“Do you ever talk with your former husband?”
Startled by the quick change in subject every bit as much as she was thrown off by the topic of the question itself, it took Liana a moment to respond. “Not all that much. Only when we have to.”
“Is that the way you want it?” Mary asked gently.
“I…” Liana sighed deeply. She could evade. She had grown to be an expert at it. With the kids, her parents, her brother, and sister. Evasions though were just another form of fibbing and she couldn’t do that, not here. This was a new place and a new start, whether she stayed for a few months or a few years. She wasn’t going to pick up the same bad habits she had promised herself she was going to leave behind with this move. “No. Not really. I’m not certain exactly what I want but I know it’s not that.”
“Especially since what you really want you know you can’t have.”
“Especially that. Yes,” she agreed simply. She knew Sawyer loved her. How many times had he told her just that even as he asked for his freedom from her? But he would never love her as she had believed he did when they married. In all the years after…at the birth of their children. Maybe he did once. Or at least convinced himself he did. But not now. Not ever again.
“Liana.” Mary prompted, waited for Liana to turn her eyes and attention back to her from wherever she’d gone in the last few moments. It hurt her to see the grief in the other woman’s eyes. Hurt her to know she was very possibly about to add to it. “Were the two of you friends before you were anything else? More importantly…were you friends during your marriage?”
She didn’t have to think about that. “Yes.” Her answer was firm. Resolute. They had been friends long before their relationship had evolved into anything deeper. And that friendship had continued all through their marriage. She had been his sounding board just as he had been hers. But even more than that, they had enjoyed each other’s company even when there was nothing but a peaceful silence between them. They had never felt the need to fill that silence with endless chatter as so many did. The quiet didn’t disturb them. It was just one more thing they enjoyed and were able to share. She looked at Mary. “We were friends. He was my best friend.”
“Strong friendships such as those are rare. Losing that has to only add to your grief.”
“Yes,” Liana said quietly. Her voice trembled with the vast depth of her loss that opened like a black everlasting hole in front of her…without measure into a never-ending future. One that seemed would always be empty.
“Liana, do you think you could be friends again? I can’t imagine what you’re dealing with but I can’t help but wonder if such a strong friendship can’t somehow be salvaged.”
Liana didn’t react. Mary wasn’t suggesting anything she hadn’t already thought of herself. Thought of quite a bit. But there were no easy answers. She just didn’t know the answer to that question even as much as she wished she did.
“I don’t know. I’d like to think I could. I just don’t know if I can….”
“Yet?” Mary finished for her as the silence drew out.
Liana nodded. It was all about time. “I don’t cry my days away anymore like I used to.” She laughed softly. “I did. I’m ashamed to say it but I certainly did.”
“That’s nothing to be ashamed of, honey. You lost a huge part of your life and from what you’ve told me it wasn’t as if it was something you saw coming.”
“No. I didn’t see it coming.” She sighed. Truth time. “But I should have. And if I’m honest with myself I may have been ignoring some pretty blatant signs so I wouldn’t.” She closed her eyes, fought back the memory of that awful conversation that had changed so many aspects of her life. Changed everything in both little and huge ways. And changed the two of them forever. “But even with all the signs I ignored I didn’t have a clue that my husband was planning to leave me and especially for someone other than another woman.”
“It all had to be so very difficult,” Mary said gently.
“I don’t know if difficult is the right word. I don’t know that there is one. I know it sounds crazy but in some ways it’s almost as if it’s easier than if it had been another woman. I would have gone round and round about why her and not me? The comparisons would have been endless and in the end I would have always come out wanting. As it is, it really just comes down to that he couldn’t love me the way I love him.”
“But he does love you.” And this was something Mary knew for a fact. The man she spoke to had been very clear on that. He might not love her as he once believed he could but he loved the woman who was the mother of his children, the woman who had been his friend since childhood, and the woman who understood him as few did. “Liana,” she paused, then said what she hoped the other woman would be able to hear and in time come to understand. “I think from all you’ve told me, you already know that in some ways this has been just as hard on him but in a different way. I can’t even begin to pretend to know what’s going through his mind but making the decision that changed all your lives couldn’t have been an easy one. I think in some ways he had to deal with the fact he was allowing you, both of you, but especially you to live believing in something that wasn’t true. It’s not just that he wasn’t being true to himself, Liana, he wasn’t being true to you either. I think in the end that’s what he couldn’t live with. But I also believe that just as you love him, he loves you. Everything else may have changed but that hasn’t.” And she knew no matter how true that was it didn’t make anything the younger woman was going through any easier. She had told Sawyer Farrell the same in no uncertain terms.
“I know.” She knew it should be comforting to know but it wasn’t. She sighed deeply. But neither did it hurt as it once had. “I know he does.”
Mary sipped her coffee quietly. She knew better than many that just as there was a time for talk there was also a time for silence.
“He’ll probably want to bring the children here rather than have me pick them up,” Liana finally said.
“Checking the place out.” Mary had no doubt about that but didn’t think his concerns were nearly as great as Liana might believe.
“Probably,” Liana said softly then sighed. Might as well purge completely instead of in pieces. “He knows I’m considering moving here…or somewhere…permanently.” She looked up at Mary, weariness in almost every feature. “I don’t want to live there anymore. He knows that. I just don’t know that he completely understands why.” She lifted her hands, palms up in a gesture that said simply, how could he? “I’ve only just come to completely understand it myself. And it’s not pretty.”
Mary tilted her head to one side…thinking. The conversation seemed to have taken a completely different track. But maybe not. “It’s not completely because of him.” She thought it out in her own mind. “Wanting to make a change, leaving where he is…where the two of you lived.”
“Not completely. But in part it is. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t difficult to stay where he is. But that’s only part of it.”
“And the other part?”
“Is complicated.”
Mary laughed, she didn’t even try to hold it back. And when Liana looked flustered by it she reached out for her hand, squeezed it before catching her breath to speak. “I’m sorry. Well, maybe I’m not. But complicated covers so much. And these days it seems as if so much is. It just hit me that with everything else you’ve got going in your life what else in the world could be worrying you so?”
“I’m probably going to sound like I’m making far too much out of nothing.” But Liana didn’t see it that way. Didn’t ever want to.
Mary studied the other woman’s face thoughtfully. There was something there that had deeply affected her. Something someone else had made her believe was nothing…or close to it. “Have you spoken to Sawyer about it?” After talking with Liana’s former husband she had a hard time believing he would say anything to his ex-wife that would cause her to be ashamed of anything…but you nev
er knew.
“No.” Liana clenched her hands together unconsciously. “I didn’t want to because it involves his mother, at least indirectly.”
“Does she live in the same town?”
“No. But she used to live in one not far away. About an hours drive depending on traffic. She grew up there and to my knowledge never lived anywhere else.” She sighed again and this time didn’t bother to contain the weariness she knew would be heard if one was listening for it. So much had happened since the last time she’d made that drive. “She died about six months ago. She’d been ill for a long time. When Sawyer got the call that her condition had worsened considerably we got in the car right away and just started driving. I can’t even remember half of what was said. But we made it there in less than an hour.”
Mary waited. Whatever it was that weighed so heavily on Liana, she sensed it stemmed from this. Somehow.
“She was gone when we got there. Sawyer was devastated that she’d been alone other than the nurses who were on duty at the time.” She looked up at Mary. Her eyes shining with grief and something more. “I couldn’t believe it. The town was filled with her relatives. Brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews, more than you could count on your hands and feet. All within a quick drive of the hospital she was in. Yet she died alone.”
“Liana…”
“She went to all the family functions. She always brought some elaborate cake or dessert. She mailed birthday cards without fail to everyone even if they lived down the street. Wonderful birthday cards that I know she spent more money on than I ever would whether I could afford to or not. She wasn’t perfect but she took time for people.” Liana stood, tried to pace away the anxiety that had built for months. She pressed a hand against the wall next to the small sink and pushed hard as if she was keeping the anger that had built up at bay. “And in the hour before she died no one, not a single person could take time out of their busy day to be with her. Hold her hands so she knew she wasn’t alone. Not a single solitary person.”
Mary stayed silent. She knew from somewhere deep inside her that it went beyond this.
After several minutes when the only sounds that could be heard were those of quiet breathing, Liana continued. “In the weeks and months after that I looked around at my own life. Wondered if it had been me, would I have died alone as well?” She pushed away from the wall, turned, looked at Mary with eyes filled with aching sorrow. “I have acquaintances, mostly because of Sawyer, but regardless, that’s all they are. Acquaintances. My family is scattered and quite honestly, other than my mother, not all that close at the best of times. If they got a call that I was on my death bed their first thought would be if they could pencil in the reading of the will. And with my divorce I’m not certain they would bother with even that.”
“Liana…” Mary tried to inject her thoughts but was cut off by the slow slash of the younger woman’s hand moving as if she were breaking through the air with a sharp blade.
“It’s sad but it’s also true.” She took in a deep breath of air. “But I’ve dealt with that…dealt with it a long time ago.” She shook her head, wondering idly where all this was coming from. How could it be so easy for her to talk with Mary when she could barely speak of such things to her own sister? “But then there was the divorce. And not long after that the situation that you and Leslie took care of for me. It seemed practically irrelevant when I found out about it. I probably would have let them do whatever they wanted if Leslie hadn’t pressed me to visit with you.” She sat…practically fell back down into the chair she’d abruptly deserted minutes before. “Though I have to say now it’s probably the best thing that could have happened to me.”
“How do you figure that?” Mary asked dryly. But she was getting a better idea of just how much Liana had been dealing with.
“It’s not all that difficult. Without Leslie pressing me I wouldn’t have come here in the first place.” She smiled wryly at the woman sitting across from her. “Wouldn’t it just burn all their backsides to know that in making my life hell for a while they had essentially also done me a huge favor?”
Knowing exactly what and who she spoke of Mary let the small laugh that bubbled up escape. “No doubt. But I think we’ll keep that to ourselves.” Especially since Liana’s former husband was willing to sue, in a very public way, should the issue lift its ugly head again. Something Leslie and her superiors very much wanted to avoid.
Liana let everything she’d spoken out loud for the first time sink in as she hadn’t ever allowed herself to do so before this. “I know I can’t change other people. I can surround myself with caring people as Sawyer’s mother did and still be in the same position in the end. But I need to feel as if I’m in charge of my…I don’t know…destiny, I guess. And I simply didn’t feel the ability to do that where I was.”
“Then I’m glad you’re here,” Mary said. “I know I found what I was looking for when I came back to Burlington. It wasn’t the same but I think it’s important that you’re doing what you need to. For yourself and your children.”
Liana hoped so. She hoped Mary was right. But she would never know one way or the other unless she tried.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
“Mark, do you have a couple of minutes to spare for a quick work-related discussion?” Jake asked as he edged into the office next to his. He planned on interrupting his partner no matter how busy the other man was.
“What’s up?” Mark looked up from the paperwork that seemed never-ending. The last thing he wanted to talk about at the moment was their little side trip to the room at the Summer Street house. He was still working on getting his mind around it. That and he still hadn’t told his wife about it.
“Have you talked with Tom lately?” At the other man’s questioning look he went on. “Have you been down to his office?”
“I’ve talked with him but not in his office specifically.”
Jake took a deep sigh then told his old friend and business partner what he knew and how he was considering handling it. In the big scheme of things it wasn’t a top priority but neither was it something he wanted to see a repeat of.
Mark listened intently not commenting until the other man was done. “You’ve checked into the other offices that were available?” He knew there wasn’t a need to ask. Jake would have checked into all of it twice just to make certain. He wasn’t one to jump to conclusions or take anyone to task for what wasn’t their fault. For that matter Mark knew him to let things slide even when without a doubt an individual was at fault, just to keep things calm and avoid the overflow conflict that could often result in an office setting. He himself had been guilty of the same more than once. They weren’t just the new owners of the newspaper, they were outsiders. It didn’t matter that Jake’s family were long time residents of the city. Hell, they had been among the first to settle the area but that didn’t count when it came to the office hierarchy. And they both knew it.
“I’m the one who told her which ones to show Tom in the first place, Mark. And I was very clear about it. That’s why I was stunned to find him where I did. It’s nothing more than a glorified closet with a nice view out the window. I’d like to say I’m surprised that she went this far in such a blatant manner but I’m not. She couldn’t not have known that somewhere along the way one of us would have noticed.”
“Maybe that’s exactly what she wants,” Mark said thoughtfully. Like Jake this wasn’t something he enjoyed dealing with. But he also knew it was also part and parcel of what they’d signed up for when the two of them had signed on the dotted line when they’d bought the newspaper.
I can tell you this much without so much as a single solitary doubt, that little closet wasn’t on the list of offices I asked her to show him.” Jake handed the folder he’d brought with him. “Here, this is a copy of what I gave her. I just printed it off again from my computer before I came in here. There’s also an outline of what I think we should consider doing to begin the process of trying to get a hand
le on this.”
“It could be she didn’t realize you and Tom have a personal connection and thought she could get away with it,” Mark said pensively. But he doubted it. They had kept all the employees when they bought the place. Overall everyone was happy and did their jobs. But there had been a handful that both he and Jake had become aware of over time that for one reason or another didn’t think all too highly of the new management team. The manager of what passed as their Personnel Department was one of those individuals. To date most of the problems she’d instigated or been part of had been minor. Even this wasn’t a major issue. But he could see exactly where Jake’s concern was stemming from. It had gotten personal and from there he knew it could and most likely would only get worse.
“Maybe,” Jake agreed trying to remember exactly what he’d said when he’d spoken with Clarissa Johnson about their newest employee. She hadn’t seemed thrilled but then he couldn’t think of anything that made her appear so. She had to be among the most discontented people he’d ever been in the presence of. “But what if Tom had complained? I can see where she might not have known we were friends and thought I wouldn’t notice where he was holed up but she certainly knew who he was in the profession. Even my brothers would recognize his name. Especially after what went on in the last month or so out on the west coast. There’s no way she could have thought this would never get back to one of us one way or another.”
Refuge on Leebrick (The Hills of Burlington Book 4) Page 18
