‘Really? Football? That’s not going to happen. For one, I’m in heels. Two, I’m still feeling the cake deep within and exertion could threaten its existence inside of me. Three, just no.’
‘Come on, spoilsport, I’ve been dying to get a better look at those legs.’ He threw the ball across the pitch and started running after it, all the while turning to me and waggling his fingers in a come hither motion. I found myself walking towards him and then a slight jog hit my stride until suddenly I was running. Yes, running to him. Voodoo magic could be the only explanation. ‘OK, we’ll take it in turns. You can be in goal. Penalty shootout. The kids love it. Think England, World Cup 2006. No, don’t think that. Think England, Euro 2004. No. In fact, forget England.’ I stood with my hands on my hips marvelling in this glory before me. ‘We’re rubbish at penalty shootouts but I’m teaching these boys that we can do it. Don’t fear the goal or the ball. Be positive.’
‘Oh my God!’ I laughed. He was infectious. Even I was ready to give it my best shot. My best shot proved to be shit, as I missed the goal by about two gigantic metres, so I slipped out of my heels for a better aim. Nope, that didn’t work either. Six tries later, the enthusiasm was starting to wear off. ‘Josh, I’m having a medical emergency here.’
‘What’s wrong?’ He practically spun around and sprinted across to me.
‘My toes are dangerously close to dropping off. I haven’t been able to feel them since…well, since we left the bar.’
‘Pick up your shoes.’
‘I honestly don’t think I can get them back on.’
‘Pick them up and trust me.’ I bent down and clutched the shoes in both hands. Josh bent slightly, both hands skimming across my arse before picking me up in his arms and carrying me on his shoulder and across the pitch as I giggled like a toddler. ‘You need warming up,’ he smiled. ‘Come on; I’ll take you inside.’ I clung on to his back pockets as he started to jog. ‘Put your hand in and pull out the keys.’ I trailed my hand around his waist and stopped at the front pocket of his trousers. I knew I was going to get dangerously close to the goods and burst out laughing at the thought of it all. ‘Why are you laughing?’ he smiled, knowing full well why I had suddenly turned shy. ‘We’re adults here. Nothing to laugh about,’ he smiled. ‘Hand,’ he nodded. ‘Keys,’ he demanded in such a sexy voice that my laughter fell away and my hand worked into his pocket slowly. I felt the cold metal of a key jab me in the finger and I pulled my hand out like I’d just touched a lightning bolt. He leant in. ‘Are you worrying about what you might touch, beautiful? Don’t worry. Hand. Keys.’ I bit my lip and Josh sighed. My hand fell back into place, down into his pocket, the warmth of his body hiding underneath. I hooked my finger through the keychain and pulled them out, all the time looking at his astonishing face.
I held the keys in front of him, dangling them from my finger. ‘You’re going to have to open the door for me because I really don’t want to put you down. Plus I’m getting a great view of your arse and you haven’t objected yet.’ He turned so that I could turn the key before the sliding doors opened and the alarm started to beep. ‘See the keypad over there? Type in 6741.’ He walked me over to the wall and I did as he asked. The blaring beep dropped and Josh smiled. ‘Thank God; I thought we might end up trying to explain to the police why we are here at two in the morning.’
‘Why are we here at two in the morning?’
‘Because I’m not ready to let you go.’
He put me down on a bench in the sports hall and stayed with me, crouched down on the floor. He pulled his head back like he was studying me, the sweetest smile on his lips before walking over to open a cupboard on the other side of the hall. He came back with a rainbow coloured ball of cloth in his hand and started to open it out and spread it across the floor. ‘It’s a parachute. We use them at school all the time. The kids all stand around the edge and we put a ball in the middle and they have to keep the ball on the parachute. It’s hilarious. They really love it.’ He walked back to the cupboard and came back with two beanbags. I frowned at the cupboard of magic things and he laughed at my confusion. ‘They run a playgroup here. I’m sure they won’t mind us using them.’ He held his arms out. ‘Ta-dah! Parachute picnic.’
‘Picnic’s normally involve food,’ I replied as he picked me up again and carried me through to the entrance towards the vending machines. I smiled as I stared into his eyes, the most honest, trustworthy eyes I’d ever stared into.
‘I can see you’re questioning my picnic making skills. We’re going to have to improvise. I have a pocket full of change,’ he said, signalling with his head.
‘You want my hand in your pocket again?’
‘I’d love your hand in my pocket again. If you just want to grab it, you can do whatever you want with it,’ he replied, narrowing his eyes.
‘Why does that sound dirty?’
‘I have no idea. It’s all in the mind. That statement is telling me all I need to know about you.’ I laughed shyly before slowly reaching into his pocket and pulling out some change. ‘Choose something. Chocolate, crisps.’ He stopped and smirked. ‘Fruity flapjack.’ I covered my mouth to stop myself snorting. ‘Juicy raisins,’ he said, arching his eyebrow. ‘I know how to treat the ladies. You can go for it. These machines hold the stuff of dreams. Can I tempt you with a bottle of water, madam? Or a sports drink if you really want to go wild and crazy? It is your pretend birthday after all. I’ve seen seven-year-olds off their nuts on that shit.’ He put the coins in, wiggling his eyebrows after each clunk. My cheeks were starting to hurt from all the laughter. The awkward silences were a distant memory.
Settled back on the beanbags, music playing on his iPhone and snacking on crisps, I let a feeling of contentment wash over me.
I felt relaxed, free to be me.
‘What made you choose to teach?’ I asked, wanting to know more about him. I wanted to know everything.
‘I’ve always been around kids and love being around them. When my parents started fostering, it just seemed a natural fit.’
‘They sound nice. Elle, Abi and Kate are all social workers, so I always hear stories from them about the kids they work with. Breaks my heart to think about how some of them are treated,’ I said. ‘Being a foster carer isn’t easy. They must be very special people.’
He nodded and started fiddling with his laces. ‘What about your family? We talked online, but you didn’t give too many details apart from not having your father in your life.’ I had held back from Josh, not because I didn’t want to talk about my father or my family, but mainly because I considered my family to be my boys. ‘You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.’
‘There’s not a lot to say. I don’t know anything about my father apart from that clear fact that he must be a spineless bastard. Leaving a young woman when she was pregnant and needed him the most is pretty shitty in my book.’
‘Agreed,’ he replied. ‘I’m sorry he didn’t stick around.’
‘It’s fine. You don’t miss what you’ve never had,’ I replied, adding a shrug in the hope that it would come across as genuine. He saw through it immediately.
‘That’s bullshit, Gem. You don’t need to hide how you feel from me.’
I ran my hand through my hair and laughed awkwardly before considering my reply. ‘I think that’s why I found it so hard when Jay left. I kept running it through my head. How could he leave them? I know what it’s like to be let down by the person who should love you the most. It messes with your head. I don’t want that for them.’
‘Don’t you think it’s understandable to feel that way? You’ve been there,’ he said. I had, and I knew where my demons had come from, but it was refreshing to hear it from another member of the male species. ‘What about your mum? Is she around?’
‘Not all the time. She’s a free spirit. We get on fine but she’s more like a big sister. She carried on living the life she had planned for herself before she got pregnant. We all lived t
ogether, but she wasn’t around much. My grandma was my mum.’
‘Ah, Grandma with the cat tattoo.’ He glanced at me and I smiled, but I’d had enough of talking about my dysfunctional family.
‘We were talking about why you wanted to be a teacher,’ I said, steering the conversation back to him.
‘It’s in my blood. My mum was a teaching assistant and my dad was a head teacher before he retired. He never really retired, though. Now he’s a governor for his local school. He loves it. Teaching was never a job to him. He always told me to choose a career in something that I loved because then I’d never work a day in my life. It’s so true.’
‘Is that the plan for you? Get experience in teaching and become a head teacher?’
‘One day, that would be good. For now, I find it hard to settle in one place. I don’t have a permanent job. I’m a supply teacher, so I can be in a school one week and change to another the next. I like the unexpected and I get paid more, so I’m saving money. I’d really love to move down south and take on some weird building project. I could see myself living near the beach in a converted lighthouse or old lifeboat station. Something quirky but epic when I’ve finished converting it.’
‘Can I come with you?’ Shit, where did that come from? Just the way he talked about it swept me away with him and I spoke before I got my brain into gear. He looked at me with wide eyes. ‘I didn’t mean that. I meant…I just meant living by the sea sounds idyllic. Not with you. Not that there is anything wrong with you. I meant…I’ll just stop talking.’
‘I know what you meant. Don’t worry,’ he smiled as he pushed a chocolate bar my way. ‘You like the idea of getting away from here, or was it the quirky lifeboat station that did it for you?’
‘Getting away from here would be good. I like the idea of starting again. I don’t really like the house I live in. Jay chose it and I just went along with it all. It’s not what I would choose for myself now. It’s so 1950s housing. They all look exactly the same. Sometimes I have to stop to get my bearings because any one of the houses on the street could be mine. The idea of renovating something amazing like an old church or a lighthouse sounds amazing. I’d love it. I can picture it now; me looking out across the sea with my twenty cats.’
‘What’s stopping you?’ he asked as he dug into a bag of crisps. I was beginning to realise that Josh was never full and always hungry.
I tried to be as diplomatic as I could. ‘Well, money is…an issue. I could sell the house but then there’s Jay to think of. I can’t just leave. He may not be the best at seeing through promises, but I couldn’t live with myself if I made it even harder for him to see the kids. If he can’t always turn up now, there’s no way he’d come to see them if he had to take a six-hour car journey to Cornwall.’
‘Do you always put other people first?’
‘I put my kids first. They deserve a father and I try to do everything I can to make it easy for Jay.’
‘You’re one of a kind, Gem. I’ve been in the middle of meetings with separated parents and the child’s welfare is often low on their list of priorities.’
‘That’s not me. I might call him a tick ridden, saggy old scrotum but he’s still their dad.’ He leant back and held his stomach as he laughed. The beanbag moulded to his body as he tried to get back up again. I sat up and pulled him by his arms.
‘That’s the best thing I’ve ever heard. Really. That’s a grand prize winner for names you call your ex-husband.’
‘What do you call your ex-girlfriends?’ I laughed as I pelted him with a Malteser. He screwed his eyes together. ‘Oh no; is it that bad?’
‘I’m trying to win you over here, Gem. Not talk about the awful name I gave my ex-girlfriend.’
‘Spill.’
‘My friends came up with it. They said I changed when we were together and that I lost all sense of fun.’
‘Go on.’
‘Soul sucker. Or more precisely, soul-sucking Sarah. Obviously a play on her name. Not funny, not clever; awful, in fact. I’m a terrible person.’ I nudged his elbow from his knee and held his hand in mine, watching our fingers entwine and liking the feeling it was giving me.
‘I have no idea why you separated.’ He laughed as I placed my tongue firmly in my cheek.
‘It was complicated. There were feelings there but we lost our way. We weren’t compatible in a lot of ways. She hated me doing anything that she didn’t enjoy. She wouldn’t come to watch me play football and hated Saturday nights in town. I’m a bit of an adrenaline junkie, but it just didn’t interest her. I tried to accept it, but looking back, you can’t change yourself for someone else. I just had to find me again. Do you understand?’
‘Yes, I do,’ I replied, still watching our linked hands.
‘Have you had many serious relationships?’ I asked as he sunk back into the beanbag.
‘Not many. I was with Sarah for two years. We were pretty serious.’
‘How serious?’
‘I asked her to marry me,’ he replied.
‘Really? Why didn’t you take her to the altar, Mr Wood?’
He released a sigh like he didn’t want to tell me but had resigned himself to the fact it was something I should know. ‘She told me she didn’t love me anymore the night we went to visit a wedding venue.’
‘Ouch.’
‘Yeah, not my best moment. After that, I was single for about a year and then I met someone through work. We went out for a few months and it just came to an end. We’re still friends.’ I smiled. I was always amazed at how weird people became when someone was still friends with their ex. To me, it only showed me what a genuinely nice guy he was.
We looked up at the ceiling as we both relaxed into our conversations. We talked about everything. Our hopes, our fears, the piss poor state of the education system and what we would do to change it if we suddenly found ourselves prime minister. We also laughed and let go. He smiled as I told him about my hatred for children’s TV presenters, particularly first thing in the morning. ‘No one can be that bloody cheerful!’ I laughed. He told me about discovering he had a fear of heights just as he was about to jump out of an aeroplane on a sponsored skydive. I gasped as he told me it took three of his mates to hold him up when he finally landed. Our conversation soon headed back in the direction of his lighthouse renovation by the sea when I joked that a lighthouse may not be the best home if he has a fear of heights. But the conversation flowed and I revelled in knocking down imaginary walls and adding imaginary bi-folding doors to the back of an imaginary extension that overlooked the beach. He watched me intently, like every word fascinated him and made total sense. He joked that he wished he had a notebook and pen so he could jot down my ideas. My heart may have a skipped twenty beats.
‘It’s good to imagine sometimes, even if the money in your bank account doesn’t quite reflect what you would like to achieve in reality. Did you work before you had the boys?’
‘I was in sales, a department store. I used to work in the beauty section and occasionally they’d put me in women’s fashion. I liked it but gave it up when I had Theo.’
‘Do you want to go back to work?’ he asked.
‘I’d love to. It would be something for me, you know? Brandon started school in September, so I’ve been looking for something to fit in with school hours. It’s not easy, though. I would love to get into fashion, start in a store and maybe work my way up. I want to show my kids that I’m worth something, that I’m more than just a mum who irons and cleans.’
‘They’ll never think that about you. You’re raising them, Gem. Just you. Do you know how proud they’ll be of you when they’re older?’ It was like his words were melting over my skin and making me whole again. No one had ever said that to me. No one had ever praised me for raising my boys. I pressed my hand to my mouth in an attempt to stop the shaky lip developing into something much bigger. He knew immediately and crouched down in front of me, the parachute around him like our own budget version of Josep
h and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat. I laughed through the sob but then let it take over again. ‘I didn’t mean to make you upset. I’m sorry.’
‘No, it’s not that. No one outside my circle has ever said anything like that to me before. It was big. It came at the right time. Knocked me over a bit, that’s all.’
‘Everything you’ve told me about your marriage and how he is now with the kids only highlights how strong you are. Don’t let anyone tell you that you aren’t. I know we haven’t known each other that long but to be honest, I’m struggling to understand why anyone would walk away from you.’
‘You don’t have to say that,’ I muttered.
‘I know I don’t have to. Doesn’t stop me from wanting to.’
‘Do you want kids?’ It was a question that came from nowhere but meant everything. If we were going to go forward—and I really wanted to go forward— I needed to know where he stood. It wasn’t just me he would be taking on. He would be taking on Theo and Brandon too.
‘Yes, of course. I can’t imagine my life without kids. I want to be a dad at some point.’ He stroked his fingers across my feet, making me close my eyes and feel him for a moment.
‘Did me being a mum put you off?’
‘I don’t get the whole putting people in boxes thing. I wouldn’t close off the opportunity to get to know someone because they had kids. If I like someone, that’s all that matters. Is that weird?’ he asked, his face changing slightly into a look of panic.
‘No. That’s good.’
‘You’re more experienced than me, Gem.’
‘Are you a virgin?’ I grinned. ‘Do you want to lose your cherry to a MILF? Am I a social experiment?’
‘I was trying to say that although I don’t share the same experience. I understand that you’re going to need time. I don’t want to undervalue what you’ve been through. You have kids and they need to come first. Whatever you need, I’ll do, because I really, really want to see you again.’
Let Me Be Your Last (Music and Letters Series Book 4) Page 6
