by Brandon Witt
“Well, it didn’t stop the rest from sleeping.”
“Okay, cut the small talk and just tell us what you found out.” She turned from her brother and looked at me. “Did you find the adoption papers?”
I shook my head. “No. We didn’t.”
Before I could say anything else, their faces all dropped as one, the small glimmer of hope in their eyes vanishing.
“No, it’s not like that. There aren’t any adoption papers to find. There aren’t any at all.”
Wendell looked up inquisitively. “No adoption papers? You mean you found out where you came from?”
“Yeah, we did.” I pulled up an empty chair and sat down, Finn claiming the one beside me. “Grandma woke up and caught us going through Grandpa’s office.”
Finn tipped back in his chair, folding his arm behind his head. “And she nearly shot us in the process.”
A groggy voice spoke up from behind. “Shot you? Good gracious, are you alright?”
I turned my head to see Paulette get up from the sofa, bleary-eyed, and make her way to take her place beside Wendell.
Finn instantly lowered his chair back into its correct position. “Yeah, Mom, we’re fine. Beverly realized it was Brett before she took our heads off.”
Paulette gave a sympathetic sigh. “Poor woman, waking up in the middle of the night discovering someone breaking into her house after her husband just died. Probably scared her to death.”
“I think we almost did, but Grandma is tough.” I pictured her at the door kissing us good-bye, her tears flowing, promising she’d keep us and Finn’s family in her prayers. Making me swear I’d keep checking in so she’d know I was okay, and offering my old bedroom back to me—an offer Finn and I had yet to discuss. “Tougher than I ever dreamed, actually.”
I let my voice trail off, lost in thought again. While I hated to discover my heritage originated in rape and a troubled teenage mother, it felt comforting to know that the woman I had always called grandmother was indeed my real grandmother. It also gave me solace to have some understanding of what my grandfather had been through, and be able to see why he had been so resentful of me. After learning what he had faced and how he had never betrayed my grandmother, I felt like I could possibly begin to forgive him for his emotional neglect and hostile demeanor.
“For crying out loud, Brett. Tell us what you found out. It’s not like we’ve been sitting here unable to sleep for the fun of it!” Caitlin’s tense voice brought me back to the present.
“Oh, sorry. I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
“It’s okay, dear, take your time.” Paulette smiled at me encouragingly.
Caitlin grimaced at her mother. “Like hell. I’m about to come out of my skin. Tell us what you know so that we can decide what the next step is.”
Finn leaned forward over the table. “Chill out, Cate. It’s been a rough night.”
I started in before a sibling war broke out. “That’s the thing. I don’t know if what we found out is that helpful. We got the story, but no real answers.”
I went through everything Grandma had told us, the rape, my conception, how she wasn’t sure about who my father was, and how she didn’t even have any confirmation on what had assaulted her until this evening.
They sat there in silence when the story was done, everyone sifting through their thoughts and theories.
Wendell was the first one to offer his opinion. “I’m glad for you that you have the comfort of knowing that your grandmother is who you knew her to be. However, it would have been more helpful, in a way, if there had been adoption papers with a name or a place we could go to get more information. Right now, all we know is already what we figured out. You’re part demon and part something else.”
“Didn’t you say something about your grandmother calling your father a man from the sea?” Christina’s voice rose in excitement, and she looked like she was on the verge of an epiphany.
“Yeah. I did.”
“Well, what if….” She looked down at the table suddenly, her voice lowering in embarrassment. “What if he was a mer?”
Caitlin snorted loud enough to cause Ricky to mumble in agitation as he turned over in his sleep in the recliner. “Okay, Christina. He’s a mer! And maybe we can all ride unicorns to get away from the vampire.”
Christina knotted her eyebrows and glared at her little sister, but didn’t say anything.
In a kinder voice, Wendell addressed Christina. “Well, we should look at every possible angle, we don’t want to miss something, but I think we can safely rule that out.” He rushed on, as if afraid his words would bring her to tears, which from what I had seen from Christina seemed doubtful. “But, it is helpful to rule out as much as we can. It will help us get closer to finding the truth.”
I looked around the table, and it seemed everyone else was following this conversation and not experiencing the same confusion as I was. I almost let it go. I was getting tired of constantly needing clarification on everything, but then I remembered how much was at stake. I realized that this was no time to worry about looking ignorant. “I’m sure I should probably understand this, but, what’s a mer?”
“A mermaid, dear,” Paulette replied. “Or in this case a merman, I suppose.”
I glanced at Christina, unsure of why she had been so nervous to offer it as a suggestion. “Well, that makes sense, doesn’t it? A merman would be a man from the sea, just like Grandma said, and that would explain why he didn’t come back to the shore. He just swam away in the ocean.” I felt a thrill of excitement at the thought. It probably wouldn’t make it much easier to find him, but at least we had a starting place.
“No, Brett, dear. Your father couldn’t have been a merman.” Paulette looked at me tenderly, as if breaking the news that the man I had always thought was my father turned out to be someone else. “The mer are fairy tales, legends passed down in both human and witch culture. Probably originating from sightings of sea nymphs.”
I thought back to Caitlin’s sarcastic response, and I turned my head to her. “So, there aren’t such things as unicorns either?”
She gave me a look, as if I wanted her to tell me there was no Santa Claus, and shook her head.
I couldn’t really see what the big deal was. If there were witches, demons, and fairies, it didn’t seem such a big stretch to think there could be mermaids. Two weeks ago, I would have said that vampires were a myth too, and, boy, was that ever wrong. “What if there are mers? What if you just have never seen one?”
Wendell shook his head. “There aren’t mers, Brett. It’s not going to help us to start searching for things that don’t exist. We’ve got to do everything we can to find out what your father was, since that’s the only chance we have at figuring out how to deal with this vampire. Your grandmother calling him a man from the sea only tells us that he and your mother were in the ocean at the time of…. Well, when you grandmother found them.”
I looked back at Paulette. “What about a nymph? You said that the myth of mermaids probably came from people seeing sea nymphs. Maybe my father is a sea nymph. Something about this feels right. I’ve always loved being in the ocean.” I cocked my head, considering the nymphs at the funeral. “Are there male nymphs?”
“Yes, there are. However, nymphs can’t procreate with any other species, at least not successfully.”
My hands started trembling in my lap. I glanced down, seeing the faintest trace of steam beginning to form. I glanced over at Finn to see if he’d noticed. He had his head in his hands, propped up on the table. I started my deep breathing. I was beginning to feel like a woman practicing for labor, constantly having to focus on my breathing in order to not burst into flames. It was so frustrating to constantly have more and more questions, more and more that I didn’t understand, and instead of getting anywhere that would have answers, only being offered solutions that were really dead ends or other questions.
“I’ve been thinking.” Finn sat up and gave me a wary look, as
though I might not like what he was about to suggest. “Maybe we are coming at this from the wrong angle. How are we going to find someone when we have no clue what they are? What if we tried to find Jessica?”
I gaped at him, momentarily speechless. “What?”
He rushed ahead. “Well, she would probably have more of an idea of what species the man was who she had sex with in the ocean. She might even know where to find him, or at least others like him.”
Finding my mother had never occurred to me. Not once, as weird as it may sound. Even as a kid, knowing that the subject of my mother was firmly off-limits, I didn’t think much about her. She was an object of shame and pain in my family. She had always seemed dark and terrifying to me, more the stuff nightmares are made of rather than fantasies of a mother who would return to me one day and tell me how much she loved me and how hard it was for her to have to leave.
“How would you suggest we find her? Even Grandma hasn’t heard from her since my birth. She’s been gone for twenty-three years. Who knows how much she has changed since then. She’d probably be unrecognizable.”
There was an excited note that Wendell couldn’t suppress. “Actually, considering she’s half demon, I doubt she would look any different from the picture you saw. In theory, having that much demon blood should make her nearly immortal. I’ve heard stories of demons removed as far as five generations away that live for thousands of years.”
It seemed the connection formed with everyone around the table the same instant as it did with me. I felt my stomach drop as his words sank in, and I glanced around to see every eye on me. We had discussed the implications of my demon heritage on my longevity, but it hadn’t been quite as real as it was at the moment. “So, that would make me one-fourth demon. I’m only two generations removed.”
Wendell nodded slowly. “I can’t explain it. It doesn’t make sense with anything I’ve ever heard before. By all accounts you should be nearly as violent as a full-fledged demon—at the very least somewhat deranged and psychotic, as we’ve stated many times. I’ve never heard of a person so close to their demonic heritage that was able to function in society, let alone be the type of person you are.”
Finn looked back and forth between his father and me, as if searching for answers. “According to his grandmother’s story, he’s half of something else too. Maybe whatever blood that is counteracts the demonic effect. One more reason to find his mother.”
“I’ve never heard of anything powerful enough to temper the power of demon blood, other than continued distance through the bloodline, and if—”
I cut Wendell off. “So, does that mean I am going to live thousands of years?” With all the people in the world desiring to live forever, it seemed strange that such a thought would fill me with a dread I’d never experienced before.
Wendell didn’t seem to be picking up on my emotional state. He grinned broadly at me as he replied, “I would only assume so. At least there’s some good news mixed in with all the bad, I suppose.”
I looked over to see Finn staring at me. I could see fear building up behind his eyes, but he forced a smile and looked away.
Oblivious, Wendell kept on. “I think Finn might be on to something. If we could find your mom, we might have a chance of figuring out how to get rid of this vampire problem.”
I saw Paulette staring at Finn, her face sorrowful. “I think it’s time for all of us to turn in. This is nothing that can’t wait till tomorrow, and it has been a long, emotional day. Finn and Brett, why don’t you two head on upstairs? The rest of us will be fine down here.”
Wendell looked over at his wife. “I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. It’s best if we all stay together.”
Paulette looked Wendell square in the eyes and stated firmly, not glancing over at us, “Finn and Brett, go on upstairs to bed, dears. Sleep well.”
FINN and I got ready for bed without a word, both of us averting our eyes from the mirror as we brushed our teeth.
We kept our sweatpants on as we slipped into bed. We lay there for several minutes, the darkness a heavy blanket suffocating the room. I started to speak several times, but I was clueless as to what to say, what I should say.
“So.” Finn’s voice cut through the room, the tension still palpable. “Are we going to talk about it?”
“Sure. We can, I guess.” I felt him shift on his side of the bed, turning his body to face me. I lay where I was, staring up at the ceiling.
His hand reached out and lightly traced over my stomach. When I didn’t respond, he pulled his hand away. “Thousands of years, huh?”
“I guess so.”
“Kinda scary, I would imagine.”
“Yeah. Kinda.” I wanted to turn to him. To offer him some kind of comfort, some type of assurance, but my body refused to move. How could I offer what I didn’t understand?
The silence returned momentarily, the absence of voice and touch becoming a physical pain.
After several minutes, I felt Finn’s hand slip into mine. “Please look at me. Talk to me.”
I turned to him, his glistening eyes cutting through my heart. It was hard to believe my heart still felt enough to be cut. “What do you want me to say, Finn?”
“I just want you to talk to me. I want to know what you’re thinking.”
I clamped my mouth shut, but then it exploded. “I’m thinking that everything is fucked up. That’s what I’m thinking! I’m a demon, and I’m sorry if I’m supposed to know how to handle that after a few days, but I don’t! I’m sorry I’m scared of you. Of us.” I sat up in the bed, my body beginning to tremble. “I’m thinking Sonia is dead, and I’ll never see her again. I’m thinking that everything I’ve ever known isn’t real. I’m thinking I’m not going to die for thousands of years!” My voice rose. I was sure I was probably waking up the rest of the family downstairs, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. “Hell, maybe I won’t even die at all. Who knows what my father was. Whatever he was, maybe they can’t even be killed. I could be there when the world fucking implodes on itself in a billion years. Maybe I’ll even survive that, just floating out in space with a bunch of fucking cockroaches for the rest of eternity!”
Finn had sat up when I did, and he drew himself closer and pulled me to him, wrapping his arms around me. I tried to pull back without hurting him, but he wouldn’t let me go.
The steam began to pour off of me. Any second, I knew I would burst into flames. Finn’s skin probably felt like it was smashed against an oven. Again, I saw the destroyed kelp forest, saw the boy at the beach, remembered how close I’d come to killing Peter. Distantly, I heard him murmuring something, probably some trite thing to make me feel better.
After a moment, I felt my skin cool, like a soothing cold gel had just been lathered on my body.
I looked down and then back up at him in surprise. “I didn’t know you could do that.”
“I didn’t either. Don’t know why I didn’t think of it before.”
He held me for a long time, his body conforming to mine, his legs wrapped around my waist and our heads resting on each other’s necks. In wave after wave, he sent the cooling energy to wash over my skin. My breathing returned to normal, and I calmed and started to grow tired.
“I’m sorry, Finn. I don’t mean to be angry or distant. I’m just freaking out here. I don’t know who I am.”
He tightened his arms around me. “It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. You’re not supposed to know what to do all the time. You don’t even have to know who you are all the time. I know who you are.”
“Who am I?”
“You’re a good man. You’re smart and caring. You’re brave. You’re strong and you’re going to get through it. You’re going to figure it out. You’re the man I love.”
I felt my throat constrict, his words causing comfort and a tinge of panic simultaneously. One issue at a time. Just one. “Thousands of years, Finn. Thousands.” A bizarre sensation of claustrophobia flooded through me.
<
br /> He pulled back and took my face in his hand, refusing to let my eyes look anywhere else. “We don’t know anything for sure yet. We have no idea where this is going to lead and how long it will take to find all the answers. And, I promise you this. We will find the answers.” He gave a determined look, one that most other times I would have found adorable. “I hope you caught that. We. No matter where this leads, I will come with you. I will help you figure it out. You’re not alone, and if we find out that you really will live thousands of years or whatever, that doesn’t change anything for me. Nothing. I love you, no matter if you’re a… well, no matter what it turns out you are. No matter how long you might live, I will be with you as long as you want me to be.”
Again, his words caused a surge of mixed emotions. Between the threat of eternal life and seeing forever in his eyes, I felt a suffocating mantle descend over me. “I don’t think I can do this, Finn.”
Finn’s eyes widened, the pain behind them evident. I hated doing this to him. His voice was scratchy. “Do what?”
“Any of it. All of it. It’s too much. It’s too much for me.”
He took my face in his hands again. “We’ve been through this. Do you love me?”
My heart twisted. Something had happened between us, and even though we’d been together for just over a week, we were a unit, one, and it killed me to hear him questioning my love for him, for him to question me, even though I couldn’t blame him—even though I questioned it myself. “Yes, of course I love you. More than I thought I could ever love anyone.” My heart recognized the truth of the words even as I said them.
“Do you know that I love you?”
“Of course I do.”
“Then that’s all that matters. That’s all we need.”
Chapter 33
“DO YOU have to do anything to get them to show up?” I glanced around, the full moon making it easy to see in the forest, yet also giving it an eerie ambiance.
“Not really, just a little demon blood as an offering.”
