by Booth, John
“She said she'd done some bad things and you'd kill her because of them.”
I looked up to see who'd spoken and saw a boy aged about fourteen. His lower lip began to tremble as I stared back at him.
“What's your name?”
“Ida.”
“Well, Ida. I don't kill people. I don't plan to kill Bronwyn or Wenna. The big problem I have is they keep trying to kill me.”
Ida looked dubious, which was slightly better than the outright hostility on the other children's faces. Bronwyn had looked after them. You could see it in their clothes and in the way their faces were beginning to fill out. I saw the same thing happen to Urda and Wenna after I took them to Salice. Bronwyn was these children's savior and I was the bad guy.
The logical thing to do was make sure the kids had plenty of food and water before going on my way. I stood up to look around and heard shouting coming from downstairs, followed by the sound of people running up the stairs. The kids backed into the corner as I turned to the door.
A man carrying a sword in one hand and a blazing torch in the other staggered to a halt as he entered the room. Another three men armed with pikes and hammers stopped at the door. They all looked fighting mad.
“Children of the witches, we're come to burn you,” the man with the sword said. The children cowered against the wall.
“Excuse me,” I said at my most polite. “These children are under my protection and I say you can't have them.”
Did you know that some people can actually bulge their eyes out like frogs? I didn't until this man did it. His face turned puce and he dribbled a little. Not a pleasant sight.
He spat obscenities at me. That sort of thing doesn't bother me by and large, but then he went into explicit detail about what he and his cohorts were going to do to the kids before they got around to burning them at the stake. I felt a blind rage building up inside me as he ranted evil beyond belief.
I don't think I planned it in any way. He flew towards the wall and hit it with an almighty bang. Blood and gore splattered everywhere as he flattened against it. When I say flattened, I do mean flattened, like he'd been run over by a steamroller.
The other men took one look at him and ran for their lives. There were screams as people fell down the stairs. I went to the door and looked out. Flames were already beginning to spread from fires they'd lit. Some people trampled on the stairs were trying to drag themselves out of the house. Nobody had stayed to help them. I turned back to the children.
Ida stood defiantly in front of the other kids. He nodded towards the smear on the wall.
“He looks pretty dead to me.”
“What?” Smoke was already seeping through the doorway. The kids needed to be evacuated while there was still breathable air in the room. I didn't have time for guessing games.
“You said you didn't kill people.”
“Would you rather I hadn't?”
Ida grinned and I took that for an answer. We needed to get out of the house and Barren fast. Once upon a time I'd found it impossible to hop more than twenty kids in one go. However, that was in the days before I started hopping coaches across the universe.
“Everybody hold hands.”
I looked to make sure they'd done it and then clasped Ida on the shoulder. I couldn't take them to Salice so there was really only one other choice.
[Children! You've filled my home with children!]
Sometime later my dragon still couldn't be mollified.
“It's a cave, Fluffy.”
[It may be only a cave to you but it's my home. We dragons are very house proud and they're messing it up.]
In fact, the kids were being good as gold. They sat in the part of the cave Jenny and I had furnished with beanbags and were doing their very best to avoid eye contact with the fire breathing dragon arguing with me. Pools of fire burned merrily across our part of the cave. In the thirty minutes since we arrived Fluffy hadn't let up about them for a second.
“I'll find somewhere else for them, but they have to stay here till I do.”
“Meeeep.” [Your parent's house is empty. They said to tell you they've moved to the Grand Hotel. You could leave the children at their house.]
“That can't hold forty odd kids.”
[Neither can my cave. The chemical toilet is already overflowing.]
I hopped the contents of the toilet into a nearby sewer.
“Happy now?”
[Are you going to stay and do that every half hour?]
“I don't know why you're so upset.”
Fluffy sat on his haunches and looked embarrassed. You have to have known a dragon for a long time to recognize embarrassment in one. They don't do it very often.
[I'm preparing my speech for after the wedding. Jenny got me a book on what's required of the best man.]
I tried hard not to laugh. I didn't succeed.
[Fine! Leave them here then.] Fluffy stomped to the cliff entrance and flew away. The sigh of relief from the kids was audible even at the distance between us.
“He'll be back soon, so don't mess up the cave. You'll find biscuits and drinks over there. See you later.” I hopped into the center of town.
Kate's Coffee Shop was just across the road from where I'd landed and I looked at it longingly. Once upon a time, Jenny and I used to meet up there after she'd finished college. That seemed like a century ago.
I walked to the end of the street and turned towards the hotel. It was one of those Victorian things built along with the railway to give those who could afford a ticket an elegant place to stay. Some big hotel chain owned it now and I'd never been in it. It wasn't the sort of place a person like me would go. Well it hadn't been before I started hobnobbing with off-world royalty.
The inside of the hotel was extremely modern, all dark glass, oblique lighting and computer screens. The suited man at the desk glanced at me and then stared openly. It took me a moment to realize I was still in my wizard costume. He must think I was looking for a fancy dress party.
“Zorro is unlikely to find any maidens in distress here, good sir,” he said grinning.
I grabbed him by the tie and pulled him across the desk. It had been a bad day and I was feeling tired and grumpy.
“Zorro can find his own maidens, thank you. However, he is always willing to crush a smart-arse, if you know where he might find one?”
The man looked into my eyes and made a wise decision.
“The smart-arse apologizes, sir,” he croaked. “What can I do for you?”
I put him down and he loosened his tie to the point where he could breathe.
“Mr. and Mrs. Morrissey. What's their room number?”
A few clicks on the computer later, “412.”
I picked up the house phone. “Do I just dial?”
“Add a one at the start.”
“Hello?” Mam answered.
“It's Jake, I'm in reception. Can you bring everybody down to the lounge bar? I've got a problem.”
“Not the wedding?” Mam said resignedly. “Have you upset Jenny?”
“I've got forty three children I need to dispose of.”
Dad's voice came onto the phone, “Why we bothered with all that sex education for you I just don't know. Forty-three is excessive even for you. We'll be down in a few minutes, son.”
I went and sat down in the bar, getting some strange looks from the bartender. As I wasn't carrying any money with me I couldn't even buy a drink.
Chapter Twenty-Seven: Affairs of State
Urda and Anna came down with my parents. Anna was looking much better and I was able to compare her appearance with that of the kids I'd just rescued. Despite her recent experience with the eating death she looked much healthier and happier than they did.
“Did you get Wenna?” Urda asked before she sat down.
“She was one of the witches running Barren. I recognized her as soon as she walked in Urda's room,” Anna put in.
“And she tried to kill you,” Urda
reminded her.
“She had no choice. I don't think it was personal.” The last thing I wanted on top of all my other problems was a wizard's feud.
Urda looked at me with brooding eyes. “It is to me.”
I gave up. I would deal with the problem when and if it arose.
“Bronwyn and Wenna realized the game was up and fled Barren before I got there. They could be anywhere, but my guess would be somewhere in Wales or Salice.”
“Why not on another world? They can both hop anywhere they want.”
“Bronwyn ends up on worlds you wouldn't want to visit,” I pointed out.
“What's the problem, lad?” Dad broke in. “You said something about a lot of youngsters.”
I sighed and sat back. I told them what happened in Barren and what I'd done with Bronwyn's refugees.
“Poor kids,” Mam said. “First they get rescued by a sociopathic child and then they end up in a cave with a fire breathing dragon.”
“You forgot to mention having to put up with me as well.”
“That went without saying, Jake. You should bring them here.”
I stared at Mam. My mouth must have dropped open because Dad laughed.
“Your mother's right, Jake. Bring them to the hotel. I spoke to the concierge earlier and he told me they're only half full at the moment.”
“You want me to bring forty three half-starved, abused children from another world into a four star hotel?” I felt I needed to ask to confirm that my parents had finally lost it.
“Silly of me,” my Father said, though he didn't stop grinning, “It may not be as good as they're used to, but they'll just have to rough it.”
“Dad, I don't have the money for hotel rooms.”
“Says the wizard who could turn anything he wanted into gold.”
I shook my head, as I was sure I couldn't. “I could get gold from Esmeralda, but it's more difficult than that. People would want to know where I got it.”
“There's a stall in the market. Gold Wanted for Cash.”
“Those people are crooks, Dad.”
My Dad gave me a gentle push on the shoulder. “What do you care, provided they give you the money? Besides which, you could order the hotel management to do anything you wanted.”
“I won't rob the hotel or anybody else.”
“I'm not asking you to, son. But I'm sure you could convince them that a bunch of foreign school-kids need to stay here after their coach broke down. They'd welcome the trade and it sorts out somewhere for them to stay.”
“We could look after them until the wedding. Even then, I'd only be away a few hours,” Urda said. “Anna would enjoy having other children from Barren around.”
Anna nodded shyly. I supposed that being with kids from your own background would make staying in a strange world more fun. It might be a lot less frightening anyway.
“Then it's settled,” Mam said, slapping her hand on the table. “Go and tell the concierge we want 11 rooms at four kids to a room and then bring them here.”
“I suppose you'd like me to teach them English as well before I hop them?”
Mam smiled sweetly. “That would be nice, dear.”
I got up and suggested Dad might like to come with me to see the guy at the desk. Mam and Dad would have to take charge of the kids, as I needed to get back to Salice as soon as possible. There was a reception for the King of Frode I was supposed to attend with my brides. Looking at the nearest clock indicated I was running late.
After we dealt with the rooms I made some suggestions to the manager that he could dispense with certain standard identity checks. That done, I took Dad to one side where we could talk in private.
“Dad, I killed a man today. Splattered him against the wall.”
“You already told us, son. You had no choice.”
That was the thing that was worrying me. “I did have a choice. I could have hopped him to another town or world. I could have made him unconscious. I chose to kill him.”
Dad drew in a deep breath. “I don't suppose anyone will miss him.”
“I'm worried, Dad. Worried I might be turning into Bronwyn or an evil wizard. Ordinary people don't go around killing other people.”
Dad put his hand on my shoulder.
“You're not evil, lad. You're a bit like a one man army fighting a war, and people get killed in wars. A lot of the time you won't have time to think, you just have to react. That's what you did today.”
I thought about it and his argument seemed to make sense. I relaxed a bit. Dad patted me on the shoulder.
“You've got a lot to do today, lad. Best you get on with it.”
I hopped to the Bat Cave to collect the kids.
Jenny wasn't in her room or mine so I assumed she'd gone ahead. I looked in the mirror and noticed my clothes were blood splattered and covered in God only knows what else. I concentrated and made the dirt go away. Putting the creases back proved too difficult so I gave up on that. I hopped to the banqueting room…
…which was empty. The ballroom was the only other choice. I hopped again.
“Wizard Morrissey.”
I had inadvertently hopped directly in front of Sir Danth Yard and his wife Lady Hilta. So much so that if I'd leaned back I would have stepped on her toes.
“So sorry, Sir Danth, Lady Hilta. I do apologize.”
Sir Danth was unbothered by my arrival. His handlebar moustache quivered as he held out his hand to me and boomed.
“To be expected. Wizards, hopping here and there. Bound to trip over someone from time to time.”
“If you ever need to borrow another of my husband's rings you need only ask,” Lady Hilta said cheerfully. I smiled at them. They were good people.
“That's a kind offer and I may take you up on it one day,” I said bowing low to her. She looked like a dowager aunt out of a television play, slightly haughty but friendly underneath it. I noticed Sir Danth was wearing the jacket Helda had embroidered.
“Lady Hilta, may I compliment you on your dress? And Sir Danth, that's a fine jacket you have there. Some of Grimaldi's finest work if I'm not mistaken?”
Sir Danth leaned close and whispered. “The work's magnificent, but I do wish they wouldn't always do everything in the family colors. Gets me down, don't you know.”
“I believe Lady Jenny and Princess Esmeralda are trying to catch your attention, Wizard Morrissey,” Lady Hilta said. She was right. Their arms were waving in the air. I made my farewells and set off towards my brides. I must be getting better at this fancy royalty party talk, as I'd not managed to upset anybody so far. That was good going for me.
Meldar Lind stepped in front of me before I reached the girls.
“Wizard Morrissey, you are a very elusive man. I've been trying to talk to you since the funeral.” She put her piercing gaze on me and I felt she might be weighing my soul.
“I've been busy, affairs of state and stuff,” I extemporized.
She sniffed as if she was breathing in my scent.
“Off-world, I see. You have the scent of at least three on you.”
Was that possible? To smell another world?
“There was a chance I could catch the wizards that attacked us. It turned out I was mistaken.”
Meldar frowned.
“We determined they left no discernible trail while you were healing the injured. Wizards usually leave some residue when they hop no matter how hard they try to hide it, but those two were extraordinarily careful.”
“I knew which world they fled too. But they had gone before I got there.”
Meldar gave me an appraising look. “Why did you heal the injured people? They were nothing to you.”
“It's my job to protect them.” I had no idea where this conversation was going, or why.
“You acted out of duty and not compassion?”
“I acted from both compassion and duty.”
Meldar inclined her head at me. “Thank you for your time, Wizard Morrissey.” She turned and
walked away.
“What was that all about?” Jenny asked a few seconds later.
“I think I'm being judged.”
“If it's your mind she's judging you on, we're in big trouble,” Esmeralda said and punched me lightly on the shoulder.
I gazed in the direction Meldar had gone. What did the wizards of Valhalla want? It was becoming a major puzzle.
Chapter Twenty-Eight: Truce
There are many ways to wake up. Sometimes a shaft of sunlight from a gap in the curtains tickles your nose and you wake up sneezing. Sometimes you drift out of a dream into warm comforting reality. Sometimes you just awake instantly. All of these are good ways to wake. Having a pair of knickers stuffed into your mouth is not a way I would recommend.
“Grrrwhaffft?” If you have ever tried to speak with girls' underwear stuffed in your mouth you'll understand that perfectly.
“How could you? It was Urda, wasn't it? You had the little tart!”
Jenny sounded a smidgeon upset. She was straddling me as she continued to push the knickers in. I rolled her off me with a great effort and pulled the offending item out of my mouth. I was grateful it was clean and pressed before it found its way in there.
“I have not had Urda.”
One advantage of being a terrible liar is that people are more likely to recognize when you're telling the truth.
“Oh.” Jenny stopped fighting and sat back on the bed. “So how did those get into my drawer? It wasn't one of Grimaldi's girls was it?”
Did my women have a set of jungle drums or something? Did Jenny know that Helda had hit on me?
“No, I have not had sex with Helda or any of the Palace staff, or Urda. I promise.”
“And the knickers…?”
“Ah… well… I needed a shower so I hopped to my room forgetting that Urda and Anna were using it.” I stopped. Surely Jenny would let it lie at that.
“And you stole a pair of Urda's knickers to pleasure yourself with later?” Jenny suggested.
