by Sophia Sharp
“Wait,” Nora said, “are you saying that by making use of the Vassiz abilities, I risk…somehow losing myself?”
“That’s exactly right,” Alexander said. “There’s a fine balance that we have to achieve. The Vassiz blood in us is strong, but all of us have descended, at some point in our lineage, from humans. The human part is infinitely stronger. The Vassiz portion of ourselves…it is all beast. It operates on pure instinct. There is no thought. We control it through the feedings, however. That’s why we need to take human blood, for us to retain the human characteristics that keep us in control.”
“Wow,” Nora breathed, “I never knew that.”
“Hunter did not share?” He sounded…not confused, but interested. “It doesn’t matter. What you need to know about your new body, then, is that you now have two entities living inside you. The Vassiz one…” he put one hand out, palm-up, “…and the human one.” He put his other hand out the same way. “We must always stay in control of the Vassiz entity, for if we lose control, we risk losing our minds and our humanity. We will become little more than beasts, like dogs or wolves. We will digress to a markedly less sophisticated form.”
“But the Vassiz form…it gives us speed, right? And agility, and balance. And longer life. No?”
“Yes,” Alexander said, “and at first, it might seem that those gifts are an advancement over the human form. But that is not so. For the Vassiz traits are all purely physical. They serve to restrict the mind. It is our humanity that gives us the most precious gift of all: Control over our thoughts.”
“I never thought of it like that.” Nora drew her eyebrows together.
“There are many things you don’t know yet, Nora.” Alexander smiled. “But I will do my best to teach you.”
“Thank you.”
He shrugged. “Think nothing of it. But my point to all this is that we have to be careful keeping you in control. Whenever you make use of any of the Vassiz abilities – those you mentioned, among others – the entity that resides within you becomes stronger. Like a caged beast, it wants to be freed of the constraints put on it by your still-human mind. When you’re not making use of those abilities, the entity relaxes, and becomes…dormant, shall we say? Taking human blood keeps it at bay more than anything, but so do many years of experience. You are fresh, still very new, and no matter how strong your resolve, some things remain beyond your control.
“Now, I believe you can control the feeding urge – and you have proven that already. But you have not used your abilities for an extended period of time. What I am afraid of, since you haven’t taken human blood yet, is that if we make use of those abilities for too long, or too intensely, the Vassiz part of you will lash out. It will demand to be released. And you might lose yourself forever.”
Despite herself, Nora shivered. In the face of everything that had happened to her, Nora still felt very much human in her mind. She still felt like she had the same mind as before undergoing the transformation…still felt like she was the same person. But if what Alexander was saying was true – no, there was no “if,” it was true – she could potentially lose that part of herself?
That, she admitted unsteadily, would be a fate not far from death. She felt a spate of anger at Hunter for not telling her about it earlier.
“So what do we do?” Nora asked.
“We start out slowly, at first, and then depending on how you handle it, go faster. We will take breaks in our travel today and go at half-speed. I believe that will keep you safe.”
“Good,” Nora said.
“Although,” Alexander smiled, “it will still be significantly faster than you’ve journeyed yet.”
Chapter Nine
~Gray~
By the end of the day, Nora was exhausted. It was the first time she could remember actually feeling tired since undergoing the transformation.
They had run all day, and run fast, with Gray loping alongside them, keeping pace most of the time. The only other time Nora experienced something similar was in the dream world with Hunter, when they were exploring her new powers together. Except there, she felt none of the physical exhaustion she was experiencing now.
“You did well today.” Alexander squatted easily beside Nora. He was a graceful runner, and Nora wondered how long it would take her to achieve that easy elegance. She definitely didn’t have it yet.
“Not as well as I thought,” Nora mumbled.
“Nonsense. You did better than I could have ever expected.” Nora looked up at him, and he smiled reassuringly at her. Although she was almost entirely sure he was lying, the compliment made her feel a little better.
“I’ll do better tomorrow,” Nora promised. Alexander started to laugh.
“You see?” he said, still chuckling. “You have a steely resolve, just like I told you earlier today.”
“Very perceptive,” Nora said drily.
Alexander smiled. “It’s good to be perceptive. Those who survive the longest are those who can see their surroundings most clearly.”
“And what are our surroundings, then?” Nora asked.
“Ours?” Alexander stepped back. “We are at a place where we can behold some of the greatest landscapes in the world. There is wilderness on all sides, and the air is ripe with a sense of adventure.” His voice became dramatic. “Our surroundings take us to a place where destiny may yet await, where we can learn the truth of our own race. Where secrets that have lain dormant for thousands of years may be discovered.” He gestured grandly, and his voice started to boom. “Our surroundings give us the backdrop to our journey, on our quest to find truth and good in a time of great uncertainty. To discover the mysteries of the Vassiz, to uncover the elders’ spectacular rise to power!” He looked at Nora, his head held high. “We journey onward, not to find a relic of the past, but to pave the way for a new order and usher in the age of a paradigmatic shift of the power hierarchies of the Vassiz. We journey onward, to find truth and honor!” He looked at her, his chest held high, frozen in place for a long moment…and then burst out laughing.
Nora looked at him in confusion. “What was all that?”
Alexander, still laughing, answered her. “Lighten up, girl, come on, I’m only having some fun.”
“Oh!” She was relieved. And a bit surprised too. “But?” Then it all set in. He was mocking their journey! Just poking fun at where they were going and at the question she asked. She didn’t know why it took that long for everything to make sense. She must be very tired not to have understood it right away. Alexander was still laughing, though, and Nora started to as well. Although it was a bit of an uncomfortable laugh.
“So,” Alexander said finally, motioning with his head to Gray, “you never did tell me the story about the bear.”
“Gray?”
“Yes. He’s an unusual companion for you.”
“He likes me,” Nora said, while motioning Gray over. The cub came and sat beside Nora, pawing at his nose. Nora scrubbed his neck. “His mother was killed by hunters that…Hunter…and I met in the woods.” Even the memory of that, not so very long ago, threatened to stir up some put aside feelings, but Nora pushed them down. “If we left Gray, he would have died. So, I took him with me.”
“Strange,” Alexander mused, “that you would care for another animal so.”
“Is it?” Nora asked. “I’ve liked animals my whole life. I couldn’t just let him die.”
“Yes, your whole life as a human. But since you’ve become Vassiz, certain things tend to change.”
“I’m still me,” Nora defended. “I still like the things I liked, still care about the things I cared about.”
“Right,” Alexander agreed, “most newborns would say similar things. But that bear truly is interesting.”
“Why?”
“Animals and Vassiz don’t mix well. I think it is because they sense something about us, something…foul. Something different from humans.”
“Hunter told me that,” Nora said quietly
.
“Right. I have known women who were transformed who claimed they loved animals when they were humans, but as soon as the transformation took hold, they lost anything they ever felt for the creatures. It is the same with all of the Vassiz. Our eyes tend to just…glaze over…other animals.
“It’s nothing you can control, but you just don’t sense that they’re there. You pay no attention to them, nor they to you. No more than you would to, say, the feel of your knee, on a regular day. But that doesn’t seem to be the case with you.”
“No,” Nora replied thoughtfully. “It’s not.”
“That is why I commented on the bear only now. Truth be told, I hadn’t even noticed you had him until mid-day today.”
“Really?” Nora was surprised. Gray was always right there beside her. To not notice him would be…like being blind. “Then how did you notice him? Just out of curiosity. And can you see him now?”
“Now,” Alexander laughed, “I can see him easily. It’s like I explained just now, it’s not like bear is invisible to me. He’s just not…conspicuous. Nothing he does really warrants my attention, and my mind blanks him out. As with all other animals. When I finally did notice him, however, I see him whenever I want.”
“Because your attention was brought to him?”
“That’s right. It’s like the blue elephant.”
“Blue elephant?” Nora asked, confused. “What’s that?”
“A psychological trick.”
“How does it work?”
“Easy. I sit you down and tell you that you are free to think about anything in the world except blue elephants. Go on, try it out. Think about anything you want, as long as it’s not a blue elephant. Now, I’ve told you what you can and cannot think about, and yet, right now, what are you thinking about?”
Nora squinted at him. “A blue elephant,” she admitted reluctantly.
“Exactly. It’s a psychological process where if you try to suppress particular thoughts, they actually become stronger. So, with the blue elephant – the concept of it was always in your mind, just tucked away in a corner somewhere. And me telling you to not think about it brings it right into focus. Earlier today, when we were running through the woods, you weren’t thinking about it. Yet right now, you can’t get it out of your head.”
“That’s true,” Nora said, feeling oddly frustrated that she could fall so easily for such a simple trick.
“It’s the same thing with the bear. Now that I’ve seen him, I’m aware he’s there. And thinking back, I realize that he always has been. But before I noticed him for the first time, he was all but invisible to me.”
“That’s fascinating,” Nora said.
“It’s like that with all the Vassiz. You are the first I know of who doesn’t share that trait.”
“Hmm,” Nora said, again in thought. “I wonder why.”
“I couldn’t tell you. It’s something you have to figure out on your own. But I have a feeling it’s not mere coincidence that you’ve picked Gray up on your journey.”
“What do you mean?”
“Some things, Nora, are meant to be…more so than others. And sometimes, gifts can come from the most unexpected of places. Fate lays our lives out before us, and all we do is traverse the course as best we can.”
“You think Gray has a part in my…fate?”
“I think he might have a bigger part than you and I yet realize,” Alexander said. “What that might be, of course, I don’t pretend to know.” He paused and smiled. “Then again, he might not have a part to play at all.”
“I guess we’ll see eventually,” Nora said. Something about what Alexander said about Gray’s role in her life resonated with her, because it sounded so familiar. So…similar to what she’d heard before.
Then she remembered Hunter had told her nearly the same thing, when she first picked Gray up. She looked down at the bear, who stared back at her sleepily.
“His fur is also an unusual color,” Alexander continued. “I don’t think there are many bears alive today like that one.”
“That’s why I intend to keep him alive,” Nora said, with unexpected determination.
Alexander spread his hands. “I meant no offense, Nora. Simply curious.”
Nora shook her head. She didn’t know what brought such strength in her last words. Certainly Alexander hadn’t said anything that offended her. “None taken,” she told him.
“Anyway,” Alexander said, stretching his arms, “you’ll want to get a good night’s sleep tonight. We’ve got a long, hard day ahead of us tomorrow, and we’ll be nearing the village, where the archive sits.”
“So we traveled as far as you had planned today?” Nora asked, somewhat proudly.
“Farther,” Alexander told her. Then he paused thoughtfully, holding a finger to his lips. “You know,” he started, “it’s been a long time since I have last been there. It will be interesting to see how the years have changed the place.”
Nora went to sleep deliberating what Alexander told her, that her affinity with Gray was not the normal way of being for the Vassiz. She wondered if it had anything to do with the latent ability that she had gained during the transformation…the one that she hadn’t yet realized.
When she dreamt that night, Gray was in her dreams, and he warded off all of her nightmares.
Chapter Ten
~The Run~
“Ready to go?”
Nora woke to Alexander’s voice, along with a gentle nudge on her shoulder. She opened her eyes and saw that it was just past dawn.
“Already?” she mumbled. It was the first night she’d slept without nightmares, but despite that she felt like she barely had any rest.
“Already.” Alexander smiled and helped her up. “We should be able to get to the town by nightfall.”
“What’s it called, anyway?” Nora realized for the first time that she didn’t know the name of their destination.
“Nakusp. Natives have lived there for hundreds of years, but it was only settled by Europeans at the turn of the century. They came and made it a mining town, before realizing there weren’t many minerals to be found. So, most abandoned it. But the people who stayed still safeguard the archive. Most are aboriginals, now.”
“And the archive…do you know when it was established?”
“A few hundred years ago, at least,” Alexander replied. “Beyond that, I couldn’t tell you. But come, we’ll find more when we get there.”
“Alright,” Nora said, stretching her arms out wide in an effort to more fully wake up. “I’m ready to go.”
“Good,” Alexander smiled. “Make sure Gray feeds enough this morning, because the path ahead is going to be harder than yesterday’s.”
Nora looked at Alexander. “I didn’t think you’d care enough about him to mention that.”
Alexander frowned. “Just because I tend not to notice animals, Nora, does not mean I can’t see what’s important to you. Gray is, and he’s our third companion. We all need to be ready for today’s trek.”
“Alright,” Nora said. She knelt down to shake Gray up. He looked at her drowsily and yawned widely. “Come on,” she told him, “we’ve got to get going. Go see if you can find some berries in the woods.” To her surprise, almost immediately after she spoke, Gray scrambled up and ran off. She had been training him, yes, but she didn’t think he would respond so well so quickly.
“Impressive,” Alexander noted, “how well he listens to you.”
“He’s more intelligent than other cubs,” Nora said, feeling a motherly pride. “He’s learned everything I’ve taught him on only the first or second go.”
“And I don’t believe bears are naturally domesticated animals,” Alexander offered, “which makes what you can do all the more astounding.”
“It’s not so much me, I don’t think, but more him.”
“Either way, it’s something I haven’t seen before.” In spite of herself, Nora smiled. To have impressed Alexander, who had lived t
hrough more than six centuries already, must really take something. As if she had said it out loud, Alexander laughed.
“What?” Nora defended, feeling her cheeks grow hot.
“Nothing,” Alexander said, with an amused smile. Then he looked back. “Alright, come on. I can hear him coming.”
Nora listened, and realized that she could hear rustling noises getting closer, too. Gray must have stumbled on a full berry bush to come back so quickly. When he emerged from the trees, mouth stained with berry juice, Alexander took off. Motioning to Gray with one hand, Nora followed.
They ran through the trees at an easy pace. Nora knew she could go much faster, even after running all day yesterday. Despite still feeling slightly groggy from sleep, her legs felt fresh.
She ducked around heavy tree trunks and under low-hanging branches. Alexander led the way in front of her, just as he had before, and she suspected he picked out the easiest paths for them to take. Still, every once in a while, Nora caught herself just short of tripping over the uneven ground.
As she ran, her thoughts turned to Hunter. She had known him so briefly, but in the short period of time, that little bit of something she felt…it must have been real. But what was it that she even felt for him? A schoolyard crush? Nothing more than that, most likely, but even now, thinking of him…it made her slightly unsteady.
She jumped to narrowly avoid an old fallen tree, already heavily rotted and thick with fungus, and landed softly on her feet. She kept running.
Why did Hunter take her away, try so hard to protect her, only to throw it all away? Could it just have been due to a sense of obligation? Obligation to her, for getting her into this entire mess?
Despite everything that had happened, something inside Nora still stirred when she thought of Hunter. Could she have even known him long enough for that something to build up and blossom…into love?
