I laughed and sat down next to her. “Really? I would have thought us living together in New York would have bumped me to the very bottom of the family totem pole.”
“Well, you did leave hair in the shower, but you weren’t that bad.”
“How do you know that wasn’t your hair? They look the same.”
“Touché.”
I leaned back in my seat, getting as comfortable as the hard cushioned seats allowed. The dark red curtain was still closed, my family situated right in front of stage center. Jason’s head loomed above everyone else’s. I took in a slow breath. Even the back of him did something to me.
“He really shouldn’t sit in the front,” I complained. “He’s too tall. He’s blocking everyone’s view.”
Claire snorted. “Everyone who? Look around. The only people here are related to the actors. And I think what you meant to say was he’s too sexy.”
“I should have gotten a snack,” I said. “They were selling concessions, weren’t they? Do you want anything?”
She didn’t answer, and I looked to see her staring at me.
“What?” I asked.
“I’m just curious. What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to go get some peanut M&Ms if they have them. If not those, then Snowcaps. I know how the play starts. It’s not exactly an underground story.”
“What are you going to do about Jason?”
“Don’t ask me that.”
She jutted her chin up. “Why?”
“Because I don’t know,” I seethed, getting irritated. “I just have to focus on one thing at a time, okay?”
“Candy, then men. Gosh, Gwen, you’ve really got your priorities straight,” she said, sarcasm heavy in her voice. “You know, if you were having sex—”
I interrupted her. “Don’t talk to me about having sex. You’re not exactly a Lolita yourself.”
“That term is only used to describe adolescents.” She laughed. “And here I thought you were the bookworm.”
“What about that guy?” I nodded at a blond taking a seat near the front. “Would you bang him?”
A head right in front of us swiveled around. It was the old lady from the aisle, and she looked stuck somewhere between bewildered and mortified. Claire snorted and the white haired woman turned back to face the front.
I slapped Claire’s shoulder. “Thanks,” I hissed. “We’re getting a real reputation around here.”
“At least I get to walk away from mine,” she giggled. “Yours only adds to what half the town already knows about you.”
The lights went down and she quieted. The curtains parted and out came the first actor to perform the prologue. There was still a decent amount of light over the audience and I couldn’t keep my eyes off Jason.
Despite my lengthy conversation with Claire, nothing had changed. Even if he was staying till Monday, he had still shot me down. Likely that decision was a permanent one. So there was nothing to do but move on.
Asshole. He could at least make moving on easier for me and get the hell out of town.
I only paid real attention to the play when Danny came onstage, doing a pretty damn great job of portraying Mercutio. Other than that, I battled feelings of boredom, anger, and lust for the man seated a dozen rows away. A few times, I pulled out my phone just to make sure I hadn’t gotten a text from Matt about Freddy’s, but the screen was all clear. After Claire gave me a dirty look the third time, I slipped the phone in my purse and left it there.
After the cast took their bows, I hopped up, meaning to beat the crowd to the doors. In the lobby, Claire grabbed my arm.
“Where are you going?”
“Uh. Home?”
“Your home?”
I didn’t know. I didn’t really have a plan.
“We have to congratulate Danny,” she said.
“You’re right,” I sighed. I was being selfish and only thinking about my intense need to escape not only Jason but crowds.
I pressed myself against the wall and waited. A couple dozen people filed out of the auditorium. I looked away as the white haired lady passed, hoping she didn’t recognize me as the owner of Freddy’s. I could just hear the gossip. That woman is filthy mouthed. All she talks about is sex. I wouldn’t buy anything from her if my life depended on it.
If my business went under, I was going to file a lawsuit against Claire for defamation.
“Here they come,” she announced.
Our family entered the lobby. Jason was looking right at me. The instant he saw me watching him, his eyes fell.
“We were wondering where you two got to,” our dad said, coming up to us. “How did you like the show?”
“It was good,” Claire said.
“Danny was great,” I added.
Everyone added their agreement, but Jason only kept his eyes averted.
If staying makes him feel that guilty, why doesn’t he just leave?
The actors came into the lobby, and everyone began congratulating them. Jason perked up a little bit then, shaking Danny’s hand and telling him what a good job he did.
“It made me cry,” Grandma said. “It was just like the movie.”
“Aw, Grandma,” Claire cooed, wrapping her in a side hug.
“Should we celebrate?” Dad asked. “Get ice cream?”
Mom laughed. “It’s a little cold for ice cream, Harry.”
“No,” I said. “It’s never too cold for ice cream. Great job, Danny.”
“Thanks.” He grinned.
“Is anything open?” Grandpa asked.
“Humphrey’s Soda Shop might be,” Dad said, scratching his head. “Let’s go see.”
Over Dad’s shoulder, the movement of a familiar figure caught my eye. Jason was talking to a woman I’d never seen before. She was tall, with straight blonde hair and a toothy grin that seemed plastered on her face.
She nodded, still smiling even while she said something. She listened while Jason responded and then reached out and touched his shoulder. Jason shifted his weight to the side and I saw his face — or, rather, the smile on it.
My stomach fell like it was full of rocks.
He’d said it wasn’t a good time to “get involved” with anyone, and he’d turned down my efforts to hook up with him. So what was he doing flirting with some random woman?
He was a liar. And not because of Claire. This whole thing wasn’t about him. It’s me. I did something to make him not interested in me anymore. Just like with…
I bit my tongue and looked down at the scuffed white floor. Damn. I really was a fool.
“You know,” I said. “I’m actually not feeling well. I think I’ll skip ice cream.”
My mom reached out to me. “What’s the matter?”
“She’s exhausted,” Dad said. “She works all the time.”
“Yeah.” I feebly smiled. “That probably is it.”
“Okay,” my mom murmured. “You know, it’s going to snow tonight. Maybe you should come spend the night with us.”
There was no chance in hell I was sleeping under the same roof as Jason.
I tried not to sound panicked. “I’ll be okay.”
“The power might go out. Do you have wood?”
I thought about the little fireplace in my cottage that I’d never used. “I’m sure I do,” I lied.
Her lips pursed. “Gwen—”
My dad interrupted her. “If it starts coming down heavy, I’ll drive over there to get her. We won’t be getting it real hard till at least tomorrow afternoon, though. She’ll be fine, Susan.”
“Okay,” she agreed after eying me for a long few seconds.
I felt Claire’s eyes on me, but I didn’t look at her as I slunk away. Outside, the predicted snow was already coming down in intermittent flurries. The flakes were so few and far between you had to stare across the road to get enough depth to actually see them. Despite the turmoil inside myself, I stopped for a moment to watch. Snowfalls were rare in Crystal Brook and
it was a sin to let one pass without at least taking a few moments to appreciate it, no matter how crazy your life currently was.
Although, honestly, I had only about an ounce of appreciation left in my body. Trudging my way to the parking lot, I climbed in the car and peeled away without giving it a chance to heat up.
I hadn’t checked the time recently, but I knew it was late enough that Freddy’s was closed. I could sleep on the couch, but the temperature was dropping and that alleyway was hard to stay warm in. Like it or not, it was time to head home.
I drove by Freddy’s anyway, slowing down to just a few miles per hour on the empty street. It was completely dark and normal looking. Looking at it that way, from the warmth of the car, I saw for the first time what an unwelcoming place my shop was at night. The realization made me incredibly sad. If I didn’t have Freddy’s to go to at any hour of the day or night for comfort, then what did I have?
The cottage was just as cold as Freddy’s looked. I turned on all the lights in the living room, then cranked up the heat. Before I took off my coat, I went out the back door to the tiny yard. I hardly ever used it, though there was a little metal table and two chairs back there.
There was also a wood pile from what my dad had chopped up for me in the fall, after he’d taken the big oak tree that was hanging dangerously close to his and Mom’s house down. I’d never used any of the logs, but to make him feel good, I told him I’d lit a few fires. Lifting the green tarp, I peeked at the logs. Certainly, there was enough there to last for days.
Rubbing my hands together, I hurried back inside. The rooms were starting to warm up, and I took my coat off and tossed it on a chair. After that, I wasn’t quite sure what to do, so I just stood there. It was so rare that I actually got time alone that wasn’t taken up by sleep or work. What made it even more uncomfortable was the thought of the person I was running away from.
I closed my eyes, willing the tantalizing image of Jason to disappear. What had I done that was so wrong? How could he have been so into me one day and then not the next?
It doesn’t matter. He only wanted you for sex anyway.
I sighed and kicked off my boots. It was true. I’d briefly entertained the idea of seizing the casual sex opportunity, but in the end it was probably best that I hadn’t. There was nothing there to cry over, so it was time to lift my chin up high and get the hell over it.
Grabbing a blanket from the back of the couch, I settled onto the cushions and looked around the room. There was still a box in the corner from when I’d moved into the place. Full of books and random knick knacks I’d never found the energy to unpack and put away. There was another box just like it in my bedroom, and one in the cabinet in the kitchen.
The cottage could have been adorable, if only I gave half a shit.
I picked up the remote and began flipping through channels, watching a history show about feudal England for a few minutes before moving on to some reality program about house swapping.
A sad, sick feeling steadily grew in my stomach. It had been a while since I’d sat alone watching TV and I’d forgotten how depressing it could make me feel. Or maybe that was just because it was the night before Christmas Eve.
No one should be alone around Christmas, right?
I sighed. It was true. Which meant I’d been too hard on Jason. If I was a better person, like my mom or Claire, I would have looked past the personal situation between the two of us and warmly welcomed him to Crystal Brook.
I hated how mixed up things had gotten and, even more than that, I hated how mixed up I felt about it all. Looking back on the few prior days, I was able to realize some things.
First of all, I was a hermit. Heck, maybe I was borderline socially anxious. If so, I hadn’t always been that way. There had been a time when I loved to go out and be around people. After breaking up with Mike, I guess I lost a lot of that desire. Slowly, I drew into myself, only able to come out when I had my Business Owner face on.
Secondly, I had a semi-twisted relationship with men. Just the fact that I had fallen for Jason was evidence of that. The man was undeniably unavailable, and obviously I liked that, perhaps because — surprise, surprise — I myself was emotionally unavailable.
Thirdly, I needed to spend more time with my family. Ironically, it was the words of the very man who caused so many painful feelings that made me come to this final conclusion. He’d accused me of ignoring my family and — damn him — he was right.
Was I really happy going about my days opening and closing Freddy’s, sleeping on the shop couch, and avoiding as many close personal relationships as I could?
I twisted my hands in my lap, the television no longer doing anything at all when it came to getting my attention. The answer was no. I wasn’t happy living that way.
And if I was going to make some changes, I needed to start right then and there. Throwing the blanket off my legs, I went to the front door and pulled on my boots and coat. Once bundled up, I turned all the lights off but one, leaving it as a promise to myself that I would return to the cottage sometime soon.
I braced myself against the cold and opened the door — then halted. The snow fall had lessened, but a few flakes still wafted over the steps and toward my door, and along with them was Jason.
He tentatively took the last step onto the porch. Five more seconds without me coming out and he would have rung my doorbell.
“J-Jason,” I stammered. “How did you know where I live?”
He looked bashful. “Claire.”
“Ah. Of course.”
I stood in the doorway, my hand still on the knob.
“Were you going somewhere?” he asked.
“Just back to my parents’. I decided I didn’t want to get snowed in alone after all.”
“Oh.”
I looked over his shoulder, at the driveway that still only held my car. “Did you walk here?”
“Your dad dropped me off.”
“Wow.” Was everyone in on some kind of plan to get the two of us to hook up?
“He was concerned about you,” he continued. “Having enough wood and all. I told him to drop me off so I could check in with you. I think he also hoped that you would give me a ride back and end up staying there.”
“Well, thanks, but I have enough wood. I also don’t need to be tricked into going to see my family. Like I said, I was just headed there.”
I waited for him to move, but he stayed frozen to the planks. “Can we talk for a minute before we go back?”
I took in a slow breath. If I let him into my house, what would happen? Would I be able to control myself? Imagine if I jumped his bones again, only to get pushed away. I couldn’t bear the idea of getting shot down a second time.
“Gwen?”
“Uh, okay,” I murmured, moving aside to let him through. It was too cold to keep standing on the porch, and of course a big part of me wanted to hear what he had to say.
I closed the door behind him and turned around. His shoulders were hunched together and he gazed down at me with an almost sad expression.
Oh, God. Does he feel sorry for me?
An image of Claire telling him that I was falling for him flashed through my mind. If that was what happened, I was going to murder her.
“What’s up?” I asked, bracing myself for the reply.
“About that woman…”
“Who?” I asked, feigning ignorance.
“The one at the theater.”
“Oh. The one you were talking to. What about her?”
“Did you leave because of that?”
I scoffed and crossed my arms. “No. Why would I do that?”
He raised his eyebrows and stared at me. God, I was an awful liar.
“I thought maybe you left because she was flirting with me.”
“No,” I said, the word barking its way from my mouth.
“Well, I just wanted to let you know I wasn’t interested in her. She asked me to go for a drink, but I turned her down.
”
The news pleased me, of course, but I worked hard to not show it. Instead, I nonchalantly shrugged. “Okay. Why are you telling me this?”
“Because…” he trailed off and shook his head. “I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to make sure you didn’t think you had done something wrong. What I told you at Freddy’s is true. It’s a complicated time in my life.” He licked his lips, looking nervous. “Which makes relationships hard. Actually, more like impossible.”
I’d never said anything about the two of us forming some kind of relationship. At least not the kind that people made big deals about. Jason didn’t have to sugarcoat the whole issue.
“It’s okay,” I said, not really feeling like it was, but knowing that one day I would look back and see it as so. “You’re not that into me. I get it.”
“What?” He stared at me. “No. That’s not it.”
Immediately, my heart sped up, rushing to its own conclusions. “Isn’t it?”
“No,” he sharply replied. “So you did think I was lying?”
I pressed my arms tighter against myself and shrugged. “No… yes… I don’t know. Sorry. You didn’t leave after you said you were going to, so why should I believe anything you say now?”
“That’s a good point. I can’t really argue with that.”
“No, you can’t.”
He smiled at me and I grinned back. After a moment, I forced myself to drop the expression. Things were starting to feel too good, too familiar, between us, which meant it would only hurt more when he eventually did leave.
A silence stretched on, the two of us just standing there in my tiny living room. I felt my body tilting towards him, as if we were both composed of magnets.
Stop it, body. You don’t have a brain. You don’t know what you’re doing!
“So this is your place?” He looked around the room, taking a step towards the half full bookcase. The heat rose in my cheeks over the idea of him reading my book titles, though it wasn’t like I had anything super embarrassing there. With a reputation as a book store owner to protect, I made sure to keep all smut contained exclusively to my Kindle.
“I haven’t finished putting all my books up,” I quickly defended myself as he craned his head to read a title.
Damaged (Crystal Brook Billionaires) Page 13
