He did give her a hug before he stepped away, along with some parting words. “Call me if you want to talk some more. Whether you like it or not, Natalie, I’m praying for you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Natalie took her Bible from the drawer of her night stand after getting into her pajamas and turned to where the crimson satin ribbon marked the place where the pages had last been opened. She looked for the red print in John One and read the words Ted had talked about on the retreat four months ago.
‘What do you want?’
Natalie thought about that. What did she want?
I want Michael in my life. I want to have the peace that he and Josie talk about. I want to know what God has planned for me.
She read the question the people asked Jesus. ‘Where are you staying?’ She knew Jesus was God’s son and that He had died on a cross for her. How did God and Jesus fit together? Was she supposed to believe in them both?
God, I’m not sure who you are or how to find you. But I want to know. Help me to understand what I need to believe. She continued reading. The second phrase of red lettering went straight to her heart.
‘Come and see.’
She didn’t have any reason to turn away from the invitation and every reason to accept it.
God, I’m tired of fighting you. I’m weary of the troubles of life. I know I need you. I want you. I want to come and see you face to face. Please show me the way.
She closed the Bible, laid it aside, and turned out the light. She felt mostly numb, like she wasn’t sure if her prayer would make any difference, but it was all she had. When she awoke the next morning, her clock said nine forty-five, and she knew she could make it to church in time for the eleven o’clock service. She didn’t hesitate to go.
She showered and dressed, choosing her favorite blue dress for the sunny day. She took the time to put on make-up and some jewelry, then went downstairs to grab some breakfast. Leona wouldn’t be here this morning.
Stepping into the kitchen with her white sandals clicking on the tile, her dad’s voice startled her.
“Good morning, baby,” he said. “Sleep well?”
She whirled around and saw him sitting on a chair in the living room next to the fireplace. “Daddy! What are you doing here?”
“Last time I checked, this was my house,” he teased.
“I know, but you weren’t supposed to be back for three weeks.”
“Change of plans,” he said, hinting that he had some secret reason why. “You look nice,” he continued. “Are you going somewhere?”
“To church,” she replied, not feeling ashamed of the fact. “Want to come with me?”
“No,” he said. “I have some things to do. Will you be back later?”
“Yes. Why?”
“I have something to show you,” he said. “But it can wait until this afternoon.”
Natalie ate a bowl of cereal and a banana before telling Daddy good-bye and heading for her car parked in the garage. She backed out and headed down the driveway. Everything looked more vibrant on the drive into Portland. Instead of focusing on the black pavement and the cars whizzing beside her, she noticed the trees flapping their large foliage against the blue sky and the shimmering water of the Willamette River along the highway.
When she arrived at the church, she scanned the large meeting room for familiar faces and spotted Allison about halfway up the aisle talking to some friends. Without hesitating, she wove her way toward her and stood back for a moment until Allison turned away from her conversation, searching for a seat.
Natalie reached out and grabbed her elbow. “Hey,” she said.
Allison smiled when she saw her. “Natalie!” she exclaimed like she hadn’t seen her in months. “Come sit with me.”
Natalie followed her to a row with some others from the singles’ group, and they sat in two unoccupied seats.
“Did you sleep in like I did, or did you make it to class this morning?” Allison asked.
“I just got here,” she said. “How late did you get home?”
“Midnight,” Allison laughed. “I’m so glad you’re here.”
Natalie was too. She enjoyed the service more than she ever had before. The songs had more meaning, even the message made some sense to her, but she still felt like she had so many questions. She wasn’t going to let another day go by without getting some answers to them.
After the service she tried to find Josie but didn’t see her or Brandon anywhere. Allison remained at her side, helping her to look. “Maybe they’re not here,” she finally said. “This is probably Josie’s weekend to work. I didn’t think of that.”
“Why did you want to talk to her?”
Natalie looked to her friend and decided she didn’t want to wait until this evening or tomorrow to talk to her sister. She didn’t know what Daddy’s plans were, and right now was the only time she knew for sure she had free. She was going to be busy tomorrow, making her final selections to submit to Mr. Trent, and she planned to leave for California early Tuesday morning.
“Can we go somewhere and talk?” she asked Allison. “I have some questions about God.”
Allison didn’t hesitate to respond. “Sure. How about if we grab some lunch and eat outside somewhere?”
“That would be great,” she said.
They walked to a nearby deli and got some sandwiches, then headed to the Park Blocks and sat down on a bench. They talked about their weekend while they ate. Natalie told her about having dinner with Michael and the walk they took around Ted and Corrinne’s neighborhood. Allison asked what she and Michael talked about, if she wanted to share.
Natalie told her, and Allison listened.
“Do you believe all that?” Allison asked.
“I’m beginning to,” she said. “I do believe in God, and I want to believe He loves me.”
“But you’re not sure?”
“My dad says he believes in God, but not religion. What do you think about that?”
“I don’t believe in religion either. I believe in having a relationship with God.”
“What’s the difference?”
“It’s one thing to believe that God exists and go to church out of a sense of duty and guilt--my definition of religion--and another to believe that God loves me and to seek a relationship with Him. I don’t go to church or read the Bible or pray as a ritual to appease my sin; I do those things to know God better.”
“And I can do that too?”
“Everyone can. The first step is to receive the love and forgiveness Jesus offers you,” she explained. “Have you done that, Natalie?”
“Can you explain who Jesus is? I’m not really clear on that.”
“Jesus is God. They are the same.”
“I thought He was God’s Son?”
“Jesus called Himself the Son of God because He was born as a human being so He could come to show us God’s mercy and the right way to connect with Him--not through rituals and laws but by receiving His love for us. But He also called Himself God. You can’t say you believe in God but not Jesus. Or say that Jesus was a good man, but not God. He came. He died. He rose from the dead. If you don’t believe in Jesus, then you don’t believe that God is who He says He is.”
Natalie tried to digest Allison’s words. They made sense to her but took a moment for her to grasp. “So, you’re saying that God sent Himself to save me?”
“Yep. Pretty cool, huh?”
Natalie laughed. “Somehow I’ve never thought of God as cool.”
“Or, like wow!?”
Natalie smiled. Allison may have gotten on her nerves once in awhile, but only because she was one of the sweetest and happiest girls she’d ever met. “You are so goofy.”
“Not Goofy. Shaggy!”
Natalie rolled her eyes. Allison certainly had an interesting sense of humor. But it did lighten the moment and give her a chance to decide if she was ready to accept what Allison was telling her.
“I think m
y biggest problem is believing that God cares about me when there are so many people in the world. Do you really think He cares for each one of us as individuals, and that He knows every detail of our lives?”
“Yes. I do.”
“How do you know?”
Allison thought for a moment and then replied. “First of all, the Bible says so. First Peter 5:7 says, ‘Cast all your anxiety upon Him because He cares for you.’ And hundreds of other places in the Bible say so too. But I understand what you mean about thinking He’s too far away or that the world is too big for Him to notice every detail. I used to feel the same way.”
“You?”
“Yes, me!”
“What changed?”
“You know I grew up in Brazil as a missionary kid, right?”
“Yes.”
“Well, growing up I had always heard about God and saw my parents sharing God’s message of love all the time. But there came a time when I began to question if it was all true. In my heart I knew that it must be, but I thought, ‘What proof do I have that God exists or that He knows who I am?’”
Natalie was anxious for her to continue, amazed that even Allison had such doubts.
Allison went on to tell her about a time when she was thirteen. Her family was living in Rio de Janeiro. They had started a church and had weekly meetings for the youth in the area, among many other things. A lot of street kids came off and on. One particular boy came one night. He was living on the streets with his two older brothers.
“He was only eleven, and he was really scared. He didn’t want to be in Rio with his brothers, he wanted to go back home. My dad brought him to our apartment and told him he could stay with us until he could locate his parents. It took several weeks for my dad to find them, and during that time Francisco became a Christian.”
“You mean he believed in God and Jesus and everything?”
“Yes. It was so cool. His heart was ready, and he believed everything my mom and dad told him. I remember feeling guilty I was having doubts about God when I saw his amazing faith.”
“Did he go back home then?”
“Well, the night before my dad planned to take him, his brothers showed up at the apartment. They had guns and demanded to take Francisco with them. We were in bed, but I heard all the commotion. They started tearing through the house, looking for their little brother.”
“You’re kidding! Were you terrified?”
“Yes, of course. They came into my room and looked right at me and my sister. They started looking under the beds and in the closet, then they left and went to my brother’s room across the hall. Francisco was in my brother’s room, sleeping on the floor, but his brothers ransacked the room just like they had mine, then went back into the front room and put a gun to my dad’s head and told him if he didn’t tell them where Francisco was, they would shoot him.
“My dad said, ‘Go right ahead,’ but when the guy pulled the trigger, nothing happened. Then they left and never came back.”
“Where was Francisco hiding?”
Allison smiled. “He wasn’t. He was right there on the floor in my brother’s room the whole time.”
“They didn’t see him?”
“I don’t think they saw any of us except my dad. And I also think they heard the gun fire.”
Natalie sat in awe at Allison’s story, and a familiar tugging came to her heart.
‘I see. I know. I care.’
“I’ve never doubted God’s existence or His love for us since that day, Natalie. You might not have a story like that to base your faith on, but Jesus said, ‘Blessed are those who have not seen and believe anyway.’”
Allison’s story was incredible, but remembering Michael’s words from last night about Jesus bringing them together this weekend, she wanted to believe he was right. She may not need protection from some bad guys in a foreign country, but she had needed to see Michael again.
‘I’m here, Natalie. Reach for Me, and I’ll catch you.’
Feeling God’s presence as strongly as she ever had, Natalie realized her heart was beating wildly. She didn’t think she could ignore Him this time. She didn’t want to.
“So what am I supposed to do, Shaggy, pray?”
Allison smiled. “That’s a good place to start.”
“What do I say?”
“What do you want to say?”
She thought about that. She thought about the prayers she had already whispered about wanting to seek God and find Him, and how He had answered. She wanted to ask for more of the same, but with an assurance that He was listening. That she was loved.
“I want to belong to Him,” she said. “Can I ask for that?”
“Yes,” Allison assured her.
She smiled and knew she really wanted that.
“Anything else?” Allison asked, not like that wasn’t enough, but leaving it open for more.
“I’m feeling a little lost about where to go from here. I’m looking forward to going back to California and getting back to teaching, but I have a lot of loose ends here. I’m going to miss my family and the friends I’ve made, like you and some others.”
She was thinking about Michael but didn’t say so. This was about him, and yet it wasn’t. It was about her and what she really needed, whatever that was.
“So, you want to ask Jesus to lead you?” Allison offered.
“Yes,” she said, recalling some more of Michael’s words. “Michael told me that God wants to light my path in the darkness, and that’s what I think I need.”
Allison laid her hand over her own. “Then just tell Him that.”
Allison made it sound simple, and Natalie didn’t want to wait another second to receive the love and direction she knew her heart desperately needed. All the anger and bitterness and discontentment she had been feeling for so many years felt suffocating, and she didn’t want to live under its cloud any longer. She didn’t know why exactly, but she knew God was real. He had to be. Somehow an invisible God had made Himself known to her.
She closed her eyes and said the words out loud. She knew Allison was there, but she wasn’t saying them for her. She was saying them for herself, and she fully believed that God was listening and would say yes to the things she wanted to ask Him.
“Oh, God,” she sighed. “The Maker of this beautiful world. The Creator of the sky and sea, of waterfalls and mountain lakes, of wildflowers and towering trees. I need you. I don’t fully understand your love for me or why you are pursuing me, but I know that you are. I want to belong to you and know you, and I want to follow you. Please light my path and teach me what I need to understand. I trust you to show me the way from here.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Feeling free and alive, Natalie walked through the door of the house and began searching for Daddy. She found him in his study on the phone. He held up his hand for her to wait and hung up less than a minute later after the phrase, “I have a major client to see now.”
Natalie about fainted. Daddy had ended a business conversation to spend time with her instead? Maybe she wasn’t the only one undergoing some changes.
“What was it you wanted to show me?” she asked, her best guess being another list of what had been sold at the gallery in Boston and how many more they wanted.
He stood from his chair and walked past her into the hallway. She followed him down the hall and was surprised when he reached for his car keys and led them out the door leading to the garage.
“Where are we going?” she asked. “Am I dressed all right, or should I change first?”
He turned around. “You’re fine.”
Natalie climbed into the passenger seat of his black Beamer and fastened her seat belt. Seeing he wanted their destination to be a secret, she didn’t try to get it out of him. She liked surprises, although she did run through a list of possibilities as they headed into downtown Portland. He bought a boat, perhaps, and wanted to take her for a cruise down the river? That hardly seemed like something to fl
y back home early for.
Maybe one of the galleries was having a show of rare art. Again that seemed a bit trite for Daddy’s precious time. She gave up and decided to wait and see why he looked like a teenager driving his first car.
“This is it,” he said, parking alongside the curb in front of a multi-story brick building.
It didn’t look like anything special. This was a major shopping district, but the storefront appeared dark and vacant. Daddy hopped out of the car and came around to her side, opening her door and helping her out. She noticed the giddy expression on his face and gave him a questioning glance.
What on earth has gotten into him?
Daddy walked up to the door of the bottom entrance, inserted a key into the lock, and opened the door. He stepped aside and waited for her to step past him, reaching for the light switch as he followed her inside. The lights revealed a large open room that was completely empty except for bare display racks and miscellaneous junk.
“Sorry, I haven’t had time to get it cleaned up,” he said. “I’ll hire someone tomorrow.”
“Daddy, what is going on? What is this place?”
He sported a gallant smile and rocked back on his heels. “Your new gallery.”
Natalie’s eyes widened. “My what?”
“Your very own gallery, baby. I talked to the building manager about leasing this space last week, and I met with him this morning to sign the contract and get the keys.”
“Daddy!” she said, practically jumping into his arms and wrapping her arms tightly around his shoulders. “I don’t know what to say.”
He held her close and kissed her on the cheek. “Say you’ll live your dream. That’s all I want.”
Tears stung her eyes, and she scanned the room once again. It was big enough to bring in other artists’ works as well as display her own, and this time she didn’t see dusty shelves and bare walls, but an inviting showroom filled with beautiful paintings, landscape photographs, and freestanding designs.
Her excitement faded when she remembered she was leaving on Tuesday. Did he expect her to drop everything and pursue this instead? She had always dreamed of having a gallery, but she enjoyed teaching too. How could she possibly do both?
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