Natalie walked to Daddy’s desk with a bit of reverence. She didn’t understand half of what he did here. Investments were his business. Stocks, bonds, real estate, businesses--his father had started the company, and Daddy had taken over after his unexpected death. Natalie had been quite young then, and she barely remembered her grandfather. But from everything Daddy had told her, he had been a good man--smart, dedicated to his work and his family, ambitious, and not afraid to take calculated risks. She knew Daddy admired him and missed him greatly.
She took a seat in the leather chair and turned on the computer. She had no trouble navigating her way around the desktop and discovering what on-board programs were available. The only thing she had use for right now was email, and she checked her personal account, but it had been so long since she had logged in, her inbox was overflowing, mostly with junk mail. Rather than trying to sort through everything, she deleted them all in one fell swoop and started fresh, sending a group message to some of her friends and colleagues at the high school, telling them what she was doing now and how things were going.
She also sent a message to Matt Herring, her former photo editor at Travel Europe, asking him what he was doing now and letting him know she was still available if he had gotten another job within the publishing world.
She considered sending Samuel a message also but couldn’t bring herself to tap on the keys. She didn’t know what to say. Did he even remember her? Perhaps he did not wish to hear from her after so much time had passed. She hadn’t contacted him at all since the last time they’d seen each other, and she didn’t see the point of trying to contact him now. He hadn’t been interested in anything more than friendship, and she didn’t know when she might be returning to Europe and could see him again.
She typed out a brief message anyway, but it sounded cold and distant. Deleting the words and trying again, she said things that were really on her heart about missing him and wishing things had been different the last time they had been together. But she didn’t have the nerve to send it. Not yet. She would wait and see if anything developed with Michael first.
After a brief walk down to the lake with Leona and another delicious dinner that evening, Natalie felt lost once again and decided to call Allison. She had planned to ask if she could come over and hang out, but Allison reminded her about the Bible study she had at her apartment on Tuesdays and invited her to come.
Allison had invited her before, but Josie always worked on Tuesdays, giving her the perfect excuse. This time she didn’t have one and didn’t want to lie to Allison by making something up, so she agreed. It wasn’t so bad. She knew most of the gals that were there, including Laurie, Jen, and a few others. They spent the first twenty minutes chatting with each other and eating some goodies Allison’s roommate had made before they got around to doing the study.
The group had been going through a book called, Becoming A Woman Of Prayer, and Natalie mostly listened as the others discussed the questions and read through the author’s insights. The study taught her something she hadn’t considered before: God always answers our prayers, but His answer is not always yes. Sometimes what we see as the perfect solution to a problem, God may view much differently, and He may say ‘no’ or ‘wait’.
Natalie remembered something from her childhood. The night her mother had told them their dad wasn’t coming home and they were getting a divorce, she had prayed. Lying in her bed, feeling like her heart had been ripped into a million pieces, she had asked God to bring Daddy home, to stop the divorce, and make her parents love each other again.
She had always assumed God hadn’t heard her, or that He didn’t exist at all. For the remainder of the discussion time, she considered a new possibility: He had heard her but said ‘no’. She decided she would rather believe He didn’t exist.
After completing the chapter, some prayer requests were shared. Some of them were very personal, and Natalie was amazed that sharing deep needs and concerns seemed to come easily within the small group. She almost mentioned her desire to restore a good relationship with her dad in the coming months, but she didn’t. Compared to what some of the girls had shared, her own troubles seemed rather petty. If God was real, as those surrounding her seemed to believe, she was certain He had better things to do than give in to her selfish hopes.
She could imagine the sarcastic thoughts of her new friends. Poor Natalie, living in that big house all alone with only a housekeeper to clean up after her and cook for her every night. Too bad she has so many responsibilities and has to do all that traveling to take pictures. Too bad she can’t spend more time with her daddy who has more money than Santa Claus and gives in to her every whim. What a hard life.
Of course most of them didn’t know about any of those things, but she didn’t want them finding out, feeling certain she’d be labeled the spoiled little rich girl, a tag that had plagued her for most of her childhood. As an adult she had broken out of that mold, determined to take care of herself and secure her own identity, using her own abilities rather than Daddy’s coat tails.
On the drive home, Natalie wondered if she had made the right decision to move into her dad’s house. Other than the assignment she had to do this summer for Discover Oregon, she hadn’t committed to anything else. Maybe going back to California now, getting a temporary job, and coming back to Portland for a few weeks during the summer was a better plan.
It wasn’t likely that the limited time she would have with her dad between now and then would go very far in restoring their relationship, and sitting around waiting for God to drop photography assignments into her lap seemed like a very childish way to be living.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Over the next few days Natalie tried to decide what to do. Weighing the positives and negatives of staying in Portland or going back to California, she seemed to feel more confused by the end of the week. She didn’t understand her indecisiveness. Usually she knew what she wanted and went for it.
I’m acting like I’m twelve and I can’t make up my mind about going to my friend’s slumber party. Grow up, Natalie! This is your life you’re talking about here. Be an adult and take charge. This is your decision to make--make it already!
Natalie received two unexpected phone calls on Friday afternoon. The first came from her father, calling to see if she had gotten settled and to let her know he would be in town the following week. Not expecting him to return so soon, Natalie was thrilled at the news, and the loneliness and confusion of the week seemed to melt away as he told her his plans to stay for six days total. She knew many of those hours would be spent on the business he had to attend to, but she planned to get in as much time with him as she possibly could.
The second call came as she and Leona were preparing dinner. Leona had promised to teach her how to cook some of her favorite dishes, and Natalie had dug in with both hands--literally. Her fingers were caked in pizza dough when Leona announced the incoming call was for her.
Motioning to Leona, Natalie prompted her to hold the phone up to her ear, then held the slippery black plastic with her shoulder. Michael’s voice brought a smile to her face. He had called last night too, and they had talked for nearly an hour. With a busy weekend schedule ahead of him, he had told her not to expect another call for a few days.
“What are you doing?” he asked after a warm greeting.
“Right now? Learning how to make Leona’s delicious calzone.”
“Could I possibly drag you away?”
A smile played about her lips. “I don’t know. This dough and I seem to have made a close connection. It seems rather possessive at the moment.”
“Well, you have an hour to pull yourself away--that is, if you’d care to join me for dinner tonight.”
“I thought you had a concert in Corvallis.”
“The church had a problem with some flooding today and had to cancel.”
Natalie didn’t hesitate to accept the invitation, and once she had finished kneading the dough and set it as
ide to rest, she went upstairs to take a shower. She couldn’t remember when she had felt so excited about going on a date. When Michael had asked her to the concert, she had felt nervous anticipating his arrival, but now she felt much more comfortable, even if she didn’t know what exactly the evening might hold.
She opened the front gate when he buzzed the house, and she watched from the front window as he drove up in a classic Ford Mustang. The royal blue paint looked brand new. Not giving him a chance to come to the door as she had planned, she rushed out to meet him instead.
“What a beautiful car,” she said as soon as he stepped out. “Is it yours?”
He pulled his gaze from her father’s mansion. “I bought her in high school, and my dad and I rebuilt the engine. The other restorations came later when I had money to spend.”
“That’s not a For Sale sign in the window, is it?”
“I need the money to help pay for school.”
She stepped closer and ran her fingers over the smooth paint. “Oh, Michael. You can’t sell it.”
He shrugged. “Not much choice. She’s all I got left, and I can’t graduate with so many loans hanging over my head.”
Natalie knew the feeling of being tied down with debt. Growing up, she’d always had everything she needed and could talk Daddy into anything she wanted. She hadn’t borrowed money for college, scholarships had covered all her expenses, but once she had a job and was officially on her own, she had spent her money recklessly, charging up credit cards to the max, buying new furniture and a new car that was more than her budget could handle.
Eventually it all caught up with her, and she had to sell anything she didn’t absolutely need. She kept her car, and was still paying on it, but the rest was either sold or paid for. She never would have been able to take a leave of absence otherwise and had been glad she’d gotten it all taken care of before the opportunity came.
But her sacrifices had been the result of her foolish spending. Thinking Michael needed to sell such a beautiful car that probably meant more to him than the money it was worth made her feel bad for him. His decision to return to school and throw his life into such uncertainty baffled her. So did his words.
“God told me to sell. So I will.”
She went back inside to get her coat and purse, pondering his statement. Do I want to get involved with this guy if he’s a religious fanatic like Josie? I don’t know if I can take him spouting ‘God this’ and ‘God that’ all the time. Well, there’s not much I can do about it right now. I’ve already agreed to go out with him, and other than the Christianity thing, I really like him. I guess I can put up with his beliefs as long as he doesn’t try to shove them on me.
Michael didn’t talk about God the whole night as she feared. In many ways the evening seemed too good to be true. Dinner at the Italian restaurant was relaxed and delicious. Natalie savored each bite of food, and being in no hurry to finish their meals, they spent more time talking than eating. After sharing a piece of white chocolate cheesecake, they left the restaurant and drove to a secret destination.
Stepping from the car as Michael held the door open for her, Natalie wasn’t sure where they were. The secluded, dark street felt strangely peaceful rather than unnerving as they walked hand in hand toward the place Michael appeared to have in mind.
“I haven’t been up here in years,” he commented. “I used to come here a lot but got out of the habit.”
“And where exactly are we?”
He walked a few more paces, then stopped and turned her in the opposite direction. She gasped at the sight before her.
“Wow! That’s some view,” she said, feeling like she had made the understatement of the century. Lights of every color and brightness shone from the vast valley below them. “I’ve never seen this view of the city before, not even in a photograph.”
“Sort of a neighborhood secret,” he replied, closing the distance between them and blocking the slight breeze seeping through her lightweight sweater. “I grew up at the end of the block. We lived here until I was in high school and then moved to where my parents’ house is now.”
“And you’re letting a photographer see it?”
“I trust you.”
Feeling his hands touch her waist, Natalie fought to keep her heart from beating out of her chest. She usually combated butterflies with teasing. Tonight was no different.
“And how many girls have you been here with?”
“One.”
Natalie laughed nervously and held her breath, waiting for Michael to make the next move. She expected him to turn her around to face him, but instead he stepped in close, pulled her back against his chest, and just stood there, holding her for a long time.
When he released her and began leading them back to the car, she felt confused at his behavior once again. Had he brought her up here to kiss her and then changed his mind? She didn’t know how many more times she could handle him toying with her emotions.
But at the same time she wasn’t sorry for the romantic moment they had shared. She couldn’t recall ever being held in someone’s arms like that without him having some ulterior motive. Her mind and heart went up and down on a teeter-totter of explanations as they drove back to the house.
Michael seemed relaxed, singing along with the CD and occasionally making a comment here and there. She remained mostly quiet. But Michael didn’t appear to notice her melancholy mood. He walked her to the front door, and she turned to face him. She couldn’t judge his mood or intentions.
“Do you want to come in?” She knew it was late but didn’t want their evening to end with her thoughts in their current unsettled state. She needed some sort of confirmation of Michael’s feelings toward her.
“I’d like to,” he said.
His slate-blue eyes expressed a longing that made her heart surge. She imagined them making themselves comfortable on the couch, him holding her in his arms, being kissed by him for the first time and letting that lead to whatever. She trusted him like she had always trusted Samuel, but Michael was looking at her in a way Samuel never had.
“But I better not,” he said, taking a step back and halting her sweet fantasy. He couldn’t even kiss her from that distance. “I’ll just say good-night here.”
She turned to insert the key into the lock, attempting to hide her disappointment and blink back the tears she felt beginning to sting her eyes. I can’t let this guy have this much power over me. She felt determined to send him off with a cordial good night. If he asks me out again, I’m saying no.
“Thanks for the nice time,” she said, hoping her words sounded as hollow as they felt, then immediately felt guilty for being such a baby. So he hadn’t kissed her--big deal. Maybe he was afraid he had bad breath or something.
“Natalie?”
She pushed the door open but didn’t step inside. Clutching the strap of her purse in her cold hands, she slowly turned back. The tender expression on his face kept her from saying anything else she might regret. She waited for him to speak.
“You should know I would love to kiss you right now.”
Hearing the sincerity in his voice, she resisted the urge to say anything flippant or witty. “What’s stopping you?” she replied softly.
“I have this standard about not kissing a woman until at least the third date. Something I set for myself back in college to keep me from moving too fast.”
Is this guy for real? Unable to think of anything to say in response, she remained silent. This was a first for her.
“It’s served me pretty well, but I’ve never been more tempted to break it than I am right now.”
She felt a smile form on her face, realizing this would technically be their second date. “So, are you going to ask me out again?”
“That depends,” he replied, taking a step toward her and reaching for her hand.
“On what?” she laughed.
Grasping her fingers, Michael intertwined his with hers and lifted them to his lips. “On if
you want me to.”
“I think you know the answer to that.”
He smiled. “I hope I do.”
“I don’t suppose getting back in the car and going somewhere else would count, huh?”
“No, and unfortunately the next couple of weeks are going to be insanely busy for me, so I can’t plan anything definite right now.”
“Well, I suppose I can be patient,” she said. “Call me?”
He nodded and kissed her fingers one more time before releasing them. “You can count on that.”
She bid him good night and stepped inside. Leaning against the closed door, she waited for her heart to return to a normal pace. She heard his car pull away, and she headed upstairs. Feeling tired but not ready for bed, she decided to take a long bath.
She took her French copy of Sense and Sensibility from her stack of books. Many of her classic collection that included other Jane Austen titles, some printed in English, some in French, were in storage in California. But this one and a few others she had packed and traveled across the Atlantic with. The more she read Jane Austen, the more she liked her. She was one of those authors she wished she could have had the chance to meet in real life. In fact, she’d read so much of her work that in some ways she felt like she did know her.
After a good soak and several delightful chapters, she climbed from the tub, got into bed, and fell into a restful sleep. She slept in the following morning and then went to see Josie in the afternoon.
Tommy welcomed her at the door with a hug and insisted on showing her his new room again. His familiar soccer ball covered comforter and matching pillowcase along with his teddy bear sat atop his bed. His desk, art supplies, toys, and soccer ball lamp made the room feel much like his old one at the apartment.
Natalie recalled the many times she had tucked Tommy into bed for the night and felt sorry for herself that those days were over, but happy for her nephew that he now had a daddy to take her place. Back downstairs she found Brandon in his office doing some work on the computer and said hello. He looked well settled into his new work space. Walking back to the small den where she had seen her sister digging through boxes a moment before, she asked if she could help with some unpacking.
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