A feeling of relief swept through her, and she pulled her wallet out of her purse. She had almost forgotten about the spare key she’d had made after the episode at Silver Falls. Unclasping her change compartment, she saw the shiny key lying amongst the pennies and silver coins.
Breathing a sigh of relief, she inserted the key and unlocked the door. She kissed the piece of metal, put it back for safekeeping, and opened the door. Slipping into her seat, she grabbed the keys and started the car.
She glanced back at the church building. Good-bye, Michael. I wish you all the happiness in the world.
No sooner had she thought the words than she saw the beautiful brunette emerge from a side door and hurry to a little white car parked across the street. Natalie couldn’t make herself look away and watched the young woman leave.
‘Go back, Natalie. Talk to him.’
Natalie sat motionless for several seconds. The still, small voice came again. ‘Don’t run away.’ She knew the words could only come from deep within her heart.
God, are you crazy? I can’t go back in there. I know what I saw.
‘Trust me, Natalie. Go back.’
Before she had a chance to change her mind, Natalie turned off the engine, grabbed her keys, and stepped out of the car. Crossing the street, she headed for the door the young woman had emerged from that appeared to be near where the youth room was located. She found herself at the end of a short hallway that led straight to the place she had been standing two minutes ago. She took a deep breath and forged ahead.
Opening the door with her heart pounding, she saw Michael standing with his back to her in the same location as he had been before.
“What did you forget, Kendra?” he said, turning around. His smile faded at the sight of her.
Natalie’s heart dropped into her gut, and she felt like turning around and running back out. I should have called first--given him a chance to be prepared to see me. That wasn’t God’s voice I heard. It was my own desperate heart.
“Natalie,” he said, his expression turning to pleasant wonder.
She stood fixed to her spot, watching him toss a notebook in his hand aside and take long strides to meet her. He smiled, pulled her into a tender embrace, and stepped back, grasping her hands and staring at her.
“What are you doing here?”
The eagerness in his voice calmed her fearful heart. Did she dare hope he was happy to see her?
“I’m on my way to California and thought I’d stop by,” she said. She could hear the nervousness in her voice. “If you’re busy, I--”
“No. I’m not,” he said. “I always have time for you.”
“I have something to tell you,” she said, wanting to get right to the point and then bolt out of here as soon as possible. “I thought you might like to know that I talked with Allison the day after the race. The things you said about God made me think, and I asked her some questions after church on Sunday.”
He squeezed her hands and kept looking at her, silently urging her to go on. She could see the cautious hope in his eyes.
“I’ve been pushing God away for a long time, and I realized I don’t want to anymore. I--I invited Him into my life, and I want to follow how He leads me from now on. I believe now, Michael. I really do, and I wanted you to know.”
Michael released her hands and pulled her into his arms without speaking a word. He held her for a long time, rocking her from side to side and stroking her hair.
She clung to him equally and wanted the tender moment to last forever, but she couldn’t get the mental picture out of her thoughts of him with someone else. Tears stung her eyes.
She stepped away and decided the sooner she left, the better. “I can’t stay,” she said. “I’m driving straight through, and I don’t want to get in too late.”
Michael looked confused. She wanted to turn around and walk out, but that wasn’t easy with him staring at her like he was. But what else could she do? Wait around for him to tell her what she had already seen with her own eyes? No thanks.
The door behind her swung open. She turned and saw the same girl Michael had been hugging earlier.
“Michael, I forgot--Oh, I’m sorry,” she said, letting out a nervous laugh. “I didn’t know you had company.”
“Hi, Kendra,” Michael said in a teasing tone. “What did you forget?”
Kendra stepped forward, her dark eyes shifting from Michael to her and then back. “The shopping list,” she said.
Now Natalie really felt nauseous. “I was on my way out,” she said and stepped away, not wanting to put Michael into the awkward position of having to introduce his new girlfriend to his former one.
Michael grabbed her hand. “Hang on,” he said. “Let me introduce the two of you. Kendra, this is Natalie Matthews. Natalie, Kendra Swan. One of my fearless assistants.”
Kendra’s eyes lit up and a wide smile emerged. “Natalie,” she said, sounding as if Michael had mentioned her before. “It’s nice to meet you.”
Natalie returned the greeting.
“Don’t let me interrupt,” Kendra said, winking at Michael. “I’ll just grab that list and be on my way.”
Natalie felt Michael slip his arm around her waist, holding her close to his side and not allowing her get away. Kendra crossed the room and grabbed a notebook from one of the chairs.
“I will get these things and be back here at four this afternoon,” she said to Michael, stepping toward the door. “If you think of anything else, let me know.”
“Bye, Kendra,” Michael said. “See you later.”
Kendra waved and disappeared into the hall. Natalie couldn’t move. Michael turned her to face him.
“Are you sure you can’t stay for a few minutes?”
She didn’t know what to say. Obviously she had misunderstood what she had seen earlier between Michael and Kendra. They were definitely good friends, but nothing in their exchange indicated anything more.
“What’s happening later?” she asked, referring to Michael’s words to Kendra.
“We’re having a meeting to plan for a retreat we’re taking in a few weeks.”
She stepped away from him. “Kendra seems nice. Do you two work together a lot?”
“Yes,” he said. He folded his arms across his chest and stared at her curiously. “I have several volunteers that help me with planning, leading Bible studies, stuff like that. Kendra’s my biggest go-getter.”
Michael’s tone told her he appreciated Kendra and enjoyed working with her. They would make a good couple. Both of them being so dedicated to working with the youth. I may believe what Michael believes now, but can I ever hope to be involved in this part of his life?
Maybe he and Kendra weren’t dating yet, but Natalie knew that might easily change--if Michael felt free of her.
“There’s nothing going on between me and Kendra,” he said. “If that’s what you’re thinking.”
Natalie stated the obvious. “She’s very pretty, Michael.”
“Yes, she is,” he said, stepping forward and placing his hands on her waist. “She’s also engaged.”
Natalie’s eyes flew up. “She is?”
“Yes, if fact she just told me--Oh, wait a minute. Did you see me hugging her about five minutes ago?”
Natalie bit her lip and slowly nodded.
He corralled her into a playful hug and laughed. “Natalie, Natalie, Natalie. Do you honestly think I have any room in my heart for anyone but you?”
He released her and lifted her chin to look into her eyes. “I love you, Natalie. I’ve been waiting for God to bring you back to me. I only want you.”
He kissed her lips, slowly and tenderly, instantly taking her back to the first time he had kissed her on the beach. She knew now what she had known then. She wanted to be loved by him.
“Michael, we’re in church,” she said, pulling herself away.
He laughed. “And God is smiling.”
He kissed her again, and this time she allowed
herself to fully believe this was happening.
“Do you really have to go?” he asked.
“I do. I was actually supposed to be there yesterday, but I arranged to be a couple days late because of the walk and needing to finish up my photo assignment. I can’t bail on them this late. I’m sorry, Michael. If I would have known--”
“Shh. Don’t be sorry. We will be together again soon. God had it planned this way for a reason.”
“I’m going to miss you,” she said, starting to cry as Michael kissed her again. His passion took her breath away, along with his sincere and thrilling words.
“I love you, Natalie. I love you, I love you, I love you. You will never be far from my heart. I promise.”
She wasn’t sure why, but she believed him. She believed that he would never stop loving her. That she was safe in his love.
“Come on,” he said, leading her to the door. “I’ll buy you some lunch before you have to go.”
They got some fast-food and went to a nearby park. He promised to call her often and email her every day. She promised to return as soon as possible. Perhaps the school could find a replacement by Winter Break.
“If I waited four long months not knowing if you would ever be mine, I can wait at least that long knowing that you are.”
She smiled. “Are you staking your claim on me, Michael?”
“You better believe it. Forever and ever.”
Doubts about if she was his perfect match surfaced again. She tried not to let her concern show, they had so little time. She didn’t want to spoil it. But he knew her too well.
“Does the idea of marriage still scare you?”
She answered honestly. “With you? No.”
She looked around the beautiful park and shared her troubled thoughts. “But I can’t help but wonder what kind of youth pastor’s wife I’ll be. This is all so new to me. Don’t you think you should be marrying someone like Kendra? Someone who knows all about God and can do the things a pastor’s wife is supposed to do?”
Michael responded to her words with a look she couldn’t read. Taking her hand and smiling at her, he obviously didn’t agree, but she wasn’t sure why.
“When I decided to become a youth pastor, I started praying for someone to share in my ministry. Someone to counter my weaknesses with her strengths. There is no doubt in my mind that you are that someone, Natalie.”
“But Michael, I don’t even--”
“Natalie, first of all, I love you for who you are, not for what you do. This is my calling, but that doesn’t automatically mean it has to be yours. All you can do is what God calls you to do, whether it’s working alongside me or in some other way. Either way you will be someone I can lean on and count on to be there for me--as my wife. That’s what I need the most.”
Natalie didn’t know why she had such peace that she would be marrying Michael, or why they both knew that’s where this was headed, but she knew she had never wanted anything more.
“But you are much more like Kendra than you probably think,” Michael continued. “And I know God can use you just as much as He can use me or Kendra or anyone. It’s not about how much you know. It’s about sharing what God means to you.”
She felt like she could do that. “I guess that’s why you’re doing this, huh? To show others what it took me a long time to figure out?”
“Yes, and every time I see you, I will be reminded to never give up on anyone.”
“Thank you for praying for me,” she said. “And for letting me go when you had to. I tried to get you and God out of my heart, but I couldn’t.”
Natalie didn’t know exactly what the future held for her. Perhaps she would find a job teaching here when she returned, or maybe she would continue taking photography assignments and enjoy a more active part in running the gallery, or maybe God had something completely different in mind for her.
She honestly didn’t care. She didn’t have to try and figure things out for herself anymore. God was in charge now, and she felt free.
She checked her watch. With a full day’s drive ahead of her, she knew she needed to get going, but Michael kept her there for a little while longer, giving her several long and gentle kisses. When he forced himself to pull away from her and gave in to the reality that she had to go, they walked hand in hand back to his car, and he drove them back to the church. Getting out and walking her across the street, he kissed her and then surprised her with an honest admission.
“It’s probably good that you are leaving.”
“What?”
He smiled. “My desire for you is very strong, Natalie. I don’t think I can handle being around you for very long without you being my wife. I hope you won’t mind a short engagement.”
Natalie intertwined her fingers with Michael’s. Looking into his blue-gray eyes, she slowly smiled. “So, you believe in waiting until marriage? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Yes. I believe that’s the way God designed it to be. Anything else is less than perfect. That’s not what I want for us.”
She knew remaining pure until their wedding night was what she wanted for them too. Michael caught a runaway tear with his thumb and wiped it across her cheek. “If you’ve had other relationships, Natalie, that’s okay. I still--”
“I haven’t,” she whispered, thinking about how close she had come to giving herself to Samuel. Now she knew the source of the inner doubts she’d had that night. Michael looked like he didn’t quite believe her at first, but he didn’t question it and pulled her close to him.
Natalie thought her heart was going to burst with happiness. She had no idea believing in God and letting Him love her and take care of things could bring this much joy to her soul. No wonder Josie and Michael and all the others had been so eager to share the truth with her. Why had she waited so long to believe?
“I love you, Natalie,” Michael said. “I promise that’s not changing.”
“I know,” she said.
“Call me when you get in tonight. I don’t care how late it is, and I’ll come see you as soon as I can.”
“Okay,” she replied, feeling determined to not cry. She wanted this to be a happy moment. As Michael had said, they would be together again soon, and she would look forward to that day. “Will you promise me something?”
“Anything.”
“Will you sing my song for me the next time I see you?”
He smiled. “On one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“That you don’t doubt my love for you ever again. Not even for a moment.”
She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he held her tight.
“I promise,” she whispered. “Not even for a moment.”
Dear Reader,
One of the things I love about this story is the way Natalie loves her dad. He’s let her down. He hasn’t been a perfect father. His focus has not always been where it should be, but she loves him anyway, and what she wants more than anything is to simply have a relationship with him. She doesn’t want his money or his gifts or his connections; all she wants is for him to be her dad.
Do you know that all God wants is for you to be His child? To trust Him; to get to know Him; to let Him reveal Himself to you for who He really is--your Creator, Savior, and Father. Not a mean, harsh, or distant father; not a father that makes mistakes and doesn’t have time for you; but your loving Daddy who wants to give you the world.
We are the distant ones. We are the ones who don’t have the time to give Him. We are the ones who place all the expectations on ourselves of what we think He wants from us. He gave up everything for us, even His very own life. Why? Because He wanted to; Because He loves us. All He wants in return is our belief in that love: Our submission and trust in Him and His ways.
Is that the kind of God you want? If so, reach out to Him and never again doubt His love for you. When I started writing novels, I asked God to touch the hearts of women through the words He gave me. I had no idea the heart He wo
uld touch the most would be my own. Let Him touch your heart as He has touched mine. You will never be the same.
I’d love to hear how God has used
this story to touch your heart.
Write me at:
[email protected]
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