by L A Cotton
The Raiders had the win in the bag so there was no pressure there. But I felt the eyes of every single person watching, waiting for me to slip up, to drop the ball, to prove why I deserved to be on the bench.
Shaking off their judgment, I forced myself to get into the zone. Inhaling a deep breath, I glanced around down the scrimmage line, checking my players and theirs. I knew this play. I knew every damn play in the Raiders playbook. I’d made it my priority to learn them. I’d fake the pass to my running back then throw the ball down field to the wide receiver.
But when the whistle blew and Aaron snapped me the ball, I dropped back to fake the handoff to the running back, but he went wide.
“What the fuck?” I yelled, aware of the sea of Marshall players rushing toward me. I needed to get rid of the ball and quick. I searched for my open wide receiver, but he wasn’t there either.
Motherfucker.
Cole called for the ball just as a player slammed into me, knocking me to the ground with a resounding thud. I lay there winded, staring up at the sky, anger surging through me like an uncontrollable storm. If I reacted, I’d only prove them right.
Clambering to my feet, I moved back into position for the second down. So they didn’t want to play with me running the show? I’d cut them out and do my own thing.
I didn’t need them.
I didn’t need any of them.
Chapter Fifteen
Lily
“This is a bad idea,” I said for the third time since leaving Dawson Stadium.
Peyton and Ashleigh were going to the party whether I went or not. But after watching Kaiden rip off his helmet and storm off the field at the end of the game, I’d blurted out that I wanted to go too.
So here I was, in my Raiders t-shirt underneath a long cardigan, a flowy black skirt, and my favorite ankle boots. I looked like I was going to tea with my grams, not to a party, but it wasn’t like I was here to impress anyone.
Anyone except Kaiden. I shut down the little voice. After asking me if I was coming to the party the other day in class, he hadn’t asked again, and I hadn’t brought it up. I didn’t party. It wasn’t my thing. But finding excuses to be around Kaiden wasn’t exactly easy. I saw him for an hour a day in class and around school, but that was it.
“Relax,” Ashleigh said, lacing her arm through mine.
“What if he’s—”
“He asked you if you were coming, right?”
“Yeah, but he might not want me here after tonight.”
“You know that had nothing to do with you.” She gave me a reassuring smile. “The guys froze him out.”
We’d all seen it. Kaiden had called a play and his team had messed it up. More than once.
The Raiders still won, but the fourth quarter was a disaster.
“What’s up with Peyton?” Ashleigh asked. “She seems… tense.”
“Her mom’s getting out of rehab. She just found out today.”
“Does that mean she’ll go home?”
“I don’t know what it means yet.” I watched my best friend as she walked ahead of us, talking to a couple of other senior girls who had rode to the party with us.
“Your dad will let her stay with you though, right?”
“He will, but I’m not sure it’s that simple, Leigh. She’s still a minor.”
“Speaking of… we need to decide what we want to do for our birthdays.” She waggled her brows.
“You mean a family trip to Pizzaretti and then Ice T’s isn’t on the agenda this year?” I gave her a small smile. We’d celebrated our birthdays together for as long as I could remember. Technically, she was three days older, but we always did something with our families.
“Lil, we’re eighteen. We need to do something epic. Something we’ll never forget.”
“Nothing too wild, promise me.”
“I promise it won’t be anything you can’t handle, how about that?”
“Fine.” I stuck my tongue out at her, faking bravado. Really, I felt queasy. Kaiden was angry, upset, and frustrated. Who knew what state I would find him in, if he’d even decided to come.
But just then an almighty roar sounded up ahead.
“Fight!” someone yelled, and Ashleigh grabbed my hand, yanking me toward the Filmer’s yard.
We spilled around the corner just in time to see Kaiden lunge for Jenson. They fell to the floor in a blur of limbs and punches.
“Oh my God,” I breathed. “Do something.”
Aaron and Cole tried to wade in, but a couple of Jenson’s friends held them back as Kaiden and Jenson traded blows. I scanned the yard for Bryan and Gav but couldn’t see them anywhere.
“You’re a fucking idiot,” Kaiden spat, clambering to his feet. “That shit you pulled earlier, it’s low, man. Even for a fucking asshole like you.”
They circled each other. Blood trickled from a cut in Jenson’s lip and he spat a mouthful on the ground. “The sooner you realize this is my team, the better.”
“It might be your team,” Kaiden growled, “but I’m the better player and you know it.”
Jenson threw himself into Kaiden, and I gasped, burying myself into Ashleigh’s side as I watched the two of them go at it.
“What the fuck?” Bryan yelled, rushing into the crudely formed human circle. No one tried to stop him, and I didn’t blame them. He looked murderous.
“Oh look, the cavalry’s here.” Jenson smirked, wiping the back of his hand against his mouth.
“Come on, Thatch.” Bryan nudged him backward. “He’s not even worth it.”
Kaiden narrowed his eyes, his body visibly shaking with rage. It permeated the air, making it thick and sludgy.
“Yeah, okay.” Kaiden shoved Bryan off and burst through the circle, taking off toward the house.
I wanted to go after him, but fear had me rooted to the spot.
“Hey, you okay?” Ashleigh squeezed my hand and I flinched.
“Huh?”
“I said are you okay?”
“Mm-hmm.” My chest tightened and my fingers automatically went to the ends of my braid.
“Lil.” She frowned.
“Fine.” I smiled. “I’m fine.”
“Guys,” Aaron beckoned us over. “That was some wild shit.”
“Looked pretty lame to me.” Peyton already had a cup in her hand.
“Where did you get that?” Ashleigh asked.
“Doesn’t matter.” She knocked it back in one, smacking her lips together. “Whew, it’s strong.”
“Maybe we should go,” I suggested. Peyton seemed ready to get into all kinds of trouble and that wouldn’t end well.
“We just got here. I want to dance.” She lifted her hands in the air, shimmying her hips. Aaron and Cole snorted, and I pinned them with an irritated look.
“What?” Aaron said. “She seems—”
“She’s just dealing with stuff.”
Peyton moved deeper into the crowd. I glanced toward the house and Ashleigh whispered, “You could always go after him.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Come on, we’ll all go.” She clutched my hand. “Guys, let’s head to the house to get Lily here a drink.”
“Leigh,” I protested.
“A little Dutch courage never hurt anyone.”
“Peyton, you coming?”
“You go,” she yelled, joining some girls who were dancing in a small circle.
We left her there and went into the house. It was dark, and music pulsed through the air. It reverberated inside me, like a rubber band around my rib cage, tightening my lungs, making it hard to breathe.
“Yo, Bryan,” Aaron said. “Where’s Thatcher at?”
“He’s in the basement.” His eyes flicked to mine and dread snaked through me. “Come on. There’s a pool table down there and video games.”
We each grabbed a drink and followed Bryan and Aaron. It wasn’t actually a basement; it was a games room, decked out for Lindsey’s younger broth
ers no doubt.
It was quieter down here, chilled beats playing out through a docking station while the party went on overhead. I stuck close to Ashleigh as we found a few empty seats over by the pool table, and Aaron and Cole racked up the balls.
“Playing?” he asked me and Ashleigh.
“Sure, why not?” she answered for us. Something caught her eye over my shoulder making her frown. I glanced back, my stomach falling away when I spotted Kaiden sitting in the shadows with Lindsey draped over his lap like she belonged there.
“Oh God.” Embarrassment burned through me.
“Breathe,” Ashleigh said. “You know what she’s like and she’s made it obvious she wants him.”
“Yeah, well it looks like he wants her too.” I couldn’t help but peek back over at them. She had her arm wrapped around his shoulder as she leaned in whispering something to him.
“I need to go,” I rushed out, but Ashleigh gently grasped my wrist.
“You’re not that girl, Lily. You don’t need to hide. Stay.”
But I wanted to.
I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole, for ever thinking someone like Kaiden could be interested in a girl like me.
“Don’t take it personally,” Bryan said, coming up beside us. “He’s in a bad place.”
“And Lindsey just happened to fall into his lap?” The words spilled out of me before I could stop them.
“She’s the female equivalent of me.” He smirked. “We don’t know when to quit.”
I glanced back at them, and this time Kaiden saw me. His eyes narrowed and then widened a fraction, as if he couldn’t quite believe his eyes. But then Lindsey ran her hand over his jaw and demanded his attention once more.
My stomach hollowed as sticky regret coiled through me. I didn’t consider myself a jealous person, but as I watched Lindsey with Kaiden I turned green with envy. She was so beautiful, so confident. She was everything I wasn’t. And it shouldn’t have mattered. But in that moment, it did. Because I wanted to be the one consoling Kaiden.
I wanted to be the one he turned to for comfort.
“Lily, it’s your shot,” Aaron said, offering me a sympathetic glance. I guess my secret crush wasn’t so secret after all.
With a heavy sigh, I placed down my drink on the small table, picked up the cue and lined up my shot, promising myself not to obsess over Kaiden and Lindsey. If he wanted to dismiss me so easily then I guess he wasn’t the guy I thought he was.
It was hard, but I managed to avoid looking at them as we took turns sinking the balls. Bryan and Gav hung close by, but neither of them mentioned Kaiden and Lindsey again.
Somewhere during the second game, I was perched over the table trying to line up the shot, when someone moved behind me. The faintest touch glided across my back where my t-shirt had ridden up slightly, sending tingles up my spine. My heart ratcheted up in my chest as I held my breath waiting for it to happen again, but it didn’t. So I took the shot, conceding when the ball hit the pocket and rebounded into the center of the table.
Convinced I must have imagined it, I stood up only to feel warmth at my back. “You almost had it,” Kaiden whispered over my shoulder, his hot breath fanning my neck. A shudder ran through me melting into a pool of desire.
Heart fluttering wildly, I turned around, but he was already gone, moving around his friends to sit back down on the couch at the end of the room. A quick glance around and I realized no one was any the wiser to what had just transpired between us.
The room had begun to empty, everyone favoring the party above if the noise was anything to go by.
“You okay?” Ashleigh said. “You look a little flushed.”
“I’m fine.” I swallowed, grabbing my drink and washing down my nerves. Winding my hand around my braid, I tugged gently, relishing the slight pinch.
Since therapy I was in better control of my trich symptoms. I rarely found myself uncontrollably pulling at my hair. Instead, I used it as more of a soothing technique for when my emotions became too overwhelming to process. Like right now, just the slight pinch at my scalp was enough to abate some of the restless energy building inside me. It didn’t totally remove it, but it calmed me enough to focus on the other techniques I’d learned to help manage my condition.
“I’m going up,” Bryan announced. “Time to gift the ladies all this.” He circled a finger inward at himself.
“Let me know how that works out for you.” Aaron snorted.
“Coming?”
“Yeah. Why not?”
“Yo, Thatcher? You coming?” He stared right through his friend, and Bryan let out a low whistle. “I guess that’s a no.”
They started to ascend the stairs, but I lingered behind. Ashleigh noticed, her eyes flicking between me and Kaiden. “Do I need to warn you about the risks of unsafe sex?”
“Oh my God, Leigh… we’re not going to—” I couldn’t even say the words. Because they were so ridiculous. So fantastical…. So forbidden.
“I just want to make sure he’s okay.”
“You have your cell phone?” I nodded, my throat dry. “You get an hour. Then I’m coming to find you.”
“Okay.”
“Just remember, guys like Kaiden…”
“Yeah. I know.” I grimaced. I didn’t like thinking about Kaiden with anyone else. Especially not girls like Lindsey.
They disappeared up the stairs, leaving me alone with Kaiden. His eyes stalked my every step as I made my way toward him.
“You should have gone with them,” he said in a low, gravelly voice that made my tummy clench.
“I wanted to make sure you’re okay. You’re hurt.” I ghosted my hand over the bruising around his eye, careful not to touch him. But Kaiden surprised me, by turning into my touch and pressing his hand over mine so that my palm was splayed against him. His shoulders sank as the tension seemed to melt away from him.
“Kaiden, I—”
“Ssh,” he said, sliding his hands around my hips and pulling me down on top of him. My knees hit the edge of the couch and my hands went to his broad shoulders as I straddled his legs, forcing my skirt up around my thighs.
“Is this okay?” he rasped, brushing his lips over my collarbone.
My whole body lit up as I smothered a whimper.
“Lily?” he said. “I need you to tell me this is okay.”
“Y-yes.”
“Thank fuck,” he breathed the words with such relief I felt them all the way down to my soul. Kaiden trailed his lips up the slope of my neck and along my jaw until he was at the corner of my mouth. “I’ve wanted to do this all week,” he said.
“What about Lindsey?” I whispered, hating to bring up her name while he was kissing me.
“What about her?” He was so close we were looking right into each other’s eyes. I could see the flecks of silver in his eyes, smell the bitter scent of liquor on his breath.
“You two seemed pretty close earlier.” The words made my stomach twist.
“She’s no one. I told her I wasn’t interested… because I’m not.”
“I don’t believe that for a second. Lindsey is beautiful, she’s pop—”
“Stop.” He kissed me. Well, half-kissed me since our mouths weren’t fully aligned. I turned my head slightly, so he had no choice but to slide his lips against mine. Kaiden ran one of his hands up my spine to gently grip the back of my neck. It was such a possessive move that my heart leaped into my throat.
I’d never been touched like this before.
“The things I want to do to you, Lily.” He let out a deep sigh. “Coach would kick my ass six ways from Sunday if he knew how badly I wanted to dirty up his precious daughter.”
The blood in my veins burned, my skin vibrating at his gravelly words.
“Kaiden, I—” A tremble went through me as he placed his arm around my waist and pulled me closer.
“I really want to kiss you right now.” His gray eyes glittered with hunger, making the knot in my
stomach coil tight.
“Yes.” The word fell from my lips on a breathy sigh.
“Thank fuck.” Kaiden crushed his mouth to mine, kissing me with big, open-mouthed kisses. His tongue peeked out, running over the seam of my lips and I opened for him, letting him slide it against my own.
I’d kissed him before but not like this. Everything was so much more. The way his fingers flexed around my hip, hard enough to leave marks. How his other hand splayed around the back of my neck, anchoring me to him. The outline of his erection pressed against me, hard and ready.
“You taste like cherries,” he breathed against my lips, and heat rushed into my cheeks.
My hands curled into his t-shirt as if they knew exactly what to do. He chuckled at my eagerness, letting me control the kiss. Letting me pepper tiny kisses all over his mouth and jaw.
“You taste like trouble,” I replied around a coy smile.
Kaiden eased back to look at me, his eyes blown with lust. “This could end in all kinds of bad, Lily.”
“I know.” The truth weighed heavy on my shoulders.
“Your dad and my dad…” He inhaled a sharp breath and I nodded.
“I know.”
“I can’t jeopardize my shot at playing for the team.”
“I know.”
“So what are we doing?” He touched his head to mine and inhaled a shuddering breath.
“I don’t know,” I breathed. “But I’m not sure I can stop.”
Chapter Sixteen
Kaiden
I could get lost in her eyes. Two pools of icy-blue that should have frozen me to the core, but instead heated my insides like fire. I captured her mouth in another kiss, sliding my tongue against hers. Lily wasn’t experienced, that much was obvious, but it only made her so much sweeter. My chest swelled knowing she was trusting me with this. With her.
But it was a recipe for disaster.
I hadn’t been lying when I told her I couldn’t jeopardize my shot at playing football. I couldn’t. But I couldn’t seem to stay away from Coach’s daughter either.
My body ached for her, my dick too. It strained against my jeans, desperate to feel her. But we had to take this slow. Even if everything inside was screaming at me to go faster.
