While Derek was getting ready, she took a moment to call her mom and Zach. They picked up on first ring, and after a short preamble with her mom, Zach came on the line.
“Hey baby, how you doing?” Audrey grinned over the phone, thinking of his morning hair and the sleep smell buried in his neck.
“Real good. Grams gave me Captain Crunch, and we’re going to the zoo today. I’ll tell Grams to take pictures for you. Have you seen bears before? We’re going to see some today.”
Audrey supressed a laugh.
“Bears!? That’s so exciting. I can’t wait to see the photos. Maybe you could draw me one, too?”
“Maybe. I don’t think I have a brown crayon, but I can try. But we’ll get awesome pictures.”
“That’s great.”
“Also, I’m going to have pizza today, Grams said we could.”
“I did no such thing!” She could hear her mom scolding Zach in the background.
“She did,” Zach whispered. “She forgets stuff.”
“Have you had anything to eat with any nutritional value?” Audrey asked, exasperated. “A vegetable of any sort?”
There was silence on the other end of the line.
“Clearly not,” she sighed.
“I love being at Grams’,” Zach said, then, “When are you coming home? Maybe we could go to the zoo again when you’re here?”
“I would love that. And I’ll be home tomorrow baby, so one more sleep.”
“One more sleep,” Zach confirmed.
“Okay, momma, I want to go now.”
“Okay sweetheart. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
She heard Zach fumbling with the phone, trying to get it back on the receiver. She loved Zach’s honest requests, no matter how hilarious they were—like telling her he was bored when she tried to explain his homework or pulling a face when she tried to kiss him after drinking coffee. It was something only kids ever seemed to have–no gall, no agenda or twisting words. Just straight up saying what they wanted. Audrey also felt that it was something Zach would only do if he felt safe and secure. She took that as a sign she was doing an okay job raising him.
She was so wrapped up in the call she’d not noticed Derek entering.
“Was that your son?” He asked politely.
Audrey looked up, surprised. Derek’s hair was slicked back from the shower, and he was clean shaven. A white t-shirt cluck to the rock-hard crevices of his torso and upper arms. She was pleased to notice he was wearing a clean pair of jeans as well.
“Zach,” she replied. She didn’t bother saying anything else, he wouldn’t have been interested anyway. She’d never wanted Derek to know much about her personal life, and if she was honest with herself, that was probably to be doubly sure they never got too close.
“How old is he now?” Derek prompted.
“Five. Shall we get going?”
Audrey decided not to wait around for the coffee. She would feel a whole lot better when they could get where they were going and she could put some substantial space between her and Derek Holt.
Chapter 6
Derek stood in front of the screaming crowds at Red Rock.
The sun had set midway through the performance splitting the sky into layers of crimson, gold and pink. To his right, a huge vertical rock angled out from the stage, creating the natural amphitheater morphing out of the earth itself. It was an incredible sight to behold—nine thousand people cheering his name, all dusted in a hue of red light while the sky almost blinded him with its brilliance.
He had done a good job this evening. It wasn’t like last night–there had been no hint of his bear rising to the surface. It had been a regular, decent performance. But his heart and his soul hadn’t been in it. Only the feelings of emptiness and solitude he felt standing on the stage tonight were similar to last night’s performance. The visit to Jackson Hole had really done a number on him.
As he walked off to cheers and applause, he despaired. If all that adulation, all those people wanting to hear him play, paying money to watch him on stage, if that didn’t fill the empty pit inside him, he had no idea what would.
As usual, Jared was waiting for him with an ice-cold beer in the wings.
“That was incredible,” Jared grinned. “This place is incredible. No matter how many times I see it, the novelty just doesn’t wear off.”
“I agree with that,” Derek replied.
“You alright?”
Jared looked closely at his friend, noticing the dark circles under his eyes and the hollowed-out cheeks. He knew Derek needed a rest, but the bookings kept coming thick and fast. Derek was in his prime and the country music scene just couldn’t get enough of him.
Derek removed his guitar from around his neck, handing it to a waiting studio runner who would return it to the tour bus.
“I’m good,” Derek shrugged. “Just beat.”
“Don’t lie to me, Holt. What’s up?”
Derek smiled, shaking his head. Clearly, he wasn’t hiding his mood as well as he thought he was. Jared had known him too long for him to try and pull the wool over his eyes.
“I’m thinking of taking a break.”
Jared rubbed his forehead in agitation.
“I kind of thought you were going to say that.”
“Can it be managed?” Derek asked.
“Yeah, yeah, I suppose we can make it happen. We can shift a lot of the dates till October.” Jared hesitated, “How long do you need a break for?”
“A month. That’s all.”
“Thank god. We can stretch it to two, if you need it.” Jared’s relief was palatable. Derek laughed softly, realizing that he’d almost given his manager a panic attack.
“A month should do it.”
“Know what you’re going to do?”
“I haven’t thought about that yet. Work on new material, maybe? Just… Just get out of this for a while. Get some head space.”
Jared nodded.
“You know I’m going to put a condition on this, right?”
Derek cocked an eye-brow. He certainly hadn’t anticipated any conditions.
“If you’re taking a break, you’re taking a break. But, wherever you go, Red is going to be somewhere nearby. This can’t be a bender, Holt. I don’t want you coming back soaked in bourbon and over-the-counter meds.”
“Come on, Jared. Cut me some slack! I’m not a fucking child, I can look after myself.”
“You’ve been dipping into the drink too much, Holt. More every day since we’ve been touring. It’s Red somewhere nearby, or its rehab. And I’m not kidding.”
“Says the guy who just handed me a beer,” Derek replied bitterly.
“I’m okay with you drinking if we’re all nearby. But if you’re off somewhere—hell—I don’t know, Holt. Look, we’ve been working together for years. You’ve got shit to deal with, I know that. You got your issues. We all have. I just want you to be careful–you’re too damn valuable.”
“I make you too rich, you mean?” Derek deadpanned.
“That’s the God’s honest truth. I love you but I also love the money you pad my pockets with.”
“Jesus, Jared.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m a dick. But the deal stands. It’s Red or rehab.”
Derek smirked. There was one silver lining in all of this.
“You’ve got to be the one who tells Red.”
“Oh, shit,” Jared replied mournfully. “I hadn’t thought of that.”
Derek finished the beer in one, handing the empty back to Jared with grim satisfaction.
“Good luck.”
“No way.”
“Please, Red. I’m begging you.”
Audrey looked at Jared in disbelief. She wasn’t sure how they had gotten to this point. She’d approached Jared to give him her months’ notice, and instead of taking her resignation, he’d turned around and asked her to baby-sit Derek for a month!
“Why can’t you do it? Or hire som
eone new? You know I irritate Derek. It’s never going to work.”
“You’re the only person Holt actually listens to. Of course we can’t bring someone new in, he’d never agree to that.”
“Then why not rehab?” Audrey asked. “It would do someone like Derek a world of good, and there’s no shame in it. Hell, half the music industry has been in rehab at one point or another.”
“Because I don’t think Derek’s an alcoholic. He just needs some time out of the limelight. But he does drink too much, and someone needs to keep an eye on that.”
“You don’t think he’s an alcoholic? Perhaps we should get a professional opinion on that.” Audrey was incensed. It felt like Jared was just taking the easy way out, and using her, rather than getting Derek the help he actually needed.
“My dad was an alcoholic. My brother’s one too. I know the disease, and honestly, I don’t think that’s what’s going on with the guy.” Jared was firm, gazing steadily into Audrey’s eyes. He really believed what he was saying, she realized.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that about your family.”
Jared shook off the sympathy, “My brother’s in AA. He’s been sober for eight—nine years. He’s doing well.”
Audrey ran her hands through her hair, pushing it back against her skull which was starting to throb with frustration.
“And what am I supposed to do with Zach? I have a son. I can’t just leave him with my mom for a month.”
“Bring him with you,” Jared replied simply. “It’s the start of summer vacation. Babysitting Holt’s not going to take up much of your time. Just visit him for a couple of minutes every day, check on him, see that he’s doing alright and you’re free to do whatever it is you want for the rest of the time.”
“And if he wants to be in Vegas gambling, boozing, and picking up prostitutes for the month?” Audrey asked acidly.
“He’s not going to Vegas.”
“Do you know where he plans to spend his idyllic month-long retreat?”
Jared rolled his eyes at Audrey’s sarcasm.
“Look, you got the guy wrong, I’m telling ya’. He’s not angling for Vegas. I really don’t think that’s the vibe he’s looking for. I don’t know exactly where he wants to go, but if the last couple of days are any indication, I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up somewhere near Jackson Hole. Which, incidentally, would be the perfect place for Zach to spend his summer vacation.”
Audrey gave a short bark of laughter. Jared was incorrigible. She had to give him credit, though he had a hell of a good sales pitch. “Has anyone ever told you you’d make a great politician?”
“A time or two,” Jared continued before she could protest again, “And here’s a deal sweetener: triple your pay. For every day you’re there. And once it’s done, you’re free. You’ll only have to work out a week of your notice.”
Audrey was silent. The deal was pretty good. She’d only be working one week longer than she’d be required to anyway, and that week would be spent doing the bare minimum.
“I’ll think about it.”
“That’s my girl!” Jared smiled broadly, quickly kissing her on the cheek.
“I said I’ll think about–”
“Yeah, yeah,” Jared started to saunter away, his attitude very clearly giving the impression that he knew it was already a done deal.
Audrey exhaled in frustration. The deal in practical terms was a good one, but what that actually meant–seeing Derek every day with no distractions–was going to be tricky for her. Her and her self-control.
Chapter 7
Derek sat on the porch in a recliner, looking out across the basin of Cache Creek. This time of year, the basin was awash with blue larkspur and yellow arrow leaf. Tall aspen trees surrounded the house, shading the yard from a ferocious heat. The day was as lazy as Derek felt with the occasional tapping of woodpeckers and the hum of crickets the only sound of activity. He idly plucked at the strings of his guitar, misshapen melodies ending and starting abruptly as he tried out different note combinations without any real aim.
He had been at the house for three days. The first day he had slept straight through, waking up in the evening to see that Red had left him cold chicken and salad for his supper.
The next day he felt almost as though he’d been reborn as he walked along the perimeter of the property. The ranch was in need of some repairs. Both the interior and exterior were weather worn and suffering from neglect and the entire lean-to, used for wood storage, needed to be rebuilt. Despite the need for refurbishments, the rental that Tanner had set up for him suited Derek perfectly. It belonged to an elderly couple who’d had to move back into town when they got too old to manage the upkeep. As far as Derek was concerned, the best part was that it was miles from town—a one-hour drive through desolate terrain. Out here he could be entirely alone, for the most part.
Red came to check on him every day.
He felt guilty about it even though on the surface it was Jared’s doing. If Derek didn’t like a drink so much, he wouldn’t have required her to make the trip. She and her son had rented an apartment, on the studio’s dollar, in Jackson Hole, which meant Red had to make a two-hour round trip to see him, time that she most likely wanted to spend with her son on his summer vacation.
The irony was, since the day he’d arrived at the house, he hadn’t really wanted a drink. He’d stocked a couple of beers in the fridge and had one every night or so but beyond that, nothing.
He knew that liquor was going to get in the way of his bear emerging, and out here with nothing but miles of wide, open space completely devoid of people, it was the perfect place to let himself be free. To gain back the freedom and peace he felt in his bear form, roaming and hunting, relying on only animal instinct without the complications of human nature. It was time to be himself again. It wasn’t till he saw Wesley in the hotel bar that he realized just how much he’d missed it.
There was common sense in his desire too. The gig in Denver had been a close call. He couldn’t risk an accidental shift on stage in front of thousands of people. He needed to regain control of his bear again and for that he needed to ‘make friends’ with it again, so to speak. To make sure that his urges didn’t overwhelm him, no matter what he was feeling.
Derek heard the car before he saw it. A few moments later, a rented black Ford Explorer rolled into view stopping in the driveway, a few feet from the porch where Derek was sitting. The ignition cut, and Red emerged, closing the car door firmly behind her.
He felt his heart skip a beat as he caught that first sight of her as she emerged from around the side of the SUV. A strange tension flickered through his muscles, removing the relaxed, languid pose he’d been adopting all afternoon. He put the guitar down, and watched her walk up to the porch.
Jackson Hole suited Red, he admitted. That red-gold hair was like permanent fire here, catching all the sun’s rays and shadows of the aspen leaves quivering in the breeze. She was dressed more casually than he’d ever seen her before—in shorts and a t-shirt. The outfit exposed her shapely legs. His eyes flickered away as she approached, ashamed to be staring at her the way he was. Red was a kind, caring mother and confident, efficient worker. Derek had no business ogling her the way he might other women.
“Hey Red,” he croaked, irritated at how raspy his voice sounded.
Get a grip, he scolded himself.
“Derek.”
She smiled, approaching the porch. Along with the shorts and t-shirt, she wore battered converse and had her hair tied up in a messy bun, save for a few tendrils of hair that had escaped and curled at her neck.
“Brought you dinner,” she said, holding out a paper bag with ‘Linnie’s Chicken’ emblazoned across the front. “Want me to put it in the kitchen?”
“I’ll take it, thanks Red.” He rose, towering over her, and took the bag.
“You know you don’t need to bring me dinner. I can cook.”
“You can?” Red looked doubtful wh
ich irritated Derek.
“Yeah, Red. I can cook.”
She heard the irritation in his voice and smiled.
“What’s the last thing you made, Holt?”
“Grilled cheese.”
It was a lie. But he knew how to make grilled cheese. He just hadn’t done it in a long, long while.
“Grilled cheese isn’t cooking; my son can make grilled cheese.”
“It’s still cooking.”
Red shook her head in defeat. “Alright, it’s cooking. But I don’t mind bringing you dinner. There’s not a lot else for me to do for you, is there?”
Derek grinned. “Just enjoy the time off. And maybe you could join me for dinner one evening?”
As soon as the words had left his mouth, Derek regretted them. He could barely look at her as he waited for the reply.
“That would be nice,” she replied courteously, “but I have Zach. The woman who babysits while I run out here can only do two and a half hours a day, so it’s not really enough time.”
“Right,” agreed Derek. “Sure.”
He quickly moved through the front door to the cooler interior of the kitchen. Red followed him in, a silence stretching out between them that felt tense and awkward.
“Who’s babysitting?” He asked eventually, desperately trying to get the conversation back on track.
“Oh, a woman named Kellie Lane. She said she knew you. She seems really nice.”
Derek hid his smirk behind the door of the fridge. Kellie Lane was a local who worked down at Jake’s Place, the local bar where Derek played back when he was still a nobody. She had always had a bit of a crush on Tanner, even though he had made it clear he wasn’t interested. Kellie was the type to find comfort in the arms of just about any available man with a pulse. While she made an okay barmaid, Derek wasn’t sure he liked the idea of Red’s kid being around Kellie for a couple hours a day. It just didn’t sit right with him. Not that Kellie was a bad person, per se, just not the kind of influence he was comfortable with having around Red’s son. Of course, he didn’t want to intrude on Red’s parenting, but on the other hand, he felt a little responsible for her and her son being in Jackson in the first place.
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