showing off her prized prodigy, Catrin. The young woman smiled although the sheer amount of humility she possessed shown through. Although she’d graduated in the top three of her class as an FBI agent, and had attended Stanford before transferring to Quantico after a four year degree in Criminal Justice, she didn’t seem to think she was any better than the rest of us sitting at the table.
The young woman was barely in her mid-twenties but she’d achieved so much in such a short amount of time. No doubt with Eve in her corner, strings were pulled and she was brought over to the Domestic Terrorism Unit immediately as opposed to doing grunt work in another department. There was no way under normal circumstances would she have been “field ready,” or allowed to assume an undercover position unless her aunt had a hand in it. And when it came to Eve, that woman was just as guilty as the rest of us sitting at this table.
Ride To The Edge (Lucifer's Saints MC) (Rough Riders MC Series Book 4) Page 6
