by Maria Geraci
Ben took a swig of his bottled water. “I assume we’ll be skipping next Sunday night?”
“I’m leaving for Tampa on Wednesday, but I’ll be back by Sunday afternoon.” Finals were just a couple of weeks away and she hated to miss a study session. Plus, the thought of not seeing him… Kate was right. Jenna had it bad. If he knew how much she thought about him when they weren’t together, he’d probably freak out. “I take it you’ll be out all weekend?”
“Nope. I’ll be here in Miami. Gotta work, Red.” He patted his stomach. “I kind of like to eat, you know?”
Were his finances really so tight that he couldn’t take a weekend off work, even for the holidays? The idea of him eating a microwave dinner all alone in his apartment seemed too depressing.
“But where will you spend Thanksgiving? Will your mom be coming down to visit you?” From what little Ben had told her about his family life, she knew he’d never known his father. All he had were his mom and a half-brother who was twelve. She also knew that Ben sent money back home to help them. He hadn’t told her that outright, but one day during a study session a receipt from Western Union had fallen out of his backpack. She’d picked it up to hand back to him, but not before she’d seen that he’d wired money to his mother.
“My mom won’t be visiting. So, if you’ll be back in town by Sunday, we can meet as usual?”
Yes! “Sounds good,” she said trying to sound very cool about the whole thing. She tried to concentrate on the equation in front of her, but she felt too restless for math tonight. She knew he worked as a bouncer in a local bar, something she’d always been curious about. “Do you like your job?”
“No,” he said honestly. “But the money’s good and the works not hard. And it doesn’t interfere with my school schedule.”
She covertly studied his six foot three frame. He was solid and nicely muscled but he didn’t have the kind of body you got from working out in a gym twenty-four seven. The way he was put together seemed more naturally seamless than a forced regime of heavy weightlifting. Like he’d been born with all that muscly wonder.
“I guess it wouldn’t be hard. I mean, not for you.” The idea of any of the local college boys giving him a hard time seemed ridiculous.
He leaned back in his chair and locked his hands behind his head causing his biceps to bulge deliciously. “What do you mean, not for me?” His dark eyes were hooded, and something about the way he looked at her reminded her of how much older he was. Not in years, maybe, but everything about him screamed sex. She, on the other hand, was probably giving off the nice-but-geeky-girl-next-door vibe. No wonder he’d never made a move on her.
“Just, you know, I doubt anyone would mess with you,” she said. “I mean… I would certainly never try to mess with you.”
He tried to hide his smile.
“Are you laughing at me?” she demanded.
The humor in his eyes died. “I would never laugh at you, Red.” There it was again. That something in his tone that made her pulse hitch and her panties go damp.
She quickly changed the subject back to integrals.
Thanksgiving at home was busy. Uncle Bob and Aunt Viola drove down from Whispering Bay, and her brother, Eric, who was a senior at Georgia Tech, brought a new girlfriend home. There were high school friends to catch up with, and the Christmas tree in the Pantini house always went up on Black Friday. Decorating it alongside her mother was one of Jenna’s favorite holiday traditions. And of course, there was college football to watch, but as much fun as Jenna was having, she couldn’t wait to get back to Miami.
Sunday evening, she met Ben at their usual time, but the sign on The Bean’s door said it was closed for the entire holiday weekend.
“That sucks,” Ben said. “Want to hit the library instead?”
The library was certainly conducive to studying, but they couldn’t have the frequently loud back and forth laughter that marked their conversations. She tried not to look as disappointed as she felt.
“The library is great, except I brought you this.” She handed him a large Tupperware container. “I figured since you couldn’t go home for Thanksgiving, I’d bring Thanksgiving dinner to you. It’s just a bunch of leftovers,” she babbled feeling more foolish by the second. “Turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes and green bean casserole. And…there’s also panettone. It’s a dessert, a family recipe handed down from my nana. It’s my brother’s favorite. We usually only make it at Christmas, but I thought…maybe you’d like to try it. Only, since there’s no food allowed in the library you’d need to refrigerate all this right away, so it doesn’t go bad.”
He stared at the container, like he was unsure what to do with it. “Did you make the panettone just for me?” It was a simple question, but it felt like he was asking a whole lot more.
She could answer him one of three ways.
The first way was a complete fabrication.
Of course not, silly! I made it for my brother, but since there was so much leftover, I figured I’d bring you some. You can eat it or you can toss it. Either way, no skin off my nose.
Then, there was the absolute truth.
Yes. I stayed up till three in the morning making this just for you. I told my brother it was for him, but that was a big fat lie.
Or she could go with a less dramatic, but still honest version.
“You’re always teasing me that because of my red hair I can’t really be Italian, so I wanted to prove it to you. Go ahead and taste it. I dare you to find a better version of panettone this far south of a Brooklyn bakery.”
He laughed, and Jenna knew then that she had it more than just bad for Ben Harrison. She was in love with him. What was she going to do when this semester was over and they didn’t need to study for calculus anymore?
“You must be psychic, Red, because I’m starving. Want to find a place to both eat and study?”
“My roommate doesn’t come back till tomorrow morning, so we could go back to my room. No one will bother us there.” Did she really just invite him to her room?
For a long time, he didn’t say anything.
What was wrong with her? Of course he didn’t want to go back to her dorm! He was a grown man and here she was this…redheaded eighteen-year-old virgin who cared more about differential equations than Wonderbras.
She was about to rescind her offer when he said, “Okay. Sure, let’s go study in your room.”
They walked across campus to her dorm in silence, which was already odd. Normally, the two of them always had something to talk about.
Ben settled in at her desk, while Jenna sat cross-legged on her bed. She hadn’t thought about how small her room was or how much of herself she was revealing to him by bringing him here. She cringed at the Justin Timberlake poster on the wall behind her head.
“So this is what the inside of a girl’s dorm looks like, huh?”
“A woman’s residence hall,” she corrected. “Is this really the first time you’ve been in the dorms?”
“Yep.” He opened the food container and took a whiff. “This smells great. Is there somewhere we can heat it up?”
She zapped the food in the microwave she and Kate kept on the shelf above the desk cubicle and dished it out onto a paper plate. “Aren’t you going to eat, too?” he asked.
“Go ahead. It’s all yours. I’ve done nothing all weekend but stuff my face.” The truth was, she was too anxious to eat. Ben was in her room! It was a scenario she’d pictured plenty of times but had never thought would actually happen.
He ate while she told him about her weekend, and things between them seemed more normal. He laughed when she talked about her family’s crazy antics at the holiday dinner table and listened with interest as she dissected last night’s traditional Florida-Florida State football game.
She held her breath while he tried the panettone. He took a bite then made a moaning sound that made Jenna’s cheeks go warm. Was this what he sounded like during sex?
More tha
n anything she wanted to find out the answer.
“Do you like it?” she asked shyly.
“I love it.” He quickly gobbled down the rest of the dessert, and Jenna couldn’t help but be pleased. Maybe one day, she’d tell him the complete truth about the panettone. And about her feelings for him, too.
He finished eating, then sat on the bed next to her while they looked over last week’s assignment.
“I’m nervous about finals,” she admitted.
“Why? You’re totally going to kill it.”
She sighed. “I wish I felt as confident as you.”
He stared at her, the same way he’d done a few times before. He was so good at keeping his feelings to himself. It was unnerving never knowing what he was really thinking.
“What?” she finally asked.
“Are you really this clueless?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re not just beautiful and nice, you’re probably one of the smartest people I’ve ever met.”
He thought she was beautiful?
She was too stunned to say anything.
Ben blew out a breath. “Sorry. I promised myself…that is, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”
“I’m always uncomfortable around you,” she blurted. At the look of sudden confusion on his face, she rushed to add, “And totally comfortable at the same time. I know, I’m weird, huh?”
It felt like forever before he said anything. “If you’re weird, then I’m weird too because I feel the same way, Jenna.”
Her heart began to thud wildly.
I feel the same way, Jenna. Could that mean that he was in love with her, too? It seemed too crazy to hope for.
He raked a hand through his dark hair. “You and I? It’s probably not the best idea.”
“Why not?”
“Because we’re friends and I don’t want to blow that. And because you’re too young for me.”
I love you. If she said that out loud, he would run.
So instead she did something so un-Jenna-like that later she would hardly believe it. She leaned over and placed her mouth over his. “I’m not too young for you,” she whispered right before she kissed him.
Wondering whether or not he would kiss her back was the longest five seconds of her life, and then before she knew it she was flat on her back and Ben was on top of her, kissing her, his hands all over her breasts.
She might be a virgin but she wasn’t totally inexperienced. She’d had a boyfriend in high school, and she and Trey had done everything except the “deed,” something she was fiercely glad of now because what she’d felt for Trey was nothing in comparison to what she felt for Ben. Her first time should be with someone she loved.
And it should be right now, her body screamed. Because the things he was doing with his hands and his mouth were making her ache all over in a good way and she never wanted it to stop.
Afterward, they lay next to each other in her narrow twin bed.
“You should have told me it was your first time,” Ben said quietly. There was a hint of censure in his words that in retrospect should have alerted her, but in the moment all she felt was wonderfully woozy.
She could deny it, but there was no point. Not if he’d already figured it out. He sighed and placed his arm around her, drawing her against him. Jenna drifted off to sleep, happier than she’d ever felt in her life.
The next thing she knew, the door to the room opened and Kate walked in. “Don’t you have a class this morning?”
Jenna shot straight up in bed. “What?” She blinked the sleep out of her eyes. What time was it? She whipped around to find a note on top of the pillow.
Had to go. Talk to you later. It was signed simply Ben.
It was disappointing to wake up alone, but on the other hand, she was grateful to him for having the smarts to slip out before morning. It would have been too awkward to have Kate walk in on them. But she would have preferred that his note be a little more personal. Something more like, I am totally blown away by you! Or, Where have you been all my life?
“So how was your Thanksgiving?” Kate sat on her bed across from Jenna’s. Before Jenna could answer, she said, “Mine was horrible. My dad forced us to go to Jamaica where he spent the whole time playing golf and drinking and complaining about how much money my mom spends, and—” Kate stilled. “What’s wrong? You look different.”
Jenna grabbed her pillow and hugged it. “That’s because I am completely and irrevocably changed forever.” She grinned at her roommate. “Ben and I slept together last night.”
“What? Here?” Kate’s gaze shot around the room as if she expected Ben to jump out of the closet at any minute.
Jenna nodded.
“How did it happen? Oh my God! Was it wonderful? Did it hurt? What does he look like naked?”
Jenna giggled. “The answer to the first question is I’m still not sure how it happened. Yes to number two, a little to number three, and four is totally none of your business.” The look of disappointment on Kate’s face made her reconsider her last answer. “He looks exactly how you think he’d look, only lots better.”
“Better? How is that possible?”
“Believe me, it just is.”
“Wow.” Kate looked as dazed as Jenna still felt. “So are you guys like a couple now?”
“No, I mean, we’re friends and…” She shrugged. She wished she’d been awake when he left so they could have clarified that little point.
“When are you going to see him next?”
Jenna glanced at her cell phone. “In exactly fifteen minutes, if I can get to class on time.” She jumped out of bed and winced at the unexpected soreness between her legs. Okay, so the answer to number three was more than just a little, but she hadn’t lied to Kate when she said the whole thing had been wonderful. No wonder people were always obsessing about sex!
She splashed some water on her face and quickly got dressed. She made it to class just in time and was rehearsing in her head what to say to Ben when Dr. Parrish walked into the room. It wasn’t like Ben to be late, or to skip a class either, but that’s exactly what happened because he never showed up to calculus.
Had to go. Talk to you later.
What did he have to do that was so important? And how much later was later?
She hated calling him, because after last night it seemed like such a needy thing to do, but maybe he was sick, and regardless of why he wasn’t in class today, he would definitely need the notes she’d taken, so she called, but it went straight to voice mail. She texted him and asked if everything was okay, but he didn’t respond.
Maybe his cell phone died. But if that were the case, wouldn’t he know? Wouldn’t he have made some attempt to get in touch with her? Because if the situation had been reversed, she would have made every effort to get in touch with him.
By late afternoon the silly-happy feeling she’d woken up with had long since fizzled. It was obvious now that he was avoiding her.
Had she said something to scare him off? Oh God. That must be it. Maybe in the middle of sex she’d blurted out something stupid, like telling him that she loved him. She didn’t remember doing that, but then, she’d been crazy wild at the time and it would be just like her.
He must think her the most unsophisticated ninny of all time.
Or worse, he’d been secretly disgusted by her lack of experience.
Tonight’s study session would be awful. She imagined he’d begin by telling her how much he liked her, or how he hoped they’d always stay friends, blah, blah, blah. She’d have to put on her best game face. She’d smile and tell him that she liked him, too, and how great it had been being study partners and maybe after this semester they’d see each other around. It would be horrible, but she could fake it.
When he didn’t show up for their usual Monday night study session at The Bean, she became seriously worried, so she swallowed her pride and called him a second time, but once again, it went straight to vo
ice mail. When he missed calculus on Wednesday, she stayed after class to talk to their professor.
“Excuse me, Dr. Parrish? I haven’t been able to reach my study partner, and he’s missed a couple of classes now. Ben Harrison? Maybe he’s gotten in contact with you?”
Dr. Parrish, a balding middle-aged man with kind gray eyes, nodded. “Ah, yes, Mr. Harrison. He called me a couple of days ago. Said he needed to take care of a few things.” He frowned like he’d just thought of something. “That leaves you without a study partner for the final next week. Let me see if I can arrange for you to join another group.”
“Oh no, I’m okay. I mean, I just wanted to make sure he wasn’t sick or anything.”
“Very nice of you, Miss Pantini.” Then he smiled at her. “If I were you I wouldn’t worry too much. If I’m not mistaken your average in this class is right at the top. I don’t anticipate you’ll have any trouble with the final.”
“Thank you,” she said woodenly. On the one hand, she was relieved that Ben was all right, but if he’d called Dr. Parrish, he could have taken the time to return her text.
“At least you know he’s okay,” Kate said that evening.
“Yeah.” Jenna tried not to sound as miserable as she felt.
By Friday, she was a hot mess. The only thing that took her mind off Ben even for a little bit was studying, so she hit the books harder than she’d ever done before, studying until her head ached and the back of her eyeballs felt like they were on fire.
Kate urged her to get out of the dorm. “You should go out with me tonight. I’m going clubbing with a couple of my sorority sisters.”
“No, I really should—”
“What, study? You’re practically shriveling up, you’ve been studying so hard! You need a break.”
“I don’t have a fake ID and I’m pretty sure wherever you’re planning to go I would need one.”
“No big deal.” Kate picked up her cell phone and began texting. After a few exchanges, she grinned at Jenna. “Problem solved. One of my sorority sisters has one you can use.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“What if I get caught?”
