“Christ, is this night ever gonna end? Some of us had plans ya know.”
I leaned back on my stool and easily gave Seth a death glare he wouldn’t forget anytime soon. “Your piece of barely legal pussy can wait. I want to finish up this track and then we can all get outta here. If you’d stop thinkin’ about gettin’ your dick sucked and focused on the your guitar solo then we’d all be someplace else right now. Unless you’d rather I just give it to Kris? I mean, he’s got a broken pinky but I think he’d nail it better than you.”
Seth grabbed his guitar and stood. “I’m so fuckin’ tired about all these stupid fuckin’ songs about your fucked up relationships with me and Jaden. Can’t you write a catchy tune every now and then?”
“Actually, Talia, Kris and I wrote it together,” Linx said in a voice cold enough to drop the temperature in the room to arctic. “The lyrics, I mean. We all just took the pain and hurt of our shitty relationships in the past and came up with a great song. Or did you not read the credits for who wrote the lyrics and just assumed everything has to be about you?”
“I’m just sayin’—”
“What, exactly?” Kris cut him off. “We’re just tellin’ you that every song about a shitty relationship doesn’t have to do with you or isn’t written solely by Talia just like every hardcore love song isn’t always written by Linx and me. Talia wrote our first single and damn, what a single it’s gonna be and guess what, dickwad—it’s upbeat and catchy. They’ll play it on Octane and the local rock stations. Hell, we might even make the pop stations with this one. So shut the fuck up, do your guitar solo the way it should be so we can get the fuck outta here ‘cause you’re the one that’s holdin’ us up!”
Seth flipped Kris off and went back into his glass booth.
“And here I thought being in a band with a bunch of guys would be less drama,” I kidded to Linx, Kris and Niko.
“Well . . .” Niko trailed off.
“What?” I asked almost reluctantly.
Kris looked at Linx. “You’re married to her cousin. You should tell her.”
“Tell me what?” My blood had begun to boil and that was not a good thing when all I could think of myself was getting to the clubhouse and fucking Hardy’s brains out.
“He’s usin’ again.” Linx just let the words hang in the air like dust motes and I swear I would have clobbered him with a mic if I had one in my hand.
“For how long?” My voice was so soft I knew the guys barely heard me.
“A few months,” Niko spoke up. “We didn’t wanna tell you ‘cause this chick he’s fuckin’ around with got pregnant and then it was a situation of should they keep the baby or not. She decided to keep it and Seth’s freakin’ out.”
I shrugged my shoulders in apathy. “Why? If you guys knew he was using again then you should have told me. I’m not going to fire him—I don’t have that kind of power—”
“But Dominic does and if he knows he’s usin’ again, he’ll be outta a job with a baby on the way by a nineteen year old girl who barely graduated from high school,” Kris said in a matter of fact tone.
“Listen, I wouldn’t let Dominic do that to him. He’s my fucking ex-boyfriend. Just because I am in love with someone else doesn’t mean I don’t care about him!”
Niko smirked at Linx who just looked at me with bright blue eyes. “Now you know how I feel about Trista.”
“Yeah, I do but . . . no more babies . . . at least until she’s twenty-one for Christ’s sake. You’ve got three and though she technically only has one by you, she’s young. Let her live a little, all right?”
“So what are we going to do?” Kris inquired, always the pragmatic one.
“He’ll get clean while we go on the road. You should be in tiptop shape and no one’s gonna miss Seth. No offense but we’ve been carrying his ass just so he could pay back Introspect for his stay at Promises and so he’d be gettin’ a steady paycheck. If it were up to me, we’d be a four-person band. Hell, I know how to play acoustic guitar and I know it’s not the same as electric but you could teach me, Kris. We’ve been splittin’ money five ways when one of us doesn’t deserve a dime.”
I stared at the guys and knew they felt the same way I did. “I’m not sayin’ this ‘cause he’s my ex but you all know what he did to me—Niko and Linx, you know better than anyone. Kris came into all this after the fact but you knew the words he was claimin’ as his own weren’t and that he stole my poems, made them into songs and took the credit. If I was a vindictive person, I coulda sued him but I didn’t want any divisions in the band. The music is what matters, am I right?”
Linx and Niko both nodded their heads wordlessly.
“Well then, can we please get this song outta the way so we can all be somewhere else besides stuck in this goddamn studio?”
“What happens to Seth?”
I stared at Niko for a long time. “We both know he has to go. I’ll make sure he’s paid his royalties for this album and Dominic treats him fairly. We can stay a quartet but my only demand is that we find some more estrogen. I’m fine with a female rhythm guitarist.”
“What about Hailey Rhodes?”
“The British chick that leads Rule?”
“Well, she did until they kicked her out, the record company then dropped the band and now they’re all floundering,” Kris continued. “She’s a great rhythm guitarist and yeah, I could teach you how to play but I’d rather hire someone who knows what they’re doin’.”
My mind began to wander as Kris’ eyes lit up as he talked about her. She was hot and I had no physical attraction to women in any way but I could recognize beauty in a man or a woman when I saw it. Hailey’s smooth tan-brown skin, long straight black hair with lavender streaks, intriguing mismatched eyes where one iris was gray and the other blue in a gorgeous face made up of her father’s Anglo features while she had her black American mother’s high cheekbones and plush lips. As if all that perfection wasn’t enough, she’d been blessed with a body Kim Kardashian would be jealous of because her curves were natural, in proportion to her body, and purely feminine. It made me realize while all the guys suddenly thought she’d be a great replacement for Seth.
I knew Kris was the only band member who was supposedly single since he’d abruptly ended his engagement to Kasper Gillian’s ex-wife almost six months ago. However, the way he spoke about Hailey made me wonder if they were more than just friends.
“Are you fucking her?” I asked him.
His fair Finnish complexion turned crimson, and that was all the answer I needed to know.
“Since she’s out of a job, get her ass over to the States as soon as possible. She’s gonna have to learn the songs so she can go on tour with us and finish up the rest of this album. I’ve had it with Seth. We’ll do this song tonight and tomorrow, we get on the phone with Dominic and end it amicably as possible.” I breathed deeply before I faced the guys again. “I can deal with a lot but drug use isn’t one of them—and I’m not talking about marijuana or the occasional use of cocaine. You wanna get high on your own time, have at it. It’s not my fucking business but I won’t deal with meth, heroin, MDMA, oxy or any other pharmaceutical shit that turns your brain to mush.
“This is a job, not a motherfuckin’ hobby. We get paid to perform. I take moments I could be spending with my children to be here, and my time is very fucking valuable—as is all of yours—so I won’t have it wasted by someone who can’t control the substances they use to get through the day. Fuck that noise.”
“Are we gonna finish the song?” Linx inquired.
“Yeah but if Hailey’s performance is better than hers will just be replaced over Seth’s. In the meantime, I want to lay down this track so we can all get the hell out of here.”
“There’s no if,” Kris began as he stood and picked up his guitar, “because her performance will be better than his hands down.”
I turned to smile at Kris. “If you’re so sure then send her a copy tomorrow. Or better yet
, after we get done in the studio, why don’t you just call her and surprise her with a plane ticket?”
“That’s a good idea. Why didn’t I think of that?”
“No clue. You’re a man, Kris—I always thought you guys thought with your dicks.”
Niko, Linx and I all stood, making our way to our booths so we could get this song out of the way. The sooner I finished, the quicker I could return to Hardy and the pussy party they were having at the clubhouse.
I wasn’t worried, mostly because Hardy wasn’t the type of man to cheat on a woman under any circumstances. Especially a woman he loved with all his heart. It wasn’t in him to be untrue, be deceitful or lie—at least not to me. What he did in his professional life was completely different and had nothing to do with me. I didn’t ask because I didn’t want to know.
The Hardy that had murdered in cold blood, beat men half to death, sold the very drugs I detested to adults who knew better for money wasn’t anyone I wanted to be associated with so I remained blind to his life outside of being a loving husband, a good father and wonderful family man.
Ignorance was bliss and I enjoyed my life just fine, slept at night and rested comfortably knowing the man by my side had a duality to rival a Gemini but that it was none of my business. Hell, Hardy was a Gemini to my Leo but that never made any difference to me. I didn’t place too much stock in astrological signs and what not.
I waited in the booth, with nothing but my earphones and mouth close to the mic, ready to belt out the song. When it was my turn, I took it and sang the lyrics the only way I knew how—with that raw, emotional feeling fused with the pain of what might have been.
Love and lies,
You caught me by surprise
Couldn’t look me in the eyes
Wouldn’t recognize you and I
How could you?
See what you put me through
Don’t think I’ll ever snitch
But still I wont be just your bitch
I listened for my cue and then the chorus came and I got lost in the moment again.
Can’t stop all the pain
You must believe that I’m insane
Just because you snared me
Doesn’t mean you truly have me
Cannot be with you
After all I see what’s inside of you
Rotten from the inside out
Why can’t I scream and shout
Make you apologize
Eat all those words of lies
Can’t bring myself to cry
No excuses, just say goodbye
I continued on because I needed to finish this song tonight and purge every hurtful memory of Jaden and Seth away.
Then you tried to lead me on
Thinkin’ I’d never be gone
But I fooled you in the end,
No, we can’t be friends
Nothing exists between us anymore
Can’t believe it’s you I used to adore
Fuck me once, shame on you, fuck me twice, shame on me
No I never will regret the fact that you upped and left me
The chorus took me away to a time between Jaden and I. How couldn’t I have not seen we weren’t meant to be together? I didn’t even realize tears flowed from my eyes until I began to sing again.
Time and time I gave you chances
Can’t forget the stolen glances
How I lifted you up
Still you couldn’t give a fuck
Should have left you where I found you
Covered in shit and vomit residue
You weren’t worth saving
Only my heart was breaking
The chorus swept over me like a tide and I knew I was purging all the hatred, all those putrid memories of my past. This song was a cathartic experience for me. I knew there was a reason I had to sing it tonight.
So this is now the end
Like before it all began
With promises and words that never meant anything
And you think I’m so afraid but I have this song to sing
Can’t bring myself to feel a goddamn thing for you but hate
And I know a lot more people than just me can relate
Deep down inside you didn’t get a thing from me that was real
Even if you choose to believe any different, this is how I feel
Lovin’ you was oh so wrong, and now I wanna be right
This time, babe, I’m gonna win this fight
So leave me alone ‘cause I don’t want a damn thing from you,
Not even your apologizes after all the shit you put me through.
The song was finally over and for the first time in a long time, I took a breath, exhaled, and felt absolutely nothing for either Jaden or Seth. They were just two lousy sons of bitches who were part of my past and would never play a part in my future.
That, to me, was the best revenge of all.
I made it to the pussy party shortly after one in the morning but the way Hardy looked at me the moment I walked up to him at the bar, I knew the time I arrived meant nothing to him. He was just happy to see me again.
“I was wonderin’ when you were gonna show up, love.” He nuzzled my neck as I wrapped my arms around his waist.
“As soon as we finished at the studios, isn’t that what I said?” I kissed his whiskey soaked lips and wished we were alone right now.
“I missed you like mad. Hell, lately, I’m always missing you. The softness of your skin, the smell of your pussy, your laugh—the sound of your fuckin’ voice. I been spending too much time here, babe, and I hate it. Sometimes, I wish I could just be a house dad—I could take care of the kids, read them bed time stories, take them to the park—”
“Change diapers, deal with feeding Eden almost every two hours, get very little rest and probably end up a grouch that would be bored to death and just plain tired after about six months.” We both laughed out loud. “You know that life isn’t for you anymore than I know I couldn’t handle what you do. I’m away from the kids a lot too you know, and I feel like such a fucking failure at times. My only claim to fame is breastfeeding and Eden still gets bottle fed because I can’t be there to do my job in person. It sucks.”
“You could put your career on hold for a while.” He poured a shot of JD and slid it to me. “Does Eden have enough milk for you to get the whiskey out of your system?”
“She’s got a freakin’ weeks’ worth of milk. I’m drinkin’ tonight and then afterwards, I’m fucking you.” I grabbed the shot and swallowed it one go before pushing the glass his way again where he poured another. Layla walked over and opened a bottle of Becks for me and I thanked her with a nod before I slammed my second shot.
The whiskey burned all the way down to my belly but the warming sensation coupled with the cool temperature of the air conditioner made the cold lager go down all the better. I looked toward Layla who still was hovering near us.
“What?” I finally managed to ask after a few more swallows of my beer.
“You’re workin’ on a new album. And you got a birthday coming up soon. I didn’t know what to get you so I got you an acoustic guitar because I was hopin’ one day, you could shut one of these raucous parties down by playin’ a little music.” She reached under the bar and pulled out a huge sparkly white box with a big red bow.
“How the hell did you keep it from gettin’ dirty back there?” Hardy wondered before he swigged from his beer.
“I’ve been tendin’ bar all night, Prez. I brought it in with me before all of this started.” Layla said, gesturing with her hands.
It was quite a sight—both the sparkly white box and the party. Open sex, open drug use, men getting their dicks sucked, women going down on each other to an amused crowd of men stroking their hard cocks at the free show. I should have been used to it but the truth of the matter was, regardless of what I did for a living, and although club life was just as much my own as Hardy’s, I was still one that believed some activities were b
est done in private. Sex was definitely one of them.
“So, where’s Kink? I thought he was coming up to see you.” I asked Layla partly to make conversation and partly to block out the rock music as well as the laughter and moaning in the background that sounded like a bad porno.
“He’s coming up this weekend but he had some shit to do with Cillian and Trey so he used that for the reason he would be . . . delayed.” She rolled her pretty blue eyes and flung back her blonde hair styled in high ponytail. “He is who is he, Tal, you know how that feels—better than anyone.”
My expression changed even though Hardy continued to rub my back. “Yeah but my situation was different, Layla. I wasn’t competing with a ghost. You can’t replace Miranda and sure, I guess you could wait around until he decides he finally wants to be with you but in the end, you have to do what’s best for you. Kink’s always been a bit of an enigma.”
“It’s not like you’ve known him forever or anything.” She grabbed a shot glass, poured herself a straight Absolut and swallowed it down.
“No, I haven’t but I’m good at reading people. Take the Cox family—they’re all pretty much open books compared to my own complicated relatives. Trey is even more like them than us although he can sometimes shut himself off. But people like Mags, Max, Kink, Chantal . . . I can’t get a good read on them. It might just be a family thing though with Mags it’s a defense mechanism. She doesn’t want anyone to see the real her and I doubt anyone has except maybe Max . . . and Kink.” I knew it wasn’t a good idea to mix alcohol but I grabbed a clean shot glass within arm’s reach and poured myself a shot of vodka.
Layla’s facial features changed as she lifted one of her eyebrows in curiosity. “What do you mean Mags knows both Max and Kink? Just because they’re brothers and twins, that doesn’t mean anything. Hell, they’re fraternal for God’s sake. All they did was share a womb.”
Ride To The Edge (Lucifer's Saints MC) (Rough Riders MC Series Book 4) Page 10
