When Gavin finally got home, he was exhausted. It wouldn't be long before he had to be up for work. He pulled his shirt off and let his eyes scan the scars on his chest. Each one of them reminded him that he was alive and his best friend was not. He fell onto his bed happy that he was alone and nobody was watching him. His eyes closed, and all he could see was her standing, drunk and wobbly, with some fuckers hands on her.
Gavin's body shot up from the bed. His eyes opened, and he fought to catch his breath. He was covered in sweat, and his entire body was shaking. The blankets were on the floor, and the sheet was tangled beneath him. He hurried out of the bed to the bathroom and splashed cold water all over his face. With his hands on the sink holding him up, his head fell forward.
He'd dreamt about Jack just like he had every night, but it was different. Gavin didn't wake up just after the boom. There was more. He could see Jack. It was like he was really there. Gavin could see Jack's face. There was blood everywhere. His eyes fluttered. Gavin was yelling out his name. He was telling him to fight. Everything was going to be okay. It wasn't though. Nothing was okay.
Gavin shook his head and pushed off of the sink. He went to his room, grabbed his gym bag, and took off out the door. There was no way he was going back to sleep again. He couldn't do it.
He worked his body harder than he had since he'd been home. There was so much pain in his arm and the rest of his body, but he didn't care. He deserved so much more than what he was putting himself through.
While he exercised, he thought about the company, his dad's company. He'd been there almost two weeks, but he wasn't happy. He knew he wouldn't be the moment he'd first said he wanted to try it. Gracie knew he didn't want to work there, they'd talked about it in their letters. Julie was the one that was supposed to be there. Gavin wasn't sure what was going on with her. Neither of the girls had come home for the summer. They'd both stayed at school. Gavin was sure Julie would have been home working next to their father. Each time he asked his dad about her, he'd just get grunts and mumbles. Did Gavin want to run the company? There was no way. Working there was bad enough. He wasn't the slightest bit passionate about what went on there. Gavin looked up at the clock and thought about walking through the company door in just over an hour. It wasn't something he was looking forward to.
Gavin grabbed his bag and headed home to shower and get ready for his day at the office. What else could he do, he wondered? Jack always wanted to help people. That wasn't so bad. Gavin liked that idea. When they were able to help someone while they were gone, it felt good. He just couldn't get his mind to forget all of the bad that had happened as well.
At work, he couldn't help the awkward feeling that kept creeping up on him. He found himself going out to get air over and over. The thought of sitting in the same spot all day was driving him crazy. He already knew he'd be sitting in the conference room through lunch for a meeting. He wasn't even getting to keep his lunch time, and he'd just started. What was even worse was that he'd had to wear a suit for the meeting. It felt so damn snug and restricting. Gavin was staring down at the clock in the corner of his laptop screen when he heard her voice and quickly looked up to see Gracie laughing and talking to one of the developers. He could hear her in his head blaming him for her brother's death. Gavin couldn't believe how happy she seemed after the way he'd seen her the night before. It was like none of that had ever happened.
“Good morning, Gracie,” Gavin heard his dad say from behind him. “How are you?”
“I'm great,” she said with the biggest smile on her face.
Gavin looked between his dad and Gracie. That was not the same woman he'd dropped off the night before. What the heck was she up to, he thought?
“Can you help Gracie carry the food in?” his dad asked him.
“Food?” Gavin asked.
“I cater the lunch meetings here,” she replied with that super happy look on her face.
“I can help her,” the developer she'd been laughing with said as he stood.
“I'll help her,” Gavin said sternly as he stood and walked around his desk.
Gavin didn't miss Gracie's eyes move down and back up his body. He shook his head and smiled.
“Lead the way,” he told her.
“I don't need help,” she told his dad with a smile.
“Of course you do,” his dad replied.
The second they walked out into the fresh air, she turned to him.
“Not a word,” she snapped.
“About what?” he asked smugly.
She walked to her car, lifted a tray, and shoved it at him more carefully than she had his helmet the night before.
“Where's that happy smile?” he asked.
“Shut it,” she said. “You look exhausted. What did you do after you dropped me off on your bike?”
“I went for a ride,” he said. “I was at the gym this morning as well.”
“Did you even sleep?” she asked.
“Not really,” he said.
“Why not?” she asked.
“Let's get this food in there before your hot developer comes looking for you.”
“Fuck you,” she said to his back, as she followed after him. “What do you care?”
“I don't,” he said, as he let the door go behind him.
She quickly reached out to open it and almost lost the tray she was carrying. He could hear her struggling behind him.
“Ass,” she mumbled.
“Already heard that one,” he said.
They walked back into the office and Gavin laughed out when that big smile covered her face as his dad approached.
“You're so full of shit,” he whispered.
They walked into the conference room, and Gracie put her tray down on the table.
“And your not?” she asked.
“What are you talking about?” he whisper growled.
“This,” she said, as she moved her arms around. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“What I have to,” he said. “I don't have much of a choice right now.”
“You always have a choice,” she said.
His dad walked into the room, and Gracie smiled at him.
“How was your night after dinner? You left pretty early,” his dad said.
“It was good,” she answered. “I went home to get ready for the week.”
Gavin let out a loud cough, and his dad looked over at him.
“Sorry,” he said.
Gracie glared at him and shook her head over his dad's shoulder. She held up her hands and motioned like she was riding a bike.
His dad turned to her, and she moved her hands quickly to her hair.
“Thank you so much for everything, Gracie,” his dad said, as he wrapped his arms around her. “I'm so glad you're doing so well for yourself.”
“Thank you,” Gracie said. “I'll see you at dinner this weekend.”
Gracie gave Gavin one last look before walking out of the room. He followed her out to see she'd stopped at that damn developers desk to say goodbye.
Gavin sat down at his desk and watched her walk away. She had them all fooled, he thought. He shook his head, and his mind went right to Jack. What would he think, Gavin wondered?
Chapter 29
Gracie
Gracie got into her car and leaned her head against the steering wheel. Gavin looked so damn sexy the night before in his helmet, but seeing him in a suit was doing to things to her. The way those pants fit his ass, his shirt clung to his muscles, and that tie was perfectly tied around his neck had her feeling so warm inside. There was no way not to notice. It was so damn crazy. She also couldn't miss the ladies watching him as he walked by them.
“Stop,” she scolded herself. “There will never be anything there for you. He can't even stand you.”
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and jumped when she heard the knock on her window. Do not be him, she thought, as she lifted her head and slowly looked toward her window. He was leaning
down waiting for her to lower it. The moment she did, she wanted to raise it again with his head inside of it.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yes,” she answered. “I was just resting for a second.”
“Resting from that giant-ass lie you just told my dad?” he asked, with sarcasm filling his words.
“Why do you look so rough?” she asked trying to get him onto another subject.
“How are you so chipper after being so damn drunk last night?” he asked.
“Practice,” she said with a smile. “Have fun at your meeting.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” he asked, with his hand firmly on the door.
“Nothing,” she said, as she flicked his hand away. “Goodbye, Gavin.”
She backed out and pulled away, trying her best not to look back at him through her mirror.
Gracie made it through the week by working until she could barely stand, stopping at the bar two of the nights, and going home to fall into bed exhausted. It was the same thing she'd been doing for three months. Wash, rinse, repeat. The story of her life.
Gavin was consuming her mind. She'd even thought that she'd seen him walking down the sidewalk one building over from hers. It was driving her crazy. He didn't give a shit about her. It had all been some bullshit thing to waste time while he had nothing better to do. What pissed her off even more was that she was actually worrying about him. She was pissed at him for taking her brother with him. He was the enemy. Everything was his fault. Why she was getting all soft when she thought about him, she didn't know. She did know that he was driving her crazy, and he wasn't even there.
She woke up Sunday morning not looking forward to dinner with her parents. Maybe she could get out of going, she thought. Then she wouldn't have to see him.
“Who are you kidding?” she asked into the emptiness of her apartment. “He won't be there. There is no way he is going to show up.”
Gracie knew he was avoiding her parents' house. She was no dummy. Everyone else could pretend they didn't notice, but she wouldn't. Gavin didn't want to be in their house.
She couldn't get out of it even if she wanted to. It was her job to cook with her dad, and she honestly didn't want to miss that time with him.
Gracie thought for a moment about showing up in her pajamas. What would they think, she wondered? The only reason she didn't do it was the bar. She was going to spend time with her parents, get through dinner, and then be out of there. It was her thing. It was what she did.
She pushed herself to get out of bed and into the shower. The one thing getting her through the day was the thought of having a drink at the end of it. Nothing was going to ruin that. If she was lucky, maybe the guy from the week before would be there again, she told herself.
Chapter 30
Gavin
Gavin couldn't stop thinking about what she'd said and didn't hear a damn thing his dad was going on about. What the fuck did she mean have fun at your meeting, he wondered? Who did she think she was? She was the one lying about going home like she was the perfect person. Her fake smile made it even worse. What did she mean practice? Was that her first time at the bar or was it a regular thing? How often did she drink? Why didn't Ethan do something about that shit? Did he even know? Did anyone know? Gavin had brushed it aside as a one-time thing. After seeing her so bright eyed, he was starting to think it wasn't.
At the end of the day, after the long, awful lunch meeting, he headed to the gym again. He had to get his mind on track. Between wanting to run out of that meeting because he couldn't sit through another second and his mind running wild about Gracie and what was going on with her, he was losing his shit. Gavin worked out so damn hard. He worked until he couldn't go another second.
Standing in his bathroom, ready to shower off the day and the sweat that went along with it, he pulled his shirt over his head and his eyes landed on one of the scars on his chest. He couldn't stand seeing them. They reminded him of the horrible tragedy that took his best friend. Gavin's finger ran across that scar, and he wanted it gone. He already thought about Jack, what they'd been through, and the shit he'd seen every second of every day. Seeing his scars in the mirror only made it worse. He needed to do something.
Gavin took a fast shower, got dressed, grabbed his helmet, and was out the door. He pulled his bike into the lot of a tattoo shop. He'd never gotten one. A bunch of the guys in the service had them. Some of them looked awesome. Gavin thought about getting one, but he'd never been able to come up with something he knew he'd want forever. He swung his leg over his bike and took his helmet off. Gavin took a deep breath and walked toward the front door. He knew exactly what he wanted. When he looked in the mirror from then on, he was going to think about Jack and the amazing man he was instead of his death.
When Gavin walked back out that same door a few hours later, he felt like it was the first time he'd been able to breathe in months. He went home, pulled his shirt off, and looked in the mirror. His eyes went to the covered spot he'd just had tattooed. It hurt like hell to get it, but it was worth it. He ran his hand over the next scar he could see. It was just over his heart. He knew exactly what he wanted there, Jack's tags from the service. Gavin sat down and began drawing out what he wanted. He was going to honor his friend and important moments from his life until every scar was covered.
Gavin had seen so many things in the short time he was away from his family, more than most people would see their whole lives. He would never forget any of it. He couldn't if he tried. Gavin couldn't help but wonder how the other guys did it. Were they able to just brush it all off? Did the shit stay with them too? He knew there had to be other guys struggling with the same stuff he was. To the world, he seemed fine. Even his family thought he was moving on. They were so proud of him going to work and doing what he had to do. How many other guys and woman out there had the same shit going on with them?
Gavin crawled into bed exhausted. A few hours later, he woke the same way he had the night before. His dream of that horrific moment was just as vivid and real. He could see Jack, all the blood, and his best friend's eyes flutter. Gavin was up and headed to the gym in minutes.
The rest of the week went mostly the same, work, gym, home, sleep, wake up in a sweat, and back to the gym to try for just a moment to get it out of his head.
By Saturday morning, Gavin was more exhausted than he'd ever been. The dreams before were bad enough, but seeing Jack was more than he could take. Gavin got ready and returned to the same tattoo shop to get his next scar covered. He hoped that by the time he'd covered them all, he'd be able to at least feel a little normal again, the way he did before he was deployed.
When he walked back out, he felt a little better and lighter than he did the time before. There was something to it. He was already thinking about the next one. The drawing was in his head. It was like he could already see it. He was definitely beginning to see how the other guys had so many of them.
Gavin went for a long ride. When he walked back through the door to his apartment, he actually felt a small smile on his face, a real one.
He spent the day watching television and eating a frozen dinner he'd thrown in the oven. It was the first time his chest didn't feel like it was caving in. For just a moment, things were okay.
Gavin heard his phone buzz and wasn't sure he wanted to pick it up. His mom was most likely checking up on him. He hadn't heard from either of his sisters. Maybe it was one of them, he thought. When he picked it up, he instantly regretted it.
Lisa: Dinner is at our house tomorrow. If you aren't there, I will come and drag you kicking and screaming. Love you!
Gavin's head fell back against the couch and he let out a loud grumble sound. One text was all it took to rip the smile from his face and send him right back to where he was.
Chapter 31
Gracie
Gracie pulled on her favorite pair of jeans and a cute t-shirt. She was going to the bar as soon as she could escape dinner, and she wanted
to look good. The guy she'd met the week before hadn't been in the nights she'd stopped in during the week, but she was hoping he'd be back that night. He seemed nice, and she could use a break from the craziness that surrounded her crew and their families. It had been a very long time since Gracie had gotten a release that wasn't done by her hand or one of the things in the drawer next to her bed. It had actually been since high school. That wasn't something she was proud of either, the guy she'd given it up to or the fact that she'd had a horrible dry spell. Between working her ass off for the restaurants, being in love with Ethan, and her pain-in-the-ass pen pal she'd been stupid enough to think actually cared, she hadn't bothered with love or getting laid. It was time to end that shit.
Dinner was ready and she couldn't wait for Gavin's parents to get there so they could hurry things along. She'd already had her smile painted on for hours and was so damn ready to wipe that crap right off her face. When she heard the door open, she did the same thing she did almost every week. Gracie hugged Becky and then Big Gavin.
“Nate find a way out of it again?” she asked.
Becky laughed and nodded.
“I'm going to get him,” Gracie said with a laugh. “He's left me hanging way too many times now.”
“Parents aren't cool and all,” Big Gavin said. “I don't think we're that bad.”
Gracie walked into the dining room with the two of them just as her mom came down the stairs. The normal chit chat began. Gracie hurried into the kitchen to bring out all the food. She'd just gotten to her chair when the doorbell rang.
“I'll get it,” she said, as she turned toward the door.
When she swung it open, she lost her breath for just a second.
You're here, she thought to herself.
“I am,” Gavin said with a nervous look on is face.
She narrowed her eyes before realizing she'd said that out loud.
“Your mom sent me a threatening text,” he said. “Don't worry, I didn't want to come.”
Saved by Love (Bachelor Billionaire Kids #1) Page 11
