by Kendra Riley
“You don't care?” he gasped, unable to believe that she would mean that if she truly knew him.
“No, not one bit. I will make you a deal. You don't have to tell me anything. Just don't lie to me,” she said, reaching her hand across the table to caress his forearm.
“That I can promise you,” he said, not sure how he had gotten lucky enough to find her.
“Now that we have that out of the way, let's get going,” she said. It didn't bother him because he was no longer hungry, at least for food. Still, he felt at peace in the old church with her. He wasn't eager to move along so quickly.
“Going where? We just got here,” he asked, rising reluctantly to follow her.
“We are going up,” she replied as she smiled wickedly.
“Up where?” he asked, not at all sure what she was plotting.
“Follow me,” she whispered as she leaned towards him. Her scent surrounded him, filling the air with black orchid and jasmine. He knew in that moment that he would never encounter a sweeter scent in all his life.
He followed her willingly, though he had no idea what to expect. When they reached the back of the church, she gestured towards a rod iron ladder that was attached to the wall. Without saying a word, she began to climb. He shook his head, but didn't hesitate to follow her.
When he reached the top of the ladder, she was already waking her way around the room lighting candles. He realized as the room flooded with the soft light of them that they were in the church’s bell tower.
“This is beautiful,” he said, in awe of the view of the lights from the town twinkling underneath them.
“You can see my whole world from up here,” she said with a sad smile that tugged at his heart strings.
“Your whole world?” he asked skeptically. After all of his travels, it seemed impossible to be able to see someone’s whole life from one window.
“Yes. I can see my parents' house where I grew up. I can see my brother's house. I see my school and my work. It's all right there,” she said, gesturing to the streets beyond as she spoke.
“That is charming,” he said, drawn to the thought of having such stability and support in the community around you.
“No it isn't. It's sad that I can see my whole world from this spot,” she said with a harsh chuckle.
“You don't like it here?” he asked, thinking of her comments earlier about her love for the town.
“I love it here. I just wonder if there is more to life than this,” she said with a sad smile.
“I think you're lucky. I would love to have a home and a family that surrounded me,” he said, trying to think about how different his life might have been if that had been the case.
“You didn't have a support system growing up?” she asked, all of her attention focused on him.
“No,” turning away from her and pacing back and forth. He was sure that she was going to push him for the details of his life now and he had no answers to give her.
“I'm sorry,” she said, crossing the room and wrapping her arms around him as though she could absorb his pain.
“You really are, aren't you?” he asked as he lay his hand against her soft cheek.
“I don't say things that I don't mean,” she said, her eyes aflame with emotion.
“You have no idea how refreshing that is,” he said. Unable to help himself, he bent down and kissed her. He had only meant it to be a soft kiss but once his lips touched hers he couldn't pull away. As their kiss deepened, her hands went to his shirt and she gripped the fabric as though she was trying to keep herself from melting in to a puddle on the floor. It wasn't until they were both breathless that he finally pulled back.
“Oh my,” she sighed as she swayed and leaned against his chest to regain her senses.
“I'm sorry. I should not have done that,” he said, worried that he had spoiled the sweetness of the moment between them.
“No, I'm very glad that you did,” she said, holding tight to him as she spoke. Her eyes were closed when she spoke, though, and he needed her to look at him.
“Are you sure,” he asked again, gently taking her chin in his hand and drawing her face up to him.
“Very,” she said, her eyes locked with his while she spoke.
“You don't have a boyfriend out there waiting for you?” he asked suddenly. When she hesitated to answer, his mind conjured all sorts of possibilities that made him feel ill. The thought that there might be another who loved her filled him with an anger that he had never truly experienced before.
“Not anymore,” she said finally, though it clearly bothered her to talk about.
“Why not?” he demanded, trying to imagine what man would be foolish enough to allow a woman like this to slip from his life.
“I had one, Thomas. We were together for a long time but we were never in love. It was comfortable,” she said, pausing to find the words to explain it all to him in a way that would make sense.
“What changed?” he continued, needing to understand the one who had come before him.
“He thinks he loves me. He thinks we should get married. I couldn't keep lying to myself once he asked me to marry him. It wasn't fair to either of us,” she said, tears welling in her eyes. She was clearly a sensitive woman and it was plain that it had pained her to hurt a man who loved her so deeply. However, she was also a passionate woman and he could see in her eyes that she would rather be alone that commit herself to a life with one she didn't love.
He held her tighter. His hands traveled up and down her back in an attempt to comfort her. It was also his way of reassuring himself that she was there with him, in his arms. Whoever this Thomas was, she clearly didn't love him.
“How did your family feel?” he asked, sensing that there was more to the story.
"They were disappointed. They love him. He is my brother's best friend. They are even partners,” she explained, blotting the tears from her eyes.
“Partners?” he asked, unsure what she meant.
“Yes. They joined the police force together,” she clarified, remembering that proud day for her family.
He laughed out loud at the thought that the brother she had feared would shoot him was a cop. If her brother knew who he really was, he would shoot him no matter what color he was.
“That is funny to you?” she asked, clearly annoyed.
“Just ironic,” he said, pulling her close again to reassure her that he was there to support her.
“Fair enough,” she said, though she was clearly still annoyed.
“Why could you not love him?” he asked, needing to know the answer.
“He didn't move me,” she said as though it was the most natural answer in the world.
“Move you?” he asked, not at all sure what she meant.
“Yes. He was safe and easy but he didn't set me on fire. Nothing inside of me ached for him when he wasn't near. There was no passion and I didn't want a life without passion,” she said, giving words to the thoughts he had had moments earlier. It amazed him how well he felt he knew her after such a short time together.
“Passion,” he repeated, remembering the feeling of her lips against his.
“Yes. I would rather have a short passion at burns bright than live my life in the shadow of what could have been,” she said, her eyes locked with him as though it was her challenge to him.
“Oh my,” he whispered under his breath. He was, he knew, in over his head with a girl like her.
“What about you? Is there a girl somewhere waiting for you to come home?” she asked. He knew that it was only fair for him to answer her, but he didn't know how she would take his answer.
“No,” he said, hoping a short answer would suffice.
“Was there ever?” she pushed, unwilling to let the topic drop.
“No. I have never given my heart away. I cannot afford to be that vulnerable,” he explained, true to his word not to lie to her.
“That must make life a difficult thing for you,” she
said with sadness in her eyes.
“I never really thought that about it in that way,” he said as he shrugged off the emotions threatening to boil up within him.
“Maybe you should,” she said. It wasn't an accusation or a criticism. It was merely her advice to him and there was something so bittersweet about it.
“Maybe,” he said with a nod.
“There is a sadness to you. Are you all alone in the world?” she asked, her eyes studying his face as though his expression would give her the answer before he even spoke.
“Not anymore. My brothers are my family now. We do everything together. They are all I love in this world,” he said, thinking of them.
It that moment, they were all stuck in a hotel room a hundred miles away waiting for his return. While they were cooped up so as not to draw any attention, he was enjoying the attention of a beautiful woman and putting their next job in jeopardy. Still, he couldn't feel badly about it. Savannah was worth it to him.
“I'm glad to know that you have someone,” she said, her expression full of relief.
“Yes. Things might not always be perfect but I never need to doubt that they will support me to the bitter end,” he said. After a lifetime alone, his brothers had changed his whole life.
“Then that is all that matters,” she said, leaning her head back to look up at him with such mercy in her eyes that it took his breath away.
“Yes,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.
She seemed to sense that they were treading on the line over which he couldn't cross, no matter what he wanted to tell her. Savannah simply took his hand and led him to the corner of the bell tower that she had made her own, private reading nook. She had smuggled pillows and throws to make her perfect spot. With the view of the community below, there was no better place. Savannah sat down and reached out a hand to him, beckoning him to join her. He did gladly. She leaned against him as he wrapped his arms around her.
“Can I tell you something odd?” he asked, taken by the sweetness of the moment.
“Yes,” she said, looking up at him with surprise.
“I feel different when I'm with you,” he said, holding her protectively in his arms.
“I bet you say that to all the girls,” she said, laughing off his comments because she was afraid to allow herself to believe them.
“I have said it before,” he admitted, looking down at the town beneath them.
“I don't doubt that,” she said, smiling as tears began to form in her eyes.
“But I have never meant it before,” he said, his expression leaving no room for doubt that he meant what he said.
“Do you have a girl in every town?” she asked, the humor gone from her own voice as well.
“I don't have any girl,” he said, his eyes leaving the distant view and returning to her face.
“You have not left a string of broken hearts behind you?” she asked, already knowing the answer before he spoke.
“Maybe,” he said with a wounded smile.
“I thought so,” she said, surprised by how much that fact hurt her.
“But none of them mattered,” he said, putting one hand on either side of her face and forcing her to look at him while he said it.
“Do I?” she asked in amazement.
“Very much,” he said, unwilling to deny that. He might not be able to give her more than the night, but he could give her that truth.
“I don't know why I believe you, but I do,” she said, tears returning to her eyes.
“Because it might be the first time in my life I'm being truly honest,” he said, amazing even himself.
They sat there for a moment, frozen in time. It was Savannah who moved first. Slowly, she leaned towards him and pressed her lips to his. There was something different about the kiss. To Jake, it felt very much like a vow between them.
“What was that for?” he asked, amazed at all that one kiss forced him to feel.
“Being honest,” she said, smiling through her tears.
“If I knew that was the reward for being honest, I would have started earlier in my life,” he said with a laugh as he held her even tighter as though he could keep time at bay.
“Virtue has its benefits,” she said, wrapping her arms around his waist.
“You have a beautiful singing voice,” he said, drawing her thoughts back their first meeting.
"Flattery will get you nowhere,” she said, not wanting to think about anything but the moment that they were in.
“I wasn't saying it to flatter you,” he continued. He had something he needed to ask her and he needed her to answer him as honestly as he had answered her.
“Thank you. It's my dearest joy,” she said, sensing that it wasn't the end of their conversation.
“Have you considered leaving here to peruse it?” he asked, wondering if her heart ever wandered from her small town life.
“I'm not good enough for that,” she said. She would never deny her talent, but she wasn't a blind optimist either. Talent wasn't all it took to be a professional singer.
“I have been around and seen a thing or two. I promise you, you're good enough to go anywhere and do anything that you want,” he swore to her, running his hand through her hair as he spoke to her.
“I...” she began before the emotions overtook her.
“What is it?” he asked, worried that he had hurt her in some way.
“Nobody has ever said anything like that to me before,” she explained. Her family loved her and loved when she sang, especially in church. Still, they never encouraged her to take her passion further. They would never have encouraged anything that would result in her leaving her hometown behind her.
“I thought you said you had a close family?” he asked, confused that the family she had described to him earlier wouldn't support her in anything she chose.
“I do,” she said, searching for the words to explain to him how much it would hurt her family if she chose a life that would take her away from them.
“But they have not encouraged you to dream?” he asked, understanding it before she even spoke the words.
“They wouldn't want to see me leave here,” she said, her voice colder than he had heard in their time together.
“That does not mean you should not go out in to the world,” he said, longing to hear her say that she wanted him to take her away from her small town life and her small town dreams. The way she looked at him after he spoke told him that similar thoughts were tumbling around in her mind.
“Maybe one day,” she whispered, feeling for the first time in her life that her destiny might lay beyond her small town.
“I wish I could take you with me,” he said, unable to keep from speaking the words. He couldn't leave her and the town behind without having offered her the chance to leave with him.
“You really do mean that, don't you?” she asked, sitting up and looking at him in a new light.
“Yes but I cannot,” he said, the pain of that realization evident in his voice.
He knew that she was in no position to leave and he was in no place to offer her a different life. She was the most perfect creature he had ever seen. He couldn't sully her by drawing her in to a life of crime with him and he certainly couldn't keep that life a secret from her if she came with him. It would never work, not matter how desperately he wanted it.
“I know,” she said, leaning in and kissing him with such reverence that it made him consider, just for a moment, turning his back on everything and staying in that small town with her.
“I wish I could tell you why,” he said, trying to convince himself that leaving her behind was going to be the right thing for both of them.
“I told you I don't expect any answers from you. Just don't lie to me,” she said. As she spoke, it was her turn to take his face between her hands and force him to absorb her words. She needed him to know that she meant her earlier promise to him. She needed him to keep his end and tell her no lies.
“Thank you,” he said, glad to not have to taint their time together by lying to her. Instead, he held her close and did all that he could to enjoy what time they did have together.
Chapter4
Jake lay there in the darkness, his arms wrapped around her. Her beauty had been striking when he first met her on the street, but her dark skin bathed in the light of the candles that surrounded them made her look like a goddess. Neither of them spoke for a long time. Savannah kept running her hands over his face as though she were trying to memorize him.
Jake had never had a woman look at him in such a way. He knew that he was a handsome man and he had never had trouble finding a willing woman to warm his bed. Savannah was different though. She didn't look at him with hunger and lust. She looked at him with eyes full of wonder and what he thought might be love.
The sight of it was intoxicating. He wasn't at all sure what she could see in a criminal like him. He kept waiting for the darkness within him to reveal itself and scare her away. Instead, she seemed to be drawing herself closer to him.
He wanted nothing more than to kiss her again, but he held himself back, savoring the moment. He was a bit afraid that the hunger that he felt for her would frighten her. Instead, he held her close and inhaled the sweet scent of her skin. The moment they were sharing began to feel more like a dream than a reality.
All his life, he had imagined what it might be like to be truly in love with a woman. He had pushed those thoughts and desires away long ago, but having her so close to him was drawing those desires back to the surface. Any man would be a fool to have such a woman in his arms and walk away. The thought of their time together ending made his chest ache.
He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't see the subtle change in Savannah. She had made a decision without saying a word. The thought of having to let him go struck her as deeply as it did him. She knew, though, that it was unavoidable. He wasn't hers to keep, but there was something that she could give him that would make him a part of her forever. She had been told all her life that you should not sleep with a man until you loved him. To her father and the church, that meant marriage.
