Balance of Forces

by Ali Vali

  Piper stared at Lenore, wondering if the book lover was also a whiskey lover because of the strange change of topics. “She has a strange but vivid imagination?”

  “She’s more of a straightforward tactician than a dreamer, but I found her answer interesting. Vampires because they’re a major reason Kendal has lived for so long, and demons because they can alter the fate of humankind if left unchecked.”

  “Why God?”

  “I would have thought because of what man does to his fellow man in the name of a supreme being, but she had a different reason. To believe in the concept of a guiding spirit who helps you in all things, especially in our darkest hour, is to believe in love. Love, though, not one of her answers, is what I think she fears most. I believe she thought it was the one gift she’d never allow herself to experience fully.”

  Piper sat back into the cushions and wanted to scream. “But I love her. Didn’t she realize?”

  “I believe she did.” Lenore rose from her seat and offered Piper a hand up so she could walk her to a large library desk. “Piper, I need you to dig inside yourself and find the small child you once were, the one who believed in fairy tales.” Piper looked at the closed book entitled Asra. “It’ll take me a while, but I’d like to tell you a story.” Lenore flipped it open to the first page and showed her a sketch of Kendal dressed as an Egyptian soldier. “Born decades before the Christ child, Asra came into the world destined to serve the first and only female pharaoh, and then the Genesis Clan,” Lenore said.

  Lenore flipped the pages of the great book as she told Kendal’s story: who she was in every lifetime, and all the demons and monsters she had fought along the way. Piper filled in the pictures in her head by looking at a detailed illustration of every identity Kendal had taken. Page after page contained stories and pictures of the same beautiful eyes and flirtatious smile dressed in the garb of a warrior.

  After a week Lenore stopped talking, making Piper open her eyes. As long as she had sat in Lenore’s library, she hadn’t tired of listening to her melodious voice weaving a tale of fantasy she was sure was meant to make her feel better. Lenore’s staff had given her a place to sleep and taken care of all her needs as Asra’s story unfolded. The way Lenore told it made her want to believe, but rationally she dismissed it all as fiction. The total silence surprised her.

  “Well?” Lenore asked.

  “I want to thank you for your hospitality and kindness, Lenore. Listening to you almost made me forget the pain of losing her.”

  “You don’t believe me?” Lenore asked with a sigh.

  “It’s a wonderful story, but no. As much as I want it to be true, I know better.”

  “Why not allow yourself the pleasure of believing a little bit? What would be the harm?”

  Piper smiled and shook her head. “Because I have to hang on to what little sanity I have left. The image of that sword slicing through her chest almost makes me crazy, and my grandparents don’t deserve for me to wander off into a make-believe world of vampires and immortals to make it easier to accept the truth that she’s gone.”

  “Then we have misjudged you,” Piper heard a woman say from the shadows. The sun had just set, and she and Lenore were bathed in the soft light of reading lamps and candles, making it hard to see into the stacks. “Asra deserves a woman who believes in the totality of who she is and, more important, who she has been.”

  “Who are you? Show yourself,” Piper said.

  “She’s no threat, Piper, be still.” Lenore frowned in the direction of the woman’s voice. “Would you like to come out, or have you developed a case of shyness after all these years?”

  A beautiful blonde stepped forward, and Piper recognized her from the first pages of the book. “We’ve fought the Elders for naught, Lenore.”

  “Don’t be so pessimistic, Morgaine. She’s defeated two of her greatest enemies, and I have faith that love will be her reward.” Lenore put her hand on Piper’s forearm. “Piper, this is the Elder Morgaine. She’s Asra’s watcher and teacher.”

  “Look, ladies, this has been fun, but we’ve got to face reality—Kendal’s gone.” Piper stood up.

  “If you walk out, she’ll be dead to you,” Morgaine said icily, “but being immortal means that you never die, Miss Marmande. Not ever. Leave, and we’ll never acknowledge you again. Kendal’s memory will be all you have left of her.”

  “Where is she, then?”

  Morgaine handed her an airline ticket to Italy. “We leave in the morning. You can refuse my offer if you like, but with or without you I’m going to see her.”

  “She’s alive?” Piper was almost afraid to ask.

  “As much as the characters in Lenore’s book.”

  *

  After a lot of apologies and explanations to her family, Piper met Morgaine at the airport. She still didn’t believe she’d find Kendal, but she couldn’t take the chance of not trying.

  She peered at her traveling companion when they reached cruising altitude, jealous of Morgaine’s looks and self-assurance. “Were you lovers?”

  “Should I lie?” Morgaine asked, reclining her seat and closing her eyes.

  “I’m not that fragile.”

  “Yes, we were, but I think I should’ve paid better attention that last time.”

  Piper swallowed hard, wishing she’d let Morgaine lie. “Why, you find someone better?”

  Morgaine’s laugh came close to sparking her anger. “No. No one’s better. I just think the last time was simply that—the last. I don’t understand why, but Asra will never have room in her heart for another, which means she’ll never need another in her bed.”

  They didn’t speak again until the plane started its descent. Had Lenore been there to ask what she feared, Piper would have answered, “disappointment.” If Kendal wasn’t on the other end of this journey, life would always be empty, lonely, and full of disappointment. But would that be a life worth living or one she wanted?

  *

  “Bona sera, Kendal. What can I get you this afternoon?” asked the waiter holding his pen to his pad. She’d been sitting in the Piazza St. Marco for a week, always at the same table and always from when the café opened. The self-imposed exile reminded her that while people would always be around her, she would always be alone. Nature was punishing her, she guessed, for defying the true order of things for so long.

  “A bottle of beer and a plate of figs, Tony,” she answered in perfect Italian.

  “That sounds so Egyptian.”

  Morgaine’s velvety voice came from behind her, but she didn’t turn around. She was probably there to deliver a pep talk, and Kendal wasn’t in the mood. “I felt like returning to my roots.”

  Morgaine laughed and sat across from her. “Shouldn’t you have gone back to Egypt?”

  “It’s not like I don’t have more time than I know what to do with. That just might be next on my itinerary, but I’m sure my future vacation plans don’t interest you. Why are you here?”

  “I came to thank you on behalf of the Clan. I don’t need to elaborate on how you saved the lives of countless future innocents.” Morgaine put her hands over Kendal’s and kissed her rather chastely. “And I’ve come to reward you.”

  “No, thanks. I did what I was trained to do so everyone can return to their lives. This is mine, leave me to it.” She pulled her hands back, not ready to accept any type of comfort. She had avenged her father but lost Piper. The victory was hollow.

  “What of love, Asra?”

  “What of it?” she asked angrily before taking a sip of her beer, not wanting to lash out too harshly. If she didn’t feel like crap, she would’ve laughed at the foolish question. “If you’re serious, then I’ll tell you it doesn’t exist. It’s a myth wrapped in flowers and pretty candy boxes. I’ve never given a damn how others define it, since I’ll never be able to truly experience it.”

  “You’ve told special women throughout the years that life isn’t worth living without another heart beating nex
t to yours that cares more about you than anything or anyone.”

  “I’ve tried it, Morgaine, and I’ve come to equate love with someone running a sword through me. They hurt like a bitch, so I’ve sworn off both.”

  “What about Piper?”

  “What about Piper?” She was really angry now. No matter how hard she had tried to forget Piper, she saw her in every lover’s face in this romantic city. “I left her to find someone she could share a life with. If you want to reward me with something, watch over her and make sure she’s okay, because I can’t bring myself to do it. I want her to be happy, but I couldn’t stand to see her with someone else.”

  “She deserves to know what happened, and to know you’re not dead. Don’t you owe her that much, since she loves you?”

  “Piper’s in love with the idea of me. She’ll find someone soon who can give her the things I can’t.”

  “But what if she wants you? Doesn’t she have a say?” Morgaine reached for her chin and made her look into her eyes. “She’s hurting, warrior mine, and only you can make that go away.”

  “How badly do you think she’ll be hurting forty or fifty years from now when she grows weaker and older by the day and I never change? How badly do you think it hurts to know you’ll never get to keep the love of someone who completes everything in you because you’re a freak of nature?” She drained the bottle and wiped at the tears in her eyes. “I don’t want to put myself through that again. Call me a coward, I don’t care, but I won’t do it. She’s better off without me.”

  “What if you found someone you could walk the road of forever with? Would you take a chance then?”

  Kendal smiled at her, the original forbidden fruit she could only taste but never sate her appetite. “I believe she’s off-limits, or so you keep telling me.”

  Morgaine softly slapped Kendal’s arm. “Would you be with me if you could?” She kissed her again with more familiarity and pressed her palm to her cheek. “Could you love me as much as you do Piper?”

  “I love you and want more than anything not to hurt you.” She dropped her eyes to the tabletop.

  “That’s answer enough, no need to elaborate. You love me, but you’re in love with her.”

  Kendal thanked the waiter, who put down two fresh bottles of beer and a loaf of bread. “I guess age only makes us older sometimes, but no wiser in some arenas. Our only consolation is having the luxury of unlimited time to help heal our heartbreaks, especially when we drown them in such visual beauty.” Morgaine raised her bottle to the sunset. “Be well, old friend.”

  *

  Morgaine watched Kendal walk toward the northern part of town. She hadn’t been sure if Kendal was staying in the city or retreating to her old haunts with the setting sun, but now she knew Kendal was heading out of Venice into the surrounding hills. After she flicked her wrist, one of her men took off to follow Kendal. She was sure of the final destination but wanted confirmation.

  Now she had to deal with her other lovesick bookend. Once this was over, the two would make a stunning pair, if only because they were able to bring out every conceivable emotion in each other. Their love burned so passionately because they instinctively knew what the other needed and what drove them. Frustration, anger within reason, jealousy, affection, and devotion were always the best ingredients for love, in her opinion, and Piper and Kendal had them all.

  It surprised Morgaine that the flame had kindled so quickly, especially in Asra. It had flickered a bit at first, but the inferno had thoroughly consumed both hearts and would ravage them if kept apart too long. Though it would cost her with both Kendal and the Elders to put Asra and Piper back together, the world needed Kendal to keep fighting, not become despondent and give up.

  “Maybe I can get her to pick up another sword once this little girl gets her hooks into her,” she said softly as she opened the door of the suite she had taken at the Lido.

  “Did you find her?”

  “Not yet, Miss Marmande. Tell me, are you always this impatient?”

  Piper tucked her feet under her in the chair by the window, apparently trying to contain her excitement. “Look, I want to believe all this mumbo jumbo you people have been feeding me, but I’ve been sitting here for hours looking at every freaking tourist who can afford one of those cute little hats ride by in a gondola. I’m about to go insane. I don’t think it’s too much to ask if you found her.”

  A knock at the door saved her from letting Piper see the size of her smile. “Oh, Asra, may the gods bless you and keep you strong, you’re going to desperately need it,” she thought before she opened the door. A young man whispered something in her ear, and she nodded and sent him on his way.

  “Well?”

  “Just some information about something else. Why don’t you retire for the evening? Tomorrow we’re heading out early for a hillside walk.”

  “I’m not here to sightsee, lady. I’m here to see Kendal.” Piper stood up and ran her hands through her hair, pulling it when she got to the ends. “And when I find her, I’m seriously thinking of kicking her ass.”

  “Asra’s the finest fighter in the Clan,” Morgaine gently reminded her. “I don’t think you have the skill to swat a fly off her, much less kick her ass, as you so poetically put it.”

  “She’s also the idiot who left without saying good-bye. I already told her what thinking for me did for my disposition,” Piper said, her arms crossed. “What?” she asked when Morgaine looked at her and smiled

  “Listen to yourself, Miss Marmande. To talk like that, you must believe she’s alive. That’s the faith you’ll need to guide you through life if you choose to stay with Asra. I’m sorry, if you choose to stay with Kendal,” she said with a small bow of her head.

  “I love her enough to believe in anything if it gets me back to her side.”

  “You will receive your reward for your faith, then.”

  Piper walked close enough to her to put her hands on her shoulders. “You love her as well, don’t you?”

  “Asra has found her mate in you, Miss Marmande. How I feel is of no consequence.”

  “You didn’t answer my question.”

  She walked past Piper to the window. “She is my pupil. I may not stay with her like that.” With as much of a neutral expression as she could muster, she faced Piper. “Even if the Elders allowed it, her heart would still seek you out. She loves you, Piper, and if you love her as much, I won’t mind losing gracefully.” She spread her hands out and shrugged. “Good enough?”

  “Yes, and thank you for being honest. If I find her, I’ll take good care of her.”

  “Then she’ll never want for anything.”

  Chapter Twenty-five

  “Are you ready?” Morgaine asked the next morning. She looked at Piper and saw what Kendal found so attractive. Piper wasn’t only beautiful, she had an aura about her that reminded Morgaine of life.

  Piper nodded and smoothed down the simple dress she had chosen to wear. “Sure.”

  After a boat and taxi ride, she walked with Piper down a deserted country road. Ten minutes later, they’d seen only a few stray goats and an occasional lone bird on the hunt for a meal. The incline they were on was getting steeper, and she slowed to accommodate Piper’s shoe selection. Both of them stopped when they crested the hill, and the sudden, unexpected flash of yellow made Piper’s jaw click shut. They were extremely out of season, but daffodils, thousands of them, filled the hillside.

  “She’s good at disappearing when she wants to, even from me, but when Charlie told me what kind of flower she had given you, I knew instantly where to find her. If you want a chance, keep walking. I’ll leave you to it.”

  Piper shook her head and opened and closed her fists, trying to relax. Without another word, Morgaine headed away from her.

  Piper walked straight into the flowers, feeling guilty about the ones she trampled. After about two hundred yards she stopped and pressed her hands to her mouth to suppress a sob. If her mind had conjure
d up a ghost, she didn’t want to scare it away.

  Kendal turned around. “Piper?” Kendal whispered into the wind, but she heard it and almost fell over.

  “Are you real?” Piper held her hand up in midair. “Please be real.” Kendal moved forward with the same powerful body Piper saw when she closed her eyes, though it vanished when her nightmares started and she woke with vivid images of blood.

  Kendal covered the distance quickly and wrapped her in a hug, making her world right itself. This was the warm, safe cocoon she thought she’d never find again after that horrible night at Oakgrove.

  “Gods, how I’ve missed you,” Kendal said, taking a deep breath.

  “Don’t say anything yet.” Piper put her arms around Kendal’s waist. “Just hold me.” She pressed her ear to Kendal’s chest and closed her eyes, smiling as she heard the beat of her heart. Every thump was like a balm. “Thank God I believed Lenore. She and your friends gave you back to me.”

  “I know what happened was hard, but it’s over, and you’re free to enjoy your life without fear. Forget everything you saw that night, and forget me. That’s the most valuable gift I can give you.” Kendal sounded sincere, and she seemed shocked when Piper pulled away and backhanded her in the stomach.

  “You’re such an asshole,” she said, enunciating each word carefully. “Do you have any idea what I’ve been going through? I thought you were dead, and it was killing me, especially because I’d never get to tell you how I felt.”

  “Piper, I could—”

  “No, you can’t,” she shouted. “You’re going to shut the hell up and let me finish. You promised you’d come back, and I believed you. Finding you out here picking flowers makes me wonder why I love you.” She wanted to say so much more but couldn’t talk around her tears. “Why?”

  “You may not believe me, but I left for you.” Kendal reached over to comb her hair out of her face before wiping away some of her tears. “If Morgaine helped you, you know the truth about me. That truth means you also know why the Elders gave me life and how I serve them. I’m their slayer, and I won’t subject you to that kind of darkness.” She kissed Piper’s forehead and held her tighter. “I wish I could make this my last lifetime because I’d jump at the chance to grow old with you, but I have to accept that I’m not the right choice for you.”