I ignored the ringing device and left it in on the floor, as Ethan told me to pack a bag and grab my board. He was taking me to his house for the weekend, and we were going to spend the majority of our time in the water.
And I was never so grateful to just get away from everything.
-15-
By the time Ethan dropped me off on campus on Monday, I didn’t feel much better, but I was trying to have a better outlook on things.
Jase didn’t deserve me.
He was a jerk.
I missed him.
No, he was a – I couldn’t say it. He was an awful person.
My heart clenched in my chest.
I shouldn’t miss him.
He was an actor. He’d been play a part, trying to get me to like him, and it had worked.
He didn’t have any real feelings for me.
He wasn’t a good guy.
But the things he’d said and did. They’d felt real.
No, I needed to forget all of that.
I needed to just let him go.
Ethan got us to campus right before my biology class started, so I had just enough time to slide into my seat before the professor started lecturing. Then I spent the day in the library, throwing myself into my schoolwork and forcing my mind to think of things other than Jase Brady.
Over the weekend, it had been easier because I’d had Ethan and Garrett to keep me company, but I couldn’t wallow with them forever, so I figured throwing myself into my work was my best bet. And it worked, until I started to go a little cross-eyed from staring at tiny textbook print for so many hours in a row.
Begrudgingly, I headed back to my dorm.
Henley was at her sorority meeting, but right there on the middle of my bed was my phone, barely alive, but flashing brightly to let me know I had messages.
It was full of voicemails and texts, all from Jase. Henley left me a note that said my phone had been ringing a lot, and I should delete anything from Jase without reading or listening to it first, which felt even worse, and I couldn’t do it.
So I listened.
Saturday night: Hey Logan. It’s Jase. I wanted to see if you had plans for tonight. Give me a call.
Sunday morning: Hey Logan. It’s Jase again. I didn’t hear from you last night, and that’s not like you, so I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Trust me, that picture isn’t a big deal. Give me a call or text me.
Sunday afternoon: Okay, so I’m assuming you lost your phone, because I’m pretty sure if something tragic happened, I would have heard about it on the news, but either way, please call me when you get this. I’m worried.
Sunday evening: Hey, it’s Jase. I’m pretty sure you’re okay, because I just saw Garrett, and although he wasn’t very friendly to me, I’m pretty sure if something had happened to you, he would have told me, which makes me concerned that you’re just not calling me back, so yeah. Give me a call if you want, I guess.
Monday afternoon: Okay, so I’m going to go ahead and assume that you no longer have any interest in seeing me, so this is the last time you’ll have to hear one of my rambling messages. Sorry to have wasted your time, but I had fun with you, and I really thought you had fun too, but I guess I was wrong. And in a last ditch effort to change your mind, because I think I know what happened, please know that the tabloids print shit like that all the time. We looked like friends in that picture. Please don’t read into it, Logan. I really like you, and yeah, I guess that’s it. I hope you’ll call me.
Shit. That last message was really hard to listen to, and hearing it made me feel like a total bitch. He was assuming I’d freaked out over what the tabloids had printed, but he was so wrong. I felt so bad for him, and I wished I had the nerve to confront him, but I didn’t. I sucked.
No, that was wrong. What he did was really bad, and I shouldn’t feel guilty for blowing him off. He’d get over it. He was Jason Brady. He’d have girls lining up at his door. He’d be just fine.
At least I hoped he would be.
No, I didn’t care. He was a jerk, and he had done horrible things to women, or one woman, and he deserved to be slighted. That was that. End of story.
But I still felt like shit.
Grr!
The situation was driving me crazy. I was so torn between feelings for Jase that still lingered and battling with what I now knew about his past. Regardless of what he’d done, I didn’t think that the Jase I knew was a bad guy, but what he’d done was unforgivable.
And I couldn’t let go of that.
I also had to keep in mind that as nice as Jase had seemed, he hadn’t been honest with me. Maybe he’d even been playing me, being the guy he thought I wanted him to be, so he could get what he wanted. It was pathetic, really.
But what was worse was that I completely bought into it. Hook, line and sinker.
And maybe that’s what had me most upset. I didn’t want to be gullible, but I had been, and I hated myself for it. But I also hated him.
-16-
“It’s me,” I called out when I walked into Ethan and Garrett’s house two weeks later.
“My brother is a cock-sucker,” Ethan responded.
“Fuck you,” Garrett yelled pointedly from the couch where he sat drinking a beer, “and get over yourself while you’re at it.”
“You get over yourself, you fucking dick,” Ethan spat.
Garrett looked at him in annoyance and shook his head. “Fuck off, Ethan.”
Okay, this was bad. They rarely fought.
“Um, what happened guys?” I asked when I entered the kitchen and saw them glaring at each other. Ethan was standing at the island in the kitchen eating a bowl of macaroni and cheese and shaking his head at Garrett.
Garrett just rolled his eyes at Ethan in annoyance and turned back to the TV.
“What did he do?” I asked Ethan in a hushed whisper, afraid that Garrett would hear us talking about him.
“Ask him what he’s doing tomorrow night, Lo,” Ethan said loudly.
I turned around to face Garrett. “What are you doing tomorrow night, Garrett?” I asked robotically.
“I have a date,” he said, and I wasn’t sure what the big deal was.
“With who?” I asked, expecting him to say Henley. They’d seen each other a few times since first meeting, and I knew she’d spent the night with him each time. I wondered if they’d get serious.
“Jessica Fritz,” Garrett answered, and I looked at Ethan in question.
“Why is that a big deal?”
Apparently Garrett and Henley weren’t exclusive.
Ethan sighed. “Because, I’ve wanted to tap that for years! She’s so fucking hot,” he whined, and I burst out laughing. I was glad they weren’t really mad at each other.
“Ethan, you’re ridiculous. Gare, how did you meet her? And what happened with Henley?”
Garrett took a long pull of his beer. “Um, I don’t actually think I’m going to see Henley again, Lo,” he said slowly, as if fearful that I would be upset.
“Oh, okay, what happened?”
I wasn’t upset, but I wondered if Henley would be. I knew she really liked him.
“He thinks she’s hot, but a little annoying,” Ethan chimed in, as he shoveled a heaping bite of mac and cheese into his mouth. I reached over and plucked a noodle out of his bowl. “And that’s not enough to keep sleeping with her.”
“Nice going, dumbass. You make me sound like a total dick,” Garrett said, draining his beer. He set it with a clunk on the coffee table and walked over to us.
“You are a dick,” Ethan said good-naturedly, and Garrett slugged him hard in the shoulder.
“You don’t like her anymore?” I clarified, as Ethan groaned and tried to slug him back.
Garrett dodged his blow and put his arm around me. “I’m sorry if this makes it weird, but she’s just sort of intense, and I’m not sure we’re in the same place right now. I mean, she’s got her sorority stuff, and I’m really busy with Vacation from Hell
wrapping and Junkie starting in November, so I just don’t want to be tied down.”
Ethan laughed out loud, almost spewing chewed macaroni all over the counter. “She’s obsessed with the fact that he’s famous,” he said, cutting to the chase.
“She is?” I asked, looking at Garrett for clarification.
Henley hadn’t ever talked about Garrett’s fame when she’d been waxing on and on about how cute he was, but then again, when we’d first met, she’d seemed pretty enamored with the fact that I knew someone famous.
Garrett dropped his head to my shoulder. “She asked if she could call me Lucas in bed,” he deadpanned, and I had my answer.
“Ah, got it. Well, whatever. I don’t want you to date someone you don’t want to be with, but are you going to break things off with her?”
“I already did,” he said. “We talked this afternoon.”
I hadn’t seen Henley. She hadn’t been back to our room all day, but she usually hung out at the Tri Delt house until after dinner, so it wasn’t rare that I didn’t see her until late in the day. I wondered if she was upset.
“Was she okay?”
He shook his head. “Not really. I tried to be really nice about it, but she wouldn’t stop crying.”
Oh no. I felt so bad for Henley. I knew just how she was feeling. Maybe I could take her to lunch the next day. I just hoped she wouldn’t be upset with me for being friends with Garrett. That could get dicey since we shared a room.
“Just, tell her I’m sorry,” Garrett said.
I nodded.
“And tell her he’s a dick for going out with the girl who’s picture I had over my bed in high school,” Ethan chimed in. “You’d better not fuck her.”
Garrett ignored him, and I shot Ethan a look. He just grinned back at me like the smartass he was.
“Give me five minutes, Lo,” he said, as he threw his bowl into the sink and headed upstairs to finish prettying himself so we could leave.
“Where are you guys headed?” Garrett asked me.
“Some new club Ethan wants to check out. I don’t really feel like going out, but I’m humoring him since he’s been a good friend lately. You want to come?”
Ethan had spent a lot of time staying in with me since he’d told me about Jase’s past. I knew he felt guilty for making me so miserable, but we both knew it wasn’t his fault. Either way, I felt like I owed him for being a good friend and moping with me. Garrett had also done his fair share of cheering me up, so maybe I could pay them both back with a fun night out.
“Sure,” Garrett said, smiling. “Is that why you look all hot and sexy?”
I laughed, but he was right. I was wearing the skinny leather pants my mother had bought me with a silver flowy halter top and black knee-high boots. I was in club attire.
“Maybe I’ll meet a cute guy,” I said half-heartedly.
“Do you really want that?” he asked, leaning back against the counter.
I shrugged. What I wanted was to turn back time and never learn what Jase had done. Okay, no, scratch that. What I wanted was to turn back time and have Jase never have done what he’d done. That would be the best alternative.
“He’s miserable,” Garrett said, watching me closely to gauge my reaction.
My heart squeezed in my chest, but I maintained my stoic exterior.
“He needs to move on,” I finally said.
“Logan, are you sure he did what Ethan said? I’ve gotten to know him pretty well over the past month and a half, and it doesn’t sound like something he’d do.”
I shrugged again. “I don’t know. Why would Ethan be so emphatic if it wasn’t true? Jase was arrested for rape, Garrett.”
Garrett shook his head. “The charges were dropped. I think you should ask him about it.”
I knew the charges had been dropped, but he’d been seen in the girl’s room. I couldn’t let that go just because he had a good lawyer.
“Why? He’ll just deny it.”
“Call him, Logan,” Garrett insisted.
We heard Ethan barreling down the stairs then, so I didn’t respond to him, but his words never left my head. All the way to the club, I heard Garrett’s voice echoing in my ears.
Call him, Logan.
While we skipped the line and got a reserved table and bottle service because the owner was excited to see Garrett there that night.
Call him, Logan.
While I danced with Ethan and Garrett flirted with some girls who’d approached our table.
Call him.
And I was so tempted to do just that, until I realized that Jase was standing ten feet from me.
I froze, my heart started pounding, and all the color drained from my face. Ethan looked startled for a second before he turned around and saw what had me freaked out.
“Fucking dick,” he growled, as he started toward Jase.
I grabbed his arm. “Ethan don’t,” I said firmly, trying really hard to keep it together and hold Ethan back.
Jase was surrounded my beautiful women and was dancing and laughing. He looked anything but miserable to me.
“What?” Ethan asked, turning to look at me. “I want to say something to that prick.”
I shook my head firmly. “Don’t. Ethan, please. Just let it go.”
Ethan gritted his teeth, his jaw firm. “Fine.”
It was then that Jase looked over at us, and his eyes widened when he saw me. I met his gaze and just stared as he set his drink on the table nearest to him with a clunk and turned in my direction.
“Shit,” I hissed and grabbed Ethan’s arm with my other hand, so I could cling to him for support.
Jase was parting the crowd and walking toward us with a very determined look on his face.
“I’m out,” I said, making a snap decision as I turned on my heel and bolted toward the door.
“Logan?” Ethan called after me. “Shit, Logan. Wait up.”
He was right behind me as I burst outside and charged toward the valet. “He needs his car now! Please,” I said, gesturing toward Ethan, and only remembering to be polite at the last second.
The valet nodded and scurried off to get Ethan’s car while I paced in front of the club impatiently. I looked up when the door to the club opened and knew before I saw his face that it was Jase. Ethan saw him at the same time I did and charged forward.
“Leave her alone,” he said, putting his hand on Jase’s chest to stop him from advancing any further.
Jase stopped in his tracks. “I just want to talk to her, man,” he said cautiously, no doubt remembering the last time Ethan had come at him in anger.
“She doesn’t want to talk to you,” Ethan said clearly and firmly.
“Logan, come on,” Jase pleaded, looking over Ethan’s shoulder at me. The look in his eyes nearly broke me.
I shook my head subtly and started to open my mouth to tell him to leave me alone when flashbulbs went off to my left. I turned to see three photographers snapping pictures. Shading my face with my hand, I looked back at Jase. He glanced at the cameras, gave me one last pleading look and then turned on his heel and went back inside, leaving me standing on the sidewalk with a lump the size of a grapefruit in my throat.
“Come on,” Ethan said, grabbing my elbow. “The car’s here.”
I followed him, as the photographers continued to snap pictures, knowing I’d be a headline the next day and not caring one bit. The painful look on Jase’s face was burned into my brain. He’d looked so hurt, and that wasn’t something I’d forget anytime soon.
-17-
“We’re going to a party tonight,” Ethan announced when he called me two weeks later.
I’d been in a mood ever since I’d seen Jase outside the club, and Ethan knew that better than anyone. I hadn’t been going out much, but he hadn’t stopped asking me to go out with him every chance he got. I think he was hoping a little fun would take my mind off of Jase and the feelings that had surfaced when I’d seen him again, but I didn’t think it
would be that easy. No matter how hard I tried, Jase was always in the back of my mind.
But then I would remind myself of who he was and what he’d done, and my resolve would build once again. It was agonizing at times, especially when I would see his pained expression in my mind, but I knew I had to move on from him. No matter how much I’d started to like him and how much those feelings had resurfaced when I’d seen him, I had to just let Jase Brady go.
I’d had a nice distraction the weekend before when my dad and Sasha had flown in for three days. My mom was still in Ireland, so she hadn’t made it to Family Weekend – not that she would have come anyway. But the three of us had spent time with the Lewis’s, tailgating for the football game on Saturday and going out to dinner together that night. It was the first time my dad and Sasha had met Carol and Tom, so I was glad they all got along.
And I’d been in a good mood for a short period of time. Being around my dad always did that. Of course he knew about the break up, but only that Jase and I were no longer seeing each other. I didn’t tell him all the gritty details, but regardless, I knew he was glad to see me smiling. I’d cried on the phone to him more than a few times after I’d stopped seeing Jase and especially after I’d seen him the last time, so he knew the depths of what I was feeling. I knew he wanted me to move forward, and I was at a point where I was starting to think the same thing, maybe.
It hadn’t helped that everywhere I looked I saw reminders of Jase. When I drove past the billboard his sister was on, I thought of being with him at his mom’s café. When I saw signs for Pasadena on the freeway, I was reminded of watching him film and our date later that night. And whenever I saw the Hollywood sign, I thought of the view of it from his back deck. He was everywhere.
Jase’s chiseled chest and dimpled smile had even graced the cover of the October issue of a men’s health magazine. And sadly enough, I’d discretely bought it when I’d gone to Target to get mascara and orange juice the week before. I’d kept it hidden under my mattress and only took it out when I was alone, but through that act alone, I knew I was a long way from getting over him.
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